A new experience (domestic like everybody else)
Sep 2, 2015, 5:08 pm
#1
Original Poster
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 7,875
A new experience (domestic like everybody else)
Today I had one of those rare opportunities to experience life in America, but not as life in America. I sat at the back of a Delta MD88.
Now, as I do have status, I normally sit near the front (presumably because it is closer to the captain, so in case he has issues it would take less time for me to rush in and help), but today I switched to an earlier flight. The wonderful agent asked if I wanted a middle seat nearer the front, an aisle seat somewhere in the middle, or an exit window seat in the back. I must have missed the "in the back" portion because I was so excited that he said my two favorite words altogether-"window" and "exit".
And so it was only upon boarding that I discovered I was in the back. Literally, where they store the waste and crying babies. Oh, clarification. Waste as in trash, and also human excrement.
The flight was fine because I slept most of it. It was not fine when I woke up. I was very thirsty and there was no water to be found. Nor any flight attendants. Nor did anyone respond to the call light.
I realized three things then: the power of call lights diminishes the farther you are from the front of the plane; there is no air humidified in the rear of the plane, so the air gets progressively drier; if you say "hey" when a flight attendant walks by they invariably respond (and people on FT always complain they never know the flight attendant's name. That is because it is HEY by default. Duh!).
I did end up getting my water, sitting through some "rough air" (I guess nobody experiences turbulence anymore. Only "rough" air. Like the treatment your baggage gets when it is labelled "sky priority"). And then we landed. The experience of landing is the same in the back as in the front, except you get to see the flaps of the wings come down, and you realize how the plane is able to fly slower and yet not crash (in the front you just presume your captain has magical powers of flight).
I then sat back and relaxed. I knew the only process slower than boarding a plane is de-boarding. I timed it. 10 minutes! It seemed forever, but in reality it is only 10 minutes.
And then I walked over to baggage claim and got my bag. It was wonderful. Delta normally has a 20 minute guarantee for your bags to be delivered, but if you sit in the back it practically becomes a 5 minute guarantee. A guarantee that after you wait 10 minutes to deplane, take a leisurely 5 minute stroll over to the baggage claim and do not take the stairs but instead wait for the long single-file line down the escalator, you only have to wait 5 minutes for your baggage!
I never realized the luxury of the backrow experience. You never have to make any decisions about food, as there will be only one choice by the time the cart reaches you. You are always near the trash/bathroom/crying children so will never have to worry about bodily functions or lacking IFE. And you get the extra special "5 minute baggage" guarantee!
Now, as I do have status, I normally sit near the front (presumably because it is closer to the captain, so in case he has issues it would take less time for me to rush in and help), but today I switched to an earlier flight. The wonderful agent asked if I wanted a middle seat nearer the front, an aisle seat somewhere in the middle, or an exit window seat in the back. I must have missed the "in the back" portion because I was so excited that he said my two favorite words altogether-"window" and "exit".
And so it was only upon boarding that I discovered I was in the back. Literally, where they store the waste and crying babies. Oh, clarification. Waste as in trash, and also human excrement.
The flight was fine because I slept most of it. It was not fine when I woke up. I was very thirsty and there was no water to be found. Nor any flight attendants. Nor did anyone respond to the call light.
I realized three things then: the power of call lights diminishes the farther you are from the front of the plane; there is no air humidified in the rear of the plane, so the air gets progressively drier; if you say "hey" when a flight attendant walks by they invariably respond (and people on FT always complain they never know the flight attendant's name. That is because it is HEY by default. Duh!).
I did end up getting my water, sitting through some "rough air" (I guess nobody experiences turbulence anymore. Only "rough" air. Like the treatment your baggage gets when it is labelled "sky priority"). And then we landed. The experience of landing is the same in the back as in the front, except you get to see the flaps of the wings come down, and you realize how the plane is able to fly slower and yet not crash (in the front you just presume your captain has magical powers of flight).
I then sat back and relaxed. I knew the only process slower than boarding a plane is de-boarding. I timed it. 10 minutes! It seemed forever, but in reality it is only 10 minutes.
And then I walked over to baggage claim and got my bag. It was wonderful. Delta normally has a 20 minute guarantee for your bags to be delivered, but if you sit in the back it practically becomes a 5 minute guarantee. A guarantee that after you wait 10 minutes to deplane, take a leisurely 5 minute stroll over to the baggage claim and do not take the stairs but instead wait for the long single-file line down the escalator, you only have to wait 5 minutes for your baggage!
I never realized the luxury of the backrow experience. You never have to make any decisions about food, as there will be only one choice by the time the cart reaches you. You are always near the trash/bathroom/crying children so will never have to worry about bodily functions or lacking IFE. And you get the extra special "5 minute baggage" guarantee!
Sep 2, 2015, 5:25 pm
#2
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Over the Bay Bridge, CA
Programs: Jumbo mas
Posts: 38,582
The other great things are
(1) Your miles will post to your account even faster after you disembark, and
(2) You are that much less likely to not have your hotel room available because you arrived too early.
(1) Your miles will post to your account even faster after you disembark, and
(2) You are that much less likely to not have your hotel room available because you arrived too early.
Sep 3, 2015, 8:00 pm
#4
Original Poster
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 7,875
I forgot, there's also the backstage access package. You get to see how they prepare the show. At the beginning many people dressed in high-viz gear get on, carrying bags. I'm not really sure what they do-I didn't get to stay long enough to see that part.
Sep 6, 2015, 1:57 pm
#6
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Wedged somewhere between BTS and VIE ✈
Programs: Star Alliance Gold (A3 Gold), Oneworld Emerald (BA Gold), Hilton Diamond
Posts: 6,338
You made me realise that I don't really want status, it's so much better at the back of the plane.
Right, now time to cancel all my mileage run bookings.
Right, now time to cancel all my mileage run bookings.
