Broke up with my girlfriend over travel :(
#1
Original Poster
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Portland
Programs: Onepass Platinum
Posts: 236
Broke up with my girlfriend over travel :(
A couple months ago I started dating this wonderful woman. Great job, a sweetheart, and absolutely drop-dead beautiful. I thought she was a keeper, and I think she thought that about me as well. Then I offered to take her on a trip with me (I've been to all 7 continents, so travel is a big part of my life). That's when she dropped the bombshell: She won't fly. She's never tried it, but she's got a phobia about it. She said she's not interested in ever trying to get over it. So I broke it off with her. It makes me tremendously sad because she seemed so perfect, but I think it was the right decision. If she had been willing to at least try flying, I would have tried to help her. But I just couldn't believe she wasn't even willing to try it. I wonder if other people have had relationships fall apart over travel?
#2
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 350
A couple months ago I started dating this wonderful woman. Great job, a sweetheart, and absolutely drop-dead beautiful. I thought she was a keeper, and I think she thought that about me as well. Then I offered to take her on a trip with me (I've been to all 7 continents, so travel is a big part of my life). That's when she dropped the bombshell: She won't fly. She's never tried it, but she's got a phobia about it. She said she's not interested in ever trying to get over it. So I broke it off with her. It makes me tremendously sad because she seemed so perfect, but I think it was the right decision. If she had been willing to at least try flying, I would have tried to help her. But I just couldn't believe she wasn't even willing to try it. I wonder if other people have had relationships fall apart over travel?
#4
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Bansko, Bulgaria
Programs: Hyatt Globalist
Posts: 1,260
A couple months ago I started dating this wonderful woman. Great job, a sweetheart, and absolutely drop-dead beautiful. I thought she was a keeper, and I think she thought that about me as well. Then I offered to take her on a trip with me (I've been to all 7 continents, so travel is a big part of my life). That's when she dropped the bombshell: She won't fly. She's never tried it, but she's got a phobia about it. She said she's not interested in ever trying to get over it. So I broke it off with her. It makes me tremendously sad because she seemed so perfect, but I think it was the right decision. If she had been willing to at least try flying, I would have tried to help her. But I just couldn't believe she wasn't even willing to try it. I wonder if other people have had relationships fall apart over travel?
I hate to sound mean but I've always found people who have phobias that they aren't even willing to consider working on to be totally self-indulgent. Where travel is such an important thing to you that was absolutely the right decision.... Besides, after a few more months when the hum of new love wears off how interesting would someone be who had never been anywhere and had no desire to go?
#5
A FlyerTalk Posting Legend
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 55,189
Couldn't agree more. She wasn't as "perfect" as you thought she was. You made the right decision even if it hurts right now. In the long run, you'll find someone who can appreciate and want to enjoy with you the important parts of your life, especially travel.
#7
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Eugene, Oregon
Programs: UA Mileage Plus, Hilton HHonors
Posts: 41
A couple months ago I started dating this wonderful woman. Great job, a sweetheart, and absolutely drop-dead beautiful. I thought she was a keeper, and I think she thought that about me as well. Then I offered to take her on a trip with me (I've been to all 7 continents, so travel is a big part of my life). That's when she dropped the bombshell: She won't fly. She's never tried it, but she's got a phobia about it. She said she's not interested in ever trying to get over it. So I broke it off with her. It makes me tremendously sad because she seemed so perfect, but I think it was the right decision. If she had been willing to at least try flying, I would have tried to help her. But I just couldn't believe she wasn't even willing to try it. I wonder if other people have had relationships fall apart over travel?
#8
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 7
A couple months ago I started dating this wonderful woman. Great job, a sweetheart, and absolutely drop-dead beautiful. I thought she was a keeper, and I think she thought that about me as well. Then I offered to take her on a trip with me (I've been to all 7 continents, so travel is a big part of my life). That's when she dropped the bombshell: She won't fly. She's never tried it, but she's got a phobia about it. She said she's not interested in ever trying to get over it. So I broke it off with her. It makes me tremendously sad because she seemed so perfect, but I think it was the right decision. If she had been willing to at least try flying, I would have tried to help her. But I just couldn't believe she wasn't even willing to try it. I wonder if other people have had relationships fall apart over travel?
Of course, you could always just get drunk at the airport bar as well
#9
Original Poster
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Portland
Programs: Onepass Platinum
Posts: 236
You don't mention if she was happy letting you do all the travel? I understand the desire to not travel alone, but if she's so perfect maybe you can have the best of both worlds? I guess it's too late now, but there must be lots of couples where one travels and one doesn't. I like travel, my partner doesn't. He says it's just because I haven't traveled for business as much as he has. I think it's because he just doesn't enjoy travel unless it's purely for pleasure.
#10
Original Poster
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Portland
Programs: Onepass Platinum
Posts: 236
I thought about that, and I suppose it's certainly possible. The only thing that makes me think that probably wasn't the case is that she was very upset that I was "dumping" her over her refusal to fly. She thought we had enough other things in common to still make it work. It could have been a show, but I think it really did upset her.
#12
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Catania, Sicily/South Jersey (PHL)/Houston, Texas/Red Stick/airborne in-between
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My wife hates flying, but she married a pilot (that would be me).
It seems to me there is more to it than just the flying phobia, but I only did 9 hours of undergrad educational pysch, so I am not expert.
If you really thought she was the "one" per se, why did you not try and work it out someway or was she really unable to compromise at all?
In the end you probably made the right decision, maybe not for you, but for her. I wish you luck finding someone else.
Airports are great places to meet people (seriously), there are even internet groups for it and having common interests is a big key to many happy relationships.
Ciao,
FH
It seems to me there is more to it than just the flying phobia, but I only did 9 hours of undergrad educational pysch, so I am not expert.
If you really thought she was the "one" per se, why did you not try and work it out someway or was she really unable to compromise at all?
In the end you probably made the right decision, maybe not for you, but for her. I wish you luck finding someone else.
Airports are great places to meet people (seriously), there are even internet groups for it and having common interests is a big key to many happy relationships.
Ciao,
FH
#13
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: 13mi@ORD
Programs: AA Gold
Posts: 376
Let's recap. Never flown, has a phobia, not willing to even try to get over it, and ostensibly must know how important travel is to the OP. Unless she immediately relented when he broke the bad news and said "ok, ok, I'll give it a try" then one must assume she's sticking to her guns and doesn't care that it's a major issue for OP. Then OP made the right call. She has some serious underlying issues. Time to move on. You need someone who can share the love of travel with you, or who is at least open to the possibility. In this day and age fear of flying is easily overcome if the will is there. And there's not much to travel (or life) without flying imho.
PS in reference to your comment that she seemed so perfect, no one is perfect... its just a matter of how long till you discover the thing that really aggravates you and how you get over it
PS in reference to your comment that she seemed so perfect, no one is perfect... its just a matter of how long till you discover the thing that really aggravates you and how you get over it
#14
Original Poster
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Portland
Programs: Onepass Platinum
Posts: 236
My wife hates flying, but she married a pilot (that would be me).
It seems to me there is more to it than just the flying phobia, but I only did 9 hours of undergrad educational pysch, so I am not expert.
If you really thought she was the "one" per se, why did you not try and work it out someway or was she really unable to compromise at all?
In the end you probably made the right decision, maybe not for you, but for her. I wish you luck finding someone else.
Airports are great places to meet people (seriously), there are even internet groups for it and having common interests is a big key to many happy relationships.
Ciao,
FH
It seems to me there is more to it than just the flying phobia, but I only did 9 hours of undergrad educational pysch, so I am not expert.
If you really thought she was the "one" per se, why did you not try and work it out someway or was she really unable to compromise at all?
In the end you probably made the right decision, maybe not for you, but for her. I wish you luck finding someone else.
Airports are great places to meet people (seriously), there are even internet groups for it and having common interests is a big key to many happy relationships.
Ciao,
FH
#15
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Catania, Sicily/South Jersey (PHL)/Houston, Texas/Red Stick/airborne in-between
Programs: United Global Svs, AA PlatPro, WN RR, AZ/ITA Freccia, Hilton Diam, Bonvoy Gold, Hertz Prez, IHG
Posts: 3,528
That's why it made me tremendously sad, because everything else about her seemed so perfect. I wanted to find a compromise, because I think all relationships are about compromise. I told her I'd be happy to attend some sort of therapy session with her to see if she could get over the fear, etc. Unfortunately it was her steadfast and almost defiant attitude of, "I won't fly, I'll never fly, and I'm not going to start changing who I am this early in a relationship" that made me realize further discussion really wasn't worth it. I certainly wasn't prepared to change who I am by agreeing to be content to never travel with her, so I guess it will work out better for the both of us in the end.
Ciao,
FH