TRAVELSIG

I think secretly Star Alliance has hired you as a consultant to test their CRM: if you get bumped, downgraded, or have your reservation cancelled for no apparent reason- the CRM is working well- otherwise there need to be some updates.

N1003U

...while the lounge attendant is thinking, "please, don't make such a promise unless you intend to keep it..."

mamb0

You could have said "Hello mamb0, nice to meet you in person"

whiskey_sk

nice one

gojko88

FT moment of the year

Crampedin13A

LMAO @ 5). Anyone who has seen the gate action for a domestic flight upgrade from YYZ knows that Canadians really aren't polite or on flights back to Canada can't queue any more politely than serial offenders like Germans or Russians

oliver2002

Nope, since we are facebook buddies I know how you look like And your wife is not a aspiring jeweler from Montreux

weero

Both.

But I sometimes traveled as a 1K.
It's not about LH being dumb, it is about the general trend of managers and politicians to cling to the believe that everyone else is tarded.

San Gottardo

Nice stories.

Here are two more:

Many years ago, on a very short DUS-FRA, when LH domestic still had a 3-3 config in C class. FAs rushing through the cabin for drinks service. Sitting at the window seat some 23 year old Businesskasper, asks for a coffee and an orange juice. FA pours the coffee into a paper cup. Businesskasper refuses to take the cup, and whilst I have the FA's arm and coffee cup in front of my head: "Don't you have those china cups anymore?" - "Sorry Sir, on this flight we only serve from one cart because it is a very short and very full flight" - "So is this your decision now or is this a new policy?" (with the English word "policy" used in an otherwise German sentence) - "I just decided that!", and banged the paper cup on his tray, and whilst he was searching for something catastrophical to say served him his OJ. I was smiling in an understanding way, she rolled her eyes. When it was my turn I asked (loud enough for the Businesskasper in the window seat to hear) for "freshly squeezed strawberry juice in a Baccarat crystal glass please". She burst out laughing and the chap at the window turned red like a tomato

A standard line I use when during boarding at the gate or climbing up the aircraft stairs on the tarmac people push their way into the line: I take a step back and say loudly "Please go ahead, like that your plane seat will arrive in Frankfurt before mine". 50% of cases people step back, other 50% just look embarrassed.

roberino

So, I was flying MAN-FRA today and there was a guy with an A3 card (saw it clearly) standing close to the boarding gate at least 20 minutes before boarding was announced, and shuffling left and right every time he sensed someone trying to get past him. An assistance agent wheeling a wheelchair pax tried to get past and was told "I'm a Star Alliance Gold member, and I get to board first I'll have you know." This is a word for word quote....

The GA just said "Sir, you're not helping us to get you all boarded quickly. Please stand out of the way." He grunted but complied.

We were then told that the flight was full, so anyone with two carry ons needed to check one. I complied, but had to work my way past the DYKWIA to do so (more grunts). After around 15 people had gate-checked he was asked to do the same. "I'm a Star Alliance Gold member. I don't have to. I know my rights!".

They let it go....

He boarded 3 places in front of me (yes, he boarded first) and put his big carry on in the business class overhead. He moaned about that too when they told he couldn't. It stayed where it was after much waving of the card. He went back to his seat at 30,000A near the back.

When we arrived at FRA slightly late we docked at a Schengen gate so couldn't use the jet bridge. Instead everyone had to deplane via the back door and bus into B-terminal. Mr DYKWIA was left fuming at the back of the plane waiting for everyone to deplane while berating the FA for not sending one of his colleagues to bring his case to him from the front.

"I'm a Star Alliance Gold member, don't you know! You can't treat me like this!".

Anyway, I saw him again at the Avis line. I queue jumped because I am a Preferred member. That pissed him off but I had the good grace to stay quiet.

I'd love to say he learned his lesson - I seriously doubt it - but the schadenfreude is enough to keep me happy for a while anyway.

NewbieRunner

Where was his giraffe while this was going on?

When Pier A+ opened a year ago they promised there would be more gate arrivals for shorthaul flights. They were right. Most of my recent flights from MAN have been gate arrivals - but Schengen gates - and having to deplane via the back door is a real pain.

I was departing on a Schengen flight last week from A50. After a long drive under Pier A then Pier B, our bus finally reached the A319 parked at C5 (a non-Schengen gate)!

FRAport must be run by bus drivers' union!

sunseeker

... but did you actually READ the op's post, or are you joking and i am to dump to get the punchline ?

roberino

I'm sure this is funny if you get the joke, but my blonde hair and five weizen beers are at the reins right now.

roberino

I could understand it if the joke was: "Where was his crow while this was going on?"

"That was his second carrion."

roberino

Or, "Where was his elephant while this was going on?"

"Trying to remember where he left his trunk."