Paul3456
Aug 24, 00, 5:56 am
I thought everyone could use a laugh today. Sorry if it's been posted before.
If airlines sold paint
Buying paint from a hardware shop...
Customer: "Hi, how much is your paint?"
Shopkeeper: "We have regular quality for £12 a gallon and premium for £18.
How many gallons would you like?"
C: "Five gallons of regular quality, please."
S: "That will be £60. Thank you sir, and good day."
Buying paint from an airline...
Customer: "Hi, How much is your paint?"
Shopkeeper: "Well, Sir, that all depends."
C: "Depends on what?"
S: "Actually, a lot of things."
C: "How about giving me an average price?"
S: "Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is £9 a gallon, and
we have 150 different prices up to £200 a gallon."
C: "What's the difference in the paint?"
S: "Oh, there isn't any difference, it's all the same paint."
C: "Well, then, I'd like some of that £9 paint."
S: "Well, First I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to
use it?"
C: "I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off."
S: "Sir, the paint for tomorrow is £200 paint."
C: "What? When would I have to paint in order to get £9 paint?"
S: "That would be in three weeks, but you will also have to agree to start
painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least
Sunday."
C: "You've got to be kidding!"
S: "Sir, we don't kid around here. Of course, I'll have to check to see if we
have any of that paint available before I can sell it to you."
C: "What do you mean check to see if you can sell it to me? You have
shelves full of that stuff; I can see it right there."
S: "Just because you can see it doesn't mean that we have it. It may be
the same paint, but we sell only a certain number of gallons on any given
weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price just went up to £12."
C: "You mean the price went up while we were talking?"
S: "Yes sir. You see, we change prices and rules thousands of times a day,
and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet,
we just decided to change. Unless you want the same thing to happen
again, I would suggest you get on with your purchase. How many gallons do
you want?"
C: "I don't know exactly. Maybe five gallons. Maybe I should buy six gallons
just to make sure I have enough."
S: "Oh, no sir, you can't do that. If you buy the paint and then don't use it,
you will be liable for penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you
already have."
C: "What?"
S: "That's right. We can sell you enough paint to do your kitchen,
bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do
the other bedroom, you will be in violation of our tariffs."
C: "But what does it matter to you whether I use all of the paint? I already
paid you for it!"
S: "Sir, there's no point in getting upset; that's just the way it is. We make
plans based upon the idea that you will use all of the paint, and when you
don't, it just causes us all sorts of problems."
C: "This is crazy! I suppose something terrible will happen if I don't keep
painting until Sunday night?"
S: "Yes sir, it will."
C: "Well that does it! I am going somewhere else to buy paint!"
S: "That won't do you any good, sir. We all have the same rules. You might
as well just buy it here, while the price is now £13.50. Thanks for painting
with our airline."
If airlines sold paint
Buying paint from a hardware shop...
Customer: "Hi, how much is your paint?"
Shopkeeper: "We have regular quality for £12 a gallon and premium for £18.
How many gallons would you like?"
C: "Five gallons of regular quality, please."
S: "That will be £60. Thank you sir, and good day."
Buying paint from an airline...
Customer: "Hi, How much is your paint?"
Shopkeeper: "Well, Sir, that all depends."
C: "Depends on what?"
S: "Actually, a lot of things."
C: "How about giving me an average price?"
S: "Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is £9 a gallon, and
we have 150 different prices up to £200 a gallon."
C: "What's the difference in the paint?"
S: "Oh, there isn't any difference, it's all the same paint."
C: "Well, then, I'd like some of that £9 paint."
S: "Well, First I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to
use it?"
C: "I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off."
S: "Sir, the paint for tomorrow is £200 paint."
C: "What? When would I have to paint in order to get £9 paint?"
S: "That would be in three weeks, but you will also have to agree to start
painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least
Sunday."
C: "You've got to be kidding!"
S: "Sir, we don't kid around here. Of course, I'll have to check to see if we
have any of that paint available before I can sell it to you."
C: "What do you mean check to see if you can sell it to me? You have
shelves full of that stuff; I can see it right there."
S: "Just because you can see it doesn't mean that we have it. It may be
the same paint, but we sell only a certain number of gallons on any given
weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price just went up to £12."
C: "You mean the price went up while we were talking?"
S: "Yes sir. You see, we change prices and rules thousands of times a day,
and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet,
we just decided to change. Unless you want the same thing to happen
again, I would suggest you get on with your purchase. How many gallons do
you want?"
C: "I don't know exactly. Maybe five gallons. Maybe I should buy six gallons
just to make sure I have enough."
S: "Oh, no sir, you can't do that. If you buy the paint and then don't use it,
you will be liable for penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you
already have."
C: "What?"
S: "That's right. We can sell you enough paint to do your kitchen,
bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do
the other bedroom, you will be in violation of our tariffs."
C: "But what does it matter to you whether I use all of the paint? I already
paid you for it!"
S: "Sir, there's no point in getting upset; that's just the way it is. We make
plans based upon the idea that you will use all of the paint, and when you
don't, it just causes us all sorts of problems."
C: "This is crazy! I suppose something terrible will happen if I don't keep
painting until Sunday night?"
S: "Yes sir, it will."
C: "Well that does it! I am going somewhere else to buy paint!"
S: "That won't do you any good, sir. We all have the same rules. You might
as well just buy it here, while the price is now £13.50. Thanks for painting
with our airline."