mbalaev

Hi All,

I came back from a trip with my best buddy and my wife is upset that I've been away on a solo trip for 11 days. Calendar-wise, this may be correct as I departed on the 1st and returned on the 11th, so my trip falls on 11 different dates. But I departed in the morning and returned in the morning, so the actual absence was close to 24hrs*10. I was absent from work for 6 days (plus two weekends) which is 10 days. I also pointed out that she had exactly 10 breakfasts, lunches, and dinners, and bather our baby 10 times.

Following her logic, if I depart at 11:50pm on day 1 and return at 00:10am on day 3 I would be absent for three days, yet the actual absence would be just 24 hours and 20 minutes. Despite all this she insists that Flyertalk said it is 11 days. I couldn't find anything on this topic here, so here is my question: How to compute the actual travel days and how to reconcile the dates of departure/return with the actual days away?

Thanks for all thoughts.

frobozzelectric

that is what i do.

how the wife prefers to see it, well that's another matter entirely.

VH-RMD

I would respectfully suggest that you really consider whether you wish to progress down the path of 'my wife is wrong'.....

lhrsfo

So, when your wife goes to a lunch engagement with girl friends, she's gone a whole day? But I'm not sure I would pursue that line of logic too far.

CPRich

Your wife is right.

I only read the first sentence.

84fiero

+1

OP's only focus at this point will need to be how to make it up to her. Maybe time for a trip together to somewhere she likes?!

jrl767

in the interest of your domestic harmony/stability, please do not start trying to convince your wife to adopt a different perspective here ...

emma69

Easier to phrase it as 'nights away' so you don't hit the issue.

pinniped

Why does it matter whether it's 10 or 11? I mean, seriously, who cares?

When I'm counting up the days, I generally count both travel days. When I'm gone Monday through Thursday for a typical work trip, I think of it as 4 days, even if the Thursday bit gets back home midday.

The only time this even remotely matters is if you have one of those antiquated expense reimbursement systems that has the concept "dayparts". I remember one of those from a client I worked on in the 90's, but haven't seen that concept since. (In that system, I literally had to record the exact time I left my house and returned to my house before/after a trip. It affected the per diems.)

Allan38103

Apparently, it matters enough to the OP to make a post about it. Otherwise, I'm with you.

Giggleswick

Without going all dear-Abby on this, may I respectfully suggest to the OP that if the spouses are seriously disputing this one-day difference, there may be more at issue in their marriage.

84fiero

Probably so.

OP, whether it was 10, 11, or 2 days is beside the point. Arguing with her whether it should be counted this way or that way is not only futile but is further aggravating your wife by making it seem (to her) like you aren't really listening to what her actual concern is...instead she'll see your arguing about 11 vs. 10 days as trivializing her emotions and avoiding what she thinks should be obvious to you as the actual problem...i.e., you're "rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic", as they say.

Apologize, tell her you understand why she's upset (hopefully you do understand by now), keep talking about any broader issues. And spend some good, quality time with her.

Good luck!

CKA1

The wife is right. Don't focus on hours or how long you've been away. As you say you've been on a trip with your best buddy, why don't you go on a trip with your female best buddy?

For me, I'm unmarried, but my married friends count their partner as their best friend.

Travel wise, it doesn't matter how long you've been gone, but what it is perceived as by the person who's counting.

Chuck

chgoeditor

As others have noted, you took an extended vacation with a friend and left your wife and baby at home. I strongly suggest you drop the stupid nitpicking over how many days you were gone (11) and instead spoil the heck out of her and take over all child-related parenting responsibilities while you treat her to an extended spa stay.

darthbimmer

For my own records, and for how I communicate with colleagues and management about my level of job travel, I use a method similar to OP. A trip on which I depart Sunday evening and return Thursday afternoon is a 4 day trip, not 5 days. I also record it as a 4 night trip. "Nights away" is often a more important metric than days away.

None of these granular details of how I measure my trips are relevant to my family, however. They are concerned with whether it feels like I'm home enough and how often and which activities have to be rescheduled, canceled, or done without me present because I'm traveling. Numbers, percentages, and other businesslike metrics are rarely persuasive here. Put another way, whatever the number happens to be, if my family says it's too high, I've got to figure out a way to either make that level of travel work better or lower the level.

Edited to add: As a side observation, being gone for a week and a half on a leisure trip leaving your spouse home alone with a young child, is huge imposition. Arguing over whether it's more accurately counted as 10 or 11 days misses the point. You've taken serious advantage of your partner. Be sure you reciprocate.