YYCOllie
Mar 15, 04, 7:03 pm
Who are we kidding! However, if it was consistent, then it wouldn’t be fun to write about on FT Trip Reports, would it?
AC1188 – YYC-YOW
Again, an unremarkable 20-minute drive to the airport from the University, followed by a 5 minute Executive Class Check-in (switching to 17A on the A319: 2nd Exit Row) left me in the CATSA line. And if you’re searching for consistency, CATSA certainly is a great example of a consistent marketing message (see: ads in the Globe and Mail, or enRoute magazine). In terms of its security screening in Calgary, however, I love the variable wait times (long or longer, with as few passengers in line as possible), capricious screening stringencies (why is it only the guys who ask for me to undo my belt), and number of staff not manning the equipment. Then again, Calgary does have a reliable unavailability of seats in the Maple Leaf Lounge (although a reliable availability of Big Rock Traditional).
In an incredible move, the aircraft boarded on time, commencing general boarding of all rows in one fell swoop (that is, after the passengers who might need extra assistance hanging up their jackets and drinking pre-departure alcohol took the front rows of the plane). However, without fail, they couldn’t recruit enough neandrathals to push the plane back, so the local brutus had to do it on his own – with his teeth. (Said brutus also recently won the World’s Strongest Man competition by doing the same thing in Iceland). So, we ended up departing about 30 minutes late. No big surprise there.
However, in an unusual turn, the plane was only 2/3rds full, and the meal service quick, and efficient. (I must admit that I’m used to Air Canada’s International long-haul product – little bit more room and better food, and free booze). My disposable earphones were remarkably bad, although I was still able to watch Hugh Grant dance it up in Love Actually without hearing Blondie (I think I lost that battle). In other news, _ http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/thumbsup.gif.
However, ten minutes late isn’t half bad, priority bags came out first, and the new YOW airport isn’t half bad, although like it seems like a stupid long walk inbetween gates.
AC1185 – YOW-YYC
I love dedicated bus lanes. I also love a $2.50 ride to the airport instead of a $28 taxi that takes the same amount of time. OC Transpo, Ho! I also like the bourgeoisie check-in lane, although when it has the same number of staff as the peasant line, but the latter moves faster. Oh, to be a peasant again! (Then again, peasants don’t get 16A of this A319, another exit row). Its like those silly Cadillac cars – once you’ve driven one, you can never go back. Thank goodness I got to the airport 3 hours early!
And boy did I need that time. Either Ottawa has the most inept people when it comes to security (oh, I needed my boarding pass?, or ‘I forgot to take my coins out of my pocket when going through the metal detector). But that’s alright, I was ready to not-beep through the doorway of death. I thought the CATSA agent had a crush on me because she asked me to undo my belt, although I then realized that I wasn’t her type when she told me to turn around and do it up.
Instead of doing my exercise consisting of neck and ankle rotations on the airplane, I decided to partake in the Ottawa Marathon, or, in layman’s terms, the walk to the Maple Leaf Lounge. I was getting ready to plug my laptop in to enjoy some internet access (read: download everything possible from SuprNova simultaneously), when none of the computers were working in the Business Lounge, nor were the Ethernet ports. Being prepared like the girl guide troop my mom never enrolled me in (stupid penis), I pulled out the wireless card to find a magnanimous excellent connection, save for the fact that the DataValet wasn’t able to think up four random numbers between 0 and 255. I then drowned my sorrows in a Keith’s, and a Hearty Pea Soup (which didn’t taste like peas at all, but was still fantastic).
I laughed when someone was ‘debating over the phone’ whether to use a SSWU (Air Canada’s version of a UA SweetSpot, with the exception that you get like 2 of them every decade). And that has nothing to do with the story. I pulled a rare double (completing the Ottawa Marathon back to the plane after eating all those savoury sesame snacks), and entered the metal tube.
Somehow, I sat in row 16, but was upgraded to business class without changing seats. Most FT readers enjoy the exit row for the mobility when gathering momentum to unleash the big kick into the seat in front of you. Sadly, I wasn’t afforded this opportunity because they took out the seat in front of me. Stupid Air Canada – do they know how much revenue they’re missing!
Ottawa decided to pull a quick-one on the airport, namely ‘snow’. So, we practiced our ‘almost taking off’ by rolling really really slowly down the tarmac, having the deicers put a crap-load of glycerol on the wings (I look out the window at 37,000 feet and most of it still hasn’t fallen off the trailing edge), and then we did a couple of turns, and then we took-off. The snow was extremely warm, however, as the person sitting in the aisle seat of my row decided to visit the Church of Air Sickness, and made a hearty contribution. I wish I had thrown him instead of the door (but more on that later).
Boy, that last paragraph sucked. With the full plane, service for food commenced before the English news finished (read: quick), and my guess is as good as anyone elses in term of determining the reason for this professionalism: YYC based attendants that used to work for CP. In fact, they provided me with extra assistance on how to open this emergency exit door before takeoff – throw it out really really far. I asked if I could practice, and I threw it. She then made me get it and put it back on – sucks!
I was presented with an unbelievably detailed description of the choices. Instead of a ‘chicken or beef’ grunt, a passionate voice cooed “Roast Beef with BBQ sauce, or Chicken with vegetables”. My taste buds adding to the glycerol on the wings as the roast beef melted in my mouth (I think its because it was classified ‘vegetarian’ in Alberta – 10% meat content). The flight attendants managed to walk up and down the aisle about 7 times offering this ‘dasani’ type product. One sniff of it and then I realized that this was bottled deicing fluid from the wings (I’m still wondering how they got it from there inflight). However, they were so eager to peddle the stuff they made every effort in distributing it to the passengers.
I then saw Steve Martin get terrorized by twelve kids in “Cheaper by the Dozen”, and then I wished that my future Mrs. YYCOllie would look that good after we pump out twelve kids. Or one). Again, consistency prevails on AC as I had more problems with my headset – I got carpal tunnel because of the awkward position I had to use to keep the prongs aligned in the right spot (and then guess how long it took me to type this with one hand!)
Again, priority bags came out first, mine came out last (it seemed based on size – small bags came out first), and we all lived happily ever after. Until we realized that this was an N fare and I got jack squat in terms of status miles, but 1500 points (of which, is 0.15% of the way to a grand prix ‘enhanced reward’ driving experience through Aeroplan).
So, in conclusion, most honourable grasshoppers, while AC may not be the most consistent airline in the world, neither are any of my trip reports. All two of them. Nyaah. And yes, we did arrive late.
AC1188 – YYC-YOW
Again, an unremarkable 20-minute drive to the airport from the University, followed by a 5 minute Executive Class Check-in (switching to 17A on the A319: 2nd Exit Row) left me in the CATSA line. And if you’re searching for consistency, CATSA certainly is a great example of a consistent marketing message (see: ads in the Globe and Mail, or enRoute magazine). In terms of its security screening in Calgary, however, I love the variable wait times (long or longer, with as few passengers in line as possible), capricious screening stringencies (why is it only the guys who ask for me to undo my belt), and number of staff not manning the equipment. Then again, Calgary does have a reliable unavailability of seats in the Maple Leaf Lounge (although a reliable availability of Big Rock Traditional).
In an incredible move, the aircraft boarded on time, commencing general boarding of all rows in one fell swoop (that is, after the passengers who might need extra assistance hanging up their jackets and drinking pre-departure alcohol took the front rows of the plane). However, without fail, they couldn’t recruit enough neandrathals to push the plane back, so the local brutus had to do it on his own – with his teeth. (Said brutus also recently won the World’s Strongest Man competition by doing the same thing in Iceland). So, we ended up departing about 30 minutes late. No big surprise there.
However, in an unusual turn, the plane was only 2/3rds full, and the meal service quick, and efficient. (I must admit that I’m used to Air Canada’s International long-haul product – little bit more room and better food, and free booze). My disposable earphones were remarkably bad, although I was still able to watch Hugh Grant dance it up in Love Actually without hearing Blondie (I think I lost that battle). In other news, _ http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/thumbsup.gif.
However, ten minutes late isn’t half bad, priority bags came out first, and the new YOW airport isn’t half bad, although like it seems like a stupid long walk inbetween gates.
AC1185 – YOW-YYC
I love dedicated bus lanes. I also love a $2.50 ride to the airport instead of a $28 taxi that takes the same amount of time. OC Transpo, Ho! I also like the bourgeoisie check-in lane, although when it has the same number of staff as the peasant line, but the latter moves faster. Oh, to be a peasant again! (Then again, peasants don’t get 16A of this A319, another exit row). Its like those silly Cadillac cars – once you’ve driven one, you can never go back. Thank goodness I got to the airport 3 hours early!
And boy did I need that time. Either Ottawa has the most inept people when it comes to security (oh, I needed my boarding pass?, or ‘I forgot to take my coins out of my pocket when going through the metal detector). But that’s alright, I was ready to not-beep through the doorway of death. I thought the CATSA agent had a crush on me because she asked me to undo my belt, although I then realized that I wasn’t her type when she told me to turn around and do it up.
Instead of doing my exercise consisting of neck and ankle rotations on the airplane, I decided to partake in the Ottawa Marathon, or, in layman’s terms, the walk to the Maple Leaf Lounge. I was getting ready to plug my laptop in to enjoy some internet access (read: download everything possible from SuprNova simultaneously), when none of the computers were working in the Business Lounge, nor were the Ethernet ports. Being prepared like the girl guide troop my mom never enrolled me in (stupid penis), I pulled out the wireless card to find a magnanimous excellent connection, save for the fact that the DataValet wasn’t able to think up four random numbers between 0 and 255. I then drowned my sorrows in a Keith’s, and a Hearty Pea Soup (which didn’t taste like peas at all, but was still fantastic).
I laughed when someone was ‘debating over the phone’ whether to use a SSWU (Air Canada’s version of a UA SweetSpot, with the exception that you get like 2 of them every decade). And that has nothing to do with the story. I pulled a rare double (completing the Ottawa Marathon back to the plane after eating all those savoury sesame snacks), and entered the metal tube.
Somehow, I sat in row 16, but was upgraded to business class without changing seats. Most FT readers enjoy the exit row for the mobility when gathering momentum to unleash the big kick into the seat in front of you. Sadly, I wasn’t afforded this opportunity because they took out the seat in front of me. Stupid Air Canada – do they know how much revenue they’re missing!
Ottawa decided to pull a quick-one on the airport, namely ‘snow’. So, we practiced our ‘almost taking off’ by rolling really really slowly down the tarmac, having the deicers put a crap-load of glycerol on the wings (I look out the window at 37,000 feet and most of it still hasn’t fallen off the trailing edge), and then we did a couple of turns, and then we took-off. The snow was extremely warm, however, as the person sitting in the aisle seat of my row decided to visit the Church of Air Sickness, and made a hearty contribution. I wish I had thrown him instead of the door (but more on that later).
Boy, that last paragraph sucked. With the full plane, service for food commenced before the English news finished (read: quick), and my guess is as good as anyone elses in term of determining the reason for this professionalism: YYC based attendants that used to work for CP. In fact, they provided me with extra assistance on how to open this emergency exit door before takeoff – throw it out really really far. I asked if I could practice, and I threw it. She then made me get it and put it back on – sucks!
I was presented with an unbelievably detailed description of the choices. Instead of a ‘chicken or beef’ grunt, a passionate voice cooed “Roast Beef with BBQ sauce, or Chicken with vegetables”. My taste buds adding to the glycerol on the wings as the roast beef melted in my mouth (I think its because it was classified ‘vegetarian’ in Alberta – 10% meat content). The flight attendants managed to walk up and down the aisle about 7 times offering this ‘dasani’ type product. One sniff of it and then I realized that this was bottled deicing fluid from the wings (I’m still wondering how they got it from there inflight). However, they were so eager to peddle the stuff they made every effort in distributing it to the passengers.
I then saw Steve Martin get terrorized by twelve kids in “Cheaper by the Dozen”, and then I wished that my future Mrs. YYCOllie would look that good after we pump out twelve kids. Or one). Again, consistency prevails on AC as I had more problems with my headset – I got carpal tunnel because of the awkward position I had to use to keep the prongs aligned in the right spot (and then guess how long it took me to type this with one hand!)
Again, priority bags came out first, mine came out last (it seemed based on size – small bags came out first), and we all lived happily ever after. Until we realized that this was an N fare and I got jack squat in terms of status miles, but 1500 points (of which, is 0.15% of the way to a grand prix ‘enhanced reward’ driving experience through Aeroplan).
So, in conclusion, most honourable grasshoppers, while AC may not be the most consistent airline in the world, neither are any of my trip reports. All two of them. Nyaah. And yes, we did arrive late.