Trip Reports - Around the World in 28 Days

Part 0: A Preamble

I’ve always planned to do something special for my 40th birthday and it always involved travel.

Originally it was a trip on Concorde, but sadly she went into retirement too quickly. So it became the idea of visiting friends in Australia which was do-able. Now all this was being funded by a small investment I’d made some years before which was due to mature at the right time, so the success of the investment would determine if it was World Traveller Plus and Ibexes or Club World and Hiltons.

Anyway, cometh the hour, cometh the yearly bonus slip and the signs are quite good. So I slip off to the boss creature and ask what’s the maximum amount of time that I can have off in April 2005 and get the two weeks offer. I also get complete looks of horror from my political confreres at the thought of going away in April when there is likely to be a General Election in May 2005. Hmmm, this isn’t looking good. So I try another tack, when can I have the most time off without annoying everyone and finally the answer comes back that I have have 4 weeks and no more in November.

So I start investigating the murky world of D-class fares to Australia and come to the conclusion that actually a RTW fare might be better value and yield a few more miles. So, I do some basic investigation, work out that I want to see places rather than go for miles and segments and pop along to the One World board and ask some questions. They weren't very helpful, to say the least. However, a nice tip off from a friendly QF board poster led me to a slightly amended route that would save a little money.

However, all this was ruined by a simple trip to a humble travel agent. I’d been into Central Birmingham to have some bits prodded by the quacks and it was sheeting down with rain so I nipped into Trailfinders for some brochures. Anyway, I end up having a discussion with someone in there and they point out the Qantas World Discovery ticket. Very reasonable priced in Business Class, suits my needs reasonably well and saves faffing about in FRA. So, I do more research and trust me the rules on this one are really quite hard to track down; they are also horrifically variable with the Economy product actually being considerably more flexible than the J Product.

So, about the start of August, it gets booked

LHR-HKG-SIN-SYD-MEL-CNS-BNE-CNS-SYD-AKL-LAX-PHX-LAX-LHR

Now the very observant will notice that breaks several rules of this splendidly obscure ticket, but there’s three other tickets rolled into there. There’s a CX J ticket HKG-SIN, there’s a Deathstar ticket CNS-BNE-CNS and tell it not in Gath, but there is a WN LAX-PHX-LAX in there.

So anyway, there is much excitement in the home of iainbhx as the date approaches, apart from the fact that work decides that as I’m going away for a month, I can do two months work during October. However, I suppose that was to be expected.

Anyway, the fateful day arrives and I leave work with a smile on my face, telling my cow-orkers with some joy that I will see them in four weeks.

Nice one Iain ^ :cool:
Looking forward to the rest of the report :)

Fit the First, 11/11/04, BA 27, LHR-HKG, C, 13J

As usual before a trip of any length to a new destination , I manage to get a bit excited[0] and didn’t sleep properly the night before. So instead of my usual rising at sparrowfart, I crawl out of bed at about 9 am, which of course means that I have to tear around like the proverbial in order to get the 13:00 train so I can spend some time with my loved one before departing.

However, by some miracle, I managed to get all the menial tasks done and still get to the train on time despite the best efforts of Brum’s finest taxi drivers[1] and I get to spend some quality time with my loved one, which is great; and because of where he lives and the amount of luggage I have, I get to endure about an hour on the Piccadilly line – which is hideous[2]. Damn it, next time I will get a taxi from Islington to Paddington.

So after the usual fag outside Terminal 1, it’s straight into Zone R which like the rest of the terminal is like the grave. It’s late and there really isn’t much more to go out tonight. Which means that everything is very quick, I’m through into Terraces via WH Smug in about 10 minutes. And T1 Terraces is like, empty, all that is left on the board are the two HKG’s and a delayed ARN and the ARN and the first HKG are boarding. So there are perhaps about 30 people in there in toto and the staff obviously want us all to board so that they can piss off home. Food and drink isn’t being refreshed, leave a cup for a second and they are scooting it away and they have removed all but one ashtray from the smoking room – which frankly is farcical. Even evil addicts to death sticks such as myself don’t want to stay in the cancer incubation unit for too long, we want a fag and then to get out fast.

Anyway, boarding is called on time and after a final fag, it is off to board the flight. The joys of OLCI mean that it wasn’t working for this flight and so I ended up with 13J, which is an aisle, but in the main cabin downstairs. Club World seems to be about 2/3’s full downstairs and miracle of miracles, someone actually offers to hang my coat. I play around with the Club World seat and find it very comfortable.

We hang around for ever waiting for some passengers to turn up including my seat opponent, who immediately puts up the privacy screen without even a “Hello” – it’s OK, mate. I thought you were a minger as well 

There is a last minute shuffling of seats for some reason and someone is upgraded from Third World Traveller Plus and some other lucky so-and-so is upgraded to FIRST.

On board service downstairs is carried out by crew who are obviously ex Air-Scotia but a little older and more rotund. They are very efficient, quite friendly and good at service. Just before the meal service, the CSD comes down and acts like visiting royalty with a handshake for everyone. Sadly, it wasn’t Miss Galore nor was it Shona Spurtle.

Dinner

Appetisers

Prawn and Crab Salad with Thai coconut dressing
OR
Fresh asparagus mousse with crème fraiche and Parmesan cheese dressing

Fresh seasonal salad served with vinaigrette

Main Courses

Fillet of beef with red wine sauce, caramelised shallots and garlic

OR

Pork in black bean sauce with stir-fried noodles and bok choy

OR

Tomato and basil ravoli with cherry tomato sauce

OR

Main course salad of chilled green chicken tikka with basil, red onion and tomato

DESSERT

Butterscotch and chocolate cheesecake
OR
Oxford Blue, Hawes Wensleydale and Somerset Camembert cheese
OR
Fresh Fruit

Well, the asparagus mousse was rather nice – even if I do think that asparagus is a daring choice for long-haul flights. The chicken with noodles wasn’t bad, but had that feel of “Economy dish in better days” about it, the butterscotch cheesecake was well up to BA dessert standards. I could have easily managed at least another 6 slices of it. The white wine was indistinguished, the portion of Baileys copious.

After the meal service, the CSD came around with the questionnaires. I adopted my usual hard-faced ******* look and was ignored. In fact the one questionnaire in the main CW cabin went to the upgraded passenger – who of course will be as happy as Larry and give a glowing report. Quelle surprise.

Anyway, I then tried to sleep, I am not good at sleeping anywhere but a bed and I have only very managed to sleep once on an aircraft in my life and that was after being up for 35 hours. Well, I managed it this time, not a lot of sleep but a reasonable 4 to 5 hours of rest and dozing. On awakening, I got the laptop out and proceeded to work on some documents for a couple of hours. The crew were very good at spotting who was awake and quietly offering water/drinks etc.

BREAKFAST

Chilled fruit juice
OR
Our special wake-up energising smoothie of strawberry, raspberry and papaya

Freshly prepared fruit
OR
Greek yoghurt with dried fruit

Classic British breakfast
OR
Cheese omelette with slow roasted tomatos and hash-brown potatoes
OR
Waffles with Orange Compote

Selection of warm breads and breakfast pastries

About one hour out from HKG, the cabin lights came on and we were offered breakfast if people were awake and the CSD made his third appearance with the landing cards. I chose the hot breakfast which we all know and love well from BA flights. The main difference between it and a Club Europe brekkie seems to be the fruit smoothie (very, very good) and an extra rasher of bacon. Btw, hint to BA, try and source your LHR sausages from the BHX suppliers, you get something with meat and herbs rather than a tasteless mush.

Arrival at HKG, whilst a little late was very easy, out of the airport and onto the shiny train in less than 20 minutes.

Conrad Hong Kong

Well, I was praying for an upgrade to the much-vaunted Executive Floor, but alas this wasn’t to be. I did however get a high-floor Park View as my upgrade – which oddly was precisely what I booked. I tried not to roll my eyes.

However, the room was splendid, very large, very well equipped and they even gave me a teddy bear to cuddle at night which I have kidnapped to bring home. Every night I got fresh water, lots of nice fresh fruit and a dim-sum container full of very nice chocolates. I also got a complimentary breakfast which turned out to be a rather stunning buffet in a nice room by the pool, with Chinese, Japanese, American and European selections. I just had the very good Birchermuesli and Watermelon juice.

I spent much of my time in HKG suffering badly from jetlag and so didn’t see as much as I liked, however, I had some excellent cheap meals, some nice wandering through the city taking pictures of buildings and did some shopping.

I want to go back.

[0] As opposed to FRA/DUS/MUC/HAM/TXL.
[1] Yes, the Ladypool Road is the shortest distance to Birmingham New Street[3], it’s also constantly double parked and choked with traffic.
[2] and so are the people on it during the rush hour.
[3] aka Mordor Central

This is a great looking report so far. ^ ^
I eagerly await further installments!

Great report, iainbhx - keep it coming! :)

Fit the Second, CX717, HKG-SIN, C, 14H

This one will be a bit short. I didn’t do well for jetlag on this trip and by the time it got to Monday morning, I had managed about 12 hours decent sleep out of the previous 72 hours. So details on this report are to say the least a bit hazy. However, all in all, it must be said that HKG is one of the cleanest airports I have seen, with good signposting and helpful staff. CX check-in was extremely pleasant and swift and within 5 minutes of getting there, I was trundling down to the Pier.

Now I know that a lot of people rave about The Pier as being one of the world’s best lounges, so I am going to offer a slightly contrarian viewpoint. The Pier is OK, it has nice facilities, but it isn’t the wonderful place that people claim it to be. Yes, I greatly enjoyed the Noodle Bar, the internet facilities were very well done, but the seating doesn’t enduce relaxation and simple things like orange juice weren’t easily available. Part from the delights of BBQ Pork Buns and that it was quite empty, I feel that BA does better with Terraces in the mornings.

Anyway, we boarded the 777-300 very smartly on time, I would have been quite interested in this flight normally because I have never been on a 777 of any type before. However, I was so tired that I really wasn’t that interested, all I wanted to do was get to SIN and sleep. My seat opponent was a middle aged gentleman who was running some form of skin-care product franchise, he informed me liberally about this and I admired his collection of top-level Frequent Flyer/Stayer cards.

Pre-departure drinks were of course served, I opted for the non-alcofrolic Cathay delight which was a virulent green in colour and actually rather pleasant.

As soon as we were airborne and the pings had gone, the drinks trolleys were wheeled out, it was during this that I noticed the great Champagne swindle that was going on. The menu promised Billecart-Salmon and bottles of it were paraded up and down the aisle with some gusto. What was actually served, fairly carefully wrapped to disguise it was Deutz. Myself, I opted for apple juice.

Brunch was then served:

Juice Selection

Fresh Seasonal Fruits

Omlette with Parsley, Grilled Veal Sausage, Parmentier Potatoes, Broiled Tomato with Herbs and Button Mushrooms
OR
Sautéed Prawns and Cucumber with Chili Paste, Steamed Rice and Baby Chinese Cabbage with Straw Mushrooms
OR
Chinese Dim Sum with Chili Sauce

Pear Charlotte Cake with Mango Coulis

Assorted Bread and Rolls, Tea and Coffee

I took the Prawns, two servings of the bread (which was offered around three times) and a mug of tea. I do like Cathay’s mugs, nice and large in a sensible earth tone. The Prawns were excellent.

After brunch had been served, there was another round of hot towels and the crew then retreated to the Galley for the remaining 2 hours of the flight. I must admit I was quite surprised by this, although it seems to be normal on most flights.

I, like my seat opponent, didn’t bother with Studio CX and just retreated into the laptop for the flight. Empower did not seem to be available.

So, I arrived at the much vaunted SIN airport. I must admit I wasn’t that impressed, it didn’t seem that special. I went quickly through Immigration, my bag came off at a reasonable rate and I walked out into 30 degree heat and high humidity to find a taxi. Thank goodness for all that time in North Carolina to innure me to such.

Hilton Singapore

By the time I got to the Hilton SIN, I was almost on the verge of collapse through tiredness. I was informed that I was being upgraded to the special HHonors floor. Of course, this is a faux upgrade, there’s nothing remotely special about the HHonors floor except for a nameplate.

I didn’t even unpack my bags, I slumped down head first on the bed and got four hours napping in.

When I awoke, I had a little host of cards under the door telling me that they had come to do turndown service and check the mini bar and gawd knows what else. Obviously, the Hilton SIN is one of those places which likes to pester its clients incessantly.

After showering and doing a minor unpack (I’m buggered if I am going to unpack a whole case for a two night stop), I venture out into the steamy heat of SIN to find foodstuffs. I had been recommended to eat at the local “Food Court” near the Newton MRT, this recommendation proved to be very good as for a mere pittance I enjoyed satay, crispy duck, rice, chilied vegetables, fresh fruit and a couple of large glasses of iced line juice. I then MRTed back to Orchard and wandered around looking for a couple of beers to act as sleeping aids. This proved to be an interesting experience as many of the bars close to the Hilton appear to be full of very forward young ladies, one of which (well, I think it was a lady but the hands were a bit dodgy) made me blush. I assured them all that I wasn’t interested in their solicitations and departed swiftly back to the hotel before they brought their brothers along.

Not only has the SIN Hilton created a separate Hhonors floor, but to refine it’s dodgy practices it also has a separate breakfast for those who cannot see the pleasures of the Exec lounge. Whilst held in nice surroundings and perfectly acceptable, it was certainly less than the downstairs offerings which were included in my rate until the mysterious faux upgrade.

I spend most of my second day in SIN being a tourist and shopping. I had great meals at Blue Ginger (lunch) and at the Maxwell Road Food Court (dinner) I got soaked by a sudden rain storm, I took pictures of pretty masjids, temples and colonial buildings and I bought various items including melatonin which worked like a dream – 7 hours solid sleep before the evil alarm clock awoke me with the news that it was time to go to Sydney.

I must admit, I had expected not to like SIN. Oddly enough, I rather enjoyed it and would return. Also oddly enough, should I decide to become an itinerant contractor again (as opposed to a pseudo-academentic), I’d consider a contract there. But I won’t stay at the SIN Hilton again.

Good report, keep them coming!
However, the room was splendid, very large, very well equipped and they even gave me a teddy bear to cuddle at night which I have kidnapped to bring home.
My friend also stayed at the Conrad a couple of weeks ago, but he didn't kidnap Conrad the bear, as he tought it had been cuddled by too many other room guest before him. However he bought a new one from the lobby shop.

Well, the QF32 report should be tomorrow, but then you'll have to wait a while as I'm not leaving Sydney until Tuesday.

I'm having a great time.

Great stuff so far, look forward to the rest.



This proved to be an interesting experience as many of the bars close to the Hilton appear to be full of very forward young ladies, one of which (well, I think it was a lady but the hands were a bit dodgy) made me blush.



:D .

I see you found the '4 floors of .....doors' ;) :D .

Great stuff so far, look forward to the rest.



:D .

I see you found the '4 floors of .....doors' ;) :D .

My seat opponent on QF32 informed me of that appellation.

About as much use to me as a chocolate teapot, of course.

Fit the Second, CX717, HKG-SIN, C, 14HI noticed the great Champagne swindle that was going on. The menu promised Billecart-Salmon and bottles of it were paraded up and down the aisle with some gusto. What was actually served, fairly carefully wrapped to disguise it was Deutz.

The horror, the horror! :eek: No seriously, that really is a disgrace. Do you think you'd have been able to get some Billecart-Salmon (my favourite NV bubbly) if you had asked specifically for it?

Fit the Third, QF32, SIN-SYD, J, 11B

QF 32 is a day flight, which meant one of those early starts to the airport. The taxi driver was, as taxi drivers the world over are, very chatty. We discussed Singapore and the changes they are making to the education system. On arrival at SIN, I searched high and low for the Business class check-in until I realised it was in an office in a separate little area. It must be said that this was nice, possibly even nicer than Zone R at LHR T1 as you were offered a seat. Anyway, I was asked if an upstairs bulkhead aisle was OK and I immediately said yes.

Anyway, very quickly passing through immigration and security, I quickly purchased 200 fags, a bottle of Baileys and made my way to the joint QF/BA lounge at SIN. OK, it is being rebuilt but this isn’t a very good lounge. There are some chairs, some showers, a bit of open space and a food bar. A food bar which seemed to have a very, very sparse selection. There was some bread (oddly only fruit bread) for toasting, some cheese and some fruit. Now is this a pay lounge or a joint lounge in an important city for a couple of major OneWorld airlines? Hmm, not happy.

So I went back and had a couple of ciggies in the outdoor area and crashed the CX lounge using my OneWorld Silver status. This is actually a smaller and less open lounge, but the array of food and drink was a little better and the staff were friendlier.

Anyway, boarding was going on, so it was out of the lounge, final cigarette, quick visit to the washroom and boarding the Qantas 747-400 to SYD. There’s a sort of fast track boarding where First and Business class passengers get to use a different jetway spur, which is nice, but as they have emptied out the whole plane at SIN to clean and restock, there’s also a lot of continuation passengers, Upstairs I troll to have my first encounter with Mussolini in micromesh – I get to the top of the stairs and an FA barks – “that’s too big, put in the closet”. Well, I’d already guessed that dear, although actually I think it would have fit in the bins. So I put in the closet and make my way to 11B.

My seat opponent is a pleasant chap who makes some conversation about SIN and SYD, he mainly sleeps during the flight, but with my sleep patterns still very strange I choose to stay awake.

The flight is fitted with the new Skybed, which is a lie-flat seat like the BA Club World seat. I then merrily spend about 10 minutes trying to figure out the controls, they aren’t as easy as the BA Club World seat controls. Pre-departure drinks are done, with a choice of fizz, orange juice or water. AS usual, I pick water and menus are handed out, which I actually forgot to kidnap for once. Anyway, we depart a few minutes late, with what seems like a very long take-off roll.

There are the usual announcement and luckily it looks like the pilot isn’t going to be a Chatty Cathy which is good, because there’s nothing worse that someone who constantly interrupts to say, “We are now passing over Drongo” etc.

Anyway, there is a very quick bar service where I have my usual apple juice and then we are asked to select our meals. Now, it is full upstairs (and I am clearly the only passenger under 40 by some margin) and even in business class there is not enough of each selection and I distinctly hear a conversation between the two FA’s “that we are out of chicken”, so when they ask me (and I am quite fairly last to be asked) “I ask what’s left” and get told everything. Hmm, strange, I choose the beef. A few minutes later, the nice FA is pleading with passengers if they will take the Beef or the Sea Bass instead, except for my seat opponent who is obviously important enough to be offered the Duck from First Class.

Anyway, the meals arrive and I choose a rather good Cab Sauv with my meal.

First Course, is a very good salad with asparagus again and antipasti including Parma Ham. Top notch stuff. Shame about the sawdust bread rolls.
Main Course is Beef with Roasted Potatoes and some other veg. No cooking instructions were asked for, but glory of glories, it’s rare to medium-rare and it’s very, very good, the potatoes could however do with some work. Nice sized piece of beef for a lunch as well.
Afters – I choose the cheese, because I don’t feel like a sweet. Oddly enough, other passengers who choose cheese are offered port. The cheddar is excellent, the soft cheese is OK.
And I have a mug of tea but am not offered a liqueur, others are.

It is at this point, considering that my One World PNR can’t have “Dangerous Drunk” on it as the most I have ever had on a plane is 5 drinks (MAN-ORD once), that I decide that Hitler in Hose has taken a dislike to me.

My seat opponents Duck, by the way looks scrumptious, a large breast with Pommes Dauphinoise (which work well on planes) and green peas.

Anyway, food and drink gone, and QF staff are very quick to liberate us from our trays and a nice young man pops around to offer Duty Free (no takers).

Most people settle down to sleep, I settle down to trying to get Skybed comfy, which takes a while, but I succeed. I then find that it isn’t empower but a standard OZ/NZ plug (albeit at 110V) for in-seat power. Hmm, I have an adapter for that, but it’s in the rollaboard. So I wander quietly to the back, check the closet for signage for opening and closing in-flight, then check to see if there is an FA about and see the galley curtain firmly shut. Sod it, I think and decide to open it, as soon as I have succeeded, out pops Stalin in Suspenders to give me a roasting, not supposed to do that, should have asked, etc. Anyway, I make my way back to my seat shame-faced but with my adapter and proceed to merrily play the Sims 2 for three hours (albeit in silent mode).

During this time, the FA’s are patrolling the aisle quite frequently and asking if those few of us awake want anything. I dare ask Franco in a Frock, if I can have a beer and after a twenty seconds of laser-death eyes, she assents and gets me a VB (which is pish, btw) and two unasked for but not unwanted bags of mixed nuts and I start to read Melvyn Bragg’s book on English whilst making annotations about “ahistorical crap”.

There is no second service on this flight, which struck me as odd, but there is an on-request service of sandwiches etc. Frankly, I didn’t dare.

Anyway, we land at SYD about 20 minutes behind schedule, the gate is reach extraordinary quickly, there is very little queue for immigration, customs is a bit of a faff but straightforward and I’m out in the open night time air at Kingsford Smith enjoying a cigarette. I then remember to change some money and get a taxi to the Sheraton. The taxi driver is a rather dreamy looking young Lebanese-Australian guy who wants to talk about Mid-East politics. Fine.

It is at this point, considering that my One World PNR can’t have “Dangerous Drunk” on it as the most I have ever had on a plane is 5 drinks (MAN-ORD once), that I decide that Hitler in Hose has taken a dislike to me.

Great report iainbhx, pity about the service though. Was once given the same treatment as you by the QF FA when in J, makes you wonder what's wrong with you with you doesn't it?

Anyway, very quickly passing through immigration and security, I quickly purchased 200 fags, a bottle of Baileys and made my way to the joint QF/BA lounge at SIN. OK, it is being rebuilt but this isn’t a very good lounge. There are some chairs, some showers, a bit of open space and a food bar. A food bar which seemed to have a very, very sparse selection. There was some bread (oddly only fruit bread) for toasting, some cheese and some fruit. Now is this a pay lounge or a joint lounge in an important city for a couple of major OneWorld airlines? Hmm, not happy.

Sounds about right like all the other Qantas lounge I've been to... large array of alcohol, but little food to keep you happy.


Upstairs I troll to have my first encounter with Mussolini in micromesh – I get to the top of the stairs and an FA barks – “that’s too big, put in the closet”. Well, I’d already guessed that dear, although actually I think it would have fit in the bins. So I put in the closet and make my way to 11B.

Did you glare back at her? I would've!

A few minutes later, the nice FA is pleading with passengers if they will take the Beef or the Sea Bass instead, except for my seat opponent who is obviously important enough to be offered the Duck from First Class.

Funny how he got that. Did you ask?


Anyway, I make my way back to my seat shame-faced but with my adapter and proceed to merrily play the Sims 2 for three hours (albeit in silent mode).

I love the Sims (1) but Sims 2 is just so tedious to just even start the game! I've had that darn game for 3 months now, and when I do manage to get through the entire opening sequence of loading and more loading, I have yet to even build my house. The creation of sims, facial creation etc etc, just too freaky.

Great report iainbhx, pity about the service though. Was once given the same treatment as you by the QF FA when in J, makes you wonder what's wrong with you with you doesn't it?


I think I was under-age or something. I'm 39 but look about 6-10 years younger than that. Plus I was probably unsuitably dressed in shorts and a linen shirt. Either that or she was on an exchange from UA.


Sounds about right like all the other Qantas lounge I've been to... large array of alcohol, but little food to keep you happy.


All I wanted was a bit of breakfast and some juice that wasn't orange (I'm allergic to oranges).


Did you glare back at her? I would've!


Not worth the hassle to be honest.


Funny how he got that. Did you ask?


I believe he was a WP. Seems fair, I got my choice and I'm only Silver on Pom Airlines.

Fit the Fourth
Sheraton on the Park, Sydney

OK, Mr Hunky drops me off at the Sheraton. My bags are swooped on by a porter and I’m directed to the reception test. I normally object to having my luggage taken away and then returned for a modicum of folding currency. However, on this trip I’m not objecting much, just get it to me soonish.

Now this is a Sheraton, a Starwood hotel, by some mysterious reason I am Gold with Starwood despite making usually 2-3 stays a year with them. I let them do this and keep stumm about it. All I can expect is a one-level room upgrade, not a suite. Fine, I have reserved a City View Deluxe Room as I want some opulence for six nights. The nice young lady takes my details and asks if I would like either a City View Deluxe with Executive Club access or a Park View Deluxe as my upgrade. I bite her hand off for the Club access.

Getting up there, it’s one hell of a room. I have the usual bed for two bloater-sized septics, a comfy three piece sofa, a walk-in wardrobe and mini-dresser and a desk. I also have a huge black marble bathroom with sinks, full sized tub and one of those large walk-in showers. I think I might just like it here. Anyway, I order up a Club Sandwich and a bucket of ice – wait 40 minutes, invoke the Sheraton Promise and get it for free. One sandwich, two Baileys over ice and a melatonin later and I’m testing the bed for snoring ability.

I’m up early, it’s warm and sunny already. It’s time to start getting my bearings in Sydney, so after having a nice breakfast in the Club and admiring the fine views, it’s a wander through the CDB, down to Circular Quay, around the Opera House (booking a tour for later that afternoon), up through the Botanical Gardens to Woomoolloomoo (admiring the very funky W hotel there) and then back to the hotel to remember to apply some factor 25. Back down to the Opera House, have the stage door tour, stop off at a café for a late lunch/early dinner type salady meal and then back to the hotel. I’m knackered, so after a few nibbles in the club, I decide to stay in for the evening and use the in room broadband to talk to people back home. Oh and use that shower, at least twice, because its powerful and shiny. Just like the staff at the hotel, all smiley, nice and not pushy or Uriah Heep like. The rest of the bathroom is turned into Widow Twankey’s laundry by me.

The next morning dawns and it’s off out on the trail again, this time plastering on the factor 25 as it’s supposed to get into the low 30’s today. Down to Circular Quay again, then to the tourist information office (who bless, can even supply the local gayper), around The Rocks (not very rugged and few ragged rascals), along the wharfs to Darling Harbour. At Darling Harbour I admire the temple to crass consumerism that has been built there before deciding to have a nice lunch of deep fried barrimundi with a lemon chili dip, which is very pleasant as is the waiter who must have been the taxi-drivers younger cousin. To misquote a certain Manchester miserabilist “what he wrote on the bill at the end of the day, Caligula would have blushed”. However, I had an appointment with the Sydney Aquarium and a National Maritime Museum which took the whole afternoon mainly staring at the pretty fishies. I commend the Aquarium to all of you, the Maritime Museum is more for those who like boats. I had a sensationally good lamb and roasted vegetable pide for my “tea” but I was damned if I could find the shop again when I looked for it.

So it is Saturday and I intend to go out and have an evening out. So a more gentle perambulation is required around Paddington, Darlinghurst and bits of Woomooloomoo again, I even venture to the edge of Kings Cross but not too far in case I get scared. I also manage to buy the first couple of presents. Then I put on my glad rags and go out on Oxford Street, it’s quite fun, but very crowded and, my, aren’t Aussie men forward. I tend to avoid the bars where the ratio of hair product to hair approaches 1:1. Anyway, whilst I am sleeping quite well now, I’m still getting up early, so its off to bed via a chookburger from a small shop.

Sunday was supposed to be Chinatown and the Town Hall area followed by a trip out to the suburbs or something. Unfortunately, the chookburger didn’t like me, so much of Sunday was cancelled, I eventually ventured out for afternoon tea – Australians do good cakes and to buy a pair of shorts so that my pale, hairy legs can be ridiculed by the masses. The weather was supposed to be quite good the next day, so a beach trip was planned. Apart from afternoon tea, I ate very sparsely that day

Monday was my final day in Sydney. I knew that I would spend much of the evening reassembling the luggage, so I felt two Dramamine[0] and a trip on the Jet Cat out to Manly Beach would be appropriate. It was windy, it was overcast and it was raining. Sigh. OK, time to cut losses, lets go out Chinatown and have a dim sum lunch then to the National Museum and then the NSW Parliament, which were fine and quite enjoyable, despite the pickpocketing attempt. So I buy a sandwich from Subway to eat as I pack and chat to people on-line. I get back to the hotel, open the sandwich and watch it fall from the bag straight into the bin. Between one tiny thing and another the previous couple of days this got to me a bit and I had a bit of a blub for five minutes. Then I just went straight out and bought another sandwich 
.
[0] I am notoriously “seasick on the Serpentine”, my lodger has cackled with amusement at the sight of me being queasy on an Amsterdam canal boat.

More great stuff! ^ I loved the increasingly surreal tone of the post. I trust you have recovered from the sandwich incident?

Glad to hear you enjoyed Sydney, though I'm intrigued by the pickpocketing incident you hinted at... I didn't think we had those here? (Not enough crowds for them to be lost in...) As for queens with overstyled hair on Oxford St, yes they are a Sydney speciality. Even many of the straight boys here tend to do it! ;)

QF 431, SYD-MEL, C, 3E

Mercifully, I have mainly packed the night before, so I’m not too worried about waking up a little late, a final breakfast in the excellent Executive Lounge, an hour online dealing with email and getting back to people and then off to the airport. I’m obviously far too used to dealing with European airport and check-in queues, the domestic terminal at Sydney is hardly busy. Check-in is managed in about 5 minutes, very swift and very painlessly. I wander back outside for a final cigarette and a chat to my partner and then wander back into the domestic Qantas Pub.

Apart from the non-provision of alcohol before 1pm, I must admit that I am quite impressed with the QP, there is an excellent range of tea, coffee, juices, water, snacks scattered around and lots of nice comfortable chairs. An apple juice, a water and a couple of magazines keep me happy until my flight is called.

Which it is bang on time, it’s a pretty full flight as well in both business class and economy on the 767-300, Business class is rather dowdy and slightly dingy and full of obviously very important people in suits who want all the overhead space and then some more. The lack of priority boarding is also a problem, as it seems to clog the aisles up well and truly.

However, we are underway on time, take off is quite swift and as soon as the dings are sounded the crew leap into action. It’s not the longest flight in the world at a mere hour and ten minutes and I’m always impressed by airlines which attempt to give a hot meal service on such a short flight. There are three attendants looking after the very busy business class cabin. During this short period, they manage to do a full meal service (choice between stir-fried beef and a lamb salad) a bar service, a tea and coffee service and offer seconds on wine to people. They also manage to address passengers by name during this, although crib sheets are in evidence.

I choose the lamb salad, which is small but perfectly formed with lots of tender juicy lamb, red and green peppers and a glass of a tannic but pleasant Shiraz.

Refills of wine are offered and a coffee/tea service and then everything is collected and we are swooping into Tullamarine for a slightly early arrival. My bags come off quite quickly compared to a UK airport and it is off into a taxi and off to the Hilton on the Park.

Fit the Sixth
Hilton Melbourne

On arrival everything seemed to be going very smoothly, until I asked the fatal question, is this a smoking room. Once again the Hilton Website had not transferred my room preference and I had been assigned a non-smoking room. I asked for a smoking room and was told that there weren’t any available – I questioned this, it’s 2.30pm, there must be a few free rooms available. I point out that I am a Gold and that soon I will be a Diamond. Large numbers of reception staff are gaggled in a huddle discussing anything but customers.

I make it quite clear that I am not interested in their occupancy problems and that I’d like a room, I’m asked to take a seat in the lobby. I start thinking about getting on the phone to Starwood to see if the Sheraton or the Westin have anything. They don’t even have wireless in the lobby! And I’m left to sit, no one bothers giving me any information. I’m getting more and more disenchanted with Hilton in Asia and the Pacific, this is three check-ins without any real joy.

After 45 minutes, I get a room – some tacky 70’s style tarts boudoir on the 20th floor, peeling wallpaper, tacky furniture, light fittings which aren’t quite in their original position, bed as road-tested by the Samoan rugby team having a bit of fun. No apology is forthcoming for the delay or anything like that. No internet access in room except for the dreaded TV keyboard thingy which never works, oh and I’ve lost my access to the Executive Club. Great, just fantastic. And the little bottles of water in the mini-bar are $6.00. I do have a welcome gift, however, three small chocolates which come with additional free curly brown hair. There isn’t even a desk in the room, nor any easily accessible plugs – luckily I have just the thing in the magic cable bag.

Time to go for an extended whinge, methinks. Oh, the manager isn’t available and the duty manager can’t deal with the complaint. Great. Over the next three days it becomes apparent, that:
a) I’m not getting breakfast unless I pay for it – despite having already paid for it in the room rate
b) housekeeping are erratic as hell
c) the concierge is only interested in rich looking Japanese tourists and will happily ignore you for a while whilst he deals with them before you.
d) Oh and they run the old mini-bar scam at check-out.

I’m going to come back to Melbourne, but I will never, ever, step foot in that hotel again. I think my customer comment card summed it up “I hope you close down real soon now”. Oh and I tip nobody, nothing, nada.

However, let’s ignore this, let’s talk about the fine city of Melbourne.

Right, I’m here and I want to get out of this dump of a hotel, so I use the traditional Bowen method of going for a nice long walk. After admiring the shrine of the MCG from the front of the hotel, I wander along Wellington Parade to Federation Square where I am stunned by the modern and creative architechture of the place. I was told I’d either love it or hate it. Stopping quickly for a macadamia nut ice-cream, I go to the tourist office and pick up a map and a series of walking guides. They are very helpful there and have some excellent guides to walking around Melbourne. So I start off with the Yarra River Walk, which has pleasant shady bits and views of a number of interesting buildings. I then switch to the Central City walk which has lots of shops and arcades, some of which like the Block Arcade have great internal decorations and tempting shops and cafes. By now, it’s about 6pm and I’m starting to get a little thirsty, so I pop into a pub which turns out to be serving James Squires’ beers. Lord help me, they are a bit too chilled, but they are real beers in the English fashion. I am immensely happy about this and spend a little time sampling the various sorts. However, the bar menu does send me so I amble off and eventually find a Malaysian restaurant where I have mixed platter of starters and a fish curry. By this time it is dark and I’m knackered so I head back via a 7-11 to my tart’s boudoir and settle down for the night.

Having gone to bed early, I decide to go out early and after a bit of bimbling around head for Melbourne Zoo, this proves to be quite a long tram ride, but I get there and spent a couple of hours wandering around looking at the various animals. I come to the conclusion that platypuses are exceptionally cute, kangaroos are cuter than they look and emus are best on a plate. I then make a minor mistake and think that it is an easy walk to Brunswick Street in 28 degree weather. It isn’t, but Brunswick Street turns out to be full of funky shops, cafes and a certain amount of totty. After noticing a couple of interesting places, I settle down at the Fitz Café for Sardines and Green Salad and a couple of delicious Crown Lagers. I then decide to head back to the hotel via a walk to Smith Street (where I have heard there are eateries) and finally arrive back about 4pm. I’m knackered, I just rest my eyes for a few minutes and suddenly it is 8pm. I pop out to Smith Street in order to check out the “Modern Greek” place I saw earlier. It turns out to be very good, with efficient staff, decent light interpretations of Greek classics and, thank goodness, Australian wine. Back to bed and to sleep again.

My final full day in Melbourne requires some tasks to be done, the main one of which is some laundry. I’ve been surviving on hand washes and hotel laundry (for the delicates) for some time, which isn’t a good move. However, first I feel I owe myself a spendy breakfast in one of the cafes near the Block. This turns out to be not too spendy ($15) and very good, fresh pressed apple juice, bacon curls and grilled tomatoes with Toasted Turkish bread (and a partly pointless balsamic reduction, natch) and a couple of good long blacks. After that it is back up to Brunswick Street to find World Wide Wash, which offers laundry facilities, decent coffee AND Web access, what more could I want? Laundry done, it’s back to the fleapit to drop it off and then out into 28 degree heat to go to St Kilda and the beach. This proves to be a tram ride along a converted railway line and then down a street full of eateries from which it is very difficult to choose. Sadly one of the recommended ones to me doesn’t do lunch. After a walk along the Esplanade, I decide on a cornerside place and settle down to a plate full of linguini with prawns, chorizo, rocket and red onions washed down with a couple of limonatas. I ended up having to leave some, this needed exercising off. So back I went along the Esplanade to take more photos and dip my toes into the Bass Strait.

I should warn those of a sensitive disposition, that St Kilda used to be the Bagel Belt of Melbourne and that there are a number of MittelEuropa style cake emporia here. These are serving all the sticky delights of Vienna or Budapest, but at about one half of the price and about three times the portion size. Purely for research reasons, you understand, I had a sample of this chocolate pornography – condemning myself to a dozen laps of the hotel swimming pool later. It wasn’t as good as the real thing, but it wasn’t far off. Recommended to evil-doers.

I then had to have my now traditional afternoon nap and emerged late to go and partake of a little nightlife – but not too late because I quickly realised that I did have to be up early the next morning to head airport wards. I also realised that I had forgotten to eat in the evening, so I partook in a cheese and tomato toastie, repacked my bags and went back to sleep.

Fit the Seventh
QF702, MEL-CNS, J, 2B

Whilst I have massively enjoyed Melbourne, I haven’t been so glad to leave an hotel for some time.

However, a quick taxi ride through an already 25 degree gloriously clear Melbourne morning gets me to Tullamarine, check-in is brisk and efficient if a little impersonal and its back out side for a couple of cigarettes before proceeding to the Qantas Club for brekkie. Apple juice, two long blacks, a small bowl of birchermuescli, a peach and a slice of toast with Vegemite soon sorts me out nicely. I’ve quite taken to Vegemite, but it isn’t quite the real thing.

Again, it’s a very nice QP, even at a fairly busy time at MEL, it isn’t quite full, and there are plenty of nice comfy seats for all. The feeding and watering stations are also well organised and replicated which is good.

Anyway, my flight is called on time (and has priority boarding) and turns out to be on an Airbus 330-300 which is a new type for me, sadly it isn’t one of the ones fitted with Skybeds, but with Millenium seats. Turning left on the plane, Business Class is quite a large cabin in 2-3-2 formation and is pretty full, whilst economy looks only about 50% full. My seat opponent is a middle-aged lady who is quite friendly and chatty and gives me some tips on Cairns. I get to work on a batch of postcards, they really do need doing or I’ll be back home before they arrive.

We appear to have three crew for the Business Class, plus the occasional assistance of a CSD. A pretty young lady who does my aisle and two metrosexual men d’un certain age who do the other aisle and help out on this one. They jump swiftly into action with hot towels, followed by drinks, I choose a nice cool Crown Lager. They start showing the film at this point, which is I, Robot. As I’m out of books, I choose to watch it and can’t help feeling that Will Smith is looking a trifle over-pumped these days.

The meal choices are

A smoked salmon salad with lettuce, cucumber and chicory
OR
Beef redang with rice and Asian vegetables

Having just had breakfast in the Qantas Club, I opt for the smoked salmon salad, it is cool and delicious and comes with a little fruit plate of peaches, blueberries and mango coulis. The smoked salmon in particular is very good and is Tasmanian in origin – it comes, slightly unusually with a slice of lime which works very well. Two passes are made of warm mini-ciabatta rolls. As they are out of Crown Lager I move to a James Squire’s Amber Ale which is very good and a glass of water. Decent plunger coffee is offered after the main meal, tea appears to come from a Bodum teapot. Top marks for class here, I feel.

It becomes apparent why Business Class is so full, after the meal service, the CSD goes and talks to about 8 passengers she obviously knows very well. Looks like some last minute staff upgrades :rolleyes: As a bit of a surprise, about 30 minutes before landing they come around with small tubs of ice-cream, and do a final drinks service. I choose the vanilla bean and elderflower and it’s bloody nice.

It gets a bit bumpy flying into Cairns as the cloud cover goes from patchy to fairly covered and as is quite common on Airbuses, the landing is quite firm. They use the front door for offloading, so the plebian hordes have to wait. 10/10 for a domestic business class flight from Qantas.

On arrival at Cairns, bags are off in about 10 minutes and I’m in a taxi for the short ride to the Hotel.

Fit the Eighth
Hilton Cairns

Can I just say that I am starting to dread this check-in.

OK, Check in was fine, I have a perfectly nice seventh floor room with a balcony overlooking the Marina, the room is large and airy with a lavender aromatherapy pot in there.

Exec floor upgrade, no deal. Free breakfast, already in the room rate. Amenities in room, no extras. One really does start to wonder what the benefits of Hilton Gold are. Anyway, I’m feeling in a good mood (especially after having eyeballed the porter who brought up my luggage), so I decided to let them do some laundry items which would otherwise have to be washed separately. I don’t mind taking the tees, polos and undies to a laundry, but the nicer shirts (especially the linen ones) and the trousers need different attention. No internet access in the rooms, except for modems, which is not good. I am beginning to wonder if Australia is a little primitive in this regard.

So I pop out into Cairns, to find a post office, an internet café, some water and very small bite to eat. One kangaroo pizza later, I return. The Cairns Hilton has done me proud, I have a letter telling me I have clubroom access, I have a bottle of wine and I have a fruit plate the size of a dinner tray with a whole pineapple as the centrepiece. Oh and the laundry comes back in 3 hours with no express charge, I like this.

A few snacky bits in the Clubroom washed down by some apple juice and then a wander around Cairns in the evening looking for potential eating places for Sunday. Back to here fairly early, finish off some more postcards and then off to bed because it’s another early start in the morning to go and see A friend.

I sleep very well, rise early due to parrots outside and get a taxi to the airport.

Fit the Ninth
A small Deathstar adventure and Brisbane

JQ865 CNS-BNE, Y, 11A/B
JQ884 BNE-CNS Y, 8 D/E/F

I am, of course, outfitted in my standard economy class outfit – a balaclava helmet so that no one recognises that I am flying in the back of the bus. I could have gone QF, but the £660 for business class or £230 for economy class lost out to the £90 on Jetstar ( aka Deathstar). I check in about an hour before the flight at 08:10am and quickly answer the Deathstar security questions which are a little more rigourous than the ones I’ve so far faced on domestic flights in Australia. Passing very swiftly through security, I blag my way into the QP at Cairns by waving my BA card and having yesterdays QF boarding pass in my top pocket. I’ve noted they don’t seem to check them and after a nice long black, a glass of apple juice and a read of the Cairns Post, I go and join the huddled masses for the flight to Brisbane.

The legroom on the Deathstar 717 can be best be described as minging. My knees were brushing up against the seat in front, it was just about tolerable. As you’d expect there is a “café service” for various items of food and drink, I took a bottle of water at $6 and watched the scenery/read my book for the 2 hour flight to BNE. Nice scenery to watch out of the windows.

I was met by Stephen at the gate and he took me on a whirlwind tour of Brisbane. This included a trip up to a local lookout spot, a walk around New Farm, a fish and chip lunch with damn fine fish. Then we took a catamaran ride along the Brisbane River to the CBD, then a very hot and sweaty walk around some nice streets with plenty of attractive buildings and finally for a delicious cold beer (even if it was Castlemaine:-)), After a short train ride, another wander around some markets and then a bus ride, we end up having another beer whilst geeking about small airlines. Stephen kindly ran me back to the airport where we looked at all the various gates and planes around before boarding was called for the CNS flight. On this one legroom wasn’t a problem, we got a row each, one gentleman did try and sit next to me, but I suggested he’d be more comfortable in a row on his own.

The problem with being in the Tropics is that night falls very quickly, by the time I boarded the 717, it was just coming to sunset, by the time we were aloft it was dark, so not much opportunity for viewing. I bought a cheese and corned beef sarnie before take-off, so all I bought from the Deathstar café was a bottle of water (which was 20c cheaper than the airport). I sat and read a couple of magazines on the flight and started to feel more and more tired. Straight off at CNS, into a minibus back to the hotel and then a couple of slices of mango, a glass of apricot juice and vodka and a collapse into bed ensued. So much for going out to investigate the one nightspot that CNS has to offer for me.

The next morning was more a case of getting up and getting out before it became too hot and sweaty in Cairns, so courtesy of an early night, I went and had another fine breakfast before wandering around. Cairns has lots of organised activities in the form of trips etc, so I had booked the “SkyTrain” one to go up a cable car into the rainforest, this was expensive but great fun and I can recommend it as being worth the trip. My wander around Cairns revealed little of obvious interest, although I did note the only nightspot which seemed very “Only Gay In The Village” and was ruled out for any nightcaps. After a delicious lunch of Moreton Bay Bugs, I toddled off for a little afternoon nap before spending the evening slightly sadly re-packing the bags and then playing Sims 2 whilst trying to demolish the remnants of the fruit plate.

I liked Brisbane and it deserves a return visit, I probably won’t go back to Cairns.

Fit the Tenth
QF 923, CNS-SYD, J, 1C
QF 189 SYD-AKL, J, 1A

The parrots start squawking at about 6.00am, so I give up the unequal struggle for another half hours sleep and go and throw myself under the shower, which was very welcome. I then proceeded to finish the re-packing of my bags, go and have a nice breakfast in the Clubroom and then with a final fag and photography session on the balcony, I bid farewell to the CNS Hilton.

Within 20 minutes, I’m in the QP at CNS airport, it’s small and its dark but it has a supply of apple juice and, bless, wireless internet. Sadly, the wireless doesn’t let me get to Flickr to upload photos, but it does let me upload about a weeks worth of this as well as checking my various accounts for email, frequent flyer/stayer stuff, etc.

They call boarding bang on time at 9:50, but with no preferential boarding, just a free-for-all onto the 737-800, luckily I get on quite early before all the bin space is pinched and stow my two carry-ons. The business class cabin on a QF 73H has a 2-2 seating of the Millenium seats, which is a very nice advantage and I am the only person in the 3 rows of Business Class to have no seat opponent. We have a pre-flight “Tropical Juice” or Water from the very chatty and pleasant CSD.

We take off about 5 minutes late due to a tour group of Septics who were taking a very long time to board, but I am swiftly enjoying a Virgin Mary whilst staring at the Great Barrier Reef out of the window. The CSD takes charge of most of the cabin service unless there is trolley wielding involved – in which case she lets her assistant do it for his brawn. The movie was King Arthur, which I watched parts of quite avidly[0], but I didn’t bother with the soundtrack which I think should have been done by Brith Gof.

This flight does lunch and the menu today is:

Braised Lamb with Mashed Potatoes and Green Beans
OR
Poached Chicken Salad

Whilst I should really have had the Chicken Salad, I don’t usually like Poached Chicken, so I decided to pass on it and have the lamb. The lamb came with a small side salad of leaves, hard boiled egg, croutons and asparagus. I accompianed it with a glass of Shiraz, which was lighter than the previous one on offer. The lamb was a little over-braised, but the veg was in good nick. Refills are offered of wine, plates cleared efficently and then we are offered ice-cream. I chose the Mango which really was rather delectable.

Anyway, about half an hour out, we had another water or drinks service and swoop into SYD (cracking views) about 20 minutes early. Of course, the luck of the Bowen’s means that I have to walk the entire length of the terminal to get to the international transfer bus. I could whinge about that system, but then people would just mention the laughable airside arrangements at Thiefrow, so I won’t. After going through security and immigration, I quickly buy some duty-free fags and proceed directly to the international QP.

I’m slightly underwhelmed, yes it is spacious, but also quite full. Yes, there is food and drink, but not gushing amounts. I have a couple of small ham sarnies on foccacia and a couple of cubes of feta cubes. They have bikkies, so why not have some nice Australian cheese. The beer machine is nice though, although the only drinkable choice is Cascades Light.

With about 10 minutes to go before boarding, I slope off to the smoking lounge. I have another flight to get through today and then straight to Gate 20 for boarding.

Boarding is called with premium passengers asked to board first, which I always like and I lodged the bags in the overhead and sat down to watch the procession of passengers to the rear of the aircraft. This QF 767-300 had business class in a 1-2-2 layout with the A seats being both window and aisle, which suited me down to the ground. Seating was, I think, the Dreamtime seat, which proved very comfortable, if a little overkill for such a short hop.

As soon as most of the rush was gone, the FA’s were around offering champagne, the dreaded tropical juice or water. I decided to have the champagne, we had to wait for a few stragglers who just couldn’t force themselves out of the QP, but pushed back about 5 minutes early. Menus were also handed out for the flight.

After the bongs, I sorted out my seat for comfort (and found it easier to adjust than the Skybed) and waited the drinkies, I wasn’t going to drink on this flight, but they were offering the delicious Cab Sauv they had on my SIN-SYD, so I succumbed. I can be so weak at times.

The menu was

Entrée
Nicoise Salad

Main Course

Stir Fired Beef with Pepper Sauce, Steamed Rice and Asian Greens
OR
Spinach and Ricotta Canneloni with Tomato and Pancetta Sauce
OR
Salad of Smoked Chicken with Mint and Yoghurt Dressing

Seasonal Salad with Herb Vinaigrette

Dessert
Cheese Selection, Dried Fruit and Water Crackers
OR
Ice Cream with Almond Biscuits

The Entrée was very nice, but a Salad Nicoise it was not. Pasta had been substituted for the potato and there wasn’t enough parmesan and pesto goodness.

I took the Stir-fried Beef which was very good and then the Cheese which was excellent. The Seasonal Salad was naff.

Coffee/Tea and Liqueurs were offerred, I managed to resist the Liqueurs, but I did have some of the tolerable for airline coffee that QF manage.

The film was The Bourne Supremacy, I’ve seen it, but it has Matt Damon in it, so I watched it again. I can be easily pleased at times.

After this short flight, we landed at AKL, a bit of a trek to immigration, where I got a bit of a grilling about where I was going, where I was staying, did I have enough money. By the time I got through this is was time to collect the bag off the trolley, pass through customs and biosecurity and then off in a taxi to AKL.

[0] For historical inaccuracies, of course. Y’all thought it was Clive Owen.

The Cairns Hilton has done me proud, I have a letter telling me I have clubroom access, I have a bottle of wine and I have a fruit plate the size of a dinner tray with a whole pineapple as the centrepiece.


The old "nonchalant no bennies then an hour later, surprise just kidding" trick :D

Again, great report Iain! ^ ^

one gentleman did try and sit next to me, but I suggested he’d be more comfortable in a row on his own.
tsk tsk, you superficial brummy :p :D ;)

This is very, very good. ^

Excellent and entertaining report!!!

Again, great report Iain! ^ ^


tsk tsk, you superficial brummy :p :D ;)

Brummie :mad: I'm a Black Country lad, how dare you sir. :D

I have a loved one waiting for me at home.

Besides, he minged for Australia.

Didn't stop him offering me a lift at CNS. I declined.

Brummie :mad: I'm a Black Country lad, how dare you sir. :D
Oh dear. What sould I do? Apologize for the mistake, or offer commiserations on the basis of the newly released info.... Decisions decisions :p :D

I’m expecting nothing except what I booked, but I give them a very quick phone call just to confirm a couple of things (like arrival time and smoking preference). How I love having to chase hotels via international mobile calls. I end up with a very nice harbour view room (which wasn’t what I booked – so that’s a plus), a plate of scrummy champagne truffles, a beer voucher and no free breakfast. Plus there is broadband Interweb, but sadly it is firewalled against Flickr and strange things happen with Skype.

I decide to do a partial unpack rather than a full unpack and organise a few things like the laundry bag for the next morning (posh shirts again) and a nice long shower in the walk-in shower in the bathroom. I reappear out of the shower and someone has brought up a bottle of chilled Chardonnay, not a cheap bottle either. How very kind of them, I check that it is complimentary and I start drinking it out on the balcony staring at the harbour in the moonlight. It certainly helps with the sleeping :D

And the bed is nice and large and very comfy, but for some reason I’m a lot tossy-turny that night. However, I wake up, connect to the net, deal with the days traffic whilst drinking tea and then head out into the sunlight, with a priority of an orientation walk in progress and a spot of breakfast would be nice.

I end up in a food court off Quay Street with a cup of decent tea but a terrible ham and cheese croissant (ham plastic, cheese polystyrene, croissant soggy and who the blazes put ketchup in it). I then proceed in full photography mode to a tourist office, gaining a map, up Queen Street, along to the Sky Tower, up the Sky Tower (highest building in the Northern Hemisphere) to take panoramic photos. Down the Sky Tower (quite thankfully due to a slight sway in the breeze). Up through Aotea Square to the K-road carefully noting the large number of ethnic eateries and down Ponsonby Road where I stop at another food court. The Ponsonby Road Food Court has an interesting selection of places to eat and I choose a Vietnamese noodle salad with cut pork rolls. It’s damn good; it costs me about $8. The bottle of Steinlager that goes with it isn’t so good. Thence to a wonderful magazine shop where I catch up on a number of periodicals albeit at a silly price and stare at the lovely views of the CBD and Auckland Domain from Ponsonby Road down the hill. I then walk back down to the Viaduct Harbour admiring the gin palaces and noting where looks good for lunch etc and back to the hotel. A quick rest, a cup of tea and a couple of phone calls are made.

Luckily, a friend of a friend for dinner has invited me out. He has suggested moule/frites on one of the Belgian-style cafés in Auckland. Unfortunately, the city centre branch is rammed, but as Selwyn points out other places of foodie interest (for which many thanks), we get a taxi to Mt Eden to go to the branch there. This one is more pub like and we find a table on the 1st floor, a smoking table none the less (well, for another couple of weeks). Moules/frites and beers are ordered. I chose the classic style and a Chimay Blanc. The Chimay is served in the posy style favoured by yupscum bars; they empty the bottle, but give you the bottle as well. The moules arrive, they are great whopping New Zealand Green Lipped Mussels, about three times the size of your humble European mussel and they are very tasty. It’s also an advantage in that; the moules don’t get cold as you work your way through the pot. The frites are OK, they aren’t double-fried and they aren’t a patch on anything I’ve had in Belgium except from Mr Quick, but they are the best fries I’ve had in the Southern Hemisphere so far.

We look at the dessert menu, but there’s nothing particularly sending me there, so we pile into a taxi to go to a bar. The first bar we go to is closed, the second bar we go to is closed. Obviously pooves don’t go out in Auckland on a Tuesday night. So its back to the hotel bar for drinkies then, the Hilton has an expansive bar with a fine selection. Our server for the night is Cameron, who efficiently serves all three rounds of drinks. I decline to ask him “Cameron, why do you think that you should serve us drinks”. And so to bed, after precautions of paracetamol and water.

Day 2 turns up gray and misty, so I try and find gray and misty things to do. A bit of ambling, a potter over to Devonport for lunch and then some educational museums. Lunch is mince and cheese pie and chips, which is an NZ staple, it’s not bad. Of course, no sooner have I coughed up for the museum than it is decided that Mr Sun will come out for the afternoon. Which is a shame, as it would have been the nicest weather in New Zealand. However, I enjoy the walk through Auckland Domain and the Auckland Museum and learn lots about the Maori. I decide that I’ve had a bit of a heavy lunch and just pick up a salad for my dinner, after quite a bit of catching up with people on the phone, I decide to go out for the evening. Friends inform me that the only game in town is a place called Flesh and that it is awful. However, it’s only about 10 minutes walk away, so it’s worth a look. It is truly, madly, deeply awful. Firstly, it’s a karaoke night, which is usually a fair bet for a crap night out. Secondly, it’s thinly populated except for obvious regularly. Thirdly, the karaoke appears mainly to be done from show tunes and smooch songs of the 50’s/60’s and 70’s. It’s not very friendly and the beer is expensive and crap, but the sight of a bunch middle-aged Maori lesbitarians d’un a certain size belting out these songs will live with me for ever. Actually, it must be said that the one that did “Love Potion No 9” had a cracking voice.

Day 3 is a crap day, it’s gray and misty again and I feel a bit crap and a bit lonely for only the second time this trip. To be honest, I don’t get out of the hotel room much, I manage to escape about lunchtime for a quick feed, a bit of present shopping and to buy some supplies. Other than that, I don’t bother.

Day 4 is my last day there, it starts off bright and sunny, and I go and have the expensive but rather good breakfast in White looking out over a sunlit Auckland Harbour. I then decide to sort out my bags, check out early, put them in store and go for a harbour cruise as my attempts to get a check out any later than 12:00 have failed. By the time, I have sorted out a ticket; it has become gray and miserable again. Dosed to the eyeballs on Dramamine, I manage to survive the harbour cruise, which I took a lot of photos on and enjoyed the scenery, especially at Rangitoto, the houses on Stanley Point and seeing people aboard a cruise on NZ40. On returning, I have three and a half hours to waste, I fill this in with a food court lunch, a couple of hours in a cybercafe and a couple of hours bimbling around the streets trying not to buy things. I then return to the Hotel, collect my bags and head off in a taxi to the airport.

Fit the Twelfth
QF025, AKL-LAX, J, 1B
WN2916, LAX-PHX, Y, 15A

So returning to the Hilton about 4.30 p.m., I get in a taxi and make my way to Auckland Airport, having a good chin-wag with the taxi-driver at the time which earns him a reasonable tip. I have a fag outside then go and face check-in, there’s a queue, and there’s a massive queue. However, someone whisks me away to a quiet little area where QF’s best passengers are dealt with. I can pay my departure tax there and get fast tracked for immigration. So I zap through and spend an hour in the QP, where there is quite a good range of food and drink – there are mini-pies, mini-quiches, cheese, bikkies, choccy bikkies, salad, potato salad and various nibbles. I have a couple of mini-pies (not drowned in ketchup like the Australians) and some cheese and bikkies, washed down with a couple of Crown Lagers. After that I visit the computers (due to NZ’s fairly senseless wireless scheme), check my email, and print off my next Hilton reservation and head out for the cancer incubation unit.

This turns out to be the usual facility where you don’t really need to bother with actually lighting up, as the air will do it for you. However, in common with all indoor smoking in public places in New Zealand, it is history as of the 10th of December. So, fellow addicts don’t plan any lengthy international changes at AKL.

And thence to the gate and through secondary security and on board. I had hoped against hope, that a three-class Skybed 747-400 had been substituted for the two-class Dreamtime seated one, but no such luck. My seat opponent is French and mutters but three words to me for the whole flight, his mate is in 1J with 1K empty, I suggest swapping seats, but they will have none of it and just chat across me in French all the time. I must admit that I wouldn’t have minded being sat next to Mr 1J, trés agreeable. Behind me in 2B is a Septic in full whine mode and there’s a fat biffer in 2K. J is about 50% in the cabin at the front.

Anyway, we take off about 20 minutes late, but with a promised 10:55 flight time which should get us into LAX about 10 minutes early. I have a 4 hour connection at LAX, but I also have one of Southwest’s very reasonably priced fully-flexible tickets, so I can always change to an earlier flight if possible.

The service on this flight is slightly sloppy, quite friendly and vaguely engaging. I stay away from the alcohol except for a glass of cognac at the end of the meal. There are no hot towels before dinner and the Breakfast menus (much like a hotel door hanger one) are distributed and collected in. The Dinner was:

Entrée
Antipasto Selection

Main Courses

Corn Fed Chicken with Olive Butter, Rosemary Roasted Potatoes and Pepperonata
OR
Italian Style Braised Beef and Vegetables with Polenta and Green BeansOR
Seared Salmon with Fragrant Rice, Bok Choy and Black Vinegar Sauce

Green Leaf Salad with Herb Vinaigrette
Dessert

Selection of Seasonal Cheese and Dried Fruit
OR
Blackcurrant and Vanilla Bean Ice Cream with Berry Compote
OR
Sliced Fresh Fruit
Chocolates

Valrhona Chocolates

Sadly, this actually features the first naff QF meal I’ve had. My chicken is dry, bland and uninspiring; the portion is also rather meagre. The Cheese plate is as usual, excellent. There is no sign of the Valrhona Chocolates. The cabin then tries to settle down to sleep, me include. However Mrs 2B is still ranting and whining about her experience at SYD at about 90Db and the Fat Biffer is snoring very loudly already. I put my earplugs in and can still distinctly hear them both. She shuts up about 3am (LAX time), he never stops snoring. Anyway, I manage about 4 hours of dozing, which is acceptable and will see me to PHX without collapsing I hope.

About 8am (LAX time) still over 2 hours out, on come the cabin lights and there is activity, firstly hot towels, then we will be getting our breakfasts. Your tray is made up in the galley over the dead period and then brought out on an individual basis as you awaken, which is nice. My choices were

Banana and Mango energising smoothie
Fruit plate
Sausage, Potatoes, Baked Beans and Ratatouille !
Toast with Vegemite
Tea

One asks if it is really wise to give baked beans to a crowded aircraft cabin, but there again, this is the airline, which has been constantly feeding me asparagus in one form or another. QF, the airline with whiffy loos, except they aren’t. The Sausage wasn’t very good; the Ratatouille was a strange addition. Otherwise fine and I liked the large element of choice. Mrs 2B is still going on and on about what ever happened in SYD (something to do with excess baggage) when she isn’t browbeating her husband. I go and make myself presentable for the US Authorities.

Anyway, we descend to the Devil’s Den known as LAX and are at the gate about 15 minutes head of schedule. After the very long march to T4 immigration, there is a long queue for visitors who are being processed quite slowly. I do the fingerprint thing and get let in. Customs pull me aside for a little chat, but it’s very pleasant and quite quick and I don’t get searched (nothing to find anyway). Then it the usual discovery that there are no sensible facilities at T4 arrivals like moneychangers or ATM and outside for a cigarette or two, then the long walk to T1 for Southwest through pleasant LAX sunshine.

After the usual selection of queues at the WN counters, I manage to check my bags and get a Group B boarding pass, which should give me a decent seat. I go through security (belt off, shoes off, etc) and wander off to Gordon Biersch for a fortifying beverage and then a sandwich. After browsing the T1 shops, I wander to the gate area and sit and wait before joining the B queue.
Boarding is the usual prompt WN process and I get a window half way down the aircraft. It’s a typical WN flight, it’s full, they somehow manage to give us peanuts and a drink during the flight and it gets me there on time. That’s why I use them.

Get to PHX, where I note they have added further food and shopping capabilities to T4, wait a short while for my bags and get a taxi to the hotel. Duh, should have used SuperShuttle.

Just discovered all this today, Iain, and it's been great fun so far! ^ Look forward to meeting you at the do next weekend.

Fit the Thirteenth
Hilton Garden Inn, Scottsdale Old Towen

The lure of the HGI is very simple, it’s very close to an area of Scottsdale I know well and in addition, it promises free broadband access. It’s also walkable[0] in PHX temperatures to the shopping mall rather than the Hilton Scottsdale resort, which isn’t,although I later find that the Hilton Scottsdale resort has a shuttle bus.

Anyway, they are all ready for me. I have an upgrade to a jacuzzi suite, free breakfast and free water. Wonderful, the room is a bit tatty but perfectly servicable. I sort out a couple of times, use the free broadband and get a nice solid sleep in.

Anyway, the next morning isn't mid-70's and sunny. It's low 50's and very grey. Hmmph. So I make my way to breakfast and thence to the mall for some shopping. A veritable orgy of consumerism then occurs as I find that various discounts plus the weakness of the dollar make a number of things very affordable. After a nice lunch break at Z'Tejas, I return using the Scottsdale "Trolley" to the hotel.

Now I was going to explore the Old Town, but by then it is starting to rain, quite heavily, which it continues to do throughout the weekend. In fact, the .8 inches over Sunday night is the main story on the news in PHX on Monday morning. I get a pizza delivered, it is enormous and cheap, just the way I like them. :D

On the Sunday, I visit some friends for an enormous lunch, explore the art galleries of Scottsdale and take a few murky pictures. I also spend hours packing and repacking my bags.

Monday check-out is very quick and it's straight onto the shuttle and back to PHX.

[0] This is for a UK definition of walkable rather than a US definition (which seems to be one block, or in Orange County not at all).

Fit the Fourteenth

WN1654, PHX-LAX, Y, 6F
BA282, LAX-LHR, C, 61J

OK, so it is back to PHX Terminal 4 and the Southwest Check-In there. As usual, this is very quick, I get boarding group A and the TSA people are very helpful with my multitude of luggage. Going through security takes ages, but that’s due to the queue. Terminal 4 looks like a bit of a zoo, a quick glance at the boards reveals why, PHX can’t cope with a drop of rain, everything is running late.

Anyway, I pick up some vegetable fat wrapped pieces of peanut and lard slurry for a friend and settle down in the bar that allows smoking with a McPaper for an hour or so. After this passes, I head out to the gate and find that they are still claiming that WN1654 will be on time and they appear to be clearing the backlog.

About 12:10, an old livery 737-700 with winglets arrives at the gate, the passengers get off and they start to organise us for boarding. At 12:20 we board, the flight is quite light, only about 40% full, so it’s no surprise that we all get on very quickly and push back only 5 minutes late. Also, sitting where I do, I see both of my bags being loaded, so I’m a happy man. The one possible problem was that my bags didn’t make it off WN and then I’d be in stuck.

It’s the usual WN short flight, up, peanuts and drink, down. All done in one hour and ten minutes with an on-time arrival at LAX.

Ah, LAX, how I love thee. I do the chain-smoking trundle between T1 and TBIT, only being pestered four times by loopy Christians collecting for charity and asking me if I had been washed in the blood of the lamb. After the third, I start the “Dydy I ddim siariad yr iaith Saesneg” line which stops even the best European beggars.

Getting to TBIT, I manage to check-in fairly quickly and change my seat to 61J, which is about the best still available. Oh well, it will do. I then go outside, make a phone call and have a final cigarette before making a fatal error. I haven’t flown out of TBIT before and have forgotten that there is sod-all airside. So my plans of lunch, duty-free and BA lounge are a little stupid. Anyway, after spending half an hour dropping off my bags through the TSA because they have a shift change, I go through security where I get the special treatment of bags rummaged, laptop swabbed and full frisking, which takes away a good 20 minutes more.

Having found my fatal error (the tiny Duty-Free airside opens at 8:00pm), I have to reconcile myself to buying fags off BA, which is annoying as they don’t have my favorite brand and cost a good deal more. I head to the BA Los Angeles Lounge which is quite nice. It has drinks, it has sandwiches, it has nice fresh fruit, it has comfy chairs. OK, it doesn’t have loos, showers, restrooms or internet access, but it will do nicely for the next 2 hours. It also has Monday’s Grauniad as well as the usual selection of the Daily HateMail and the Torygraph. I have several sandwiches and some fruit, two Coronas and a nice comfy sit down.

Boarding is called on-time, First, Business and Silvers and Golds are invited to board first, I make my way upstairs, load up the bags into the bins and get settled. There are two free seats upstairs and one of them is next to me. I have to ask for my coat to be hung up. There is a slightly late run of water or juice, a couple of Italian passengers moan that there is no champagne as pre-flight drinks.

We take off about 15 minutes late, but are told this will be a short flight and that we will be on the ground in LHR about 45 minutes early. We are also told that it will be a trifle bumpy over the US portions of the flight.

I notice that they have the Mersault on board and decide to generally stick to this, so does most of the rest of the cabin. It is an excellent wine, I can understand why it is so popular and why we drank the plane dry of it.

The crew are brisk and efficient, but a little cool. I suspect they are slightly worried about the moderately rambunctious Italians, who they have already had to herd back to their seats twice.

Anyway, after drinks and cashews, we get handed the menus:

Appetisers

Prawn Cocktail
OR
Sun-dried tomato and basil savoury cheesecake on walnut, almond and pecan nut biscuit

Fresh seasonal salad served with vinaigrette

Main Courses

Grilled fillet steak in mushroom and red wine sauce
OR
Seared Atlantic salmon with dill and asparagus
OR
Mushroom cappalletti pasta
OR
Main Course chargrilled chicken Caesar Salad

Dessert
Triple Chocolate Brownie
OR
Fresh Fruit
OR
Selection of Cheese

There are two servings of bread, which is terrible.

I take the prawn cocktail, I’d have liked the cheesecake bit the dreaded walnut is in there. It turns out to be two huge fresh king prawns, an enormous scallop, a dozen leaves and a small tub of Marie Rose sauce. It is very good.

The Mushroom cappalletti pasta is very enjoyable, it has just spent the right time in the oven and has just right amount of mushrooms.

The Triple Chocolate Brownie is well up to the standards of BA desserts, it is excellent. I am offered a second one by the nice purser, but decline. I didn’t want to, but I did.

Coffee and Tea are then served, there are little boxes of choccies on the trolley, but a distinct unwillingness to hand them out unless asked, they are certainly not offered. No liqueurs are offered, but a Baileys over ice is brought on request.

I then settle down to sleep, it is a bit bumpy, but a Melatonin, a bit of tiredness and a moderate amount of alcohol all help in getting about 5 hours fairly unsound sleep. On waking up, I raid the larder for a second bottle of water and an awful apple and about 90 minutes out, cabin lights go on and breakfast is served.

Orange juice
OR
Ruby Grapefruit juice
OR
Banana and Mango Smoothie

Fresh Seasonal Fruit
OR
Cereal with fresh milk

Hot Bacon Rolls
OR
Cheese and Black Pepper Savouries

Selection of Breakfast Pastries

I have the Smoothie, Fruit and a Bacon Roll. The Smoothie is delicious, the fruit is too cold and the Bacon Roll is not as bad as advertised on the BA board. Of the pastries, there is no sign and therefore all the butter and preserves put out on each tray goes to waste.

The Purser hands out invitations to the arrivals lounge to about four pax, I am not one of them. As far as I am aware, there are no surveys done on the upper deck.

We have a quick circuit of the arrivals stack, but land about 40 minutes early and get to the gate very quickly. The usual 3 mile walk to immigration and the wait for bags (which came off in reverse priority sequence as expected) and then out to the arrivals hall to be met by my other half, who took me back to his for tea, pasta and a much needed shower.

Headed off to Euston for the 18:36 train and arrived back at my flat in Birmingham at 20:25 to a nice cup of tea from my lodger.

Only 24 hours after the flight, the miles have posted. No sign of 5 out of 6 of my QF flights, the last four Hilton stays or my bonus 15,000 yet. I see much chasing ahead…

I’ll do some summing up in a final post and that will be it

Welcome Home Iain! :)
And thanks again for a marvellous trip report. ^

This is for a UK definition of walkable rather than a US definition (which seems to be one block, or in Orange County not at all).

LOL! Nothing like being stopped by the police in the good ol' USofA for indulging in that seditious passtime known as walking... "you mean you don't have a car, sir?" :)

Great report!

da Iawn siwrneion adroddiad! diolch yn fawr

Fit the Fifteenth
The Summary

Airlines

BA: BA were, in my opinion, there usual selves, providing a high quality of service but with one or two niggly bits around the edges. The CW Flat Bed is wonderful and despite being a bit larger than normal, I had no problems with it.

QF: With the exception of Genghis in Garters (SIN-SYD), all the QF staff I ran into were pleasant and willing. The food was very good and the domestic business class a very pleasant surprise (BA please take note). QP's are very good as airline lounges go. I found the SkyBed annoying for a daytime flight and I found the Dreamtime seat reasonably adequate for a trans-Pac. Wines very good.

CX: I obviously need to fly CX more, my one flight probably would have been a pleasure if it hadn't have been for the jet lag.

JQ: Uuurgh, the legroom.

WN: WN does what it says on the tin, it's the only LCC I'm happy booking with.

Hotels

Hiltons: A vast disappointment. I know that I get spoilt with European Hiltons and with Islington, but I wasn't expecting the benefits to be eroded as much as they were. Only the Hilton Cairns and the HGI Scottsdale came up to scratch. I'd stay at the Hilton AKL and the Conrad Hong Kong again happily, but in the full awareness that I wouldn't be getting much for my Gold status. Perhaps I won't bother quite so much with Hilton in the future (even though I do make Diamond next Saturday).

Starwood: Well, I was very impressed by the Sheraton SYD, I must stay at more Starwoods.

Places

HKG: A lovely city which deserves a return trip and further exploration, shopping good, eating out OK (a bit more difficult as a lone traveller than I like), public transport awkward to understand except for the MRT, I didn't really do entertainment.

SIN: Surprisingly delightful, will be visited again soon. Shopping excellent, eating out excellent, public transport excellent, I didn't really do entertainment but will avoid Orchard Road bars in future.

SYD: A large city which probably deserves another week some time, a bit on the brash side. Shopping reasonable, eating out good, public transport fairly bad, entertainment very good.

MEL: I'm in love with MEL. Hilton crap, everything else wonderful.

BNE: I only did a brief day trip, it's clear that I've need to return.

CNS: I've done CNS, the scenery is lovely, the food is pretty decent, there really isn't any public transport and the entertainment is limited.

AKL: I met some nice people in AKL, people I'd like to see again. I'd like to see AKL in better weather as well.

PHX: OK, the shopping is still cheap and the Mexican is still decent and it was nice to see Darryl and his family again. However, if I do another RTW, I will be looking at routings NOT involving the USA.

Airports

LHR T1: If it wasn't for Zone R and Terraces, it would be a shop-infested dump. With Zone R and Terraces, it's a reasonable place. It would be nice if luggage could come off in a reasonable time.

HKG: Wow. Double Wow. A very good airport with lots of nice facilities. I think the Pier is slightly over rated, but still very good. They know how to handle luggage and check-in very well.

SIN: Good but overrated (well, T1 is). QF/BA lounge disappointing. Decent provision of cancer incubation units. Shopping is OK.

SYD International: QP good but I actually preferred the Domestic QP. Security nice and easy. Shopping looked OK and getting up to BAA standards :rolleyes:

SYD Domestic: Nice QP, no queues, felt very spacious.

MEL Domestic: Oooh, shiny airport. Nice QP. Easy to use.

CNS Domestic: Small, but cosy. Decent QP. Very limited shopping :D

BNE Domestic: Felt a lot like MAN, plenty of room. Could do with a wider range of food outlets for LCC fliers.

AKL International: Nice QP, shame the cancer incubation unit is going, annoying departure fee.

LAX: Possibly the worst major airport in the world.

PHX: T4 is the best of a mediocre bunch of terminals. At least the TSA seem to be reasonably on the ball here.

All in all, I had a great time and I would happily do it again. I shall have to start saving my pennies and leave allowance in order to do it again. Apart from the Hilton on the Park Melbourne, I have no real gripes.