Craig6z hates it when people make a fuss over his birthday
Jul 8, 2003, 1:23 pm
#21
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Join Date: Nov 1999
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Hey Craig, did you hear about the guy your age who went to the doctor to get quarter strength Viagra? He was tired of peeing on his shoes.
Jul 8, 2003, 6:24 pm
#22
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Join Date: Nov 1999
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Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions.
One seventy year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."
An eighty year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."
Craig6z says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I poop like a cow.
"So what's your problem?"
"I don't wake up until nine."
One seventy year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."
An eighty year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."
Craig6z says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I poop like a cow.
"So what's your problem?"
"I don't wake up until nine."
Jul 8, 2003, 9:53 pm
#24
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Location: The shape-shifting urban sprawl that is El Lay. FT member #71.
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<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">Originally posted by cawhite60156:
What's family for...??? </font>
What's family for...??? </font>
Jul 8, 2003, 10:09 pm
#25
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Craig,
I can't believe that you let that slimey cheapskate of a cousin berate you like that! He even cheated to win the OMNI award and shows up in a cheap rented tux to accept his stolen award. I think that you could have done better in chosing who your cousins are!
I can't believe that you let that slimey cheapskate of a cousin berate you like that! He even cheated to win the OMNI award and shows up in a cheap rented tux to accept his stolen award. I think that you could have done better in chosing who your cousins are!
Jul 8, 2003, 10:40 pm
#26
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<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">Originally posted by newself:
cheap rented tux </font>
cheap rented tux </font>
Jul 9, 2003, 8:04 am
#28
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Join Date: Nov 1999
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DAve, I didn't pay her off, but she did sue me for assualt and battery and so she got paid off after the fact. Which reminds me of a story:
An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkle cookies . Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.............. "Don't touch!" she said, "They're for the funeral."
**********************
BTW, Ellen, I have the recipe for those cookies.
An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkle cookies . Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.............. "Don't touch!" she said, "They're for the funeral."
**********************
BTW, Ellen, I have the recipe for those cookies.
Jul 9, 2003, 8:31 am
#29
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Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: SoCal; DO-RAGS: Old Gold tagged, PIP, LatPass 1/2, AA 4MM, HH LT Diamond, Marriott Titanium/LT Plat, Omni
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This thread reminds me of an episode of "Six Feet Under":
An old lady is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away.
She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she starts crying. One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment.
Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.
The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in a black, but he'd see what he could arrange.
The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Albert is resplendent in a smart blue suit.
She says to the undertaker "Wonderful, wonderful,! but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?"
"Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband's size was brought in & he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit," the undertaker replied.
The wife smiled at the man.
He continued, "After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads"
An old lady is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away.
She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she starts crying. One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment.
Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.
The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in a black, but he'd see what he could arrange.
The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Albert is resplendent in a smart blue suit.
She says to the undertaker "Wonderful, wonderful,! but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?"
"Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband's size was brought in & he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit," the undertaker replied.
The wife smiled at the man.
He continued, "After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads"
Jul 11, 2003, 8:54 am
#30
Join Date: Jan 1999
Location: St Paul 02/04...not flying Delta
Posts: 2,324
Well just two weeks left to birthday cake day.
Craig, how exactly do you explain away your cousin at family functions?
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Help! I've fallen in status and I can't get up.
[This message has been edited by Comicwoman (edited 07-11-2003).]
Craig, how exactly do you explain away your cousin at family functions?
------------------
Help! I've fallen in status and I can't get up.
[This message has been edited by Comicwoman (edited 07-11-2003).]