Trip Reports - The Mysterious Case of the Missing 5 - Or how I went to MEL in some style

Although I'm not the first to fly UA C to Aukland thanks to this deeply discounted fare offering (http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=690390) it seems I'm the first to write about the adventure. While it has been known that the fare would be honoured (if not all the fare rules) it is my pleasure to provide the incontrovertible evidence!

My long-standing travel plans to MEL were made much more comfortable
by a kindly data-entry person somewhere in the world who mistook 532
for 5532 one fine Thursday or Friday in May. Since I'm on two separate
tickets and four different airplanes today I will carry-on only.

The 8 emotional stages of a mistake fare are well known on FT. I
propose a 9th stage, peculiar to those mistake fares that leave from
specific locations. There is the matter of actually getting to that
location, and in my case I need to get from YYZ to LAX by 6:15pm to
make the first leg to SFO. The 9th emotional stage consists of bad
dreams the week before on the possibility of things going wrong on
flights before the lucky itinerary actually begins. I had these dreams
in spades. They are much like dreams about being naked in public
(assuming one doesn't want to actually be naked in public! Please see
the Travel Fetishists forum for that trip report.)

Part 1 - To LAX not in style.

First: get to LAX from YYZ. The cheapest available at the time of that
wonderful discount fare weekend was YYZ-ORD-LAX on UA1105 and
UA945. Since that time virtually all flights out of YYZ into the USA hubs
have zeroed out (long weekend in Canada).

There is no OLCI for UA ex-YYZ, so I decide to get to the airport
before 7 to check-in as early as possible, since IDB is not an option
today. There is an insane lineup for check-in, but not a soul at the
First/*G queue. So I'm off to pre-clear and security right away, all
of which goes smoothly (thanks to everyone still being in line to
check-in). I spend a few hours eating and working in the lovely brand
new Transborder Maple Leaf Lounge in YYZ T1.

Around this time I'm looking in my wallet and realize I have left home
without any credit card. I had used one at home to buy something
online and hadn't put it back in my wallet, and the other had been
stolen a while back and I hadn't yet activated the replacement. I take
advantage of the free Wifi to send an email to my wife asking her to
courier the not-yet-activated new credit card to my hotel in
MEL. Regrettably (milage whores please do not read this) this is the
card does not accrue any points whatsoever for anything (hangs head in
shame).

At the gate waiting for UA1105 they are asking for VDBs. The
going rate is a $500 voucher to wait until the 12:30 flight to ORD. I
take advantage of priority boarding so I don't know if there were any
IDBs in the end.

The Flight to ORD is fast and uneventful. There seems to be an
obligatory listing of available comestibles for every trip report, so
here goes:

Obligatory Menu Listing for UA1105

Nothing available

We arrive 15min early at gate B6. The RCC is right there so I'm
thinking to see if I can standby for the 11:30am flight to LAX. The
nice RCC agent (who calls me darling but she can carry it off,
and I am in fact darling) says everything is LAX is full, but I can be
waitlisted if I like, but don't get your hopes up. It turns out my *G
puts my up to 2nd on the list so there is a hope. The RCC itself is
spacious and comfortable, but it smells like a bus and there are few
amenities. So I head to B7 to see if I clear the waitlist.

At the gate there are several Guys On Blackberries who think asking
about the standby waitlist will increase their chance of clearing. So
it was with great pleasure that my name is called and I stroll past
them for a boarding pass as I was the first the clear. But only a
middle seat is offered, but I decline it in favour of an aisle seat on
UA945 that I'm already on (and maybe there are IDBs from earlier in
the day who need the seat more than I.)

The concourse itself smells like a bus, which perhaps explains the
smell in the RCC, but I grab something for lunch anyway. I head into
the RCC near B17 in the interests of airline lounge research. It is
small but still comfortable and I am pleased to sit near a very
attractive lady who was doing a wonderful impression of my seat
assignment on UA945 (32D).

At the gate boarding is delayed a little and they announce some
maintenance needs to be done to the plane. Oh no! Should I have
taken the seat at 11:30? A few minutes later they board First
Class so I am reassured we will in fact depart. It turns out one of
the lavs at the back will be out of service. The gate agent suggests
we go pee now before we leave. Most of the Guys On Blackberries are on
this flight with me back in E-. Two of the most egregious ones are
sitting aisle and middle nearby. Rather than aisle boy getting up,
middle man simply hoists himself up on the seat backs and jumps
over. What losers. I noted at the gate that aisle boy was a lowly 2P,
so that funny feeling that I obviously outranked him turned out to be
only too true.

Obligatory Menu Listing for UA945

Choix de boite "snack" pour cinq dollars
Sac de pretzels avel beacoup de sel

I decide to go with the sac de pretzels. It was a 2007
sac, although I prefer the '06 myself, as I find the dextrose
and canola oil require some time to mature together. But I
quibble.

We land at LAX about 15 minutes early. I head to the RCC and
the agent at the desk prints off my boarding passes for LAX-SFO in 1B
and SFO-SYD in 26F. There were upper deck seats available, but my
overwhelming preference to an aisle seat led me to choose 26F which
also gets some good reviews.

Success!

Part 2 - To SFO and SYD In Style

Well, I haven't done it yet, so there's nothing to report!

Come back Sunday morning, Sydney time.

Where are u? I am waiting with baited breath:D

zorn - Looking forward to your trip report too, especially as I'll be visiting AKL in several months time. :) I agree with you, the YYZ Transborder MLL T1 is great. That must have hurt, having to pass on the $500 voucher. Are you saying, it was cheapest to fly YYZ-ORD-LAX-SFO, rather than just YYZ-SFO on AC?

Anxious to hear that UA in C offered you more than just sac de pretzels avec beaucoup de sel. :)

I will have to connect to SFO for my SFO AKL but I hope I won't be offered "Sac de pretzels avel beacoup de sel". If I am, I will buy a vowel a "u" to be precise and will trade a consonant..... I'll trade l for c ;)

PS: No matter if it is '06 or '07 vintage, I need the "u" and a little trade :) Wouldn't be tasty otherwise!

zorn - Looking forward to your trip report too, especially as I'll be visiting AKL in several months time. :) I agree with you, the YYZ Transborder MLL T1 is great. That must have hurt, having to pass on the $500 voucher. Are you saying, it was cheapest to fly YYZ-ORD-LAX-SFO, rather than just YYZ-SFO on AC?


I picked LAX-SFO-SYD-AKL on my discount CNZ fare, so I had to go to LAX. Prices were sky-high for the non-stops two weeks out. So I went through ORD.

Part 2 - To SFO and SYD In Style

The RCC in LAX agents offer me a drink, I suppose on account of being in F on a paid C itinerary. I decline as I want to partake on board, and at that not very much.

The UA1170 on a 319 is again packed, with a long standby list. I can hear the announcements from the councourse from inside the RCC at the business center end. One of the most common refrains of the day is "Please do not approach the gate to ask about your standby position!".

I stroll out of the RCC and to the gate just as the GS/First/1K announcement goes up, and about five or six of us high-rollers board at our leisure. There was a deadheading FA in addition to the rest of the crew, which made for some tight bin space in 1st, so the crew sensibly put their bags in the closet to clear space (although at the expense of hanging up our jackets).

There is no pre-flight drink offering, but the FA is constantly on his feet for the next 25min or so looking after the 8 of us. I had a glass of white wine which he offered to refill several times. After a short, calm flight to SFO, I'm first off and make the long trek around to the International Terminal.

The SFO International RCC is a decent lounge. Large, quite and almost empty all evening. Down at the gate the flight is again nearly full. The UGS/1K/First/Business boarding call is pretty hectic, but the second jetway for F and C makes it all smooth.

I am in 26F, which was very spacious and a good choice IMO. There were no unwelcome visitors from the back, except for one man who was visiting his pregnant wife in row 25 once or twice, which was fine with me. Jackets are taken and pre-flight drinks (champagne, OJ, water) offered. I am gently scolded for not finishing my champagne. I really didn't want to drink too much. The movies are started and I foolishly chose Children of Men. I heard it was good, but I'm not big on dystopian flicks.

Business Class Menu

Champagne

Duval Leroy Brut NV

Whites

Laboure-Roi Chablis 2005 Le Bournois
Estancia Pinnacles Chardonnay 2004 Monterey

Reds

Chateau Donissan 2004 Haut-Medoc
Delas Freres St. Esprit 2005 Cotes-du-Rhone
Warburn Premium Reserve Shiraz 2005

Port

Sandeman Founders Reserve Porto

Appetizers

Smoked Salmon, pate en croute with pistachio, Wensleydale, and vegetable cruditeFresh seasonal greens

Mains

Braised beef short ribs with port wine sauce
Pecan-crusted chicken breast with black peppercorns cream sauce
Testicle of randomly selected Economy passenger au jus
Pasta Rotollo

Dessert

Kerrygold Cheddar, Port Salut
Caramel Cheesecake

There was also an express option combining several of the above for those who wanted to skip the full service. That's a great idea, but given a 14h flight I decided to go for the full service.

Orders were taken front to back. Several around me ordered chicken but were told it was probably not available. I asked for the chicken too and was going to give a second option, but the FA said it would be no problem for me, Mr. Zorn. I suppose some combination of C booking class and *G got me that choice.

So I had the chicken with a glass of Shiraz. For dessert I had the cheese with some grapes and a glass of Port. The food was fine, good for airline food, but a little heavy-handed. I can't fault the service. Many FA's buzzing about making sure all was well.

The meal service and first film were finished two hours into the flight. I take an Imovane and sleep for 8 hours. And that's what the premium cabin is really supposed to be about.

After I awoke I watched Pursuit of Happyness, which was nice. Again, the FAs were always around with water or anything else one could have wanted. I helped myself to a leftover cheesecake as a snack, and had a cup of coffee.
Breakfast was a cheese blintz with some fruit. It was perfectly fine.

In summary: I can understand that other airlines might have a more highly sought after business cabin, but I think UA offers a very good product. Everything worked; the food was decent; the FAs were highly competent and professional. I was usually addressed by name, and they always knew what I was drinking. And the important thing was my 8h of uninterrupted sleep.

That gave me a very nice day in SYD, which will be Part 3, along with a flight in Y to AKL.

Interesting mains on your flight, zorn.

Thanks for the TR. Good to know it all worked out for ya. Clever writing style. ^

So far so good Zorn. Keep it up.^

Looking fwd to one of the main in First
........ of randomly selected Business passenger au jus

Thanks for the posts, zorn - they make for fun reading!

(Though I do feel bad for the sacrificial Y passengers...;) )

I particularly liked the 32D line. ;)

Part 3 - 12h in Sydney
SYD-AKL not in style
18h in Auckland
AKL-MEL "side trip"


After having been scolded for not having finished the pre-flight champers on my SFO-SYD, I have resolved the following:

When Champagne is Freely Available it Shall Be Consumed

For the purposes of Champagne, sparkling wines produced outside the Champagne region of France will be considered Champagne too. Sit on that and rotate, you EU bureaucrats!

Australia has a bit of a bad reputation for customs and immigration, but I was through in 5min. Our flight was a little early; perhaps we were the first of the 747s to arrive. Besides which I was among the first off and had no bags to retreive.

I head towards the train to downtown. On the way there is a baggage storage service. I will leave my roll-a-board here for the day. The nice chap asks for my passport number, and AUD 9 later I heading to the train. I opt for a day-tripper at near AUD 30, which seems steep, so I hope I get my money's worth. I generally enjoy the train ride into a new (to me) city, although most of this trip is below ground. 30 min or so later I debark at Circular Quay station and start walking around to look at the Opera House.

I am generally opposed to taking photographs on holidays, on the premise than anything I snap will have been already photographed by actual professionals. So if you want to see pictures of Sydney Harbour, kindly Google it. But I feel a little guilty about it, so I stop at a shop and pick up a disposable camera. Fishing around my pockets I realize that I do not have my passport with me.

That is a mixture of good and bad news, really. The bad news is that I am conceivably stuck in Australia, on a Sunday, with no ability to take my flight to AKL, which would conceivably invalidate my ticket leaving me to purchase a one-way fare home (or a call to UA asking to turn the connection to a stopover for only $10000). The good news is that I will get my money's worth out of the day-tripper since I will have to go all the way back to the airport.

The nice chap at the baggage storage gives me back my passport.

I take the train back to Circular Quay and make my way over to the Opera House. There are lots of people jogging in the lovely surroundings. Across the harbour I notice a whole load of people running in a big group. How odd. I opt for the first Opera House tour of the day at 9am. There are only 5 in our group, so we get to see just about everything.

From the Opera House I decide to walk back past the train station, and head generally West and a little North, just for a walk through the downtown. The big group of runners turned out to be the Sydney Marathon. I ran a half-marathon once. Stupidest thing I ever did.

Eventually I hit Market Street and I notice that the Maritime Museum is not far away. So I head there for a visit and eat lunch at its perfectly serviceable little restaurant. From my day-tripper brochure I notice that I can take the ferry service back to Circular Quay. The boat ride back is extremely pleasant, affording wonderful views of the bridge and the Opera House. By the time I get back to Circular Quay the place is packed with tourists. Why do people visit outdoor cafes in touristy areas? It's so embarrassing.

I walk back past the Opera House and up into the Royal Botanical Gardens. The flora is jarringly odd, reminding me of San Diego (not in the actual vegetation, but in the feeling of unfamiliarity). I take the Government House Gate exit and walk down Macquarie (sp?) until I stumble upon St. James train station. From here I go back to the airport.

During all this time I am approached no fewer than three times for advice or directions. I replied that I was sorry but I didn't know. As we stopped at Green Park station, an Australian man in the seat ahead asks me, "Is this an industrial area or more residential?" I finally reply, "You know, I've been in Australia for 8 hours. I'm afraid I really don't know." That gets a chuckle. When we get to the airport we both debark. I say to him, "I think this area contains an airport." He liked that.

I get to SYD at 2:30 and head to the NZ check-in desk. No, too early. No check-in until 3:30. How irritating. I bum around until 3:25 at which time I get back to the check-in area only to encounter a mob of people hanging around the entrance to the check-in queue. Check-in is quick, so I'm off to beg the Australian government for the privilege of leaving the country, which absolutely must be done in blue or black pen. My passport actually says the Queen wants me to be able to move about without hindrance. Perhaps the republican sentiment has struck the Aussie passport control people a little more than others.

Then it's off to the highly regarded Koru Club. This is the only *A lounge I've been in that is better than the lounges offered by AC within Canada, although not that much better. This lounge has better food and drink, but the AC lounges have free wifi. I had my first shower since leaving home. The shower room was fitted with several ironic water-wasting features. I never used the toilet, but its over-sensitive flush sensor went off no fewer than three times. After my shower I went to shave, but the sink tap only operates via hand sensor, so it's off for another shower so I can shave.

Once in the lounge I head to the food and drinks and notice Champagne freely available. After my second glass I finish the open bottle, and note that fact to one of the lounge attendants. I enjoy the lounge amenities, including the computers in the business centre that I use to post my SFO-SYD report in this thread. The computer has NetNanny installed, which prevents me from getting news from home via www.globeandmail.com. Perhaps it's running some Roots ads or something. I get around that by plugging the ethernet into my laptop.

Getting nearer to flight time the hot food is put out. I help myself to some spring rolls and go to get some Champagne, but there is no open bottle. I ask a lounge attendant if she minds if I open another. She says no and gets one of the men to open it (who apologizes for not having opened it earlier). I start hoping "has anyone ever apologized for delaying your consumption of alcohol" isn't one of the alcohol-problem screening questions my doctor will ask next time.

Then it's off to the gate. I didn't get this segment in C. The plane is a 320 and I'm in a window seat (which I hate). There is a dinner service, which definitively answered why AU and NZ are so strict with food quarantine. It turns out the chickens down here are all perfectly rectangular and there is a fierce desire to maintain that genetic integrity. I discovered this when I asked for the chicken, and was served the most rectangular piece of chicken I had ever seen. Sadly it was also inedible so I didn't bother.

The drinks cart came by, and lo and behold there was Champagne freely available. What a nice touch in Y. So I had some. I watched "Because I Said So" on the drop-down screens. It wasn't a good movie, but Mandy Moore and Lauren Graham made up for it a little.

To be frank I wasn't impressed with Y service on NZ, Champagne aside. It was cramped and the food was poor. I prefer AC Y international service.

I arrive in AKL at 11:30. Auckland is called the City of Sails, but I like to call it City of Wealthy Cab Drivers, as it put me out 65 NZD to get to the Hyatt, where I had booked a room for 144 NZD. I still don't have a credit card, but this room was pre-paid so they let me in with 100 NZD cash deposit. I sleep, get up, shower, and check-out. They immediately return my deposit without even checking if I cleaned out the mini-bar and trashed the room in an all-night pay-per-view porn fest. I guess I just look like a classy guy. Some banter with the desk agent reveals my plan to walk to the Auckland Museum. Gasp! Horror! Is it humanly possible to do so?

It was a lovely walk on a warm, humid morning, through the University campus and the Auckland Domain park. The museum itself is outstanding and I thoroughly recommend it. It was built as a war memorial and features a whole floor of NZ war history, which is in many ways similar to Canada's in the way the two countries' WWI experiences have become central parts of the nation-forging mythologies.

I set a human endurance record by walking all the way back to the Hyatt to collect my other bag and prepare to sell my firstborn to pay for the taxi back to the airport. My actual destination for this trip is MEL, where I am attending a conference. This side trip to MEL will be compliments of Emirates. My Champagne consumption had obviously increased my general classiness as upon entry to the Emirates check-in queue the lady said, "Are you perhaps in Business Class sir?" What a lovely question, really. I am certainly Business Class by nature, my dear, but today, I will be travelling in solidarity with my fellow citizens in the back. So I join the line-up. I notice there is a separate and empty line-up for those who have done OLCI, as I had, so I am through in a jiffy.

I have a few hours to kill which I spend getting rid of NZ currency on a copy of Air Babylon and a few glasses of yes, Champagne, at an airport bar. Technically the Champagne wasn't freely available, but it served the purely practical service of ridding my wallet of unwanted currency.

I am seated in 38K on the 345. There is some silly, albeit attractive, young woman talking to the FA about how she is a Frequent Flyer and she always gets an aisle seat and it's in her profile etc. etc. She takes her seat in 40J. It looks like I've scored an empty seat as the last man on walks past to row 40, but it turns out he is in 40J. Silly attractive woman is beside me in 38J after all.

One thing Emirates has going for it is a wonderful, second-to-none seat-back entertainment system. Top marks to this 5-star feature. I used it extensively throughout the flight. You can use it from the time you board to just before landing when they retrieve the headsets, and even then you can turn on the nose-camera view for landing.

Otherwise, though, I found the seat uncomfortable, and no nicely printed menu even in Y can compensate for food that simply was not good. The drinks tray must have been 20 minutes after the meal service, which was too long. I noted on the menu that Champagne was available for USD 8. And what did you know but I had USD 8 in my wallet! What an eerie coincidence. This time I decided against it, since the food wasn't good, and it wasn't really freely available. Dionysus tempted me even further by intervening in the Frasier episode I was watching as the drinks trolley approached, as he had Niles say, "We must have some Champagne!" Who am I to deny the Fates, so I fork over some greenbacks for the Champagne.

Once again I would have to say I would prefer AC on a long-haul international flight in Y, for seat comfort and better food, and AVOD is making its way around the AC fleet now too.

The weather in MEL is cool and quite windy for our arrival. The ride gets bumpy and rocks back and forth quite a bit. A woman behind me starts to whine. A mile or so away from the airport the sad hairdryers they put on these 345s power up and we head back up into the clouds. The woman next to me is very uncomfortable about all this. She asks me what is going on.

What is it with people that they think I am some sort of information desk? I make up something: "Oh, I'm sure the air traffic controller just asked the pilot not to land due just yet to some shifting winds or something". She wanted to know why the pilot wasn't telling us anything. "Oh, I'm sure the pilots are just very busy right now."

A few minutes later the captain comes on, apologizes for the delay in updating us as they have been very busy, and announces that there was a last minute runway change due to shifting winds. I am the MAN!. "Ooh, do you fly planes too?" "How can you be so calm through all this?" The clunking sound of the landing gear causes her to grip my arm. "That's the landing gear," I say with extreme manliness. I ride my horse up the rocks, Marlboro hanging from my lips.

We land uneventfully. The poor dear is on to Dubai and London. Best of luck to her. Now I'm in MEL on business until early Friday morning when it's back to AKL on EK, and then AKL-SYD-LAX in C.

I ask a lounge attendant if she minds if I open another. She says no and gets one of the men to open it (who apologizes for not having opened it earlier).

"Are you perhaps in Business Class sir?" What a lovely question, really.

Now I'm in MEL on business until early Friday morning when it's back to AKL on EK, and then AKL-SYD-LAX in C.

zorn Very enjoyable reading. BTW will you be able to attend the MEL DO starting Friday? I hope so. :)

P.S. I don't think they serve Champagne in the Maple Leaf Lounge, or did I just miss that?

Nice report, zorn - I'm looking forward to more. Puts me in the mind to drink champagne but unfortunately our office cafe only serves (mediocre) coffee so I'm making do.

Don't entirely write off NZ's Y service based on the stripped-back cheapskate trans-Tasman product... though even that becomes tolerable if you drink enough freely available champagne :D

nice report zorn ^

I tried to get some other FTers to walk from the museum last year (which is downhill all the way), but no one else wanted to.

An amusing report so far zorn.
It is unfortunate that Commonwealth citizens are tied up each others immigration bureaucracies. Personally I blame the UK joining the EU.

Fantastic report Zorn...^

Excellent report... I just love the dry humour!

More! :)

zorn Very enjoyable reading. BTW will you be able to attend the MEL DO starting Friday? I hope so. :)

P.S. I don't think they serve Champagne in the Maple Leaf Lounge, or did I just miss that?

I leave MEL at 7:15 Friday morning, so I can't attend anything unfortunately.

There is no Champagne in the MLLs that I have ever seen. The Koru Club gets the edge on food and drink, although it is possible to use either for a light meal to replace the need to eat on board. And one can serve oneself a wide variety of beverages at both lounges. So both lounge provide what I like as far as food and drink are concerned, with this Koru Club (and likely many of the larger ones too) doing it better.

The MLLs have free wifi in its lounges, which is huge for me.

Don't entirely write off NZ's Y service based on the stripped-back cheapskate trans-Tasman product... though even that becomes tolerable if you drink enough freely available champagne :D

This may be heresy, but I think there is a point at which an airline should give up providing food in Y to everyone, and allow those who want to eat on board the option of purchasing something. Then, make that something half decent. It's quite possible I made an unwise meal choice in this case, or this was just a bad flight. Or, maybe these relatively short international flights have reached a certain point.

Update: status miles posted for all segments except the SYD-AKL, including 50% COS bonus LAX-SFO and 25% SFO-SYD (credited to Aeroplan, which gives 25% COS bonus for full fare business class internationally to most destinations.

I arrive in AKL at 11:30. Auckland is called the City of Sails, but I like to call it City of Wealthy Cab Drivers, as it put me out 65 NZD to get to the Hyatt, where I had booked a room for 144 NZD. .

Excellent report! I will be doing nearly the same trip as you, though I will be routed thru MEL on my way to MEL!: LAX-SYD-MEL-AKL-MEL, in early July.
A question for you: (I will arrive into AKL at 1725 and depart the next morning at 0630 on QF, also going to MEL). :)
If it's NZD65 each way for a taxi, maybe it's preferable to just rent a car? Cost is a bit less than $130, though I doubt I'd use it other than airport-hote-airport.....The airport shuttle doesn't start up until too late to make the QF flight.
What do you think?
Thanks!

What a wonderful report. It's chock full of the funny side of travel, which I love to hear about. As I recently told another FTer when they drank loads of Champagne, I am drunk with you right down to the last bubble.

When will you travel again? I love the flair you use when telling your story. It reas like a great novel. Thank you.

A question for you: (I will arrive into AKL at 1725 and depart the next morning at 0630 on QF, also going to MEL). :)
If it's NZD65 each way for a taxi, maybe it's preferable to just rent a car? Cost is a bit less than $130, though I doubt I'd use it other than airport-hote-airport.....The airport shuttle doesn't start up until too late to make the QF flight.
What do you think?
Thanks!

Taxi costs vary with company used and where exactly you are in central city (some streets take extra time to get to). Going back is NZ$6 cheaper thanks to the airport taxi levy on airport pick ups only.

Depending on how many of you there are you could get airbus (NZ$14 one way or $21 return incl the $1 off coupon printable from www.airbus.co.nz) or shuttle into the city instead of taxi.

If you are a gambler and have access to premium check in (ie flying business or OW sapphire/emerald or Qantas Club), you could take airbus for a flight departing from 0630. The first airbus from the city arrives at international terminal at about 0530/45, just ahead of check in close off. Alternatively the shuttles can be pre-ordered for any time and cheaper than cab (for 1 or 2 people).

A question for you: (I will arrive into AKL at 1725 and depart the next morning at 0630 on QF, also going to MEL). :)
If it's NZD65 each way for a taxi, maybe it's preferable to just rent a car? Cost is a bit less than $130, though I doubt I'd use it other than airport-hote-airport.....The airport shuttle doesn't start up until too late to make the QF flight.
What do you think?
Thanks!

For most people renting a car under these circumstances would mean flying for over a day (which is tiring even in C), driving on the left side of the road in an unfamiliar city in the dark.

I would be inclined to leave the driving to the locals, whether it be bus or taxi.

Ack! I now see the status miles for SYD-AKL posted to my UA account. I won't desperately need the 1300 or so miles on AC/AP, but it seems that the UA agent in YYZ only added my AC/AP number to the flights on which he had actually checked me in, YYZ-ORD-LAX-SFO-SYD.

Out of interest, is it possible to move status miles from one FF program to another in cases like this, where they posted to an unintended account?

Out of interest, is it possible to move status miles from one FF program to another in cases like this, where they posted to an unintended account?

Yes it is. At least it was so last year when I was able to move miles from UA MP to LH M&M, and after two weeks of faxing both UA MP and LH M&M it was done.

Great report so far zorn, please keep going.


BTW: Is it a coincidence that your username means "anger" or "rage" in german...;)

Part 4 - MEL-AKL Not in Style
AKL-SYD In Style

So I had a good conference. Highlights included an opening function, gala dinner, and closing function each of which featured freely available Champagne, running my Champagne streak to 7 consecutive days. The gala dinner was also at the Melbourne Cricket Grounds, which was very nice. Of course being from so far away, a common question was "how was your trip?". I ended up telling the story of the missing 5 many times. I didn't tell anyone about FT, so it's still our little secret.

You might recall that I left YYZ with no credit card. Well, they never arrived, so I operated on a cash-only basis. So far so good. The hotels initially baulk at checking me in, so I stand there and look pretty and eventually they relent and just take a cash deposit.

On Friday I'm up at 5am to leave for MEL (the airport) at 5:30 for EK406 to AKL. At this point the immigration people are all getting rather perplexed at my going from AU to NZ so often for no apparent reason. I told the AU immigration officer that I was able to get a deeply discounted airfare to AKL and made a side-trip to MEL from there and showed her printouts of my itineraries. She noted that was a lot of travel for me. I told her to shut up and gave her the finger. Ha ha, no I didn't. I said I suppose it was and went on my way.

I am in 18J on the EK 345. Once again the AVOD is awesome, but the seat uncomfortable and the food egregious. I ask for the brunch tray with no entrée and just eat the fruit. A visual inspection of what people got around me confirmed my decision to eat light.

At AKL the immigration person asks to see my itinerary and lets me go without any more comment. I collect my bag and go through the Rectangular Chicken Defense League station, go into the terminal, turn right, and head to the NZ check-in. It takes me a while to realize there is a Premium Check-in zone at the far right of all the proletariat check-in desks. It is still 5h before my flight back to SYD but they let me check-in anyway. There is an immigration person right there dedicated to us worthy people. I ask him where I can get my departure fee exemption and he directs me back to the terminal, although apparently the check-in agent could have taken my $25 had I needed to pay it.

The Bank of New Zealand lady (where I am getting my departure fee exemption) said rhetorically "this guy just came from MEL and is going back to SYD! I think he has to pay." By "guy" I assume she meant "pervert". Anyway, she went to the back room to check things out, came back and without a word gave me my exemption. I go back through the premium immigration, up some escalators, and into a premium security line, which turns out to be slower than the others at this particular moment due to it being also the lane for people pretending to need wheelchairs, and also due to the fact that premium lane types also tend more often to be needy princesses who take an amazing amount of time to do anything.

In the duty-free I scope out something for the gorgeous Mrs. Zorn in the Elle MacPherson lingerie shop. (Fortunately Mrs. Zorn is better looking than Elle MacPherson and the models in the posters so I need not be discouraged by these ads.) I decide on something and the clerk asks if I need help with sizes. There are North American sizes printed so I'm fine. She takes a 32C or 34B, so I look at the item to decide which seems better. The clerk assumes I don't know how to shop for my wife and asks if Mrs. Zorn is about the same size as her, what size is Mrs. Zorn, and so on. (This happens alot with me in clothing shops.) I reply that I am usually a pretty good at shopping for my wife and I think this one (I select one) should be fine. She seems impressed and replies "Ooh, my boyfriend is terrible at shopping for me. Well, he's not really my boyfriend..." she trails off as she plays with her hair. Did I really need to know that? The little tramp.

Then I walk purposefully past the entrance to the lounges and go up the stairs to the gate, looking around forlornly for the lounge. I finally go back and find the lounge entrances. The AKL Koru Club has it all together. Good food, nice view, and free wireless, but I didn't discover the last feature until I went to the desk to ask about it and noticed a sign giving the username and password for the wireless.

The next thing I need to do is decide what to drink. I check out all the options before finally deciding, after much deliberation, on the freely available Champagne. The streak stays alive. Announcements for international departure times are made, and it turns out NZ707 is going to be delayed. It was a nice touch not having to go to the gate too early. Eventually we made it away about an hour late.

I am in 2A on a 320, so there are just two rows of 4 in C. One seat stays empty. When I embark the first FA sees my BP and introduces me to the second FA who will be in charge of the C cabin. She takes my jacket and offers a pre-flight drink. Since I had had a few in the lounge already, I decide I should start drinking some water, which is a technical violation of the Champagne rule, but I will redeem myself.

The second row has less recline than the first row, but more legroom. I never bothered trying to change my seat. It was fine. After takeoff we were asked to select a movie for the personal DVD player. I chose "Last King of Scotland". It was good. The in-seat power didn't work so the FA attached batteries to the DVD player. Then we are offered a pre-dinner drink with a bag of snacks. There are beers, wines, liqueurs, soft drink, water, but I settled on the freely available Champagne.

Dinner started with three prawns served with a dressing that I forgot to use, and a nice little Waldorf salad. It was good. We were offered some bread too. For my main dish I chose a roast chicken and risotto stuffed ravioli (asian-style pasta) with a hoisin sauce, accompanied my some cooked vegetables. I got the impression it is in vogue these days to badly undercook green beans in AU and NZ. I hope you people down here get over that. They should be crisp, but not make that squeaky noise when you crunch into them.

For dessert we received two scoops of ice cream with a thin pistachio biscuit, and I took the cheese plate that also had some crackers and a Medjool date. I ate a selection of all these items. A dessert wine was offered but I stuck with the freely available Champagne.

This meal was the best food I'd eaten on any of the flights so far.

One could not have imagined a more spectacular approach into SYD. First, we flew up past the city with Sydney Harbour on the left, just outside my window. It was a clear night and all the sights were lit up and visible. Then we turned back South and flew past the downtown again outside my window to land, with another great view of the downtown. The guy next to me said it usually isn't that good of a view. I said they were probably doing it for me. He didn't laugh.

After a long taxi to the gate I debark, get my bags, and get in a quarantine line behind a SQ flight, apparently full of complete morons. Perhaps the PPS changes made all the smart people switch airlines and they are now left with people who travel to SYD with bags full of snack food. Eventually the quarantine people started giving up going through everyone's stuff and allowed some of us to just bypass the inspection altogether. My collection of live diseased male and female frogs were relieved not to be x-rayed again. Lord knows the mutations they already have make them impervious to drought and incredibly fecund. Oops! They just jumped out of the window of my hotel room.

Almost done. Tomorrow afternoon it's SYD-LAX in style and LAX-ORD-YYZ.

I really miss my wife, and the children as well to some extent.

BTW: Is it a coincidence that your username means "anger" or "rage" in german...;)

The username refers to Max Zorn, the mathematician. I use it as a handle when I sign up for something without any intention of using a service but have to sign up anyway. In the case of FT I needed to sign up to do a search. It turns out I do participate, so I'm stuck with zorn.

I don't know if Max Zorn was angry person.

I don't know if Max Zorn was angry person.

Oh, you bet he was angry - angry at getting second billing for the Kuratowski-Zorn lemma.

Actually, probably not - I just can never resist a chance at a geeky joke.

(Also, I assume that's the same Zorn - who knows, maybe there are a dozen famous mathematicians named Zorn.)

... I told her to shut up and gave her the finger...



You are aware of the german meaning...:D

Great reading on a rainy Sunday evening in YUL. Actually, I love your articulate style of writing, rich English and continually flowing humour. Along with freely available champagne - courtesy of MY household - that I helped myself to, reading your TR gave me lots of energy. Merci!

Since you can do so many things, information desk being one of them, would you give me advise how to do such a trip with a carry-on luggage only? If I am not mistaken, that was the case, was it not? Tyler Brule does it as well. I will have to find his old FT weekend columns.

Then it's off to the highly regarded Koru Club. This is the only *A lounge I've been in that is better than the lounges offered by AC within Canada, although not that much better. This lounge has better food and drink, but the AC lounges have free wifi.

Thanks for the fantastic read zorn although I would note that the SYD NZ lounge has free WiFi. I often have trouble with the free WiFi in NZ lounges but have never had a problem in the SYD NZ lounge

Jeff

Oh, you bet he was angry - angry at getting second billing for the Kuratowski-Zorn lemma.


Nobody calls it Kuratowski-Zorn except close friends of Kuratowski. The rest of us call it Zorn's Lemma. I don't think those two even got along. Logically, they were poles apart.


Since you can do so many things, information desk being one of them, would you give me advise how to do such a trip with a carry-on luggage only? If I am not mistaken, that was the case, was it not? Tyler Brule does it as well. I will have to find his old FT weekend columns.

First, check the policies of the carriers. I had to check the bag on EK as they have a one-bag policy for non-status pax. I could have gotten away with it on NZ as *G I can take two bags, but my second bag was over 12kg, and their rules say 7kg. I now realize I could have gotten away with it, but I wasn't inclined to try.

My main motivation was to avoid checked bags on any of the multi-flight itineraries (especially the first one which got me to LAX initially) which I managed to do.

As far as what I packed: one suit jacket and pants (I wore a second suit jacket), three other pants, four shirts, four sets of undergarments/socks, and a second pair of shoes into a roll-aboard, which fit easily. Once I arrived in MEL I washed enough of what I had already worn to get me through the rest of my trip.

To support our troops in the War on Moisture I simply used small sizes of toiletries. The only thing I couldn't buy small was the stuff I put in my hair. So I squeezed some into a small sandwich bag.

That's it. I suppose the key factor was the willingness to do a little cleaning (which I did in my room, but could have been done using a service for $50 or so, or at a nearby coin laundry). Also, don't spill anything on your suits.

I will still report on SYD-LAX-ORD-YYZ if I have time to write something before I forget it all.

First, just some general advice for the many people doing trips similar to this one:

1. Do not allow for any margin of error for making it to your first flight leaving LAX or SFO.

2. If you are using the flights as a way to visit Australia, it's likely that you will need to enter and exit AU and NZ multiple times. Eventually this will draw the attention of the authorities. So, print and keep with you all your itineraries, and be prepared to simply say that you got a good price on the flight to AKL.

3. AU and NZ take their food quarantines very, very seriously. Your best bet is to carry no food at all. There is no lack of food in either country. Even completely uncontrolled diabetics will be able to survive the trek from the plane to the first available restaurant.

4. It seems to be a policy of SYD (the airport) to restrict check-in to 3h before flight time, so do not bother showing up any earlier.

5. If you are travelling on EK in Y, be sure to do on-line check-in, even if you don't print the boarding pass. This gets you into a separate line-up at the bag-drop, which was always empty.

Thank you, Zorn, for this amusing and informative report.
May I ask how you found the Auckland Hyatt? I ask as I have a reservation there tentatively for my excursion.
May the search for freely available champagne be fruitful!

Part 4 - MEL-AKL Not in Style
AKL-SYD In Style

...I told the AU immigration officer that I was able to get a deeply discounted airfare to AKL and made a side-trip to MEL from there and showed her printouts of my itineraries. She noted that was a lot of travel for me. I told her to shut up and gave her the finger. Ha ha, no I didn't. I said I suppose it was and went on my way....

...In the duty-free I scope out something for the gorgeous Mrs. Zorn in the Elle MacPherson lingerie shop. (Fortunately Mrs. Zorn is better looking than Elle MacPherson and the models in the posters so I need not be discouraged by these ads.) I decide on something and the clerk asks if I need help with sizes. There are North American sizes printed so I'm fine. She takes a 32C or 34B, so I look at the item to decide which seems better. The clerk assumes I don't know how to shop for my wife and asks if Mrs. Zorn is about the same size as her, what size is Mrs. Zorn, and so on. (This happens alot with me in clothing shops.) I reply that I am usually a pretty good at shopping for my wife and I think this one (I select one) should be fine. She seems impressed and replies "Ooh, my boyfriend is terrible at shopping for me. Well, he's not really my boyfriend..." she trails off as she plays with her hair. Did I really need to know that? The little tramp....

...One could not have imagined a more spectacular approach into SYD. First, we flew up past the city with Sydney Harbour on the left, just outside my window. It was a clear night and all the sights were lit up and visible. Then we turned back South and flew past the downtown again outside my window to land, with another great view of the downtown. The guy next to me said it usually isn't that good of a view. I said they were probably doing it for me. He didn't laugh...

...and get in a quarantine line behind a SQ flight, apparently full of complete morons. Perhaps the PPS changes made all the smart people switch airlines and they are now left with people who travel to SYD with bags full of snack food....My collection of live diseased male and female frogs were relieved not to be x-rayed again. Lord knows the mutations they already have make them impervious to drought and incredibly fecund. Oops! They just jumped out of the window of my hotel room...Fantastic stuff - I love the quoted paragraphs above - in addition to your previous TR below - you should really start writing a travel column!! :D :D ^ ^

May I ask how you found the Auckland Hyatt?


It was easy to find. The taxi driver got me within 20 feet of the front door. From there it is pretty hard to miss, no matter how much freely available Champagne is on-board.

Seriously, I only slept there. I chose it because I got a good rate for a name brand hotel and it was near the museum. If a Holiday Inn had been cheaper and closer I would have chosen it and slept just as well.

First, check the policies of the carriers. I had to check the bag on EK as they have a one-bag policy for non-status pax. I could have gotten away with it on NZ as *G I can take two bags, but my second bag was over 12kg, and their rules say 7kg. I now realize I could have gotten away with it, but I wasn't inclined to try.

My main motivation was to avoid checked bags on any of the multi-flight itineraries (especially the first one which got me to LAX initially) which I managed to do.

As far as what I packed: one suit jacket and pants (I wore a second suit jacket), three other pants, four shirts, four sets of undergarments/socks, and a second pair of shoes into a roll-aboard, which fit easily. Once I arrived in MEL I washed enough of what I had already worn to get me through the rest of my trip.

To support our troops in the War on Moisture I simply used small sizes of toiletries. The only thing I couldn't buy small was the stuff I put in my hair. So I squeezed some into a small sandwich bag.

That's it. I suppose the key factor was the willingness to do a little cleaning (which I did in my room, but could have been done using a service for $50 or so, or at a nearby coin laundry). Also, don't spill anything on your suits.


Merci beaucoup. I do not mind doing some washing/cleaning upon arrival.
Still, that is a lot of stuff to pack innto a small carry-on with wheels (like an Atlantic varienty). Shoes always take lots of space.

Part 5: SYD to LAX in Style
LAX-ORD-YYZ Not in Style

I had long ago booked a room at the Holiday Inn Airport in SYD since my original plans included SYD-YVR on AC that leaves at 10:00am. There was probably a cheap shuttle somewhere, but I was flying Business Class so that would hardly have been appropriate. The taxi driver was not pleased about going on such a short trip from the airport. I told him I'd look after him. He wanted to know if there were many Lebanese people in Toronto and if it was cold there. The nice thing about living in Toronto is that if anyone asks "Are there many people from X there" you can truthfully say "yes". And in fact it was 29C in Toronto that day, so no, it wasn't cold at all.

I am tired from all the travel and the last day would be very long so I just went to bed early. Like many other Americans who like to go to airports early, I went to SYD far too early, confirming what I already should have known: that SYD only allows check-in 3h before the flight. I get something to eat and watch the planes manoeuvre about the gates outside. AC38 is getting ready to depart. A shout-out to my peeps on the flag carrier. the 763 looks so tiny among all the 747s parked around, although this one is FIN 634, which I recall is one with the refurbed interiors with flat bed J suites and AVOD for all. I notice it gets pushed back with a QUANTAS-branded truck. Ewww! Oneworld! I feel so dirty.

I actually end up in a little line-up for the business class check-in but I get through quickly. The agent adjusts my FF number and then offers to check me in for my onward flights, which were on a separate tickets. I said sure, and that was that, although I noticed that my UA # was on these flights (since I got a blue BP with an embarrassing big bold 4 on it.)

Now keep in mind that I had read Air Babylon a few days ago in some airport or another. I was now quite paranoid about annoying any airline employee or agent, in case it would earn me a NSUG, face-fart, or the dreaded laxative in the coffee treatment, which apparently awaits any passenger who causes a fuss. So I didn't ask this agent to adjust my FF#; I'd do that in the lounge. Australian immigration are by this point happy to see the backside of me at last, so that and security are quick.

I decide to lounge hop. First stop is the RCC, which I needed to go to anyway to get new BPs for the onward flights. The conversation went something like this:

Me: "Sorry, could I ask something"
Agent: "You want an upgrade?"
Me: [flustered; worried about face-fart] "No, I just wanted my FF# changed for these flights."
Agent: "Did you ask at check-in?"
Me: "No, I forgot and then didn't want to bother her."
Agent: [changes the first #, struggles with the second] "I can't do this one. It isn't a UA flight."
Me: "Oh, I thought it was." (Should I be taking something to compensate for the laxative in my coffee?)
Agent: [changes the second #] "Here you go..."

I look around the lounge for a minute. Alas, it is a RCC. So I leave for the Silver Kris Lounge, just to be a pain in the butt. They wouldn't let me in. I leave muttering "The Koru Club down the hall is nicer anyway." I don't know if they heard me, but I figured they didn't have access to the UA manifest where they could annotate that I was deserving of any punishment.

The Koru Club agent didn't think I had access with the Business BP and *G card, but another agent was there who OK'd it. They noted down that my visit should be charged to UA when it really should gone to AC I think, so I hope the $30 or so I saved AC translates into upgrade karma something down the road.

The Koru Club is nice as usual. I have some morning-appropriate refreshments (avoiding you-know-what for now) and use the business centre for a while. Some lunch is put out around noon so I collect some savouries and a glass of freely available Champagne or two. 9 days and counting now.

Down to the gate for boarding, which is fairly hectic for priority boarding given the sizes of the premium cabins and the number of *G there are. This time there is only one jetway, so there is a bit of a wait. I settle again into the very spacious 26F. Coats are taken and drinks are offered, from which I select what will be my last Champagne of this trip :( .

It seems that 26E is going to go empty until a woman with the historically pleasing waist-to-hip-to-etc. ratios swishes into our row and bursts out "Hi boys!" and of her low-cut tank top at just about the same time. She strikes up a lengthy conversation with 26D and then does the same with me. I was a little worried she was going to be a little annoying, but in fact she is an utterly charming and pleasant seat-mate. She was reading a book with a title something like "The Art of Seduction". I'm not sure why. She could have easily been the author.

The flight is uneventful. I watched Miss Potter, which was pleasant fluff. Warm nuts were served and I selected the Cotes du Rhone on offer that turned out to be pretty good. I chose the steak for lunch. The appetizer had some dried beef and some cold shrimp which was very good. There was a salad on which I foolishly asked for wasabi dressing. It might have been good except I dislike wasabi. I thought maybe this time I would like it. Unfortunately the steak was not good at all. It was very tough and rather tasteless. The accompanying potato cake was quite nice, though. For desert I choose the cheese and fruit with a glass of port.

After lunch is where UA Business class gets its good grades from me once again. With a little medical help I get 8 solid hours of sleep on a quite comfortable recliner seat. I wake up to a decent omelet and coffee and soon enough we land in LAX.

In LAX I appreciate the advantage Canadians have in air travel to the US in that we clear US immigration at the Canadian airport on departure. This can be a pain for connections and can lead to delays at the airport, but all things considered it beats the pants off doing immigration at the end of a long flight in an unfamiliar airport.

There is a big line-up at immigration and some people are getting upset about connecting flights. The US passport line-up clears quite quickly, so they open up a barrier to allow anyone with a connecting flight very soon to go join that line. So lots of people go over to that line, making the existing line much shorter and probably making those people wait even longer. From here I go into Terminal 6 without knowing where to go next. I look at a sign that says UA departs from Terminal 7, so I go outside looking for Terminal 7.

A really nice lady (typical American golden-retriever-like outgoing pleasantness) asks me what I'm looking for. I say "Terminal 7" and she points me on my way. But it turns out she is not only ecstatic to see me but wants money for some charity that may or may not exist. I give her five bucks for telling me where Terminal 7 is.

Once inside I go through a little security station next to the check-in desks and I set about seeing how I might get to YYZ earlier than my scheduled LAX-ORD-YYZ on UA116 an UA1112. The nonstop is operated by AC from another terminal, and it doesn't appear I can standby on other carriers' flights, so the best I'll be able to do is standby on UA108 to ORD and go from there. The RCC agent isn't hopeful, but once again *G comes in handy over the Memorial Weekend hordes and I clear in the first iteration, getting a mini-op-up of sorts into an aisle seat in Economy Plus. To top it off they put a couple of hot college students on their way to FLL beside me (and I suppose since they were going to FLL via ORD it means they are hot and cheap, the ideal combination!) This would have been perhaps the only time I might have taken a middle seat.

Unfortunately this is where things begin to unravel, through no fault of UA, but a storm is brewing in the midwest and traffic control delays our departure. We are sure to be late to ORD, possibly removing my chance to make UA1110 to get home early. Things were pretty tough in ORD with many, many flight delayed due to late arriving aircraft. I go to the C Concourse RCC to go on standby for UA1110 just to hedge my bets, even though it is scheduled to depart at about the same time as UA1112 by this point.

I bum around the RCC and the terminal for a while until I need to make a decision about which flight to take. Eventually I make the bet that UA1110 will have a higher chance of trouble than UA1112, so I commit myself to my original 1112 by purchasing a few bottles of Jim Beam Black for $40 at the duty-free.

I head to gate C31 where everything reads "On time". Then departure changes to 21:15, then 21:30. Finally the plane arrives from wherever. It seems to be the flight of the damned as no fewer than three or four people are wheeled off, and a mum with two girls comes off the flight with one of the girls looking literally green and holding a sick back. She asks for a wheelchair at the gate and then shouts out for general advice on where the ladies room is. They go off never to be seen again. A bunch of wheelchair people show up and look mightily pissed off at having nothing to do once they get here. The cleaners trudge on and off the plane and we are set to board. The gate lice infestation scatters nicely as the announcement of priority boarding has its desired insecticidal effect and I board at my leisure, all the way to the back of this wretched little 737 that reminds me why I despise the USA carriers in Y. A family comes on to sit in my row and I offer to move to the window to let one of the parents sit in the aisle for easier crowd control. I prefer the aisle but for 1 hour I don't care.

One hour later we are still sitting at the gate. There is a mechanical problem. I have channel 9 on and long ago heard UA1110 on the taxiway preparing to leave. Oh well, at least I have my Bourbon. The replacement part is on its way and taking forever, but mirabile dictu there is another 737 sitting at the gate next door with no place to go for the night. So they make the call to off-load us and put us on that plane.

^ to UA for that kind of pro-active thinking.

So we trudge off the broken plane. I ask the FA at the front if we get the 500 miles for getting on and off again. No response. We get onto the other plane (priority boarding and all!), and once they get the bags over we're away. We depart at around 11:00, only two hours late. The flight is highlighted by some pax up in E+ getting a right scolding by one of the FAs. (The people sitting behind me confirm to each other that is was "The Gay FA". How they knew or cared I cannot fathom.) By this time of the night I am certain that the pax probably deserved it. My theory is that good customer service starts with a good customer.

We arrive at about 1:15am Eastern Time, AKA "God's Time Zone". There is a delay at the gate as we wait for a jetway operator. The captain announces that we have to wait for someone for AC to come and move the gate. Amazing. We are in Canada for all of 5 minutes and already people are blaming AC for something.

I go through customs and immigration with a frisson of anticipation over the possibility of being caught with 2L of booze when 1.15L is the duty-free limit, but I just get waved through without even a sniff of a body cavity search. By 2am I'm home in bed. Mrs. Zorn comes to, complains about how horrible her week was, and passes out. I don't sleep a wink.

Stats:

8 segments 25559 status miles with AC, all posted including all COS bonuses.
1 segment and 1342 status miles posted accidentally to UA.
21.5 glasses of (mostly) freely available Champagne consumed.

UA was good to me. I appreciate them for being good sports about the whole thing. Maybe some day if I can afford it I'll throw some genuine premium business in their direction.

The End

I go through customs and immigration with a frisson of anticipation over the possibility of being caught with 2L of booze when 1.15L is the duty-free limit

whoa - rather less than the NZ allowance (http://zuji.co.nz/NZ_DFS_$10discount.pdf) and even smaller than the Australian allowance :td:

Thanks for telling it all the way through to the happy ending!

<<It seems that 26E is going to go empty until a woman with the historically pleasing waist-to-hip-to-etc. ratios swishes into our row and bursts out "Hi boys!" and of her low-cut tank top at just about the same time. She strikes up a lengthy conversation with 26D and then does the same with me. I was a little worried she was going to be a little annoying, but in fact she is an utterly charming and pleasant seat-mate. She was reading a book with a title something like "The Art of Seduction". I'm not sure why. She could have easily been the author.>>

I was the guy sitting in 26D and agree totally with your discription. What a small world.

Cheers!

whoa - rather less than the NZ allowance (http://zuji.co.nz/NZ_DFS_$10discount.pdf) and even smaller than the Australian allowance :td:

Edited to add: the limits are 1.5L of wine, 1.14L of spirits, or 8.5L of beer. So we can bring in far more beer, but less of anything else.

It was only last year that the 7 day duty free exemption was raised to $750, after having been $300 forever.

That being said, our bags are not X-rayed as a matter of routine. So they would have to decide to bother searching your bags to see if you are over any limit. The one and only time I've gone to a secondary search was returning from five days in England with Mrs. Zorn and four checked bags, which obviously sets of alarm bells when we claimed to have spent under our combined limit.

It turned out Mrs. Zorn had bought lots of new and used books there, as some more obscure literary titles are easier to find in English stores. When I am asked to show the customs agent what we had bought, so I started out with a stack of mouldy used books. They immediately gave up on us and we moved on (before they saw all the clothes she had bought).


I was the guy sitting in 26D and agree totally with your description. What a small world.


Funny how without even asking she managed to get us to hold her tray for her the times she got up to use the lav during the meal service ;)

One of the best trip reports I've ever read! Thanks for sharing. Cheers.

One of the best trip reports I've ever read! Thanks for sharing. Cheers.

From another Sharon, I agree wholeheartedly! Thanks a million. A fantastic TR.

Sharon

:D :D All the freely available champagne. Nice one, the wit and humour involved. :D

Fantastic trip report Zorn. Love you're humour.

It's a shame you weren't fond on NZ's Y class though. The food on the trans tasman is usuaully quite good but the longhaul is even better. :)

Thanks for brightening my day! ^

Last night the phone rings. I usually don't answer unless the number passes my Call Display sniff test, but one of the kids had unplugged the power of the phone I was near so the call display didn't work. I took a chance and answered. Some guy says in a funny accent (hmmm...call centre?) "Is this <my name> or <wife's name>?"

"Sorry, you have the wrong number," I lied.

The phone rings again. This time I am near the other phone in the kitchen and just ignore it. It goes to the machine and the same guy with the funny accent just says "Hallo?...Hallo?...Hallo?..." and gives up.

The phone rings again. I give him the benefit of the doubt and answer it this time. "Is this <my name> or <wife's name>?"

"Yes," I answer this time.

"It's <the hotel in MEL>. Did you send a credit card..."

17 days after leaving YYZ, the day on which Mrs. Zorn spent $55 on international courier with my missing credit card :rolleyes:

Some guy says in a funny accent (hmmm...call centre?) "Is this <my name> or <wife's name>?"

"Sorry, you have the wrong number," I lied.

The phone rings again. This time I am near the other phone in the kitchen and just ignore it. It goes to the machine and the same guy with the funny accent just says "Hallo?...Hallo?...Hallo?..." and gives up.Again, great stuff!!:D :D

I'll add my voice to the chorus: Great trip report. A very enjoyable read. Thanks!

Fab trip report! Loved your writing style. ^ :D

Fab trip report! Loved your writing style. ^ :D

Really? A bump two years later for a hoorah?

Yup, I don't tend to visit this part of the FT but have time to kill of late. Good post deserves a hurrah irrespective fo the time frame. :)

edit: I am now reading another TR that's 4 yrs old.

Really? A bump two years later for a hoorah?Has it been that long??

It seemed like only last year that I read it....time *is* flying! :D

It may be 2yrs old but it's still worth a read.

Cheers Larry.:-:

Great report
I really like your writing style!!

I am generally opposed to taking photographs on holidays, on the premise than anything I snap will have been already photographed by actual professionals.

As loathe as I generally am to contibute to the resurrection of a two-year-old thread in exactly the manner I'm about to, I feel I must point out how ridiculously pleased I am to have finally encountered (if only in the most general sense) somebody who shares my philosophy on holiday photographs.

Oh, and excellent report. ^

I was nice to be reminded of the trip. I remember very little of it except for the woman in the ORD RCC, the woman in 26E, and the nightie I bought for Mrs. Zorn.

I was fortunate to be able to return to Australia again, much to the chagrin of Mrs. Zorn who resents my trips enormously (or at least pretends to just to upset me).

We now have a family legend about my mythical Australian wife (prettier) and children (better behaved) that we joke about quite a bit.

Last fall the four of us were flying YYZ-SFO for Mrs. Zorn's conference and a little holiday. I went to the airport independent of them. The US immigration person asked Mrs. Zorn why she was going to the US, and she said "conference". He then asked who would look after the children during the conference, and she said "my husband will be there too".

At which point my five year old son apparently says:

"DADDY HAS AN AUSTRALIAN WIFE TOO!"

thanks for reviving this old thread with your new post, otherwise I may not have had the pleasure of reading.

Great prose Zorn!

thanks for reviving this old thread with your new post, otherwise I may not have had the pleasure of reading.

Great prose Zorn!

Same here!