A Lavish Experience with Alaska Airlines' unpublished Consy Airge Service
Aug 3, 2015, 7:17 pm
#1
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Original Poster
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Over the Bay Bridge, CA
Programs: Jumbo mas
Posts: 38,601
A Lavish Experience with Alaska Airlines' unpublished Consy Airge Service
I’m not exactly sure why, but Alaska Airlines has lavished their special Consy Airge service on me this year. Perhaps it is because I’ve been an MVPG75K a couple of times, or that I’ve had some sort of elite status since through most of the 1990s or maybe a combination of both, but it sure makes flying this airline quite special these days. Notwithstanding the foregoing, and notwithstanding that I’ve already qualified for 2016 MVPG, this is my first AS trip of the year.
Anticipating my needs, the airline made sure I was in a private Limmo Zeen on Friday morning to get to the Oakland International Airport. We were off, and within a half an hour, were entering the beautiful Consy Airge part of the terminal. Something that the airline really couldn’t assist us with were the unfamiliar with TSA Precheck proletariat that clogged the line with car seats and the like. And speaking of proletariat, that is the theme of the Oakland International Airport. As much as the airline would like to lavish important people like myself with a lounge service, there is none to be had at the Oakland International Airport. Even the coffee places had lines with no less than 20 people waiting. We decided just to await boarding for what was, no doubt, to be a luxurious first class flight.
Finally, the boarding call came. Pre-boarding was clearly announced to include only families with children under 2. At this point, it became quite clear that a couple of generations of a GMO, hormone-laden diet had ruined mankind as we know it, because many of these sub-two year olds were three to four feet tall, had full command of the language, and could walk on their own two feet, often wheeling their own bags. And, the gate agent let them pre-board. After about 25 pre-boards (only perhaps 3 or 4 “qualified,” ) the F cabin boarded. Awaiting us at Row 2 was a special bottle of water from an unknown spring. Shortly thereafter, the flight attendant came through with a choice of POG juice, or POG mimosas. Of course, we had the mimosas, served in (because of my special Consy Airge status) a special cut crystal designed to look like the plastic served to the other passengers as not to make them jealous. We also had the benefit of our POG juice being recién exprimido as opposed to the other 14 passengers who had the overly-sweet crap from the POG can.
After a relatively smooth boarding process, a woman with 70+ pound fake service dog boarded. This large dog decided to stop at row 2 and commence sniffing the F passengers (and actually tried to enter the other side of row 2. Oh joy. After a short while, the flight attendants were calling each other from front to back, there were gate agent issues, and lo and behold, not only did fake service dog not really fit anywhere, but his seatmate was afraid of dogs. Our expected early departure turned into a slight delay. Doors finally closed, and the opulence that only a Consy Airge passenger of Alaska Airlines can experience was to commence. The multitude of courses were ... well, here you go.
First, a post-departure beverage service of a traditional mimosa (with more of that recién exprimido juice, placed in a box as to not make the other passengers jealous) along with the special harvest Breakfast Blend snack mix appeared at my seat 2D. A complimentary entertainment tablet then arrived, along with the private Consy Airge adult movie menu. My player was loaded with Stilettos of Kuhio Ave.
The next course consisted of a fresh fruit plate of LOG (luxury organic grapefruit) and a baked on board fresh scone, along with the special mimosa.
The main course selections were described as a French Toast or a Benedict of sorts. As much as one would expect the Consy Airge service to include a Book the Cook feature, as every Alaska Airlines first class meal is special, they do not include such a service. I chose the French Toast. It came with a side of bacon. I am not quite sure what part of France this toast came from. It likely did not come from the France that is located just north of Spain and across the channel from England. But it was called French Toast. This “Toast” was constructed like a muffin. A dry muffin. Actually, it tasted ok, once one accepted the fact that the only thing French about the Toast was that it was likely neither French, nor Toast. Nevertheless, the little thimble-sized fruit sauce moistened things up, and the bacon was quite tasty. The bacon did not contain any “international” nomenclature, so I am fairly confident that it was domestic bacon. I also easily recognized the item as bacon.
After a while, the crew removed my breakfast tray, and it was relax time in a way that only an Alaska Airlines Consy Airge passenger can enjoy same. You see, the seats are as soft as Charmin or Quilted Northern, if those items were made of lead. The recline is of a special quality that only a Spirit or Allegiant passenger would appreciate. And the pitch is as bad as the Oakland A’s bullpen this year.
Notwithstanding the incidental discomforts, before we knew it, the next course arrived. After years of the nuts coming out in those little plastic thingies, the new nuts come out in a ceramic ramekin. For the Consy Airge passengers, the ramekins are served discretely in Rosenthal bone china. I enjoyed a glass of Shard-o-nay from the Consy Airge secret cellar with the nuts, and without expectation, a while later, a snack basket arrived. I don’t know if this is a new special feature, or only appeared because such a special passenger was on board. With the snack basket selections, I enjoyed a 1er Cru from ... well, I’m not quite sure where it was from. I think it was from the part of France where the French Toast came from.
Finally, we passed HNL and kept flying west ...and kept flying west. Probably just shy of Kauai, we made the U-turn for HNL approach and landed, only to have an occupied gate. While I was hoping to see an agent greet me on board to take me to my Limmo Zeen, this was not to be. I called the “just in case” Charley’s Taxi I had reserved as I dealt with my disappointment in the HNL Consy Airge arrival service.
__________________________________________
After a lovely couple of days in Honolulu, the time came to return to HNL. I was quite disappointed to never hear from the Consy Airge service to arrange for the Limmo Zeen. Accordingly, and as the Consy Airge did not anticipate my every need, I ordered another Charley’s car for the HNL return. He was early, and the traffic was light (except for the idiotic exit path from Waikiki) and from hotel departure to airport was not more than 20 minutes.
HNL was especially chaotic on this particular afternoon. As no Alaska Airlines representative ever found us trying to locate the pre-check line, we found it ourselves, although it appeared to be quite long. The key (explained by a TSA agent, and not by any Consy Airge representative) was that we needed to go around the unwashed masses in a non-obvious way to get to the incredibly short pre-check line.
HNL is another one of those airports where AS doesn’t have a handle on Consy Airge service. Further, as we each have a Priority Pass card, and UA is no longer part of the program, we ended up in the only remaining bastion of serenity, the IASS lounge. This lounge not only offered the benefits of inoperable wi-fi, but also an array of beverages and snacks that, well, if one was seated in the Y cabin of my flight and decided not to buy anything onboard, one would have an array of beverages and snacks greater than the IASS lounge offers.
After indulging in the better part of a Diet Coke, the time came to return upstairs to the departures lounge. There were a couple of seats available near the gate, so we sat. The inbound had a slightly late arrival, so the usual “very early” well before published boarding time did not occur on this flight. Nevertheless, all looked good for an early pushback.
We got up and went to the special carpet lane, the one that still, after years, has the embarrassing “Premera Clase” translation next to First Class. Due to the cleaners still on board, they commenced with boarding First Class only (you know, the Primera Clase) and then held off the other boarding for a short while.
We arrived at our seats to find Dashiki water (or something similar, some product of the Coca Cola company) and then a short while later, the Pog Mimosa appeared. I don’t know if it was a catering error, but the Consy Airge cut crystal was replaced with a real plastic cup. Despite my disappointment, and HNL catering clearly not knowing WIA, I did not complain to the lovely flight attendant, who was about to encounter an unfortunate event.
Not quite to the end of the boarding process, a male with two dripping large cups of Stoned Cold Creamery and a large shopping bag boarded the plane. Upon boarding, he shouted out to the FA “How’s your sister” then “How’s your brother” and then went to help himself to a POG mimosa from the galley. The FA asked him what row he was in, and it was 20-something, and denied him the beverage. I missed a bit of the drama, but apparently there was a bit of shoving, the Captain came out, the gate agent got involved, two airport police got involved, and we weren’t going to be taking off on time. Although it was impossible (for this witness) to medically determine that this guy was intoxicated, one would not be surprised if this was the case. After the PD took statements, we were on our way. The passenger who never made it past row 2 was not on his way - not to Oakland anyway.
The delay was only about a half hour, well worth it considering the cornucopia of available diversion airports between HNL and OAK if an inflight incident were to have occurred.
After takeoff, the cockpit wanted dinner, and then wanted to use the facilities, and so the poor FA could not commence service for quite some time. She did get our orders taken, but that was it. Row 1 A/C took no less than 5 minutes to order between the apparent can’t eat this or that, and she was trying to accommodate them in every way/shape/form. From the time of scheduled departure time to the time of the first beverage service was nearly two hours. This was not the dear FA’s fault.
Finally, when she could, apologizing profusely, she started with a quick beverage service - serving the entire F cabin’s orders with 2 trays, and passing out my special Rosenthal china nut cup. An FA from the Y cabin made repeated wine pass-thrus to keep us happy.
After my nuts and a couple white wines (once again from the part of France where the French Toast came from), the “cajun” grilled shrimp on orange mush arrived. This was actually quite tasty. I then chose the Fish So Nice They Named It Twice for my main course, topped with a lemony sauce. This was quite tasty, and cooked, while not perfectly, was about as close as an AS 737 galley could ever get to perfectly cooked fish.
I then decided it was time for some more of the 1er Cru that I had on the outbound flight, served in my Consy Airge Ree Dull Stemware. One day I will have to explore this special part of France that I cannot find on a map. I enjoyed the 1er Cru with the Chocolate lead cake. Quite tasty, but I couldn’t finish it. The crew kept making runs through the F cabin to make up for the earlier beverage delays, and if one had wanted to roll off the plane, one could have. Notwithstanding this, we all behaved. I did have another adult beverage with the snack basket selection, and due to good winds, the gate arrival time was not more than 15 minutes late.
Although no one met us at the gate, the same Blue Honda Limmo Zeen that brought us to OAK on Friday morning remained in the same long term space near D-6 for our return. Disembarkation to front door of the casita - approximately 30 minutes.
I don’t know how many other Mileage Plan members get lavished with the Consy Airge treatment, but it is something special, and I’m so glad I could share, although maybe I shouldn’t have. Please don’t be jealous, as it is not flattering. Although no one ever told me, I think that the first rule of Consy Airge service is You do not talk about Consy Airge Service. I also think it is the second rule.
Anticipating my needs, the airline made sure I was in a private Limmo Zeen on Friday morning to get to the Oakland International Airport. We were off, and within a half an hour, were entering the beautiful Consy Airge part of the terminal. Something that the airline really couldn’t assist us with were the unfamiliar with TSA Precheck proletariat that clogged the line with car seats and the like. And speaking of proletariat, that is the theme of the Oakland International Airport. As much as the airline would like to lavish important people like myself with a lounge service, there is none to be had at the Oakland International Airport. Even the coffee places had lines with no less than 20 people waiting. We decided just to await boarding for what was, no doubt, to be a luxurious first class flight.
Finally, the boarding call came. Pre-boarding was clearly announced to include only families with children under 2. At this point, it became quite clear that a couple of generations of a GMO, hormone-laden diet had ruined mankind as we know it, because many of these sub-two year olds were three to four feet tall, had full command of the language, and could walk on their own two feet, often wheeling their own bags. And, the gate agent let them pre-board. After about 25 pre-boards (only perhaps 3 or 4 “qualified,” ) the F cabin boarded. Awaiting us at Row 2 was a special bottle of water from an unknown spring. Shortly thereafter, the flight attendant came through with a choice of POG juice, or POG mimosas. Of course, we had the mimosas, served in (because of my special Consy Airge status) a special cut crystal designed to look like the plastic served to the other passengers as not to make them jealous. We also had the benefit of our POG juice being recién exprimido as opposed to the other 14 passengers who had the overly-sweet crap from the POG can.
After a relatively smooth boarding process, a woman with 70+ pound fake service dog boarded. This large dog decided to stop at row 2 and commence sniffing the F passengers (and actually tried to enter the other side of row 2. Oh joy. After a short while, the flight attendants were calling each other from front to back, there were gate agent issues, and lo and behold, not only did fake service dog not really fit anywhere, but his seatmate was afraid of dogs. Our expected early departure turned into a slight delay. Doors finally closed, and the opulence that only a Consy Airge passenger of Alaska Airlines can experience was to commence. The multitude of courses were ... well, here you go.
First, a post-departure beverage service of a traditional mimosa (with more of that recién exprimido juice, placed in a box as to not make the other passengers jealous) along with the special harvest Breakfast Blend snack mix appeared at my seat 2D. A complimentary entertainment tablet then arrived, along with the private Consy Airge adult movie menu. My player was loaded with Stilettos of Kuhio Ave.
The next course consisted of a fresh fruit plate of LOG (luxury organic grapefruit) and a baked on board fresh scone, along with the special mimosa.
The main course selections were described as a French Toast or a Benedict of sorts. As much as one would expect the Consy Airge service to include a Book the Cook feature, as every Alaska Airlines first class meal is special, they do not include such a service. I chose the French Toast. It came with a side of bacon. I am not quite sure what part of France this toast came from. It likely did not come from the France that is located just north of Spain and across the channel from England. But it was called French Toast. This “Toast” was constructed like a muffin. A dry muffin. Actually, it tasted ok, once one accepted the fact that the only thing French about the Toast was that it was likely neither French, nor Toast. Nevertheless, the little thimble-sized fruit sauce moistened things up, and the bacon was quite tasty. The bacon did not contain any “international” nomenclature, so I am fairly confident that it was domestic bacon. I also easily recognized the item as bacon.
After a while, the crew removed my breakfast tray, and it was relax time in a way that only an Alaska Airlines Consy Airge passenger can enjoy same. You see, the seats are as soft as Charmin or Quilted Northern, if those items were made of lead. The recline is of a special quality that only a Spirit or Allegiant passenger would appreciate. And the pitch is as bad as the Oakland A’s bullpen this year.
Notwithstanding the incidental discomforts, before we knew it, the next course arrived. After years of the nuts coming out in those little plastic thingies, the new nuts come out in a ceramic ramekin. For the Consy Airge passengers, the ramekins are served discretely in Rosenthal bone china. I enjoyed a glass of Shard-o-nay from the Consy Airge secret cellar with the nuts, and without expectation, a while later, a snack basket arrived. I don’t know if this is a new special feature, or only appeared because such a special passenger was on board. With the snack basket selections, I enjoyed a 1er Cru from ... well, I’m not quite sure where it was from. I think it was from the part of France where the French Toast came from.
Finally, we passed HNL and kept flying west ...and kept flying west. Probably just shy of Kauai, we made the U-turn for HNL approach and landed, only to have an occupied gate. While I was hoping to see an agent greet me on board to take me to my Limmo Zeen, this was not to be. I called the “just in case” Charley’s Taxi I had reserved as I dealt with my disappointment in the HNL Consy Airge arrival service.
__________________________________________
After a lovely couple of days in Honolulu, the time came to return to HNL. I was quite disappointed to never hear from the Consy Airge service to arrange for the Limmo Zeen. Accordingly, and as the Consy Airge did not anticipate my every need, I ordered another Charley’s car for the HNL return. He was early, and the traffic was light (except for the idiotic exit path from Waikiki) and from hotel departure to airport was not more than 20 minutes.
HNL was especially chaotic on this particular afternoon. As no Alaska Airlines representative ever found us trying to locate the pre-check line, we found it ourselves, although it appeared to be quite long. The key (explained by a TSA agent, and not by any Consy Airge representative) was that we needed to go around the unwashed masses in a non-obvious way to get to the incredibly short pre-check line.
HNL is another one of those airports where AS doesn’t have a handle on Consy Airge service. Further, as we each have a Priority Pass card, and UA is no longer part of the program, we ended up in the only remaining bastion of serenity, the IASS lounge. This lounge not only offered the benefits of inoperable wi-fi, but also an array of beverages and snacks that, well, if one was seated in the Y cabin of my flight and decided not to buy anything onboard, one would have an array of beverages and snacks greater than the IASS lounge offers.
After indulging in the better part of a Diet Coke, the time came to return upstairs to the departures lounge. There were a couple of seats available near the gate, so we sat. The inbound had a slightly late arrival, so the usual “very early” well before published boarding time did not occur on this flight. Nevertheless, all looked good for an early pushback.
We got up and went to the special carpet lane, the one that still, after years, has the embarrassing “Premera Clase” translation next to First Class. Due to the cleaners still on board, they commenced with boarding First Class only (you know, the Primera Clase) and then held off the other boarding for a short while.
We arrived at our seats to find Dashiki water (or something similar, some product of the Coca Cola company) and then a short while later, the Pog Mimosa appeared. I don’t know if it was a catering error, but the Consy Airge cut crystal was replaced with a real plastic cup. Despite my disappointment, and HNL catering clearly not knowing WIA, I did not complain to the lovely flight attendant, who was about to encounter an unfortunate event.
Not quite to the end of the boarding process, a male with two dripping large cups of Stoned Cold Creamery and a large shopping bag boarded the plane. Upon boarding, he shouted out to the FA “How’s your sister” then “How’s your brother” and then went to help himself to a POG mimosa from the galley. The FA asked him what row he was in, and it was 20-something, and denied him the beverage. I missed a bit of the drama, but apparently there was a bit of shoving, the Captain came out, the gate agent got involved, two airport police got involved, and we weren’t going to be taking off on time. Although it was impossible (for this witness) to medically determine that this guy was intoxicated, one would not be surprised if this was the case. After the PD took statements, we were on our way. The passenger who never made it past row 2 was not on his way - not to Oakland anyway.
The delay was only about a half hour, well worth it considering the cornucopia of available diversion airports between HNL and OAK if an inflight incident were to have occurred.
After takeoff, the cockpit wanted dinner, and then wanted to use the facilities, and so the poor FA could not commence service for quite some time. She did get our orders taken, but that was it. Row 1 A/C took no less than 5 minutes to order between the apparent can’t eat this or that, and she was trying to accommodate them in every way/shape/form. From the time of scheduled departure time to the time of the first beverage service was nearly two hours. This was not the dear FA’s fault.
Finally, when she could, apologizing profusely, she started with a quick beverage service - serving the entire F cabin’s orders with 2 trays, and passing out my special Rosenthal china nut cup. An FA from the Y cabin made repeated wine pass-thrus to keep us happy.
After my nuts and a couple white wines (once again from the part of France where the French Toast came from), the “cajun” grilled shrimp on orange mush arrived. This was actually quite tasty. I then chose the Fish So Nice They Named It Twice for my main course, topped with a lemony sauce. This was quite tasty, and cooked, while not perfectly, was about as close as an AS 737 galley could ever get to perfectly cooked fish.
I then decided it was time for some more of the 1er Cru that I had on the outbound flight, served in my Consy Airge Ree Dull Stemware. One day I will have to explore this special part of France that I cannot find on a map. I enjoyed the 1er Cru with the Chocolate lead cake. Quite tasty, but I couldn’t finish it. The crew kept making runs through the F cabin to make up for the earlier beverage delays, and if one had wanted to roll off the plane, one could have. Notwithstanding this, we all behaved. I did have another adult beverage with the snack basket selection, and due to good winds, the gate arrival time was not more than 15 minutes late.
Although no one met us at the gate, the same Blue Honda Limmo Zeen that brought us to OAK on Friday morning remained in the same long term space near D-6 for our return. Disembarkation to front door of the casita - approximately 30 minutes.
I don’t know how many other Mileage Plan members get lavished with the Consy Airge treatment, but it is something special, and I’m so glad I could share, although maybe I shouldn’t have. Please don’t be jealous, as it is not flattering. Although no one ever told me, I think that the first rule of Consy Airge service is You do not talk about Consy Airge Service. I also think it is the second rule.
Aug 3, 2015, 7:46 pm
#3
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Feb 2012
Programs: AAdvantage Executive Platinum, Delta Silver Medallion, Marriott Bonvoy Ambassador
Posts: 14,084
LMAO!!!! Great trip report! Someday, I shall visit the part of France whence AS's wines (and AA's "champagnes" -- "Would you like some champagne, Ma'am?" "I'm pretty sure that not champ . . . You know what, I'll just have some water, thanks.") come . . .
Aug 3, 2015, 8:24 pm
#4
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Kirkland, WA, USA
Programs: Marriott Gold; LEGO VIP, Amex Platinum, HHonors Gold
Posts: 563
I just made MVP on Alaska, so I'm still not quite up to full Consy Airge level.
I look forward to seeing what glassware my MVP POG Mimosa comes in on my upcoming trip to KOA with my new minor-deity status
I look forward to seeing what glassware my MVP POG Mimosa comes in on my upcoming trip to KOA with my new minor-deity status
Aug 4, 2015, 10:49 am
#6
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Lafayette, CA
Programs: Alaska MVPG, SPG-Marriott Bonvoy LT Plat
Posts: 113
Relief area
On the flight out did you happen to see where the Pet Relief Area is on the 737-800? Or where a 70 pound fake service animal might re-leave themselves, on a 2,405 mile journey??
Aug 4, 2015, 11:19 am
#7
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Original Poster
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Over the Bay Bridge, CA
Programs: Jumbo mas
Posts: 38,601
Aug 4, 2015, 1:06 pm
#9
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Kirkland, WA, USA
Programs: Marriott Gold; LEGO VIP, Amex Platinum, HHonors Gold
Posts: 563
As I didn't want to cause a neck injury, I refrained from straining to look past Row 4 during the flight. However, I believe that the aircraft was a 737-900. In either case, I do not recall the last time I set foot behind row 4 on either of those aircraft, so no, I did not happen to see the pet relief area.
Aug 4, 2015, 5:29 pm
#10
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: SEA
Programs: Skymiles Plat/1MM, United Prem, Marriott Silver, HH Gold
Posts: 326
Totally awesome^ As someone who flies AS a lot but is not nearly as importantly elite as you, it was good to hear the secrets behind the Consy Airge service..
Aug 4, 2015, 11:11 pm
#11
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: TUS, SEA, OTP, OMR
Posts: 868
I too have experienced the Consy Airge service, but from Oakland to LIH.
Although in my case, they offered the exceedingly useful benefit that the phone I left in the seat back pocket on my way to OAK the day before was charged and waiting for me at the gate when I boared my flight to LIH (after the 30 or so GMO enhanced 2 year olds boarded, of course).
Awesome post.
Although in my case, they offered the exceedingly useful benefit that the phone I left in the seat back pocket on my way to OAK the day before was charged and waiting for me at the gate when I boared my flight to LIH (after the 30 or so GMO enhanced 2 year olds boarded, of course).
Awesome post.
Aug 5, 2015, 4:10 pm
#13
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Original Poster
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Over the Bay Bridge, CA
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Posts: 38,601
Thanks. Sometimes we cannot always travel in the style in which you travel. But we can write TRs like we do. For example, I was staying at the Haledayinnwithaviewkulani looking down on you while you were at the Halekulani. From the sound of it, however, my room may have been more recently renovated.
Aug 5, 2015, 9:26 pm
#14
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Denver • DEN-APA
Programs: AF Platinum, EK Gold, AA EXP, UA 1K, Hyatt Globalist
Posts: 21,593
Aug 6, 2015, 9:01 am
#15
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Benicia, California, USA
Programs: AA PLT,AS,UA PP,J6,FB,EY,LH,SQ,HH Dmd,Hyatt Glbl,Marriott Plat,IHG Plat,Accor Gold
Posts: 10,820
A fun and enlightening read. Perhaps you qualify for this service because you live in the East Bay. I too am an East Bay resident. And I also have a Honda limo. I have flown Alaska almost a few times over the years. Is there a way I can qualify for this service and status?