NPF

I would like to propose using B747-437B's OP as a new entry in Wikipedia:

"Soulless Bureaucracy"

B747-437B

Thank you very much for your kind endorsement. Sales of the book have tripled since this. If the trend continues, I may be able to buy you a cup of coffee in thanks by February!

RTW1

Sorry... But you must have made all that up, there's no way any sane buraucrat would have given you a visa with all those details you have provided. If it doesn't fit in 200 characters it can't be real.

Mart81

Hmm yea those type of questions are very typical when it comes to immigration or security background checks. I once crossed the border from Mexico to the USA by land and got asked "which countries have you ever visited? please name them all".. I had to ask the guy if he had 20 minutes to name them all..
International workers like most people on this site tend to fall "outside of the system" on more than one occasion.

VivoPerLei

As someone who employs staff in the UK, I can sympathize with you completely. It is unbelievable what we must go through for these folks. I had an employee last year whose remitted passport the home office kept for almost three months. I don't understand why that is necessary for someone who has been working in country for years and contributing an enormous amount of money to Inland Revenue.

Gagravarr

I can very much recommend getting the kindle version - it's brilliant! Appoligies to anyone sat near me on last night's flight, I just couldn't help but keep burst out laughing at times...

:D!

That's why I paid the extra £375 for the same day service when I had to send my passport to the UK Border Agency (which, granted, was always part of the Home Office)

Unfortunately, like every other country in the world, contributing a lot of money to Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs does not mean that one gets a say in the use of that money, especially when it is for arguably one of the least essential functions of the state.

B747-437B

Some updates here :

a) I received a survey via email about my satisfaction with the application process and used that as an opportunity to pretty much send them this rant (in politer words of course). That led to some constructive dialogue, for whatever it is worth.

b) UKVI has (presumably independently of my feedback) changed the application forms in the last few weeks. The reporting burden is reduced significantly in many areas, notably on previous travel to the UK. They now want details only of the last 5 visits - much more manageable to answer for regular visitors.

c) Prices are probably going up again in April.

d) There is now a UK Embassy in Mogadishu, although it doesn't provide visa services yet.

nissan720

Wow B747-437B, your whole story makes me very glad that I am from a country that gets easy access as a visitor to most others.

Also, the paperwork involved with that process is just to the point of stupidity.

B747-437B

Ten years later, I am now beginning the process for the renewal of this visa as well. So far, it seems (marginally) less frustrating. I shall update the denizens of the interwebs on how I progress in due course!

dddc

Good luck! Given relations between the UK and India haven't been the greatest in the past few years, I'm looking forward to hearing what new circle of bureaucratic hell you might encounter!

Cathay1101

I've only discovered this post now but, my God, am I invested in what's coming next. Surely over the past 10 years things have improved. As someone else with 6 driving licences, 3 passports and a (supposedly dubious) international residency history, this had me in tears.

If it's any consolation, the UK shot itself in the foot and I recently had to prove I lacked syphilis and wasn't carrying TB to relocate to Belgium. Mercifully my debauched phase was prior to 2016. I get it for Aussies and Kiwis, but surely my British passport would've got me out of it? Nope.

Oh, and don't forget the little things amongst the reams of paper! I had my middle name - Guy - spelt as Gay on my Russian residency visa. Didn't go down well, but luckily I was thirteen.

B747-437B

Update time.

Filled out forms online and uploaded all supporting documentation online - this saved at least 3 trees versus the reams of paper that I had to use in 2013.

Paid slightly above £1000 in application fees, appointment fees, FedEx passport return fees and an extra £1.20 for SMS updates on my application.

Showed up at the biometrics collection center in Lilongwe with just a printed barcode and my passport. In at 8:34am and out at 8:38am. It was quick and painless.

Application uploaded on 22AUG23, biometrics provided on 28AUG23, passport received at British High Commission in Pretoria on 31AUG23, decision made on 11SEP23, passport returned on 14SEP23.

All tickety boo, except that once again I received only 9 years, 10 months and 19 days of validity rather than the 10 years I paid for.

AND I didn't receive a single SMS during the entire process.

I'm going to request a refund of the aforementioned £1.20

Cathay1101

Never before have I been so pleased for a random stranger encountered across the internet. Well done indeed. I actually re-read your original post and it had me in tears of laughter a second time.

If I were an immigration officer, and you'd somehow managed to rock up at LHR and board a plane visa-less, I reckon I would've taken your original post as more than a worthy substitute for a visa. Heck, I would've recommended you for the Lords if I could so that you could call the nonsense out in Parliament!

Fight for that £1.20 - keep us posted!

B747-437B

You say this in jest, but I actually flew to London once without my passport at all. I thought I had it, but I had picked something else up by mistake. I went through the IRIS automated gates at the time without any checks. It wasn't until I got back home a few days later and saw my passport sitting on the coffee table that I realised I had actually carried an old expired passport with me!