CMK10
Dec 1, 04, 11:22 pm
Background
As many of you may know, I attend Arizona State University in Tempe, Arizona. However I am a New Yorker by birth and my family still makes their living in The Empire State. As there are 2,153 miles between them and their beloved eldest son, they require my presence a few times a year. Arguably the most important of those times is Thanksgiving. Perhaps they are thankful to have me, I mean who wouldn’t be? I am thankful to have them, I am also thankful that living out here affords me the opportunity to fly home. I decided to make my brother James thankful on this trip as I routed myself through Detroit so we could fly the same flight home. So it was off to go back to the cold confines of Suburban New York where the warm bastion of my family awaited me. Frankly, the turkey had better be good.
Preflight
WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 24, 2004
American Flight 1032
PHX-DFW
Scheduled Departure: 7:55 AM
Scheduled Board: 7:25 PM
Today dawned cold and worrisome for your humble narrator. The weather in New York was forecasted to include rain and thunderstorms, the Midwest including Detroit was showing rain, snow and wind and two of my aircraft were coming in from other cities involving short turn arounds. As I sat eating my cereal, I postulated my fate and how best to master my own destiny. However when it comes to weather problems, all you can do is a combination of praying and hoping. After sufficient worrying, I made my way out the door and saddled up my old Montero for the short trip to the airport. After the humiliating experience of waiting at a metered on-ramp, I reached my first waypoint, the East Economy Lot at PHX. However I was met with a tersely worded sign saying “Closed – Use Upper Level of Terminal 2 Garage - $5 per day”. That was fine by me; the garage was closer to where I wanted to be. On my way in to park, a woman was checking off how many cars were coming in, when I asked she said only 120 spots remained. This was at 6:15 on the Wednesday of Thanksgiving, God help anyone trying to park tomorrow.
After a short shuttle bus ride, I made it to the First Class counter at PHX. The chances of getting a friendly and helpful agent are about one in two. However luck was on my side today as I got a nice woman who told me to remind my brother James that Ohio had pounded the tar out of his University of Michigan. After promises that I would do that, I made my way upstairs and through the standard security rigamole. The gate scenes today at Phoenix would have been laughable had I not had to endure them. People were camped out in nearly every available seat armed with as much carryon luggage money could buy. Fights over seats seemed on the cusp of occurring and already the savvy Frequent Flyers had taken up choice standing positions by the doorway. Once there they eyed anyone who came near looking for the words “First” or “Group 1”. I got lucky and snagged a choice seat from which I made calls to home and informed parental units that I’d probably be delayed. My dad then made the heavy hearted decision to send a cab to pick me up, instead of him doing it. I was cut to the quick.
About five minutes before boarding, while all the cries of “please check to make sure your bag can fit in our small overhead bins” were raging, I decided to join everyone else by the doorway. Once up there the gate agents asked for a volunteer for the usual $200 voucher and “The next available flight to Dallas”. As I had no idea when that would be and I actually had an agenda upon reaching my destination, I decided to not take the bait. Fortunately for me, neither did anyone else and this broadcast was followed by another one, saying “will Charles (pause) Koo-nts please come to the service desk.” Once there I was informed they needed my seat in coach so I was getting the wily and elusive operational upgrade. I was so consumed by glee of my 23 row catapult forward; I declined to admonish the gate agent for butchering my last name so badly. It’s Koo-nz people! New Boarding pass in hand, I was the last of the 22 people to board holding passes for the secluded F cabin of:
Flying
Gate 2
Seat 2E First Class
Ex-TWA 757-200, N711ZX
Actual Board: 7:33 AM
Actual Depart: 8:00 AM – 5 Minutes Delayed
Take off 10 minutes after departure
Even though I don’t like aisle seats, I happily sat down next to a rather dour man who seemed to regard me as someone not worthy of sharing row 2 with him. Don’t even try to annoy me, buddy, it’s been a great month and my trip is already starting out well. During the boarding process, I encountered something I’d never before seen on a full flight. The flight attendants brought around a tray of water and Orange Juice. Everytime before this I’ve been on a flight that was 95% or more full that didn’t board via Door 2, the FA’s stayed in the galley hiding from the onslaught of human cargo. But not today, Pam and J.C. set the tone early for a great crew. They have subsequently been rewarded by an email from me to American. After the lengthy boarding process during which I noticed several fellow Sun Devils on the flight, we pushed back. The take off afforded me my first opportunity to have reservations about returning home. There are reasons I ran as far away from my family as possible, hopefully those issues will remain dormant during this trip.
Once airborne, after the usual repertoire of PA messages that any FTer could recite backwards, a drinks cart was pushed into the aisle. This seemed a bit bizarre to me and I figured it would make its way back into the rear cabin, but in fact all beverages in F were served from it. I had never seen anything like this before and it seemed less classy than what I prefer in F, but when you’re on an upgraded N-fare ticket, you keep your whining to yourself. I pulled out a stack of articles relating to aviation I receive every week from my father and began to read about Delta’s problems while sipping my Cran-Apple. After about 20 minutes, during which the man next to me kept shooting me bizarre looks (he must be jealous of my good features) another cart inched towards the aisle. This time the cart bore foodstuffs and even though I had eaten previously at my apartment, I can’t turn down a Southwestern Omlette. It seemed few others could resist the cheese omlette atop potatoes, beans and salsa served with raisin bagels or biscuits and a fruit plate with grapefruit, kiwi, strawberry and oranges because only two people didn’t order meals and all plates were returned empty. The meal really is the best Domestic airline breakfast I’ve had and I’ve tried to make it at home but it just isn’t the same. After the meal I expected Pam and J.C. to head back to the comfortable confines of the forward galley but they shocked me and several other passengers by remaining mobile and dispensing drinks and smiles to all who looked thirsty. I was given my choice beverage of Baileys and coffee which warmed me all the way down. The rest of the flight passed much quicker than it would have had I been hidden in 25F, and before I knew it we were on the ground in Dollars, Taxes to quote Gaucho Marx.
Scheduled Arrival: 11:06 AM
Actual Arrival: 11:17 AM
Gate C32
Preflight/Transit
American Flight 1160
DFW-DTW
Scheduled Departure: 12:40 PM
Scheduled Board: 12:10 PM
I was lucky enough today to have a nearly identical connection to Spiff who was waiting for me in the Concourse C Admirals Club. For an hour instead of sitting alone, I enjoyed conversation about a variety of subjects from college life to aviation. He had been lucky enough to have his DFW-JFK flight upgraded to a 767-300 and he would be sitting pretty in the First Class cabin of that aircraft. I was unlucky enough to be in coach on an MD-80 that was coming in late from San Francisco. After sufficient bonding, we walked down the concourse together until I bade him goodbye outside gate C17 where I arrived a minute before boarding. After waiting for the motley First Class crew to board, I followed them onto:
Flying
Gate C17
Seat 8F Main Cabin
MD-80, N434AA
Actual Board: 12:32 PM
Actual Depart: 12:57 PM – 17 Minutes Delayed
Take off 10 minutes after departure
Another flight, another cabin chock full of merry revelers, most of whom don’t fly much. In front of me I had a couple who spent most of the flight in lip-lock and behind me I had a spoiled young girl who had the power to produce tears upon command. My heart went out to her father who tried in vein to have her be quiet. After takeoff I was able to subside her wails for coke and god knows what else with an influx of Guns n’ Roses via headphones.
The rest of the flight was as routine as most short-haul MD-80’s in coach. I got a full can of Dr. Pepper with a bag of salty pretzels. After a short while the FA’s collected the garbage and then retreated to the back of the plane where they could safely talk amongst themselves while we amused ourselves on this IFE-less aircraft. With an hour to go, I made my way to the back of the plane to take advantage of the excellent restrooms and I spotted a girl using her cell phone for text messaging, say it ain’t so, occupant of 27D. The flight up had offered views of the countryside for the first half of the ride, but as we neared Detroit, the weather began to turn rather foul. The captain elected to seat the crew earlier than usual, (not that it mattered, they were seated anyway) and we began our fateful decent into Mo-town. For the first twenty minutes of said decent, the only view offered was gray murky clouds that showed no sign of breaking. The drama was heightened by little Miss 9F who began to caterwaul as soon as we dipped below 37,000 feet. Finally just as most people began to worry the cloud layer was lower than advertised, landfall was achieved and a rain-slicked runway rose up to meet our aircraft. After a short taxi under dark and stormy skies (though it was not yet night) I emerged into the terminal to find my counterpart.
Scheduled Arrival: 4:15 PM
Actual Arrival: 4:17 PM
Gate B8
Preflight/Transit
American Eagle Flight 4883
DTW-LGA
Scheduled Departure: 6:00 PM
Scheduled Board: 5:30 PM
A little note on James here, he is one year my junior and attends the University of Michigan. While he hates all things flying and enjoys mocking my enjoyment of it, I still assert that we make a pretty good team. As we’ve always been rather close, our separation is less than enjoyable so I devise schemes to get us in the same place for x-treme bonding. Today was no exception as together we explored the decrepit L.C. Smith Terminal, ate Quizznos and weathered the storm while cracking loud jokes most people probably wished they didn’t have to hear.
As soon as I’d landed I knew there would be problems with this flight. Even in optimal conditions, the half hour turnaround the ERJ-140 is scheduled to make is questionable at best. With poor weather in New York and Detroit, I knew there would be issues. What we were treated to was a cascading delay as the plane didn’t arrive in Detroit until just before 7 PM. During that time we sat in a crowded waiting room listening to delays being announced for America West, American and Independence Air flights. The seats couldn’t have been more comfortable, in fact they’d been recently repaired with electrical tape! Finally after gate agents got most of the Chicago flight on their MD-80, we were allowed to board:
Flying
Gate B8
Seat 2A Main Cabin
ERJ-140
Actual Board: 6:53 PM
Actual Depart: 7:40 PM – 1 Hour 40 Minutes Delayed
Take off 47 minutes after departure
Frankly even an ERJ is a better place to camp out than the blasted L.C. Smith Terminal. I was lucky again to have another enjoyable flight attendant who kept the planeload of 44 people informed and amused and even managed to remain in a good mood. My heart went out to the guy, despite being from New York City; he would be spending his Thanksgiving in Raleigh-Durham, which meant he still had a flight to go that night. Even though we all boarded rapidly (during a delay, passengers seem to take minute amounts of times filing onboard, we had a paperwork crisis. The gate agents and rampers at Metro were harried so by the time we had everything we’d needed, the rain had turned to snow and the temperatures plummeted below the freezing mark. This could only mean a glycerol mixture being sprayed over the entire plane. We taxied out to the de-icing pad where we spent an agonizing 40 minutes during which no one could get up, including the flight attendant, or use a cellular phone. My poor family was expecting both my presence and that of my brother and I guarantee they were worried sick about us. Actually they probably forgot we existed but I like to pretend.
Finally after our dousing we got airborne. Once in the air we were treated to a cup of beverage and a serving of really stale Fisher pretzels. By then I had been sucking down heavily iced down drinks and eating old snacks for over fourteen hours and I was looking forward to the trip being over. We proceeded eastward in a timely manner, passing over Cleveland which looked amazing at night. James and I kept up our running dialogue as every-so-often I’d lean back and he’d lean forward (he was behind me in 3A) and we’d start a meaningless conversation. I’ve said it many times and this won’t be the last time, all his whining aside, he’s a good guy to travel with as he makes the flight enjoyable.
Soon I thought we were descending into New York, but it was only a 20 minute holding pattern. After that we began the real decent and I was back in New York State for the first time in over 3 months. Even though I was ready to start swashbuckling in my home state, it was not ready to have me. Due to weather and operations problems, there were two Eagle flights that had been more delayed than ours. Therefore we got to sit and watch them take the last two gates as we stewed. For 35 minutes we sat. Those 35 minutes consisted of me trying to explain to James why we couldn’t park at one of the open D gates. Just as I was contemplating a run for the terminal, we moved into D1. It couldn’t have come at a better time because I was running out of people to call up and whine to.
Scheduled Arrival: 8:00 PM
Actual Arrival: 10:49 PM
Gate D1
We made it outside and found our cab which took us up the coast to our suburban jungle where my father, aunt and her partner awaited us along with several siblings. For that moment at least we were hot commodities as hide nor hair had been seen of us in a while. We took advantage of being the center of attention while it lasted and had an enjoyable night.
As many of you may know, I attend Arizona State University in Tempe, Arizona. However I am a New Yorker by birth and my family still makes their living in The Empire State. As there are 2,153 miles between them and their beloved eldest son, they require my presence a few times a year. Arguably the most important of those times is Thanksgiving. Perhaps they are thankful to have me, I mean who wouldn’t be? I am thankful to have them, I am also thankful that living out here affords me the opportunity to fly home. I decided to make my brother James thankful on this trip as I routed myself through Detroit so we could fly the same flight home. So it was off to go back to the cold confines of Suburban New York where the warm bastion of my family awaited me. Frankly, the turkey had better be good.
Preflight
WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 24, 2004
American Flight 1032
PHX-DFW
Scheduled Departure: 7:55 AM
Scheduled Board: 7:25 PM
Today dawned cold and worrisome for your humble narrator. The weather in New York was forecasted to include rain and thunderstorms, the Midwest including Detroit was showing rain, snow and wind and two of my aircraft were coming in from other cities involving short turn arounds. As I sat eating my cereal, I postulated my fate and how best to master my own destiny. However when it comes to weather problems, all you can do is a combination of praying and hoping. After sufficient worrying, I made my way out the door and saddled up my old Montero for the short trip to the airport. After the humiliating experience of waiting at a metered on-ramp, I reached my first waypoint, the East Economy Lot at PHX. However I was met with a tersely worded sign saying “Closed – Use Upper Level of Terminal 2 Garage - $5 per day”. That was fine by me; the garage was closer to where I wanted to be. On my way in to park, a woman was checking off how many cars were coming in, when I asked she said only 120 spots remained. This was at 6:15 on the Wednesday of Thanksgiving, God help anyone trying to park tomorrow.
After a short shuttle bus ride, I made it to the First Class counter at PHX. The chances of getting a friendly and helpful agent are about one in two. However luck was on my side today as I got a nice woman who told me to remind my brother James that Ohio had pounded the tar out of his University of Michigan. After promises that I would do that, I made my way upstairs and through the standard security rigamole. The gate scenes today at Phoenix would have been laughable had I not had to endure them. People were camped out in nearly every available seat armed with as much carryon luggage money could buy. Fights over seats seemed on the cusp of occurring and already the savvy Frequent Flyers had taken up choice standing positions by the doorway. Once there they eyed anyone who came near looking for the words “First” or “Group 1”. I got lucky and snagged a choice seat from which I made calls to home and informed parental units that I’d probably be delayed. My dad then made the heavy hearted decision to send a cab to pick me up, instead of him doing it. I was cut to the quick.
About five minutes before boarding, while all the cries of “please check to make sure your bag can fit in our small overhead bins” were raging, I decided to join everyone else by the doorway. Once up there the gate agents asked for a volunteer for the usual $200 voucher and “The next available flight to Dallas”. As I had no idea when that would be and I actually had an agenda upon reaching my destination, I decided to not take the bait. Fortunately for me, neither did anyone else and this broadcast was followed by another one, saying “will Charles (pause) Koo-nts please come to the service desk.” Once there I was informed they needed my seat in coach so I was getting the wily and elusive operational upgrade. I was so consumed by glee of my 23 row catapult forward; I declined to admonish the gate agent for butchering my last name so badly. It’s Koo-nz people! New Boarding pass in hand, I was the last of the 22 people to board holding passes for the secluded F cabin of:
Flying
Gate 2
Seat 2E First Class
Ex-TWA 757-200, N711ZX
Actual Board: 7:33 AM
Actual Depart: 8:00 AM – 5 Minutes Delayed
Take off 10 minutes after departure
Even though I don’t like aisle seats, I happily sat down next to a rather dour man who seemed to regard me as someone not worthy of sharing row 2 with him. Don’t even try to annoy me, buddy, it’s been a great month and my trip is already starting out well. During the boarding process, I encountered something I’d never before seen on a full flight. The flight attendants brought around a tray of water and Orange Juice. Everytime before this I’ve been on a flight that was 95% or more full that didn’t board via Door 2, the FA’s stayed in the galley hiding from the onslaught of human cargo. But not today, Pam and J.C. set the tone early for a great crew. They have subsequently been rewarded by an email from me to American. After the lengthy boarding process during which I noticed several fellow Sun Devils on the flight, we pushed back. The take off afforded me my first opportunity to have reservations about returning home. There are reasons I ran as far away from my family as possible, hopefully those issues will remain dormant during this trip.
Once airborne, after the usual repertoire of PA messages that any FTer could recite backwards, a drinks cart was pushed into the aisle. This seemed a bit bizarre to me and I figured it would make its way back into the rear cabin, but in fact all beverages in F were served from it. I had never seen anything like this before and it seemed less classy than what I prefer in F, but when you’re on an upgraded N-fare ticket, you keep your whining to yourself. I pulled out a stack of articles relating to aviation I receive every week from my father and began to read about Delta’s problems while sipping my Cran-Apple. After about 20 minutes, during which the man next to me kept shooting me bizarre looks (he must be jealous of my good features) another cart inched towards the aisle. This time the cart bore foodstuffs and even though I had eaten previously at my apartment, I can’t turn down a Southwestern Omlette. It seemed few others could resist the cheese omlette atop potatoes, beans and salsa served with raisin bagels or biscuits and a fruit plate with grapefruit, kiwi, strawberry and oranges because only two people didn’t order meals and all plates were returned empty. The meal really is the best Domestic airline breakfast I’ve had and I’ve tried to make it at home but it just isn’t the same. After the meal I expected Pam and J.C. to head back to the comfortable confines of the forward galley but they shocked me and several other passengers by remaining mobile and dispensing drinks and smiles to all who looked thirsty. I was given my choice beverage of Baileys and coffee which warmed me all the way down. The rest of the flight passed much quicker than it would have had I been hidden in 25F, and before I knew it we were on the ground in Dollars, Taxes to quote Gaucho Marx.
Scheduled Arrival: 11:06 AM
Actual Arrival: 11:17 AM
Gate C32
Preflight/Transit
American Flight 1160
DFW-DTW
Scheduled Departure: 12:40 PM
Scheduled Board: 12:10 PM
I was lucky enough today to have a nearly identical connection to Spiff who was waiting for me in the Concourse C Admirals Club. For an hour instead of sitting alone, I enjoyed conversation about a variety of subjects from college life to aviation. He had been lucky enough to have his DFW-JFK flight upgraded to a 767-300 and he would be sitting pretty in the First Class cabin of that aircraft. I was unlucky enough to be in coach on an MD-80 that was coming in late from San Francisco. After sufficient bonding, we walked down the concourse together until I bade him goodbye outside gate C17 where I arrived a minute before boarding. After waiting for the motley First Class crew to board, I followed them onto:
Flying
Gate C17
Seat 8F Main Cabin
MD-80, N434AA
Actual Board: 12:32 PM
Actual Depart: 12:57 PM – 17 Minutes Delayed
Take off 10 minutes after departure
Another flight, another cabin chock full of merry revelers, most of whom don’t fly much. In front of me I had a couple who spent most of the flight in lip-lock and behind me I had a spoiled young girl who had the power to produce tears upon command. My heart went out to her father who tried in vein to have her be quiet. After takeoff I was able to subside her wails for coke and god knows what else with an influx of Guns n’ Roses via headphones.
The rest of the flight was as routine as most short-haul MD-80’s in coach. I got a full can of Dr. Pepper with a bag of salty pretzels. After a short while the FA’s collected the garbage and then retreated to the back of the plane where they could safely talk amongst themselves while we amused ourselves on this IFE-less aircraft. With an hour to go, I made my way to the back of the plane to take advantage of the excellent restrooms and I spotted a girl using her cell phone for text messaging, say it ain’t so, occupant of 27D. The flight up had offered views of the countryside for the first half of the ride, but as we neared Detroit, the weather began to turn rather foul. The captain elected to seat the crew earlier than usual, (not that it mattered, they were seated anyway) and we began our fateful decent into Mo-town. For the first twenty minutes of said decent, the only view offered was gray murky clouds that showed no sign of breaking. The drama was heightened by little Miss 9F who began to caterwaul as soon as we dipped below 37,000 feet. Finally just as most people began to worry the cloud layer was lower than advertised, landfall was achieved and a rain-slicked runway rose up to meet our aircraft. After a short taxi under dark and stormy skies (though it was not yet night) I emerged into the terminal to find my counterpart.
Scheduled Arrival: 4:15 PM
Actual Arrival: 4:17 PM
Gate B8
Preflight/Transit
American Eagle Flight 4883
DTW-LGA
Scheduled Departure: 6:00 PM
Scheduled Board: 5:30 PM
A little note on James here, he is one year my junior and attends the University of Michigan. While he hates all things flying and enjoys mocking my enjoyment of it, I still assert that we make a pretty good team. As we’ve always been rather close, our separation is less than enjoyable so I devise schemes to get us in the same place for x-treme bonding. Today was no exception as together we explored the decrepit L.C. Smith Terminal, ate Quizznos and weathered the storm while cracking loud jokes most people probably wished they didn’t have to hear.
As soon as I’d landed I knew there would be problems with this flight. Even in optimal conditions, the half hour turnaround the ERJ-140 is scheduled to make is questionable at best. With poor weather in New York and Detroit, I knew there would be issues. What we were treated to was a cascading delay as the plane didn’t arrive in Detroit until just before 7 PM. During that time we sat in a crowded waiting room listening to delays being announced for America West, American and Independence Air flights. The seats couldn’t have been more comfortable, in fact they’d been recently repaired with electrical tape! Finally after gate agents got most of the Chicago flight on their MD-80, we were allowed to board:
Flying
Gate B8
Seat 2A Main Cabin
ERJ-140
Actual Board: 6:53 PM
Actual Depart: 7:40 PM – 1 Hour 40 Minutes Delayed
Take off 47 minutes after departure
Frankly even an ERJ is a better place to camp out than the blasted L.C. Smith Terminal. I was lucky again to have another enjoyable flight attendant who kept the planeload of 44 people informed and amused and even managed to remain in a good mood. My heart went out to the guy, despite being from New York City; he would be spending his Thanksgiving in Raleigh-Durham, which meant he still had a flight to go that night. Even though we all boarded rapidly (during a delay, passengers seem to take minute amounts of times filing onboard, we had a paperwork crisis. The gate agents and rampers at Metro were harried so by the time we had everything we’d needed, the rain had turned to snow and the temperatures plummeted below the freezing mark. This could only mean a glycerol mixture being sprayed over the entire plane. We taxied out to the de-icing pad where we spent an agonizing 40 minutes during which no one could get up, including the flight attendant, or use a cellular phone. My poor family was expecting both my presence and that of my brother and I guarantee they were worried sick about us. Actually they probably forgot we existed but I like to pretend.
Finally after our dousing we got airborne. Once in the air we were treated to a cup of beverage and a serving of really stale Fisher pretzels. By then I had been sucking down heavily iced down drinks and eating old snacks for over fourteen hours and I was looking forward to the trip being over. We proceeded eastward in a timely manner, passing over Cleveland which looked amazing at night. James and I kept up our running dialogue as every-so-often I’d lean back and he’d lean forward (he was behind me in 3A) and we’d start a meaningless conversation. I’ve said it many times and this won’t be the last time, all his whining aside, he’s a good guy to travel with as he makes the flight enjoyable.
Soon I thought we were descending into New York, but it was only a 20 minute holding pattern. After that we began the real decent and I was back in New York State for the first time in over 3 months. Even though I was ready to start swashbuckling in my home state, it was not ready to have me. Due to weather and operations problems, there were two Eagle flights that had been more delayed than ours. Therefore we got to sit and watch them take the last two gates as we stewed. For 35 minutes we sat. Those 35 minutes consisted of me trying to explain to James why we couldn’t park at one of the open D gates. Just as I was contemplating a run for the terminal, we moved into D1. It couldn’t have come at a better time because I was running out of people to call up and whine to.
Scheduled Arrival: 8:00 PM
Actual Arrival: 10:49 PM
Gate D1
We made it outside and found our cab which took us up the coast to our suburban jungle where my father, aunt and her partner awaited us along with several siblings. For that moment at least we were hot commodities as hide nor hair had been seen of us in a while. We took advantage of being the center of attention while it lasted and had an enjoyable night.