T8191

Act I, Scene 1 - a fairly large private residence on an offshore tax-beneficial Island

Dramatis Personae:
T8191 - a gallant and noble gentleman of a certain age
Baldric - a skivvy, Butler-substitute and Idiot-in-Residence

T8191: Damn, its cold. Baldric, throw another BAEC Blue on the fire. I need WARMTH!
Baldric: As soon as I can find one, My Lord - but most of them seem to be Bronze or better these days …
T: I need to get away somewhere warm.
Baldric: My Lord, I have a cunning plan!
T: Oh, Heaven preserve us, what now?
B: Well - it’s like this. Well, not exactly like this, but pretty close …
T: Oh, OK, there’s nothing on TV anyway. Go on.
[T sinks his head into his hands, dreading the worst]
B: Well, you know you have all these BA Avios you’ve earned, and you always spend lots of pounds on your BA PP Amex …
T: Yes … Although why I’m asking I really don’t know.
B: Well it appears, my Lord, you can spend some of those Avios for a reward ticket, AND … if you have spent enough on your Amex your get what they call a “Partner Reward Voucher” which means your companion, the lovely Lady iWife, travels for free.
T: FREE? One of my favourite words. Carry on, Baldrick! You have achieved a rare moment, by being interesting for once.
B: Well, it’s not exactly free, because you have to pay taxes and fees and carrier surcharges and …
T: I knew there would be a catch. Damn. Bloody Corporates and their small print T&C…
B: Don’t worry, my Lord. With my cunning plan, you could fly BA First Class to St Lucia, in the Caribbean. It's one of the Windward Islands of the Lesser Antilles .
T: Baldrick, have you been using that Inter-wibble/Goggling thing again??
B: Yes - and you and Lady T can fly there, in BA First Class, for just Ł871.26 - that’s ummm … [B: computes ‘some beans’ minus ‘some more beans’] … Ł435.63 each.
T: Baldrick, you are a genius!! Those fares are typically Ł2,706 each for forward bookings, or even Ł8,798 for last-minute … Who on earth taught you how to use ba.com and ITA Matrix and TripAdvisor, when you can’t even dress yourself properly?
B: I confess, My Lord. I have been lurking on Flyertalk, and their British Airways Forum.
T: Hmmm. That could become an expensive habit. Time for some wine, Baldrick. You have done something useful for once in your life. You may sniff the cork as a special reward.
B: Thank you, My Lord!

(with apologies and deep respect to Richard Curtis and Rowan Atkinson, writers of “Blackadder” >>> Blackadder - Wikipedia

_____________________

… and so it was …

Yes, upgrading the BA Amex to the Ł150 fee Amex PP card ensured a 2-4-1 voucher popped up as advertised, as the Ł10k spend was already sitting in my account. So, how best to use it? Well, as that playlet implied, winter warmth in the Caribbean! So - where does BA go with a First cabin? One must extract maximum value - I’m one of natures cheapskates most of the time! A short discussion of the options led us to St Lucia (UVF for brevity), as we’ve done Jamaica twice in the last 3 years. It was actually a bit of a challenge getting 2 F seats, so our dates ended up somewhat constrained despite booking last May. When we looked at Hotels, there weren’t any obvious Sales going on, so we ended up paying rather more than we would normally consider - but then the flights were ‘free’!! In the end we did a booking through BA Holidays at our chosen destination, with excellent email support from a staffer. Even though BA didn’t actually have our specific accommodation listed, they fixed it for us. So there we were, booked to the Rendezvous Resort, with a pre-arranged car transfer bundled with the BA Holidays booking [no mini-bus for us, thank you!]. OK, we went a bit mad on the accommodation, but the 3 x Avios from that booking helped offset the cost in my deranged mind.

BA.com can be incredibly obscure when you try to work it out. For a start, there’s another separate booking reference for the accommodation voucher [OK, fair enough] and accessing it is not obvious. And that Booking Reference also includes the car transfer vouchers. Anyway, with a bit of help for an old idiot, the Agent at BA Holiday told me where to click. And - huzzah - we have have Transfer Vouchers and Hotel Vouchers. No email invoice though … I had to explore my accounts software to find that we had really paid. Oh, well, save on Flights, spend on Hotel … and its All-Inclusive, so flights, accommodation, food, booze, beach, sunshine, warmth and everything else is all part of the overall cost! Fair enough, I think. Probably.

So, here we go.

Part 1.1 - OUTBOUND

BA2773, A-319 G-DBCK
From JERSEY - STATES
To LONDON - GATWICK Terminal N
Depart 23 Feb 2015 13:35
Arrive 23 Feb 2015 14:25 = 50 minutes
Cabin CLUB EUROPE, Seats 2A/C

Given the relatively early departure of the UVF flight, we were not prepared to take any chances with disruption at JER during Winter, so we took the early afternoon flight to LGW and settled for an overnight stay at the Hampton, linked to the LGW North Terminal. Annoyingly, the 2773 was rescheduled from 1440 to 1335, leaving us with a bit of a rush in the morning [Cattery doesn’t open until 1000] and more loitering at LGW. Still, Ł75.65 for the room is peace of mind, as far as I’m concerned, and anyway I really ought to start earning some HHons points since I joined their programme. And on the positive side, we would have plenty of time to explore the wonders of the Crawley-Gatwick Holiday Resort and Car Park Exhibition to put us in a holiday frame of mind.

Taxi picked us up at 1200 for the short run to JER Airport, where we arrived in the midst of a heavy hail shower. This reinforced the wisdom of our decision to go somewhere warm and sunny. Bag-drop was a bit ponderous [was he a trainee?] and it took a while to convince him that we wanted the bags at LGW overnight. Security was quick and painless as usual. And so to the lovely little JER Lounge, where I noted the extensive range of newspapers on offer (bad luck, LHR FLounge) and the availability of Jersey Gin, Vodka and Apple Brandy [aka Calvados]. I sampled the latter - very nice, and the emptiness of the bottle suggested other people thought the same.





We were eventually called from the Lounge to board from Gate 2 … where we discovered “all the other people” standing around. BA then decided to board the rear rows first, via the rear door of the aircraft, before eventually allowing those in CE, and Golds etc, to board via the front door. So much for priority boarding - again!! Strange - JER used to manage it so well, but it’s gone completely random in recent years. Then it was the usual x-Channel shuttle, with the usual high-speed cold lunch. Today’s treat was the Beef Teryaki Noodle Thing with startlingly rare beef.



Baggage Reclaim at LGW was an acceptable 15 minute wait - a massive improvement on the 1+ hour performances of last year. And then up to Floor 2 [inbetween Arrivals and Departures] for our night-stop at the Hampton. We were surprisingly impressed, and having paid an extra Ł7 for a corner room found ourselves in a large, modern, clean and well-equipped space for the night.
The only negative aspect was the panoramic view of assorted Works areas and bits of construction, but then that’s a permanent aspect of LGW these days!
After a very average Hamburger at the Bar, we retired for the night.

Part 1.2 - THE POSH BIT

BA2159, B777 G-VIIK
From LONDON - GATWICK Terminal N
To ST LUCIA - HEWANORRA INTL
Depart 24 Feb 2015 10:05
Arrive 24 Feb 2015 15:00 = 8h:55m
Cabin FIRST CLASS, Seats 2K/3K

Oh, there’s posh. Yes, our first First! Trying to avoid looking DYKWIA, we casually strolled to the First desk and dropped our 2 cases. We confidently navigated our way through Premium Security, where we encountered smiley and chatty staff. And so onward, and up one floor, to the LGW FLounge. Which was … OK. Much quieter and more comfortable than the Terraces [or is it Galleries?] Lounge, and with pleasant staff. We sampled some eggy breakfast thing, but didn’t want to spoil the on-board dining experience. “Egg Royale”, so iWife tells me.

And then the Gate was announced … excitement mounted as we trudged across the bridge to the holding pen at Gate 102. And sat and waited. Eventually some boarding message was broadcast, which I didn’t hear very clearly, but people started to move towards the airbridge. We joined the surge, and as there was nobody controlling proceedings any semblance of Priority Boarding again vanished like the morning mist! At the aircraft we tried to play it cool, implying that turning left was a perfectly normal manoeuvre for us, and with a “Welcome to First” were shown to our seats (2K/3K). Our CC introduced herself, and introduced us to the [in]famous LPGS beverage. Which was nice. And so was the top-up, the first time we’ve ever had that - it must be a First thing. Anyway, it passed the time until the Great White Bird got airborne.

And then it was time to review our fellow pax. Which was not a cheering prospect. A family group consisting of: 1K, younger male, 1F older male, 4K, female with lap infant, 4F, toddler. We are surrounded, although at least 2F is empty. And then it isn’t, as Nanny is brought forward from CW to occupy the vacant seat and look after Infant whilst Mummy has lunch. Cool. Nanny gets her meal brought forward from CW. Mummy joins Nanny on the footstool in 2F to feed infant. Daddy comes and talks to Wife and Infant. Wife goes and talks to Toddler. Daddy returns to seat, Toddler comes and talks to Infant. Mummy rejoins Nanny …. and this cycle of activity goes on constantly for the entire 9 hour journey. It was particularly annoying for iWife in 2K, as she is continually being presented with people’s bums by her left ear. AAAARRRGGGGHHHH.


Oh, Lunch! Fine dining at 38,000 ft. Served at 1140. I tried to present the Menu, elegantly printed in a pale grey font that is almost impossible to read under Halogen lighting using a magnifying glass. I've tried enhancing the image, but it seems to defy processing!

Amuse bouche … a rather structural ham and pea terrine. And a bread plate!



Lobster and Crab fish cake … pleasant enough. Accompanied that with the McWilliams Mount Pleasant Lovedale Semillon 2007, which the CC called Sea-million: very nice, however you pronounce it.



Pan-seared fillet of Casterbridge British beef with a mini steak and ale pie … why do I keep ordering the beef? And did I ask for gravy poured over everything? Accompanied that with the Particular Garnacha Centenaria 2010, Bodegas San Valero … a cheeky 14.5%, and absolutely lovely. I could consume that until I fell asleep, unlike the tedious overcooked beef that I didn't bother to finish..



Cheese Plate … possibly the most boring selection of biscuits dragged from the depths of a cheap Jacob’s assortment box. Awful, BA … you serve better crackers in CW! I paired that with the Cabidos 2009, Petit Manning Doux Cuvee Comte Phillipe, which was very nice.



The wine made for a pretty photo!



Meanwhile, iWife was offered the opportunity to sample both dessert offerings, and found them both inferior to those enjoyed in CW on a TATL ex-LHR. She declined both.

We were also offered the chocolates [which they didn’t on the way home] after iWife specifically asked for them.



And so the hours passed slowly, with the family moving around constantly. The seat was comfortable enough, and the IFE was functional (I watched “Fury” and “Mr Turner”, and enjoyed both). I was less impressed with the rather shabby lavatorial arrangements, though … certainly not First Class. Indeed, on a subsequent visit, the lavatory was in such a state that iWife asked the CC to do something to clean it up - I won't go into details, but it was a mess ...





EDIT = Oh ... I forgot to mention Tea. The dried up sandwiches with pathetic unimaginative fillings, which would be rejected at a local pub cricket match. I filled in a complaint form on board, and this morning received an email from BA with apologies and 4,500 Avios each.



Eventually, we arrived at UVF (or Hewanorra International, if you prefer) and disembarked. We were on the furthest (Eastern) stand, entailing a 350 yard walk [thanks, Google Earth, map below] to Arrivals … where we queued for Immigration (10-15 minutes) and then went to find our luggage (which had been taken off the belt and stacked on the floor), and then queued for 10 minutes or so for Customs before emerging into the chaos of kerbside. We found the St Lucia Reps podium in the midst of the throng, and eventually reached the front of that queue and handed over our transfer voucher … to then be sent to queue at another desk in a far corner, to hand over our return transfer voucher, be given a receipt for it, and be sent back to the original desk. And somewhere in the chaos, we were supposed to be pointed to our driver. I don’t quite know how the system worked, as Eric and his Lexus limo were just being shooed from kerbside as I heard my name mentioned over the hubbub. I threw myself bodily in front of his car, and eventually successfully boarded with our cases!
What a VERY nice man, and what a nice car! Shiny black Lexus - we approved! We settled down for the 1h 15m transfer (20 miles as the crow flies, probably 30+ by road)) from the bottom of St Lucia to the top end, and our hotel in Castries. We exited the airport via a dirt track through a builders yard [or so it seemed] before finding that the road to Castries was wide, well surfaced and well maintained. We climbed hills and small mountains, negotiated some interesting hairpin bends, and admired the passing scenery … all the time in the safe, sensible and competent hands of Eric, a gentleman of a certain age. Inevitably we hit Castries in the middle of rush-hour, which was a bit of a grind - especially past the cruise ship port. We passed the edge of St Lucia’s second airport (SLU) and just off the end of runway 27 was a roundabout leading to our destination … Rendezvous Resort, the boutique hotel for couples … of which I shall relate more in Part 2 [of 4].

T8191

Part 2 - THERE

This is the Travelogue bit, which I will try to keep brief. And as we never left the Resort, it’s more like an infomercial!!

We chose The Rendezvous after bouncing around on TripAdvisor. We oldies went for a Beach Front Cottage - away from any potential noise!

Very, very pleasant, and although it didn’t bother us I suspect the young couples on honeymoon might have felt they had stumbled into Saga Holidays hidden secret. There was no way that we were the oldest people there - indeed, I would guess that 90% of the guests were over 50.

We were extremely pleased with our accommodation choice [kindly fixed by BA Holidays, even though not listed by them]. The beachfront cottages are semi-detached, although there was no indication by sound or sight that there was a neighbour. We were fortunate to have lovely neighbours, with whom we shared the occasional bottle of wine on our respective verandas



Well equipped, nicely furnished, large and comfortable bed, good bathroom. Mini-fridge [only stocked with water] and a coffee-maker. Practical aspects include numerous UK-type power points [I counted 12] and a couple of US 120v ones as well … and a pair of USB chargers on the desk tool I've never encountered so many accessible power points anywhere!!





The best part of it was the veranda, where you could seek shelter from sun/showers, and you also have the reserved sun-beds in front of you just 10 yards from the waters of the Caribbean. The veranda had 2 loungers and a table with 2 upright chairs … very comfy and convenient.





Food was decent if not exactly haute cuisine, great variety … the hotel’s website will tell you more. Buffet on 5 days a week, a la carte on two others, with "Themed Nights".



Nice open-fronted dining area, and a ‘posh’ restaurant as well. House wines perfectly palatable, and even the ubiquitous Vin Mousseaux was acceptable. They have a ‘Manager’s Wine List’ if you want to go mad, but frankly the AI wines were good enough!





The grounds are a virtual botanic garden, immaculately maintained. And the beach and grounds are continually being swept of fallen leaves and petals.







Oh, they do a nice little treat for your ‘Special Occasion”



Anyway, I won’t elaborate in great detail - it’s a Caribbean beach in a nice location with good facilities. If anyone wants more specific details, feel free to PM me. Oh, BTW ... beaches in St Lucia are all 'public', so the hotel grounds end a few yards from the water's edge. But there is no problem at all ... 'our' space is respected, and apart from Sundays you never see any of the people who actually belong there! And they have security people anyway.





That's enough for "Jet-Lag Day" ... I shall do the return journey tomorrow!

T8191

Part 3 - INBOUND


BA2158
From ST LUCIA - HEWANORRA INTL
To LONDON - GATWICK Terminal N
Depart 5 Mar 2015 20:40
Arrive 6 Mar 2015 08:50 = 8h:5m
Cabin FIRST CLASS, Seats 1A/2A

Don’t want to go home! I like it here! Anyway, after 9 days of doing nothing except eating, drinking, sleeping, lounging and reading it’s time to revert to reality, dammit!

So, having eventually met up with the St Lucia Rep agent at the hotel/resort, we were kindly given the time for our limo pickup to go home. Why they couldn’t have told us that during the ‘desk-dance’ on arrival I have no idea … Roberts in HNL provided all the information needed even before you arrived! But at least we were able to book Eric for a nice safe Lexus return to UVF/Hewanorra via the mountain roads and the dirt track entry to the airport. Hotel departure 1715, to UVF where we arrived in one piece at 1830-sh… thanks again, Eric, especially for faclitating my bladder pit-stop en route!

So, delivered to the front door of Departures, bade a fond farewell to Eric [with a generous tip] , and spotted BA signage over to the right. Three desks … for them, CW and First: we chose the latter! Very quick and efficient, with posh YELLOW “Priority FIRST” tags attached to our bags along with the green “LGW Connection” ones, so that works - bags tagged all the way home to JER. Then to the mysteries of Security. First, in front of an opaque glass door over to the right, our documents are checked - including the ‘Departures Chit’ from our arrival documentation. Then through the door to Emigration Control on the left [easily missed] and then to Security proper, where everything happens in a blur of activity! Out into the tray go iPad, Kindles, cables, belts, shoes [we know not to carry metal objects on our person] … walk through the scanner arch and collect your things. I guess the whole process took about 60 seconds WOW! We are now airside, in the quasi-shopping mall.



Duty-free booze in abundance, but if you’re looking for tobacco products this is NOT the place to be. There are a few, but at $40 [USD] for 200 they’re not a bargain - we decided to wait until LGW. Finding the Lounge is not obvious, but the entrance is on the left just after Security. The Iyanola Executive Lounge.
Up the stairs, along a corridor, and there you are. Nice people at the desk, who retain your entry ticket issued at Check-In, and … enjoy. Well, I have to say it’s pretty basic, but at least it’s a Lounge. Food offering is minimal [cold chicken nuggets, cocktail sausages and sandwiches], but there is a service Bar.



But - for us it gets even better, because up a flight of stairs is …. TA-DAAA … the smoking area! Perched above the rest of the Lounge, like an ATC Visual Control Room! Comfy swivel armchairs [unlike those below], powerful air-con, loads of ashtrays and some nice table lights [with no bulbs]. Bliss! Oh, and functional WiFi too





Call for Premium Pax boarding at 2000, to Gate 6, where we were escorted past the ‘other passengers also exist’ crowd, and straight through, after the BP check, to the aircraft. Yes, the 350 yard walk again The nice bit was seeing the steps at 1L and 2L … and our BPs were checked to ensure we could make that stately ascent to First in full view of those walking to the other steps to 2L. I confess a DYKWIA moment - sorry

Settled in our seats by 2015 with Fizzy liquid and a very nice CC who we had encountered before [JER? LGW? MLA?] Whichever, she was very nice and attentive and industrious … a credit to BA, Ma’am. 2030 push-back, 2045 airborne and heading for home. At this stage I stopped taking notes, and just hoped for a better F experience … which did actually happen, to a certain extent!

Dinner was decent, although I have to say still fairly mundane. I won’t try to scan the menu again, as it is a pointless exercise and almost unreadable in hard copy, but …

Amuse Bouche A small piece of fish balanced on some veggies. Nice but not very amusing. I thought an amuse bouche was supposed to be something petite and dainty and tasty?



Starter = Smoked Trout with Cucumber Carpaccio and lemon dill cream. Possibly the best so far, and reaching 7 on a scale of 1-10



Main = Prosciutto wrapped breast of chicken with creamy polenta, grain mustard jus and vegetable ratatouille. Rather dry bird, although the veg compensated. Another 6/10, I’m afraid - the polenta brick was certainly not creamy.



Cheese Plate. The biscuits were better, the cheese anodyne and uninteresting. 6+, only because the biscuits were better.



No offer of coffee, liqueurs and no chocolates either! Harrumph … it’s getting late, so lights out and go to sleep. I tried changing into my F PJs [sorry, “Sleeper Suit”] for the first time, and found the L fitted me excellently. (iWife found the M equally acceptable). My ‘bed’ was made up, and so I settled for some sleep. Hmmm. Every time I turned, the ‘mattress’ turned with me, and the duvet went with me until I turned back again. Cue both items lying on opposite sides of me! Anyway, it was quite turbulent, so not a lot of sleep was had … until my CC gently shook my shoulder at 0400/0800 and asked “Full English?” She had to ask several times, as my brain wakes more slowly than my body. I mumbled “Yes”, went and got dressed, and returned to find my seat in normal mode with breakfast served. NICE. No offer of anything else, though - no juice or whatever, but by then we were probably passing Exeter!

Possibly the best meal item on both sectors … how sad is that?



Landed at 0858, my notebook says, and by 0915 after a swift passage through the UK Border we were kerb-side having a much wanted cigarette [or two]. Not bad timing.

BA2772
From LONDON - GATWICK Terminal N
To JERSEY - STATES
Depart 6 Mar 2015 12:10
Arrive 6 Mar 2015 13:05 = 55 minutes
Cabin CLUB EUROPE, Seats 2A/B

We re-entered via Premium Gatwick, pottered to the FLounge for an hour or three, and at 1230 found ourselves, as if on autopilot, at Gate 55F for the last leg. A bit of a muddle initially, as they were trying to get pax to volunteer to put bags in the hold as the aircraft was rather full. Eventually things got organised, and priority boarding was called. Someone immediately tried to push past us, but retreated when I said “You’re not the only person here with status, you know.” Oh, get me, I'm a DYKWIA Goldie now

Not much more to say … 1300 push-back, slam-dunk after a rather long landing on 09 at JER [with [U]massive reverse thrust applied] and on chocks at 1350. By 1405 we were in a taxi and heading for home. That's quick for JER!

Right, that is definitely enough for jet-lag day. I shall resume tomorrow. In Part 4 I shall muse about our first First, and the various ways in which BA fails to deliver its own service standards. I shall try to keep the vitriol under control, but it was NOT a great experience at all.

T8191

Reserved for Part 4, in which I may make some piquant observations about the wonders [or otherwise] of First on BA.

As this TR has already been moved from BA to the TR Forum, my comments about our first First have now been posted as a separate thread back there >>> http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/briti...l#post24473369

710 77345

What sort of price premium would you say F deserves over CW?

T8191

On that experience, about Ł50 ... massively disappointing, and will only ever bother if using a 241. Apart from a slightly better seat and enhanced IFE, it was hardly better than CW and in some respects worse. Be patient - I shall rant in Part 4

710 77345

Indeed, the food and table layout look very VS UC... though admittedly they've never given me two butter dishes.

Shame you think it's only worth Ł50... even on a pure 2-4-1 Avios booking the differential is much higher; 50k miles isn't it?

HIDDY

Newly minted low yield HNL Gold on their first First funded by a 2-4-1 voucher.

Doesn't get much cheaper than that.

T8191

Did I ever say I was stupid, HIDDY?

T8191, proud to maximise the benefits and minimise the expenditure

MaximusDecimusMeridius

Great TR, thanks! I especially liked the Blackadder-esque prologue

Shame it wasn't the flight of a life-time experience. I am trying to keep expectations low for my first FIrst this year.

Do you get to keep the entire box of chocolates or did you have to share with the children and Nanny?

Calchas

Ah excellent, looking forward to the rest of this. ^ ^

LTN Phobia

Did you say something to the crew member(s) about the family disturbing you? It's completely unacceptable to cause disturbance to that extent.

headingwest

Interesting T8191, I suppose one of the drawbacks of being in a more private and intimate cabin is that you get to share the family experience of other people! I suppose you now know all their names by heart?

T8191

Keep the expectations low, although LHR F may be different to LGW F of course.
I have no idea where the rest of the chocolates went - just very pleased to have had some!

In fairness, the children were very quiet and well behaved. As for the family, they paid for their seats [which is more than we did] and surely had every right to care for the infant? They weren't exactly a 'disturbance', just a seemingly endless 'activity'.

As I note above, they weren't noisy in any way. Just 'there' all the time. The bit I didn't bother to mention was the older male who spent most of the flight stood near 4A talking and drinking with another pax ... seemingly non-stop in both respects! iWife could hear them, I couldn't [being a bit deaf on that side]

run44

Excellent start to the TR! Looking forward to the updates