This actually has to do with who was then my wife, now my ex. When I first met her, she told me of fantasies about being with other women and she did really check ladies out. Up until that point her only experience was an intense make out session with another lady. After talking to me about it for months, her and her friend went out for drinks one night and then went to a hotel and did it. She did call me first from the bar and asked me what I thought of it and if I was ok with it and I told her of course, as long as it was just the 2 of them (I also requested pictures because her friend is drop dead beautiful but I didn't get any) Well they ended up spending almost 5 hours at the hotel, they both thoroughly enjoyed themselves.
Well for weeks, maybe months afterwards that was about all she talked about. She changed after that. instead of just looking at ladies, she was now talking to them, hitting on them. I'm pretty open minded and if she wanted to explore it I was okay with it, as long as another man wasn't in on it also. One time in particular we were having dinner at The Spot in La Jolla and we had a beautiful, very sexy with out even trying, waitress. She was from Poland and had that sexy, just from a James Bond movie, accent. Well she hit on her all through dinner and I will admit I flirted too. As we finished up the waitress told us she was off and wanted to know if we wanted to go get drinks. We agreed and walked down Prospect St to another place and had drinks and talked. Those 2 were hitting it off well, including lots of kissing in the bar. As the night wound down my wife had planned on asking her if she wanted to go out one night, just the 2 of them. Ms Waitress had other ideas. She wanted us to go back to her place for a 3 sum.
What guy in his right mind would turn that down, right? Well I did. I mean every guy wants it, I have had a few and for the most part they are far from what the fantasy is but for me, this was something my wife wanted with a lady and I didn't want to be a part of it. So we said we couldn't but my wife gave her our number and told her to call, she never did. My wife blamed me.
A couple other instances, we were back in OKC and she took me to a strip club. We both instantly noticed the same girl and had her at our table for drinks and tipped her well when she danced. We did have the same taste in women, Latinas and dark featured Europeans like Italians and such, neither of us attracted to blondes. Well the idea of a lap dance for me came up so the 3 of us went to the back where they have big fluffy couches. I got my lap dance and according to rules, no touching, licking, kissing, etc, she just dances on and around me. Well then my wife wants one and guess what, the rules don't apply to female customers. I literally thought I was sitting next to a girl on girl porn flick being filmed. They went a total of 5 songs and there was touching and kissing and licking everywhere by both of them. It was actually so hot that I got uncomfortable and had to get up. She so badly wanted to hook up with this girl but we were leaving for SAN the next day so no go.
Another case was my wife got a new job and instantly was attached to her new coworker, a French lady about her same age, 35-36 at the time. They were like twins at work and soon they were going for drinks, we were all going out, her husband too, and we were going to their house for dinner. Sexual tension between the 2 was thick. Well the 3 sum talk came up and I said no, this time because she was married and she was hiding this from her husband. They were out late many times and played a few times. Then one day I come home from work early and they are at it right on the sofa. I get invited in and said no even though the show is killing me. They keep bugging me so I finally say yes but only with my wife. So I join in and it is soon over.
Anyway, the point to all those stories it to show how attractive to women she is and how her sexual beast just comes out. She grew up in a strict Baptist home and married young to her first husband who she never told of this because he would have said no way, get out, so in a way, being with me liberated her. I guess my question is with her feelings towards women, the way she acted upon and her general disinterest in men, (Well until she cheated on me) leads me to believe she is probably a lesbian but felt she had to be with a man until she finally couldn't take it any more and I was allowing her to do it. She claims she is Bi to everyone but looking back on everything, I believe she is a lesbian.
I guess I just want someones thoughts on the matter.
OP, in your opinion, what's the difference between one's wife having an affair with a woman vs with a man?
If I'm in an open relationship, it's cool and I might even enjoy the occasional threesome. If I'm in an exclusive relationship (or, worse still, marriage), there's no way that I would tolerate that.
__________________
Signature temporarily removed- apparently somebody hasn't seen me trying to speak Chinese.
I guess my question is with her feelings towards women, the way she acted upon and her general disinterest in men, (Well until she cheated on me) leads me to believe she is probably a lesbian but felt she had to be with a man until she finally couldn't take it any more and I was allowing her to do it. She claims she is Bi to everyone but looking back on everything, I believe she is a lesbian.
Your ex sounds lesbian to me. If she was sexually disinterested in men, and interested in women, I call that lesbian.
I know lots of people call themselves Bi, but my definition of Bi is "equally attracted to both genders", and I've never met anyone that fits that definition, so I'm suspect of the self-identified Bi person, and think they are probably gay or lesbian or straight.
Most gay/lesbian people I know (myself included) have had heterosexual intercourse. That act didn't make us straight, or even Bi. Sexual orientation is dictated by which gender a person is attracted to, not necessarily which gender a person has sex with. There a plenty of married men who have sex with their wife who are also gay (right Larry Craig ?).
What if someone's wife is really attracted to women, just like your wife. Hooks up once in a while and gets the occasional, steaming lap dance. But when it comes to men, is still intensely attracted to her husband. It's not that she's not interested in men, she enjoys the occasional eye candy (why else would she be watching a navy seals reality show ). She's just not interested in sleeping with them and the thought of cheating on her husband makes her nauseous. Her husband okays her very occasional trysts with women, as long as nobody else is involved.
It's a little different than your situation, but the same question still applies.
Does that qualify as lesbian or straight?
). She's just not interested in sleeping with them and the thought of cheating on her husband makes her nauseous. Her husband okays her very occasional trysts with women, as long as nobody else is involved. 
Lesbian
