How the TSA will inspect your monkey
Mar 25, 2010, 5:43 am
#1
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How the TSA will inspect your monkey
http://www.boingboing.net/2010/03/24...-will-ins.html
http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtrav...al_1056.shtm#2
♫♪♫♪ "Everybody has something to hide except me and my monkey" ♫♪♫♪
So they will molest your kid but leave your monkey alone.
http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtrav...al_1056.shtm#2
* When a service monkey is being transported in a carrier, the monkey must be removed from the carrier by the handler prior to screening,
* The service monkey must be controlled by the handler throughout the screening process.
* The service monkey handler should carry the monkey through the walk through metal detector while the monkey remains on a leash.
* When the handler and service monkey go through the walk through metal detector and the detector alarms, both the handler and the monkey must undergo additional screening.
* Since service monkeys may likely draw attention, the handler will be escorted to the physical inspection area where a table is available for the monkey to sit on. Only the handler will touch or interact with the service monkey.
* Security Officers have been trained to not touch the service monkey during the screening process.
* Security Officers will conduct a visual inspection on the service monkey and will coach the handler on how to hold the monkey during the visual inspection.
* The inspection process may require that the handler to take off the monkey’s diaper as part of the visual inspection.
* The service monkey must be controlled by the handler throughout the screening process.
* The service monkey handler should carry the monkey through the walk through metal detector while the monkey remains on a leash.
* When the handler and service monkey go through the walk through metal detector and the detector alarms, both the handler and the monkey must undergo additional screening.
* Since service monkeys may likely draw attention, the handler will be escorted to the physical inspection area where a table is available for the monkey to sit on. Only the handler will touch or interact with the service monkey.
* Security Officers have been trained to not touch the service monkey during the screening process.
* Security Officers will conduct a visual inspection on the service monkey and will coach the handler on how to hold the monkey during the visual inspection.
* The inspection process may require that the handler to take off the monkey’s diaper as part of the visual inspection.
So they will molest your kid but leave your monkey alone.
Mar 25, 2010, 6:30 am
#4
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Parent's don't have to remove a baby's diaper, but the diaper has to come off the monkey. 
How much more of the "bad things" could be hidden in a baby's diaper (or an adult's diaper) than could be hidden in a monkey's diaper?
I know, I know - "we do a pat down of humans". Horse hockey, a pat down of someone wearing a diaper doesn't allow you to feel anything if the person wearing the diaper doesn't want you to feel it. TSA would have to get in there with fingers in order to detect any contraband in a diaper, as the back of the hand just doesn't cut the mustard. Either that or force the human to remove the diaper just like the monkey.
Oh, I can see the headlines now: TSA forces service monkey and human travelers to remove their diapers for screening!
Good one!
How much more of the "bad things" could be hidden in a baby's diaper (or an adult's diaper) than could be hidden in a monkey's diaper?
I know, I know - "we do a pat down of humans". Horse hockey, a pat down of someone wearing a diaper doesn't allow you to feel anything if the person wearing the diaper doesn't want you to feel it. TSA would have to get in there with fingers in order to detect any contraband in a diaper, as the back of the hand just doesn't cut the mustard. Either that or force the human to remove the diaper just like the monkey.
Oh, I can see the headlines now: TSA forces service monkey and human travelers to remove their diapers for screening!
Good one!
Last edited by Kiwi Flyer; Mar 26, 2010 at 4:02 pm Reason: merge consecutive posts
Mar 25, 2010, 6:35 am
#5
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Originally Posted by idiots
* Security Officers will conduct a visual inspection on the service monkey and will coach the handler on how to hold the monkey during the visual inspection.
Mar 25, 2010, 9:01 am
#6
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Parent's don't have to remove a baby's diaper, but the diaper has to come off the monkey.
How much more of the "bad things" could be hidden in a baby's diaper (or an adult's diaper) than could be hidden in a monkey's diaper?
I know, I know - "we do a pat down of humans". Horse hockey, a pat down of someone wearing a diaper doesn't allow you to feel anything if the person wearing the diaper doesn't want you to feel it. TSA would have to get in there with fingers in order to detect any contraband in a diaper, as the back of the hand just doesn't cut the mustard. Either that or force the human to remove the diaper just like the monkey.
Oh, I can see the headlines now: TSA forces service monkey and human travelers to remove their diapers for screening!
How much more of the "bad things" could be hidden in a baby's diaper (or an adult's diaper) than could be hidden in a monkey's diaper?
I know, I know - "we do a pat down of humans". Horse hockey, a pat down of someone wearing a diaper doesn't allow you to feel anything if the person wearing the diaper doesn't want you to feel it. TSA would have to get in there with fingers in order to detect any contraband in a diaper, as the back of the hand just doesn't cut the mustard. Either that or force the human to remove the diaper just like the monkey.
Oh, I can see the headlines now: TSA forces service monkey and human travelers to remove their diapers for screening!
And as far as the removal of diapers, the theory is that humans wearing diapers can be cleared with a patdown, but because monkeys are not to be touched and only visually inspected, the diaper has to be removed to complete the visual inspection. (We all know that a patdown is not going to detect much in a diaper in any case, so the theory is flawed to be sure, but it is logical if one buys that the patdown of an individual wearing a diaper properly clears the individual of WEI).
Especially in the case of a monkey which usually assist individuals with paralysis in one or more limbs. Not sure how the TSA handles it, though. Their policy doesn't seem to leave much room for that . . .
Mar 25, 2010, 10:24 am
#7
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It does seem like TSA does everything it can to deter disabled passengers. You would think that there is a very real threat from a determined disabled terrorist network, out to destroy aircraft that are not handicap accessible.
Last edited by IslandBased; Mar 25, 2010 at 10:31 am
Mar 25, 2010, 10:27 am
#8
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I have to wonder how many TSOs that signed up to be on the Front Line of the Wah on Tewwow are disappointed that they will have to paw through the contents of a monkey diaper.
Mar 25, 2010, 11:39 am
#9
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Mar 25, 2010, 11:51 am
#10
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Will terrorists surgically implant explosives into a live monkey before implanting such into a human's penis or breast?
Oh great TSA, please save us from these imminent threats!
^^^ ROTFLOL ^^^
I've seen "security" perverts working for the TSA rubbing the diaper-covered bottoms of babies even when the parent+baby combinations didn't set off the WTMD alarm.
Oh great TSA, please save us from these imminent threats!
^^^
ROTFLOL ^^^Parent's don't have to remove a baby's diaper, but the diaper has to come off the monkey.
How much more of the "bad things" could be hidden in a baby's diaper (or an adult's diaper) than could be hidden in a monkey's diaper?
I know, I know - "we do a pat down of humans". Horse hockey, a pat down of someone wearing a diaper doesn't allow you to feel anything if the person wearing the diaper doesn't want you to feel it. TSA would have to get in there with fingers in order to detect any contraband in a diaper, as the back of the hand just doesn't cut the mustard. Either that or force the human to remove the diaper just like the monkey.
Oh, I can see the headlines now: TSA forces service monkey and human travelers to remove their diapers for screening!
How much more of the "bad things" could be hidden in a baby's diaper (or an adult's diaper) than could be hidden in a monkey's diaper?
I know, I know - "we do a pat down of humans". Horse hockey, a pat down of someone wearing a diaper doesn't allow you to feel anything if the person wearing the diaper doesn't want you to feel it. TSA would have to get in there with fingers in order to detect any contraband in a diaper, as the back of the hand just doesn't cut the mustard. Either that or force the human to remove the diaper just like the monkey.
Oh, I can see the headlines now: TSA forces service monkey and human travelers to remove their diapers for screening!
Last edited by Kiwi Flyer; Mar 25, 2010 at 8:44 pm Reason: merge consecutive posts
Mar 25, 2010, 1:04 pm
#11
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so is secondary screening for the monkey referred to as spanking the monkey?
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Mar 25, 2010, 1:12 pm
#12
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(Maybe they're angling for a transfer to the genital imaging booth.)
Mar 25, 2010, 1:14 pm
#13
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Mar 25, 2010, 2:00 pm
#15
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I'd never even heard of service monkeys until I saw this thread. But I did a little reading on them, and it's rather cool! But, like you say, the primary users seem to be people not just with little mobility but total quadriplegics. Not exactly people that are able to comply with TSA demands to do this and do that under threat of DY...T.