Programs: Reine des Muccis de Pucci; BA Apologist par excellence, Preferred Pin-Up of HIDDY
Posts: 8,131
Shocking Vile Degrading Treatment in FIRST (Open with care)
Dear Fellow FT'ers - and Sheep
I recently had the misfortune to fly FIRST from LAX and I want to tell you my tale of woe and see what I should DEMAND as compensation.
The list is as long as Spottie's charm so proceed with caution and prepare to be horrified.
We checked in on line and it worked and issued me pieces of paper as a Boarding Pass which is quite unbecomming to my Importance. It issued the same thing for my husband who is of no importance whatsoever and I felt cheapened and degraded.
We arrived at the airport and went to the Lounge where the Dragon smiled at me showing a degree of familiarity that affronted me. She smiled at my husband and I told her that if she did that again I would call for her Supervisor.
I had wait whilst my husband got me a drink and there was no Bombay Sapphire and the tonic was NOT Slimline. I don't really need Slimline as I am so slim and graceful but that showed the British Airways has no interest in my health whatsoever and I think that I should start an action in the Los Angeles District Court over that. I suspect that the sandwiches had not been made within the hour and there was only the Daily Telegraph and the Daily Mail available to read. British Airways assumes that their public votes for the Conservative party so I think that this shows an OUTRAGEOUS nerve.
We were called onto the aircraft and as I went through the gate my husband was stopped and told that he - not me - was upgraded to F and that I could sit next to him. Clutching my Boarding Pass I hardly saw the jetway through the tracks of my tears. It made my mascara run and so I boarded the aircraft looking like am albino Panda. My humiliation was complete. British Airways thought that my husband was more important than me and then sensing that any flight in any class other than First would result in thousands of miles in compensation. Don't You Know Who I Am is not an epigram, it is a mantra.
I made it somehow to seat 4E and found that I was sitting next to my husband. How dare they! I dropped all my hand luggage, my hat box (they had not upgraded my maid), my vanity case and the four bags of duty free Bombay Sapphire on the floor and ordered a cabin crew member to put them away. He referred to me as "Madam". That did it. I demanded the CSD attend upon me immediately. I complained that I had been called "Madam". He expressed surprise as he thought that the cabin crew member was gay and would not know that I ran a Brothel. Offended, affronted, and unmasked all in one. It was the coup de grace. At that stage a bottle of what passed to be Champagne was proferred and nuts were placed beside me as though I was a monkey. They were cold. I only touch warm nuts. I am not trying to make a clever pun. American Airlines serves hot nuts. They have burned my fingers and there is a suit filed for $11million for my pain and injuries suffered. An injury requiring a Band Aid is is still an injury.
The aircraft bumped down the runway and made noises and I was terrified. Another cause for compensation.
The person who said that she was a Purser asked me if I wanted inflight pyjamas. I said that I would if she assured me that they clean. She also intimated that they did them in my size. I asked if they did petites. She said that this was a petite but as it had been in the wash it might be a little tight. I felt intellectually challenged and decided at this point to start my Letter Of Complaint to that nice Mr Walsh so the he would Know Who I Am. I then heard Ms PacMan judging from her mouth say "Who Does She Think That She Is - I should have said the Pyjamas were made by Burberry - she's covered in the stuff. Dress, bag - even her maid in 52E is wearing it." and the Galley Slave said "Saw her. Chav. Pure unclass. What's he doing married to an Old bag like that - Oh Madam what a lovely hairbrush that is! (as she spotted me).
The Champagne was not Krug, or Casanova it was Piper Special Cuvee. It was not an expensive brand and was thus undrinkable. Being a polite person I sipped several glasses to show that I had been nicely brought up. I think that it costs £27 in Tescos and I would have had my Club Points and my BA miles. All the wines had air of cheapness about them. The labels wereb't covered in cobwebs so they were not old so they must have been cheap.
I went in the toilet to change and as I stood naked as the day I was born I realised that SOMEONE HAD LEFT THE WINDOW BLIND OPEN. There I was
as only my husband should see me exposed to the world. Anyone on any passing aircraft could have seen me. I, Pucci, the most modest of women undressing infront of an uncurtained window. I've had to sit and look at curtains in my time and when I married my husband I determined that I would never look at curtains on an aircraft again. They would always be behind me - and here was I without a curtain.
I stormed out in my very tight pyjamas and threw my knickers on the floor with proper washing instructions. Warm wash, cold rinse, and cool dry. This unspeakably rude woman said "What do you think this is Madam. A bleedin' bag wash." I pointed to the floor and said "Do it now!" I did not speak to the steward. I have an inflexible rule never to speak directly to the hired help.
Back I went to my seat. The CSD begged an audience which I granted him. He called me Your Highness, which I thought was a little presumptous but was better than Madam. I told him how he could improve his service and after two hours he left. I then complained that my dinner had not been served.
Worse was to come. The crew said - lying through their teeth - that the caterer had put the WRONG menus and NO FORKS. "O FORK - this is too much" I screamed. (At what permanent damage to my vocal cords). So we all had to share ONE photocopy of a menu. They were flagrantly wasteful and had enough of everything for the full First Class. I had to wait 20 MINUTES for my Lamb to cook. I had a Lobster Risotto to start. I had nothing to complain about. I had a chocolate pudding for my sweet. They did not have ice cream sundaes. This is British Airways not Farrels, Your Highness they said. My pudding was very scrumptious. All 6 of them. My dentist will send his bill directly to British Airways. If they fail to pay, I will instruct that a wind-up order be served upon them.
I fell asleep. I had a bad dream. I dreamt that someone said "If only this cabin had been full of babies and infants rather than that loud fat cow!" I wondered who she could be and had I not been obliged to eat all those puddings due to their excellence I would have slept less soundly and found out. I suspect that the rash that I got was due to the presence of feathers in the duvet.
I had bacon, ham, mushrooms, scrambled eggs, and tomato for my breakfast. The tomato was not soft enough.
We did not have enough time to dress - my maid was forbidden from coming to assist me and anyway those toilet did not have room for me and the Maid. (Note - I must put Hortense on a diet) so that shows that they are not used to quality fliers anymore. I demanded more Champagne. We are coming in to land they said. You'd better be quick then I replied. I asked for my knickers back and was told that they were still in the dryer and that was locked now for landing Very Sorry Madam (I think that she was laughing at me). I went through Customs, Immigration, AND the Car Park without knickers. Could have caught my death - much they cared.
I have only given you the barest gist of the ordeal that was my flight in First Class. I slept for most of it and so missed out which is a further cause for complaint.
So - if you have managed to stay this far with dry eyes having felt all my agony - how many million miles should be mine by right?
Last edited by PUCCI GALORE; Jan 19, 06 at 8:11 am.
Programs: Reine des Muccis de Pucci; BA Apologist par excellence, Preferred Pin-Up of HIDDY
Posts: 8,131
My Dears. I hope that you will permit my little jest. The reason why I have done this separately is that I thught that this could be a compendium of everything that I have actually heard, heard about, listened to, and experienced this year.
Really.
Hugs and A Very Happy Healthy New Year to you all. Safe flights and Happy Landings.
Darling, I think they should give you the plane in compensation. That way you can do as many miles as you want! I can't believe they didn't even give you a bag of burt's crisps! That is a simply ghastly story and almost makes me want to call Mr O'leary to see if I can get a flight to Vancouver next Wednesday with Ryanair instead of flying in first with BA. At least their stewardesses don't smile!
I gave up 150,000 of my hard earned miles for my trip along with an Amex voucher which cost me £10,000 (although I did have some shopping thrown in for free) and do you know they actually had the cheek to charge me £300 in tax and charges!? Surely I should be entitled to some compensation for that...
Incidentally, I think you'll find it cheaper to check the maid in as excess baggage. It saves me a fotune!
Last edited by Filthy Monkey; Jan 19, 06 at 10:37 am.
Programs: AA 1MM - EXP, BA Silver, BD Silver, SPG Plat, Hilton Silver
Posts: 3,953
We care about the quality and content of our food/pyjamas/toilets/first class cabin on British Airways flights. It is an aspect of our service that we work hard to get exactly right, not least by paying close attention to our customers' views. So it is very helpful to have your own observations. I will make sure a report goes to our catering team.
Thank you for following this up with us and I hope you will fly with us again soon.
Oh, the horror! The mental suffering! Insult upon indignity! I sympathised with your every misfortune at the hands of those beasts in BA. It all felt so real to me -it so mirrors experiences that I have in F all the time.
But when I re-read it I did wonder, Your Galore-ious Highness, if you weren't pulling our legs a little. Hmmm...??? I mean in amongst that true-to-life horror story there was one statement that simply beggars belief. I'm referring to no slimline tonic water. In the US? In LAX??? We would have read about it in the papers by now!
At British Airways we strive to provide a level of customer service above the rest of the hoi poloi. After all, the airline is not called "British" for nothing.
In that grain, we do so sincerely apologise that the help on your particular flight behaved so insensitively, and as though they had been brought up by natives in some Third World cesspool rather than at Harrow and Gleneagles like normal, civilised gentry.
Please rest assured that the help who so brasingly refused to stow your hat box, purchase Krug before the flight, and launder your precious clothing have been summarily let go and all benefits cut, and their families tossed out into the streets where they belong.
As compensation, we are pleased to provide you with two Duty Free vouchers of five pounds each, a further 12 pound voucher towards a purchase at Hermes T4, and a gracious offer of 400 miles ex gratia. Additionally, we are pleased to make you an exclusive one-time offer: if you purchase an additional 13 FIRST seats beyond your own seat, we will happily ensure the cabin remains empty except for yourself.*
We trust you will be satisfied with this response, and expect to see you soon again aboard one of our services and with much better trained help too. If you like, we can train them to act as footstools, should your own footstool not be to your complete liking.
Truly yours,
Anonymous Customer Service Hench(wo)man
*Subject to availability and restrictions. Available only for passengers booked into full-fare F or A class. Not available in conjunction with any other offers. Upgrades not permitted. Void where prohibited.
Programs: BA/BMI/RZGP Gold, AA/Amex Plat, IC Plat RA, HH Diamond, VS Silver
Posts: 3,352
Dearest Pucci, I'm so sorry to hear this. How did you cope? You have my deepest heart felt sympathies.
I'm going on my first F trip to Oz in a few weeks. I got it using BA miles. How could they do this to me? Do they think I can't afford it? That they have to pay and I should say thank you?
If I do decide to go (and I'm not sure I should... but I will), I sincerely hope I'm not mistreated as much as you. I think you've clearly been victimised here - is this your first time with BA?
__________________ Schofs' Travels: Bora Bora, Hawaii, Brazil, Middle East, New Zealand, Bangkok, Sydney, NY, Vegas, San Fransisco, Madrid ++
Programs: MUCCI! (and other minor programmes like... BA Gold, BMI Silver, FB Ivory and various hotels
Posts: 1,837
Dear Pucci, I cannot possibly express how much I admire your incredible self control. You really are a the most perfect of the long and esteeemed line of Galores. Such filthy treatment... and yet not once did you even attempt to pull out the hairbrush and let them have it!
Such restraint, I am totally overwhelmed with awe!
FAB. Would have paid to have been on the same flight
Very funny, well done you
alexander
there are many of us who would gladly pay to fly on a Pucci Flight, however, we must feel sorry for those poor souls who do pay for a Pucci Flight and dont even realise how privelaged they are
however, back to the story - well it brightened up a very very boring evening at work,
