Catweazle

I love my mother. I love my girlfriend. Don't get me wrong there.

I'll be traveling with them to Vietnam and Singapore next year, as part of a tour for the commemoration of the battle of Long Tan ($500 per day - gulp! - but I say no more on that part...)

I've rarely booked anything other than day-tours, and have made all my own extensive travel plans over the years. Perhaps I get the adventurous genes from my Dad, who'd do the same sort of thing. With all due respect nonetheless, we have this suspicion of travel agents, who, although helpful at times, often seem to want to juice us of all we're worth and only do what they want us to do. I'm sure fellow FTers can appreciate what it can be like at times when your itinerary gets a little complicated from all the random flights to random places, so that a two-month holiday in Europe ends up being a bit of a jigsaw puzzle when it comes to trying to fit everything together.

But hey, it's a hobby really, for some of us, and I get a kick out of researching my travel options, and then traveling somewhere off the beaten track. It's fun. It's exciting. It's sometimes a bit of detox from the regular everyday life and I don't generally find it stressful... except for that time when I slept in and missed my flight to PDL, but that's another story for another time...

My mother doesn't always travel that well. Long flights tire her out, as they would anyone. But then growing up, it was normally Dad who worked out all the travel logistics for us, and she does actually enjoy going overseas to different places, especially as a family.

My girlfriend has been overseas once, on a wonderful European tour that gave her a taste of the travel bug. She dreams of places, but this will be her second trip overseas and she has never had to book anything, let alone a trip within Australia.

Now I'm dearly looking forward to this and see it all as a lovely adventure, despite the cost of the tour (I'm just trying to let that out of my mind, focusing more on the holiday and the support of my girlfriend for this event, which for her will be historically significant, and important for the ex-Vietnam veterans in her family).

On the other hand, my mother and girlfriend are beginning to stress because all they can see are the complicated logistics of a not-so-complicated trip (which is mostly with a tour group, including flights to and from Australia). I've suggested that they let me handle any extra flights and hotel bookings, but that doesn't really seem to help. My mother is mostly concerned more about the bathroom facilities in a third-world country - understandable - and my girlfriend is concerned that something will go wrong, such as SQ not allowing us to board because there's a typo in the paperwork, or passports getting stolen, or the credit card being swallowed by an ATM, or getting lost, or becoming stranded in the middle of Vietnam, or being kidnapped and then God knows what... I don't think the recent events in places like Paris and Syria have really helped her mindset. The thought of me booking a few extra days in Hanoi after the tour only makes her feel that something definitely will go wrong, whereas it won't go wrong when one is booked in with a tour company (in her mind).

It's already beginning to look rather like one of eightblack's trip reports, what with these beloved family members - bless them! - stressing about what seems like the smallest things, that all come so naturally to me. I so easily take it for granted that this sort of thing is now second nature to me, as it is to many of you. Perhaps more patience on my part would be a good thing, for starters. I know that once we're over there, things should go a little smoother. It's the planning stages, and the booking of things, that gets folks like these wound up.

So, for those experts on traveling with families out there, have you any thoughts, suggestions or comments on the matter?

I guess one thing that travel has taught me is that something you just have to go with the flow of things, and if anything does pop up then just cross that bridge when you come to it, sort of thing.

LondonElite

Sounds like it's going to be a great trip. It's pretty difficult to give advice, however, for two reasons. First, these are largely irrational and random occurrences which you can never properly rule out. Second, everyone is different and reacts differently to stress and being out of their comfort zone. I'll avoid the usual FT 'berate the OP' statements like "leave your mother/girlfriend at home; they're not suited to travelling" and just tell you that the reassurance you're giving is probably very good.

StartinSanDiego

You are in a tough position, since you cannot predict what, if anything, will go wrong. Keep your travel plans simple, knowing that your travel companions have a high fear level. I would not add anything that involves heavy adventure. In general, try to do a little less, not more.

Stick with the tours for this trip and see how it goes. Tour guides are very reassuring, and you will have someone to help if something or other comes up. The tour guides generally know where the bathrooms are, but perhaps a quick email would reassure mom that there will be toilet facilities throughout.

Some simple choices, like taking a taxi from the airport, can help reduce stress. Public transportation such as buses and trains are more stressful, and more can go wrong. Eat at the hotel instead of searching out a street vendor. Let the hotel concierge make suggestions instead of venturing out on your own. Plan a small number of activities in a day, with more down time, than you might do otherwise. Do more sitting and eating, shopping, relaxing by the pool, sleeping in, or what ever "down time" means to you, than running around trying to see everything the place has to offer. Incorporate adult beverages into the meals!

Just remember that they are nervous, and speaking from fear of the unknown. I bet it all works out just fine.

alastairloh

Hi Catweazle, I'm actually from Singapore and the one thing I can assure you about this place is that Singapore is absolutely a safe haven for tourists and locals alike. toilets are def clean (99% of the time), public transportation is a breeze and the food here is really good. Do send me a PM if you need additional help regarding singapore should you decide to spend some time here on a free-and-easy.

MSPeconomist

Depending on the dynamics, I would try to arrange for each person to have some time devoted to his/her own special wishes and some time alone. You need to spend some time with the mother and some with the girlfriend rather than always doing everything together as a threesome (plus the rest of the tour group) In fact, perhaps each person spending some time with others on the tour could relieve the pressure and add some variety. [The OP didn't mention how well mother and girlfriend get along or even if they know each other well.]

SanDiego1K

Be sure that you take the credit cards that are used for any flight bookings. We had a credit card canceled due to fraud and only had the new card with us. Vietnam Airlines made us buy a new ticket for travel within Vietnam because we could not produce the card that was used to purchase travel. They refunded the old ticket after our return, but I would have liked to avoid all the hassle.

edcaya

It's going to be hard to reason them out of any anxieties they didn't reason themselves into in the first place, so in this case, I'd engage the services of a good travel agent to serve as an impartial third party and get excellent travel insurance for the "known unknowns."

Badenoch

I know your problem. My wife and her family are "what if" types that worry too much.

There are steps you can take in advance to at least allay some of their fears should they arise.

Worried about bathrooms? Seek out nicer hotels and if need be American restaurant chains like McDs. They usually have better facilities. Pay to pee if you have to. I've bribed hotel doormen to use their facilities when nothing else was available. Bring your own toilet paper and handi-wipes.

Passports being stolen? Make sure each of you has copies of the info page of each other's passports and/or PDFs on your mobile. Also have the address of the nearest embassy or High Commission and how to contact them by phone.

Have a local phone or at least know how to place a local call from your own phone. Have local hospital, police and medical numbers pre-programmed. Know the procedure to phone home too.

Always have more than one credit and debit card, don't carry them in the same place and know how to cancel them if they go missing. Have a secure carrying place for cash in case of emergency. Depending on the country it's $200-$2000USD carried in a secure place. Use it to solve problems.

Talk over all of the above, give them advice on what to do if separated and if you don't speak the local language make sure they have business cards from the hotel they can give to a cab driver and sufficient cash to get them home.

You can't predict the future but you can make it less threatening. Your country and mine have experienced terrorist attacks so there is a risk at home too and a foreign risk shouldn't dissuade them from travelling.

When travelling in a foreign land I carry on my person my passport, enough cash to get to the nearest major airport by taxi, enough room on my credit card to get my wife and I home on the first available flight regardless of cost. The first two have come in handy several times and the last one is a great comfort even though the need has not arisen yet.

I've always been more adventuresome than my wife and her family. While they may despair at what they regard as the risks I take (nothing serious) they also look to me for reassurance. While I loathe organized tours they do provide a measure of comfort and will take them if they keep my family calm.

Part of your task is reducing their fears. Don't get frustrated with them or mock their concerns. We might not think they are rational but for them they are very real. Have a great trip and the next one will be much easier.

StartinSanDiego

These are terrific tips, Badenoch.

My husband has only very recently become a (mostly) confident traveler. Many of our choices still reflect his discomfort-- with fears of language barriers, strange menu choices, etc. He still relies upon McDonalds... I think he knows every McDonalds in the Alps. We have many laughs over this, but, consider this: The young people who work there usually speak English, you KNOW the menu, and the bathrooms are clean, easy to find, have Western style toilets and plentiful TP. I would add Starbucks to that list, too, for all the same reasons.

For many people, just going on the trip is an adventure. We experienced travelers don't have to pile on more unknowns. Also, remember, that YOU will have more trips, because it's what you like to do. They will only go more places if the trips are fun, not too unsettling, and nothing bad happens. If you want to enjoy their company, you will need to accommodate their needs and fears on this trip. Build confidence slowly!

HelloKittysMum

I would echo most of what has already been said.

I don't know where you are going in Vietnam but I go to Saigon a lot on business and western facilities are definitely available. When I did a meekong tour and also when I went to cu chi tunnels and there were Western facilities a plenty.

Just be careful of taxis trying to rip you off with the exchange rate ebig so huge - they often add extra zeros in the hope you won't realise.

And Singapore is very clean. The public transport in Singapore is excellent so I would use that rather than taxis.

Linda VH

I plan all our vacations but that doesn't mean I don't get anxious about some things. If you are getting to any airports on your own, check out the available lounges and get there (what you will probably consider) ridiculously early. DH knows that I MUST be at the airport early where I will lead him to whatever lounge I've selected. After 30+ years he's used to it lol!

Catweazle

Some great advice, folks. Turns out now that my mother won't be coming and my girlfriend is on crutches with a moonboot... We'll make the best of it and still have fun. For me the chance to travel will be an enjoyable escape in itself!