I did promise you a TFTG for Christmas – sorry but these do take time to type. I thought that I would share it with you. This was quite recent. Please remember that we do have some very decent, extremely well behaved, and delightful passengers. Then you have Junior (24 (I learnt later) going on 10 years old)
I saw this as trouble on two legs as it flounced on board in designer everything and announced to the aircraft in general and my colleague in particular, that he was an Exec Plat at One World “equiv to Premium ya know” – and that the dumass staff on the ground had not recognised his status – “I’m BA Gold as well” and had denied him a “promised guaranteed upgrade (yes he used the word) to First. Who promised this? He’d had a letter from Customer Relations telling him (should explain that we acquired this treasure from the Far East en route to Oz). He was seated in WT+ and had been upgraded to that as far as I could gather – we were full in the back. So, I said that I was sorry, but that I had no message and there was nothing on the manifest. He had not used his Gold Card as he was going back up to ExpP (this is all at the Boarding Gate). I asked him to sit down and I would come back later (much much later).
He left – swished is the word my colleague used – and I got busy trying to sort out families that were all over the place. We got some people to move and two people very generously gave up their seats and were prepared to sit in the middle. After we got airborne, I went back to speak to them – and moved them again. Forward. Charming people. I then organised some Champagne for the other people who had been less inconvenienced – but inconvenienced none the less. ExPlat as we shall call him, said “Hey Miss” (not been thus summoned in years). I ignored this. I then had a colleague come and inform me that I was “summoned to report to him” You can imagine how pleased I felt, so I went back (my colleagues said that I looked dangerous. I actually felt murderous)
“I’ll have some Champagne please – and you can get it from the front”
“Of Course, that’ll be £4 please”
“You didn’t charge them!”
“No, I didn’t”
“So why are you charging me?”
“They helped us, you did not have to”
“You may need to re-think this. I said “please”, I expect the same as them, otherwise I will write you up”
“I’ll get you a comments card, a pen, and my name” said I
“When you realise who you’ve upset, you’ll be sorry! I’m a shareholder.
“So am I” I retorted “and you might be far sorrier than I ever will be”
“If this were an American carrier, I could have you fired upon landing”
“If this were an American carrier, I could have you met by the police for interfering with a Flight Attendant”
At this point, another passenger in front spun round and said
“For God’s sake, shut it. I’ve listened to you whining and whinging all the way from XXX and I’m sick of it and with you” at this point several other voices chimed in. One person came up and said
“Excuse me Madam, but may I give you my card. If there is any complaint from this person, I want to write in and tell them exactly what you and the other crew members have had to put up with.”
At this point, Explat jumped up and started brandishing a card that was on a ribbon around his neck with several others.
“Look at this..look at this….I matter more than anyone of you. I’m important to THE LONG TERM SURVIVAL OF THIS AIRLINE. I have been treated horribly, abominably, shamefully, degradingly. I have treated as a non-entity! I will be recognised, I will not be ignored….” He was actually stamping his feet in rage.
Before I could stop my self I said (very unprofessionally) “Sir? A non-entity? You see, you
did have your status recognised”
As his colour started to drain and hel stood completely at a loss for words, one of the passengers corpsed and we all did – we could not stop laughing. Someone shouted “Come on throw your Teddy round the cabin. Someone else shouted “Go on Miss, you stamp your feet as well!”
My colleague jumped in and said:
“Those are Charles Jourdan (they weren’t) and they she will never stamp”
The passengers lapped this up like their mother’s milk.
I turned back and not for a long while had I seen anyone so deflated and so amazed. His mouth opened and shut like a fish. He sunk back down – and not a word more was said. He ate his lunch. He sat very still and very quiet.
About 4 hours later – I was coming back from my break when I saw some man heading my way. He said – you know that bloke who was carrying on alarmingly earlier on.
“Yes” I said – thinking “will I ever forget”
“Well…I don’t know if I should tell you this, but his Father is in First Class. He got to hear about all this – and he came back and he told Junior that if ever he showed him up again – he would be cut off without a penny. When he earned the money to buy the tickets – he too could fly First Class. Not before, and not without paying.”
Junior, I gathered was now sulking in the First Class toilet. At this point a rather distinguished, distracted man appeared and said.
“If my son gives you any more trouble, please let me know.”
I told him that his heir apparent was locked in the First Class toilet – and he had no business being in there in the first place.
“I see” he said” HE went to the door and hammered on it yelling “Thomas – you open this door right now. What? Then get your pants back on – why are they off anyway. If you do not open this door right now I will ask this lady to get the door open _ DO YOU HEAR ME! I WILL NOT TOLERATE YOUR NONSENSE (not the word that he used) ONE SECOND MORE…”
The door opened and out came Junior with a look, to quote Hillaire Bellock “Snarling with disappointed rage”. He returned to his seat (aisle thank heaven) and put an eye mask on and stayed there mute for the rest of the flight.
As disembarkation, his Father waited for him just outside on the jetway. As he approached me, he poked his tongue full length – and it was a length! My colleague said
“The wind’ll change and you’ll get left like that!”
The last I heard was Papa saying “What have you done now…..” but no one came back even to half-heartedly apologise which was as well.
A Happy Christmas to you all from the Front Line. Have wonderful safe holidays and a very healthy peaceful 2005
PucciXXXXXXX
) is because flying is not my job, merely the occasional means to an end.
