Summer Holidays...
Aug 21, 2014, 8:57 am
#33
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New York, NY
Programs: AA Gold. UA Silver, Marriott Gold, Hilton Diamond, Hyatt (Lifetime Diamond downgraded to Explorist)
Posts: 6,776
Aug 21, 2014, 9:29 am
#35
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Jul 2010
Programs: AA
Posts: 14,727
Aug 21, 2014, 11:09 am
#38
Moderator, Trip Reports
Original Poster
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Programs: UA GS-2MM, Marriott Ambassador
Posts: 3,712
One of the reasons I chose Camp Hyatt for our family vacation is that if you're a Diamond, then one of the most useful perks is complimentary breakfast for 4 people. In our case, we had 5, but no one ever checked. And anyway, our daughter eats less than an anorexic sparrow.
I had already checked out the lounge – which was really rather pleasant. It was tucked away at the end of a floor, but it had both an indoor and outdoor eating area, with not an unpleasant view of the surrounding area.
The kids gravitated to the fridge, which was sadly stocked with good ole fashioned soda. Just what we needed. More sugar.
When I woke up, I staggered to the bathroom as most men do in the wee hours of the morning. The door was locked but I could hear my wife doing whatever it is women do in there.
I tapped on the door.
“Honey, I need to go pee” I pleaded
“Go away” she barked
“Why, what have I done?”
“I can’t believe you put us on Southwest and you and your son went on a real airline”
“You told me you wanted to fly direct”
"We were stuck for over 4 hours. I had to look after 2 girls. There wasn’t even anything to eat on the crappy plane. I’m never flying them again"
A long silence. I knocked again.
“Go to your sons bathroom”
“He’s locked the door to his room”
“Go to the girls room then”
“They have locked theirs too”
“Good, serves you right”
I’m now standing outside the bathroom door of one of 3 hotel rooms I am paying for the week, legs crossed, without the ability to use any one of them.
“Fine then, I’ll pee in the wardrobe. I’ve done it before. I’ll do it again” I say defiantly
The door suddenly flew open.
It was, as you would expect, a rather chilly start to the holidays. My wife told me she was going to the lounge for breakfast and it was my job to wake the kids and bring them along later. She wanted to be alone for 15-minutes.
I then told her I have been wanting some alone time ever since we got married. Probably not the wisest thing to say at this point, but it was driven by that part of the male brain that is actually connected to absolutely nothing.
“That can be arranged!”, she screamed as she stormed off down the hall.
I decided to follow instructions and wake the small humans. That was easier said than done. Because they had locked the connecting doors, I had to rummage through one of the 62 keycards scattered all over the place and go in through the front doors.
When you open the normal hotel door, you are typically faced with the newspaper thingy hanging on your door handle, and if not, then you see the standard issue newspapers lying neatly at the foot of other people’s doors.
As I stepped into the hallway, I caught a glimpse of something. I blinked once. Then once more, thinking I must still be feeling the effects of my sleeping tablet. It can’t be.
My head turned slowly to the right and my slightly worn eyes focussed as best they could. I couldn't believe it. There were literally 8 room service trays, all pushed together, lined up against the wall. Half eaten pizza, ice-cream bowls, silverware scattered everywhere, dirty napkins, and the remains of what looked like a small animals well chewed carcass.
“What the…” I screamed out loud. “Me and those kids are going to have words”, I again muttered.
So I’m standing there, trying key after key. Meanwhile, guests are walking past, nodding their heads, saying “morning” and giving me rather strange looks.
“It’s ok, there’s only kids inside, I’m trying to get in. I’m their father” I said with a nervous tick.
The elderly woman grabbed her husbands arm and pulled him even closer. They rose to a full English trot as they passed me and scurried off down towards the elevators.
Great, now they think I’m a pervert.
I started banging on the door, yelling out my sons name. Not a thing. Dead silence. Kept trying more key cards. All useless. Tried the girls rooms. Donuts. Then I thought, I’ll go back into our room and really bang on the connecting door to the boys room. Surely that will wake him.
Except none of the silly key cards now worked and I was locked out of all the damn rooms. Bollocks.
There was a housekeeper down the hall a bit so I went and approached her.
“Can you let me inside my room?” I politely asked. “My kids are inside”
She didn’t speak English. Only Spanish.
“No Senor” and smiled at me
“I need to get in”, I pleaded
She beamed at me and handed me some fresh towels
“No, no”, I said. “I don’t need towels – I need your key so I can get in”
She looked at my like I was loco. I motioned for her to follow me, which she reluctantly did, but bringing her housekeeping trolley with her for protection. I’m sure she had one hand on the handle and the other on her military grade can of pepper spray.
We get to one of the doors.
“See” I said, “key doesn’t work”, as I pushed and pulled one of the keys out of my large collection.
“No Senor. I cannot”, she proudly exclaimed
“But why not. I am their father. My kids are inside”.
Then I remembered.
“El Nino!” I proudly said and pointed beyond the door. I was hoping that I used the right word for children in Spanish. For all I know, I probably just told her I that I wanted 3 hookers.
She stood back and crossed her arms, certainly convinced that I was now a distant cousin of the late Pablo Escobar.
“Please”, I begged. Let me in.
Her walkie talkie suddenly crackled to life and it sounded like some supervisor. Relieved she picked up the small Motorola device and flew into a tirade of Spanish, probably regaling to the person on the other end how there was this middle aged Asian looking man in the hall, in t-shirt, shorts, no shoes and in desperate need of a good wash and a shave.
“What a cluster” I muttered to myself as I walked towards the elevator. I had no ID on me and was going to have to explain to the crazy women at reception that I needed to get into 2 rooms full of prepubescent children.
Thankfully, one of the woman recognized me from the night before and gave me a new set of key cards but she insisted a security person come with me, just in case the keys didn’t work.
"Yeah right", I said to myself. I was convinced every camera in the hotel was now locked onto to me, meanwhile Hotel security were probably running a full background check on me with local law enforcement.
Mercifully, the new set of keys worked. I stormed into the kids rooms and started screaming at them. Not a jot. Hopeless.
"Fine then", I yelled. "Meet your mother and I at the lounge on whatever floor it is. If you are late, you miss breakfast" I barked.
I spun to go, almost certain that my 13-year old gave me the bird as I flew out of the room.
When I got to the lounge, my wife was sitting peacefully out on the deck, and I was hoping the caffeine had kicked in a little.
“Have you come to apologise” she demanded
“What for?”, realizing that this was probably not the answer she was looking for.
“Ah that. Yes, yes, I’m sorry about your day yesterday, it won’t happen again”
“Damn right it wont happen again”
She started to calm down a bit and then enquired as to the whereabouts of our offspring. I thought it best if I omitted the part about me being locked out of the room and having to go downstairs to get new keys and the slight incident with the housekeeper.
“They’re coming”, I said innocently.
“Good, we need to work out what we are doing today. I think we'll go to Universal Studios. I have already spoken to the hotel and they can arrange all the tickets. I reckon we should buy a 2-day pass, which covers us for multiple parks”
“Good idea” I said, having no idea what she was talking about.
“Do I have to come?” I quipped
“Yes” she snapped
A long sigh.
“How much do these tickets cost”, I enquired pensively
“Oh don’t worry about, I just charged them to the room” she responded, knowing full well if she did actually tell me how much they were, I would have passed out right then and there.
And besides, I had lost all tactical advantage. I was still in her bad books.
Eventually, the kids turned up and proceeded to clean the lounge out of every edible thing there was at the buffet. I was sure someone was going to come and explain to me that there was a “fair consumption” policy with regards to the continental breakfast, but thankfully no one said a word.
Did I tell you I hate rollercoasters. All I prayed for was that these amusement parks served alcohol.
It was going to be a long day.
I had already checked out the lounge – which was really rather pleasant. It was tucked away at the end of a floor, but it had both an indoor and outdoor eating area, with not an unpleasant view of the surrounding area.
The kids gravitated to the fridge, which was sadly stocked with good ole fashioned soda. Just what we needed. More sugar.
When I woke up, I staggered to the bathroom as most men do in the wee hours of the morning. The door was locked but I could hear my wife doing whatever it is women do in there.
I tapped on the door.
“Honey, I need to go pee” I pleaded
“Go away” she barked
“Why, what have I done?”
“I can’t believe you put us on Southwest and you and your son went on a real airline”
“You told me you wanted to fly direct”
"We were stuck for over 4 hours. I had to look after 2 girls. There wasn’t even anything to eat on the crappy plane. I’m never flying them again"
A long silence. I knocked again.
“Go to your sons bathroom”
“He’s locked the door to his room”
“Go to the girls room then”
“They have locked theirs too”
“Good, serves you right”
I’m now standing outside the bathroom door of one of 3 hotel rooms I am paying for the week, legs crossed, without the ability to use any one of them.
“Fine then, I’ll pee in the wardrobe. I’ve done it before. I’ll do it again” I say defiantly
The door suddenly flew open.
It was, as you would expect, a rather chilly start to the holidays. My wife told me she was going to the lounge for breakfast and it was my job to wake the kids and bring them along later. She wanted to be alone for 15-minutes.
I then told her I have been wanting some alone time ever since we got married. Probably not the wisest thing to say at this point, but it was driven by that part of the male brain that is actually connected to absolutely nothing.
“That can be arranged!”, she screamed as she stormed off down the hall.
I decided to follow instructions and wake the small humans. That was easier said than done. Because they had locked the connecting doors, I had to rummage through one of the 62 keycards scattered all over the place and go in through the front doors.
When you open the normal hotel door, you are typically faced with the newspaper thingy hanging on your door handle, and if not, then you see the standard issue newspapers lying neatly at the foot of other people’s doors.
As I stepped into the hallway, I caught a glimpse of something. I blinked once. Then once more, thinking I must still be feeling the effects of my sleeping tablet. It can’t be.
My head turned slowly to the right and my slightly worn eyes focussed as best they could. I couldn't believe it. There were literally 8 room service trays, all pushed together, lined up against the wall. Half eaten pizza, ice-cream bowls, silverware scattered everywhere, dirty napkins, and the remains of what looked like a small animals well chewed carcass.
“What the…” I screamed out loud. “Me and those kids are going to have words”, I again muttered.
So I’m standing there, trying key after key. Meanwhile, guests are walking past, nodding their heads, saying “morning” and giving me rather strange looks.
“It’s ok, there’s only kids inside, I’m trying to get in. I’m their father” I said with a nervous tick.
The elderly woman grabbed her husbands arm and pulled him even closer. They rose to a full English trot as they passed me and scurried off down towards the elevators.
Great, now they think I’m a pervert.
I started banging on the door, yelling out my sons name. Not a thing. Dead silence. Kept trying more key cards. All useless. Tried the girls rooms. Donuts. Then I thought, I’ll go back into our room and really bang on the connecting door to the boys room. Surely that will wake him.
Except none of the silly key cards now worked and I was locked out of all the damn rooms. Bollocks.
There was a housekeeper down the hall a bit so I went and approached her.
“Can you let me inside my room?” I politely asked. “My kids are inside”
She didn’t speak English. Only Spanish.
“No Senor” and smiled at me
“I need to get in”, I pleaded
She beamed at me and handed me some fresh towels
“No, no”, I said. “I don’t need towels – I need your key so I can get in”
She looked at my like I was loco. I motioned for her to follow me, which she reluctantly did, but bringing her housekeeping trolley with her for protection. I’m sure she had one hand on the handle and the other on her military grade can of pepper spray.
We get to one of the doors.
“See” I said, “key doesn’t work”, as I pushed and pulled one of the keys out of my large collection.
“No Senor. I cannot”, she proudly exclaimed
“But why not. I am their father. My kids are inside”.
Then I remembered.
“El Nino!” I proudly said and pointed beyond the door. I was hoping that I used the right word for children in Spanish. For all I know, I probably just told her I that I wanted 3 hookers.
She stood back and crossed her arms, certainly convinced that I was now a distant cousin of the late Pablo Escobar.
“Please”, I begged. Let me in.
Her walkie talkie suddenly crackled to life and it sounded like some supervisor. Relieved she picked up the small Motorola device and flew into a tirade of Spanish, probably regaling to the person on the other end how there was this middle aged Asian looking man in the hall, in t-shirt, shorts, no shoes and in desperate need of a good wash and a shave.
“What a cluster” I muttered to myself as I walked towards the elevator. I had no ID on me and was going to have to explain to the crazy women at reception that I needed to get into 2 rooms full of prepubescent children.
Thankfully, one of the woman recognized me from the night before and gave me a new set of key cards but she insisted a security person come with me, just in case the keys didn’t work.
"Yeah right", I said to myself. I was convinced every camera in the hotel was now locked onto to me, meanwhile Hotel security were probably running a full background check on me with local law enforcement.
Mercifully, the new set of keys worked. I stormed into the kids rooms and started screaming at them. Not a jot. Hopeless.
"Fine then", I yelled. "Meet your mother and I at the lounge on whatever floor it is. If you are late, you miss breakfast" I barked.
I spun to go, almost certain that my 13-year old gave me the bird as I flew out of the room.
When I got to the lounge, my wife was sitting peacefully out on the deck, and I was hoping the caffeine had kicked in a little.
“Have you come to apologise” she demanded
“What for?”, realizing that this was probably not the answer she was looking for.
“Ah that. Yes, yes, I’m sorry about your day yesterday, it won’t happen again”
“Damn right it wont happen again”
She started to calm down a bit and then enquired as to the whereabouts of our offspring. I thought it best if I omitted the part about me being locked out of the room and having to go downstairs to get new keys and the slight incident with the housekeeper.
“They’re coming”, I said innocently.
“Good, we need to work out what we are doing today. I think we'll go to Universal Studios. I have already spoken to the hotel and they can arrange all the tickets. I reckon we should buy a 2-day pass, which covers us for multiple parks”
“Good idea” I said, having no idea what she was talking about.
“Do I have to come?” I quipped
“Yes” she snapped
A long sigh.
“How much do these tickets cost”, I enquired pensively
“Oh don’t worry about, I just charged them to the room” she responded, knowing full well if she did actually tell me how much they were, I would have passed out right then and there.
And besides, I had lost all tactical advantage. I was still in her bad books.
Eventually, the kids turned up and proceeded to clean the lounge out of every edible thing there was at the buffet. I was sure someone was going to come and explain to me that there was a “fair consumption” policy with regards to the continental breakfast, but thankfully no one said a word.
Did I tell you I hate rollercoasters. All I prayed for was that these amusement parks served alcohol.
It was going to be a long day.
Last edited by eightblack; Jan 13, 2018 at 11:47 am
Aug 22, 2014, 1:39 am
#43
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Iver
Programs: BA GOLD/OWE BA Amex Prem Plus Tesco Airmiles Qantas Bronze IHG SPG Eithad
Posts: 2,902
OMG what a pallavour with the kids, and trying to get them out of their rooms, and that awful last nights remnants of dinner outside in the hallway. This sort of writing and wit starts the day off well at work, but today cannot LOL too loud as people are around, just cannot believe that life in the Eightblack family is like this, how do you keep your sanity, or perhaps you just switch off, keep it coming
^
^
Aug 22, 2014, 6:45 am
#44
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 261
Aug 22, 2014, 9:41 am
#45
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Somwhere on the highways and byways of the United States
Programs: WWBTNFTMTP Evangelist
Posts: 16,737
Eightblack, I'm glad you've returned to share your wonderful stories with us. Please don't stay away to long next time. 