Asian Ramblings (SIN, BNE, BKK, DPS, KUL, on EK, KL, EY, etc.)
Jan 31, 2015, 6:27 am
#1
Original Poster
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Dubai
Programs: SPG Plat, IHG Spire, HHonors Diamond, EK Gold
Posts: 213
Asian Ramblings (SIN, BNE, BKK, DPS, KUL, on EK, KL, EY, etc.)
Welcome to what is my first trip report in a number of years. I’m not sure what has possessed me, but when I sat down in the lounge today I fancied writing something that wasn’t work related for a change, and the result is this…..
In the period since I last put finger to keyboard life has changed somewhat, mostly due to the arrival of two (often delightful, occasionally obstreperous, but always interesting) offspring. This evidently changes life in many ways; my car is now much slower and has several more seats and my beloved apartment within staggering distance of bars and clubs has given way to a villa within toddling distance of parks and swimming pools (It’s hot where I live so it’s a villa – if it were colder it would be a townhouse – not sure why this is. It just is).
One thing it has not impacted is the amount we travel. I am unapologetically someone who travels with their kids. Some of this is the fact that we live away from family, hence it is a necessity, but it’s mostly because I think it’s important. Making sure that they leave home as confident travellers, who can adjust to new environments, is a big part of what I can do to prepare them for life and the sooner I start the better. This being said, I’m disproportionately irritated by poorly prepared travelling parents. Showing up for a ten hour flight with nothing for your child to do, or without having pep-talked them for the days leading up to the flight on what is expected of them, leads to nothing but misery for all involved.
Anyway, moving on from the above (on second read through it seems a tad sanctimonious, particularly given that my wife does all the hard work), another impact of the new additions and the accompanying lifestyle adjustments is that life is now largely experienced from the back of the bus. For those of you of a sensitive disposition, I offer fair warning that I may even hop on an LCC or two. As a non-US dweller I largely have to earn miles in the old fashioned way and don’t have access to million-mile balances. As a consequence, I also often have to pay for flights with actual money, huge volumes of which are otherwise absorbed by children and the paraphernalia they apparently need, hence leaving less available for purchasing of seats in the pointy end of the plane. Reasoned explanation aside, my better half insists that I am a cheapskate - I can’t possible comment.
A major change on FlyerTalk since I last wrote a report is the extent to which trip reports have moved away from writing towards photos / videos. On the one hand, I really enjoy the new reports, but on the other I miss the old prose driven reports. In the interests of offering something different to the norm I think I will keep this report non-visual. As a mitigating circumstance, I would also like to add that at a general level I am a deeply uncreative sort, and at a more specific level I am a reluctant and unskilled photographer, hence you are unlikely to be missing much. In the unlikely event that my significantly better half, who works in publishing and is much more inclined towards the visual, takes a decent photo or two, I shall endeavor to include it.
Provisos, excuses, and rambling about the family aside, for the first section of this trip I’m flying solo as it is a work trip that doesn't include enough downtime to warrant pulling the kids out of nursery for. In terms of luxury, this changes absolutely nothing as the company I work for are similarly reasoned in their expenditure / are cheapskates, depending on your point of view. I will then come back to the Middle East to collect the family before heading back off with them for a few days break.
The overall trip covered by this report is thus:
In the period since I last put finger to keyboard life has changed somewhat, mostly due to the arrival of two (often delightful, occasionally obstreperous, but always interesting) offspring. This evidently changes life in many ways; my car is now much slower and has several more seats and my beloved apartment within staggering distance of bars and clubs has given way to a villa within toddling distance of parks and swimming pools (It’s hot where I live so it’s a villa – if it were colder it would be a townhouse – not sure why this is. It just is).
One thing it has not impacted is the amount we travel. I am unapologetically someone who travels with their kids. Some of this is the fact that we live away from family, hence it is a necessity, but it’s mostly because I think it’s important. Making sure that they leave home as confident travellers, who can adjust to new environments, is a big part of what I can do to prepare them for life and the sooner I start the better. This being said, I’m disproportionately irritated by poorly prepared travelling parents. Showing up for a ten hour flight with nothing for your child to do, or without having pep-talked them for the days leading up to the flight on what is expected of them, leads to nothing but misery for all involved.
Anyway, moving on from the above (on second read through it seems a tad sanctimonious, particularly given that my wife does all the hard work), another impact of the new additions and the accompanying lifestyle adjustments is that life is now largely experienced from the back of the bus. For those of you of a sensitive disposition, I offer fair warning that I may even hop on an LCC or two. As a non-US dweller I largely have to earn miles in the old fashioned way and don’t have access to million-mile balances. As a consequence, I also often have to pay for flights with actual money, huge volumes of which are otherwise absorbed by children and the paraphernalia they apparently need, hence leaving less available for purchasing of seats in the pointy end of the plane. Reasoned explanation aside, my better half insists that I am a cheapskate - I can’t possible comment.
A major change on FlyerTalk since I last wrote a report is the extent to which trip reports have moved away from writing towards photos / videos. On the one hand, I really enjoy the new reports, but on the other I miss the old prose driven reports. In the interests of offering something different to the norm I think I will keep this report non-visual. As a mitigating circumstance, I would also like to add that at a general level I am a deeply uncreative sort, and at a more specific level I am a reluctant and unskilled photographer, hence you are unlikely to be missing much. In the unlikely event that my significantly better half, who works in publishing and is much more inclined towards the visual, takes a decent photo or two, I shall endeavor to include it.
Provisos, excuses, and rambling about the family aside, for the first section of this trip I’m flying solo as it is a work trip that doesn't include enough downtime to warrant pulling the kids out of nursery for. In terms of luxury, this changes absolutely nothing as the company I work for are similarly reasoned in their expenditure / are cheapskates, depending on your point of view. I will then come back to the Middle East to collect the family before heading back off with them for a few days break.
The overall trip covered by this report is thus:
- Dubai to Singapore (Emirates)
- 2 days in Singapore
- Singapore to Brisbane (Etihad)
- 3 days in Brisbane / Gold Coast
- Brisbane to Singapore (Etihad) / Singapore to Bangkok (Jetstar)
- 2 days in Bangkok
- Bangkok to Dubai (Emirates)
- Dubai to Kuala Lumpur (Emirates)
- 2 days in Kuala Lumpur
- Kuala Lumpur to Denpassar (Malindo)
- 5 days in Bali
- Denpassar to Singapore (KLM)
- 3 days in Singapore
- Singapore to Dubai (Emirates)
Jan 31, 2015, 6:33 am
#2
Original Poster
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Dubai
Programs: SPG Plat, IHG Spire, HHonors Diamond, EK Gold
Posts: 213
Dubai to Singapore on Emirates and 2 days in Singapore
I’ll be clear from the start; I dislike Emirates. I admire their drive and ruthlessness, I have a grudging respect for what they have achieved, and at times I am amazed by them, but if they were a person I wouldn’t like my daughter to date them. I live in Dubai, hence this is an inconvenient disposition. More often than I would like, I have to suck it up, get on with life, and fly with Emirates. Today was one of those days.
One of the major downsides of avoiding Emirates is that I no longer have any status with them and thus get to enjoy the full passenger experience of T3 at Dubai Airport without anything to expedite proceedings or to artificially numb the pain. On this occasion, some expedition of proceedings would have been a major boon as I arrived at the airport late and, for want of a more decorous description, half-cut. Suffice to say that taking the evening flight on the last day of the Dubai working week on the day that a departing colleague, who will be much missed, hosts leaving drinks at the opposite end of town to the airport, is a scenario I will attempt to avoid in future.
Anyway, I made it onto the plane with 5 minutes to spare and perspiring only moderately more than is the norm for a northern European who chooses to live in the desert. Once onboard the mercifully empty flight, I settled in. I had clocked during boarding that the guy over the aisle was a potential talker, so got the headphones on straight away as a deterrent. In my defense, I am only moderately unsociable on the ground but descend into full-blown smalltalkophobia when flying. After a somewhat frosty boarding experience, the captain distinguished himself by mispronouncing the name of every key member of staff, and by getting the destination of the flight and the expected arrival time completely wrong. The amusement of the crew at this seemed to thaw them somewhat, and they were above average for the remainder of the flight.
Having gone straight from work to drinks to the airport without time to stop, I hadn’t had time to eat prior to boarding so actually ate and enjoyed the onboard meal. For this we were served a starter of prawn noodles, followed by a main course of prawn noodles. In fairness there was an alternative, which I expect was the usual chicken in salt with potato scented adhesive, but it seemed odd to have the same dish served twice. After dinner I settled in to listen to an audiobook and the next thing I knew was a thud as the plane landed in Singapore, which is the only way to happily do overnight flights in economy class.
I had speculatively scheduled a 36 hour stopover in Singapore when planning this trip as I have a number of colleagues and clients who are enlightening and enjoyable company in the city. Unfortunately a number were called away to Manila at the last minute so I was left with a choice of meeting with our in-house counsel to discuss the terms of a new project vehicle undergoing finalization or to leave that to those more suited (i.e. not me) and work from the hotel. With these options, I opted to head straight to the hotel.
Given the early arrival, and the likelihood that there would be no room available at the hotel I did something entirely out of character and went shopping en-route. I am, at best, a reluctant shopper and tend to purchase entire wardrobes in bursts in order to minimize time spent in shops. I’m not sure what the shop assistants made of my “yes these fit well, I’ll have a pair in every color you have” approach but they were efficient and helpful, and I was done with shopping for 2015 in time for an early lunch. For this I popped to a Dim Sum place that, whilst it probably doesn’t even feature in the best 50 of its type in Singapore, has a hidden seating area that usually has space when everywhere else around is full and has lovely staff who are always (able to make a realistic attempt at appearing to be) pleased to see me.
This got me to around 1230, plenty late enough to throw myself upon the mercy of the Sheraton check in staff. I think they actually like early arrivals as they are able to give you a standard room without the risk of an outbreak of entitled moaning, and true to form I was given a bog standard room and accepted it gratefully due to the early hour. I know a lot of people dislike this hotel as it does not appear to greet Platinum members with their expected degree of reverence. I get on well with it; when I’m here on short business stays I get lounge access and late check-out and am happy, on the odd occasion I’m here with family I ask nicely and they bend over backwards to make something work for me. They are also very good at “accidently” misplacing my mini bar bill, which I appreciate.
Once showered and refreshed I had a brief attack of diligence and decided to pop in for the aforementioned meeting with the legal team. I added nothing to a fascinating discussion as to whether we would make “good efforts” or “best efforts” to achieve something and left feeling that the world was a fantastic place full of interesting and altruistic people.
After a relatively sedate evening food court cruising with a few friends and an inordinately late lie in, I felt refreshed and ready for a high intensity day of achieving the square root of very little. Truth be told I felt somewhat guilty chilling out knowing that the better half is back home looking after two kids and her perennially visiting parents, but as I rationalized with her – I didn’t choose the flights and I have to be in Australia first thing on Monday morning. After a late check out I stayed on in the lounge until the end of happy hour then made an early departure for the airport.
I’ll be clear from the start; I dislike Emirates. I admire their drive and ruthlessness, I have a grudging respect for what they have achieved, and at times I am amazed by them, but if they were a person I wouldn’t like my daughter to date them. I live in Dubai, hence this is an inconvenient disposition. More often than I would like, I have to suck it up, get on with life, and fly with Emirates. Today was one of those days.
One of the major downsides of avoiding Emirates is that I no longer have any status with them and thus get to enjoy the full passenger experience of T3 at Dubai Airport without anything to expedite proceedings or to artificially numb the pain. On this occasion, some expedition of proceedings would have been a major boon as I arrived at the airport late and, for want of a more decorous description, half-cut. Suffice to say that taking the evening flight on the last day of the Dubai working week on the day that a departing colleague, who will be much missed, hosts leaving drinks at the opposite end of town to the airport, is a scenario I will attempt to avoid in future.
Anyway, I made it onto the plane with 5 minutes to spare and perspiring only moderately more than is the norm for a northern European who chooses to live in the desert. Once onboard the mercifully empty flight, I settled in. I had clocked during boarding that the guy over the aisle was a potential talker, so got the headphones on straight away as a deterrent. In my defense, I am only moderately unsociable on the ground but descend into full-blown smalltalkophobia when flying. After a somewhat frosty boarding experience, the captain distinguished himself by mispronouncing the name of every key member of staff, and by getting the destination of the flight and the expected arrival time completely wrong. The amusement of the crew at this seemed to thaw them somewhat, and they were above average for the remainder of the flight.
Having gone straight from work to drinks to the airport without time to stop, I hadn’t had time to eat prior to boarding so actually ate and enjoyed the onboard meal. For this we were served a starter of prawn noodles, followed by a main course of prawn noodles. In fairness there was an alternative, which I expect was the usual chicken in salt with potato scented adhesive, but it seemed odd to have the same dish served twice. After dinner I settled in to listen to an audiobook and the next thing I knew was a thud as the plane landed in Singapore, which is the only way to happily do overnight flights in economy class.
I had speculatively scheduled a 36 hour stopover in Singapore when planning this trip as I have a number of colleagues and clients who are enlightening and enjoyable company in the city. Unfortunately a number were called away to Manila at the last minute so I was left with a choice of meeting with our in-house counsel to discuss the terms of a new project vehicle undergoing finalization or to leave that to those more suited (i.e. not me) and work from the hotel. With these options, I opted to head straight to the hotel.
Given the early arrival, and the likelihood that there would be no room available at the hotel I did something entirely out of character and went shopping en-route. I am, at best, a reluctant shopper and tend to purchase entire wardrobes in bursts in order to minimize time spent in shops. I’m not sure what the shop assistants made of my “yes these fit well, I’ll have a pair in every color you have” approach but they were efficient and helpful, and I was done with shopping for 2015 in time for an early lunch. For this I popped to a Dim Sum place that, whilst it probably doesn’t even feature in the best 50 of its type in Singapore, has a hidden seating area that usually has space when everywhere else around is full and has lovely staff who are always (able to make a realistic attempt at appearing to be) pleased to see me.
This got me to around 1230, plenty late enough to throw myself upon the mercy of the Sheraton check in staff. I think they actually like early arrivals as they are able to give you a standard room without the risk of an outbreak of entitled moaning, and true to form I was given a bog standard room and accepted it gratefully due to the early hour. I know a lot of people dislike this hotel as it does not appear to greet Platinum members with their expected degree of reverence. I get on well with it; when I’m here on short business stays I get lounge access and late check-out and am happy, on the odd occasion I’m here with family I ask nicely and they bend over backwards to make something work for me. They are also very good at “accidently” misplacing my mini bar bill, which I appreciate.
Once showered and refreshed I had a brief attack of diligence and decided to pop in for the aforementioned meeting with the legal team. I added nothing to a fascinating discussion as to whether we would make “good efforts” or “best efforts” to achieve something and left feeling that the world was a fantastic place full of interesting and altruistic people.
After a relatively sedate evening food court cruising with a few friends and an inordinately late lie in, I felt refreshed and ready for a high intensity day of achieving the square root of very little. Truth be told I felt somewhat guilty chilling out knowing that the better half is back home looking after two kids and her perennially visiting parents, but as I rationalized with her – I didn’t choose the flights and I have to be in Australia first thing on Monday morning. After a late check out I stayed on in the lounge until the end of happy hour then made an early departure for the airport.
Jan 31, 2015, 6:36 am
#3
Original Poster
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Dubai
Programs: SPG Plat, IHG Spire, HHonors Diamond, EK Gold
Posts: 213
Singapore to Brisbane on Etihad
I am writing this as I wait to board this plane, in fact all being well I’ll post this from the lounge. And what a lounge it is. I’m not sure whether I’m more inclined to eat the congealed hummous that is the obvious sop to the Middle East users of the lounge, the curled up western sandwiches, or the cat food sushi that they have just put out for the ANA passengers. Anyway, anyone who needs to eat in the lounge after 2 days in Singapore has missed the point of Singapore, and I’m pretty sure I can live off my fat reserves until at least an hour after boarding.
Due to me being an impulsive sort, with a remarkable ability to suspend my mathematical abilities when it suits me, I am about to enjoy this flight in business class. Upon check-in an offer was made to upgrade which, after applying the man-maths foreign currency adjustment factor I use when making purchases overseas, was eminently reasonable. For this I get access to this fabulous lounge, which on reflection I have access to anyway via my Etihad gold card, and more importantly a half decent seat for the overnight flight. Given that all my business class flights of over 3 hours last year were on Saudi Arabian Airlines (surprisingly comfortable but not one for the boozers) I am bordering on giddy.
Anyway, I shall leave it here for now. To be continued upon arrival in Brisbane.
I am writing this as I wait to board this plane, in fact all being well I’ll post this from the lounge. And what a lounge it is. I’m not sure whether I’m more inclined to eat the congealed hummous that is the obvious sop to the Middle East users of the lounge, the curled up western sandwiches, or the cat food sushi that they have just put out for the ANA passengers. Anyway, anyone who needs to eat in the lounge after 2 days in Singapore has missed the point of Singapore, and I’m pretty sure I can live off my fat reserves until at least an hour after boarding.
Due to me being an impulsive sort, with a remarkable ability to suspend my mathematical abilities when it suits me, I am about to enjoy this flight in business class. Upon check-in an offer was made to upgrade which, after applying the man-maths foreign currency adjustment factor I use when making purchases overseas, was eminently reasonable. For this I get access to this fabulous lounge, which on reflection I have access to anyway via my Etihad gold card, and more importantly a half decent seat for the overnight flight. Given that all my business class flights of over 3 hours last year were on Saudi Arabian Airlines (surprisingly comfortable but not one for the boozers) I am bordering on giddy.
Anyway, I shall leave it here for now. To be continued upon arrival in Brisbane.
Feb 2, 2015, 12:20 pm
#5
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: JNB
Programs: Flying Blue, Miles and Smiles, Hhonors, ICHotels
Posts: 1,307
I’m not sure whether I’m more inclined to eat the congealed hummous that is the obvious sop to the Middle East users of the lounge, the curled up western sandwiches, or the cat food sushi that they have just put out for the ANA passengers.
Looking forward to the rest.^
Feb 5, 2015, 5:22 am
#7
Original Poster
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Dubai
Programs: SPG Plat, IHG Spire, HHonors Diamond, EK Gold
Posts: 213
Singapore to Brisbane on Etihad (Take 2)
Apologies for the delay in getting this up, between work and the hospitality of colleagues and clients I had less free time in Brisbane than expected. I was also pleasantly surprised by Brisbane, which struck me as an eminently liveable city, big enough to have its own thing going on but small enough to maintain a friendly feel. I also spent some time on the Gold Coast, which was frankly baffling. Australia is a truly stunning country and you would be hard pressed to find a more ordinary place within the country to build what the locals insist is the country’s premier resort area. Perhaps it's a cruel joke by the locals or a tactic to keep the good bits for themselves.
Anyway, I digress, back to the Etihad flight from Singapore. I shall say nothing further about the lounge, other than to say that the food selection did not improve, and that upon further inspection the drinks selection was similarly poor. Why, if you are only going to stock two spirits, you would opt to stock Baileys and Martini Rosso, is beyond me. Baileys I can accept, you can make a sort of Irish coffee, you could put it on ice-cream if you don’t mind inducing diabetes, or, if you are a teenage girl, you can drink it neat. Martini Rosso, as far as I can see, has no use in isolation (surely no one drinks it on its own), and other than gin and Campari, presumably hasn’t been mixed with anything else in at least 30 years. You could I suppose mix the two, which I believe is a variant on the birthday hazing staple; the brain haemorrhage, but I suspect that this is a niche requirement. I had a Tiger, which was warm and stale, a veritable glass of disappointment.
Back on topic…….when performing my man maths calculations prior to deciding to upgrade I had been slightly put off by the fact that the plane was an A330-200. My primary experience of these is with Emirates, with whom they are the dogs of the fleet, operating the runs on which there is no viable competition. With Emirates, they are also home to the least comfortable business class seats ever flown. The seat base is about half the length it should be, yet the head-rest is far too high (I’m 6 foot, so I’m not abnormally tall or short). In bed mode the combination of the jaunty angle of the seat and its ability to make you sweat like a fat man in a sauna in a PVC catsuit, invariably sees me wake up in a heap halfway down the seat. The only angle at which they approach comfortable is about half way between bed and seat, a seat mode my wife calls “the gynecologist” position.
After boarding with some trepidation, suffice to say that Etihad’s A332 are a much more pleasant beast than those of their fellow countrymen. The cabin was in a 1-2-1 configuration, with alternate window and aisle seats at the sides. I had been allocated a window-seat, which in this configuration appears the best option, as it is more enclosed once the seat is in bed mode. Approaching the seat, an engineer was clearly finishing some impromptu repairs to it, which concerned me somewhat. It turned out that the seat stopped about 2mm short of full upright position so the light that indicates to the flight attendants that it is OK for take off wouldn’t illuminate. This made zero difference to the comfort of the seat, but did mean I was asked repeatedly during boarding and taxiing to put my seat in the upright position, including repeatedly by the same lady on at least 4 occasions.
Pre-take off I was served a quick glass of champagne and my order for a snack and the next morning’s breakfast were taken. I opted for a cheese plate and a glass of wine, with a wake up for granola and smoothie about an hour before landing. All other breakfast options were egg based, the serving of which on planes should be banned. On land I have almost no food quirks, I’ll pretty much eat anything (the only exception being bacon made from animals other than pig, this is false advertising and should be outlawed). In the air there is a list of things which just don’t work, and which I try to avoid. Eggs are pretty much top of this list, particularly on overnight flights, where they have inevitably sat solidifying in their own tepid dribble for hours on end.
Snacks were served almost immediately upon take off, and the cabin lights dimmed soon after. With the seat set up as a bed it was fully flat, and perfectly spacious, and I slept pretty well for a good 4 hours of the flight. As I was awake early I had an hour or two to watch some TV. The fact that I was underwhelmed by the offering is probably more an indicator of the level of IFE now required to wow than any shortcomings in the system but I struggled to find anything to watch. In the end I settled for some Big Bang Theory episodes, which I’ve already seen but which tread the line between entertaining and brain-dead perfectly and allow your brain time to reboot itself.
Breakfast was served around 1 hour before landing, and was light and perfectly pleasant. All things considered, I was pretty happy with the flight. The hard product is great, the seat particularly comfortable. Crew were good but not great. Perfectly friendly, but not doing a great deal more than that which was basically required. For both snack and breakfast I was brought exactly what I had requested and then everything was cleared, there was no offer of extra wine, I had to ask for coffee at breakfast because I hadn’t made a prior request for it. If I asked for something they were gracious in providing it, but there was no proactivity in the service offering.
Arrival into Brisbane was on-time, and with a fast track card I was out of the airport in less than 20 minutes. Upon exiting to the train station I noticed a sign stating the three words that will strike fear into the heart of anyone who has ever commuted in the UK, three words that usually signify an impending period of extreme discomfort – “Rail Replacement Bus”. It turns out that this was perfectly acceptable, 10 people on a coach rather than the 400 grumbling people stuffed onto the bus that has been kept at the back of the depot for such events since 1974, as is my previous experience. This dropped me in central Brisbane, where I threw myself upon the mercy of check-in staff to be allowed to check-in early. Unfortunately this wasn’t possible but I did manage to freshen up in the gym changing rooms before heading into town to get my bearings.
Apologies for the delay in getting this up, between work and the hospitality of colleagues and clients I had less free time in Brisbane than expected. I was also pleasantly surprised by Brisbane, which struck me as an eminently liveable city, big enough to have its own thing going on but small enough to maintain a friendly feel. I also spent some time on the Gold Coast, which was frankly baffling. Australia is a truly stunning country and you would be hard pressed to find a more ordinary place within the country to build what the locals insist is the country’s premier resort area. Perhaps it's a cruel joke by the locals or a tactic to keep the good bits for themselves.
Anyway, I digress, back to the Etihad flight from Singapore. I shall say nothing further about the lounge, other than to say that the food selection did not improve, and that upon further inspection the drinks selection was similarly poor. Why, if you are only going to stock two spirits, you would opt to stock Baileys and Martini Rosso, is beyond me. Baileys I can accept, you can make a sort of Irish coffee, you could put it on ice-cream if you don’t mind inducing diabetes, or, if you are a teenage girl, you can drink it neat. Martini Rosso, as far as I can see, has no use in isolation (surely no one drinks it on its own), and other than gin and Campari, presumably hasn’t been mixed with anything else in at least 30 years. You could I suppose mix the two, which I believe is a variant on the birthday hazing staple; the brain haemorrhage, but I suspect that this is a niche requirement. I had a Tiger, which was warm and stale, a veritable glass of disappointment.
Back on topic…….when performing my man maths calculations prior to deciding to upgrade I had been slightly put off by the fact that the plane was an A330-200. My primary experience of these is with Emirates, with whom they are the dogs of the fleet, operating the runs on which there is no viable competition. With Emirates, they are also home to the least comfortable business class seats ever flown. The seat base is about half the length it should be, yet the head-rest is far too high (I’m 6 foot, so I’m not abnormally tall or short). In bed mode the combination of the jaunty angle of the seat and its ability to make you sweat like a fat man in a sauna in a PVC catsuit, invariably sees me wake up in a heap halfway down the seat. The only angle at which they approach comfortable is about half way between bed and seat, a seat mode my wife calls “the gynecologist” position.
After boarding with some trepidation, suffice to say that Etihad’s A332 are a much more pleasant beast than those of their fellow countrymen. The cabin was in a 1-2-1 configuration, with alternate window and aisle seats at the sides. I had been allocated a window-seat, which in this configuration appears the best option, as it is more enclosed once the seat is in bed mode. Approaching the seat, an engineer was clearly finishing some impromptu repairs to it, which concerned me somewhat. It turned out that the seat stopped about 2mm short of full upright position so the light that indicates to the flight attendants that it is OK for take off wouldn’t illuminate. This made zero difference to the comfort of the seat, but did mean I was asked repeatedly during boarding and taxiing to put my seat in the upright position, including repeatedly by the same lady on at least 4 occasions.
Pre-take off I was served a quick glass of champagne and my order for a snack and the next morning’s breakfast were taken. I opted for a cheese plate and a glass of wine, with a wake up for granola and smoothie about an hour before landing. All other breakfast options were egg based, the serving of which on planes should be banned. On land I have almost no food quirks, I’ll pretty much eat anything (the only exception being bacon made from animals other than pig, this is false advertising and should be outlawed). In the air there is a list of things which just don’t work, and which I try to avoid. Eggs are pretty much top of this list, particularly on overnight flights, where they have inevitably sat solidifying in their own tepid dribble for hours on end.
Snacks were served almost immediately upon take off, and the cabin lights dimmed soon after. With the seat set up as a bed it was fully flat, and perfectly spacious, and I slept pretty well for a good 4 hours of the flight. As I was awake early I had an hour or two to watch some TV. The fact that I was underwhelmed by the offering is probably more an indicator of the level of IFE now required to wow than any shortcomings in the system but I struggled to find anything to watch. In the end I settled for some Big Bang Theory episodes, which I’ve already seen but which tread the line between entertaining and brain-dead perfectly and allow your brain time to reboot itself.
Breakfast was served around 1 hour before landing, and was light and perfectly pleasant. All things considered, I was pretty happy with the flight. The hard product is great, the seat particularly comfortable. Crew were good but not great. Perfectly friendly, but not doing a great deal more than that which was basically required. For both snack and breakfast I was brought exactly what I had requested and then everything was cleared, there was no offer of extra wine, I had to ask for coffee at breakfast because I hadn’t made a prior request for it. If I asked for something they were gracious in providing it, but there was no proactivity in the service offering.
Arrival into Brisbane was on-time, and with a fast track card I was out of the airport in less than 20 minutes. Upon exiting to the train station I noticed a sign stating the three words that will strike fear into the heart of anyone who has ever commuted in the UK, three words that usually signify an impending period of extreme discomfort – “Rail Replacement Bus”. It turns out that this was perfectly acceptable, 10 people on a coach rather than the 400 grumbling people stuffed onto the bus that has been kept at the back of the depot for such events since 1974, as is my previous experience. This dropped me in central Brisbane, where I threw myself upon the mercy of check-in staff to be allowed to check-in early. Unfortunately this wasn’t possible but I did manage to freshen up in the gym changing rooms before heading into town to get my bearings.