ftlampooner
Oct 23, 02, 9:54 am
With total respect to all members, especially one, who's posts I truly enjoy and learn from
Some Day Last Week, I canīt be bothered with dates
ORD-NRT
UA 8something, numbers are a bore
747
Check in was adequately handled by one of the unwashed lower classes, but I took no offense, other than to note that her carnation was somewhat wilted, which certainly meant that my full fare F ticket revenue wasnīt going to buy fresh flowers. No wonder UA is in such trouble. I went to the F lounge, only to find that there was no sushi, and I always enjoy a bite of something raw before commencing a RTW journey in F. Lazy employees stood around talking instead of working and bringing me my sushi. Why is it that Americans have this sense of entitlement to what they call a "break" ?
Boarding was announced and I suddenly became aware that I would have to actually walk to the plane on my own. Being able to count, I divined that Gate 37 was between Gate 36 and 38, however, if UAīs new policy is to let F class passengers find their way to the gate on their own, they should have let me know beforehand. I enjoy mixing with the proletariat from time to time and a walk to the gate with one of them certainly gives me the opportunity to do this and reflect on my own place in the world.
Once aboard, as I had been unable to reserve a Happy Meal in advance, I asked the flight attendant to reserve one for me, which she did. I learned that only five Happy Mealīs were generally boarded, and remarked that it seemed, given their popularity, more should be catered. She agreed with me and said that she would speak to Ronald about it. I assumed she meant McDonald and not Dutta, who is too busy with things like his severance package, but I feel she should have made the extra effort to clarify which Ronald she was referring to, as I was a full fare F passenger.
Already peeved at my assistant for being unable to pre-order my Happy Meal, I decided to fire her the minute I realized I was in seat 5A, from where not only are you subjected to the most offensive smells from the galley, but the incessant chatter of the flight attendants, which I have never understood. If I had this job, I would be reading something that was way over the head of the New Yorker critic who clearly didnīt understand the writerīs motivation or refined sense of irony, when I wasnīt passing through the cabin, providing all F class passengers with the service and level of social and intellectual skills they so deserve because they are F class passengers. Why must UA FA's continue to think it is their God-given right to speak with their friends in the workplace, especially when their company is failing so miserably? In my business, we all realize we are there to make a profit, and that is why I fly in F and UA employees donīt oh, wait a minute, they usually do. Excuse me. As you know, I am rarely wrong.
Being seated in 5A not only means you are seated in the last row, you are also the last one served, which is totally and completely unacceptable. Since I was paying full F fare, I felt that I should have been served first, and clearly UA does not understand where almost all of their revenue is coming from (me!). I received the last appetizer selection, which was a slice of Kraft Single on a Ritz cracker, and I deemed it adequate, but certainly not in the same league at the pasteurized processed cheese spread served on CX, SQ and the likes.
For those of you who have read my previous posts regarding UA's wine selection, you know that I find them inadequate and woefully beneath me, since I am a full fare F passenger. In fact, on one recent flight, I was served a horrendously underaged and falsely over-oaked Boone's Farm Chardonnay, and was forced to remark to the FA, once she finished chatting with her friends, "the last time I saw a specimen like that, they had to shoot the horse." One exception to this is UA's champagne selection in Intl. F. As you know, champagne is one of the many things I am a foremost expert on, and the Andre Non-Vintage being served on this flight was superb, with just the right hint of sulfur from the soil surrounding Lake Onondaga in the Syracuse region, where the grapes for this refined demi-brut are grown. That said, while I do appreciate their attempt at serving a truly distinguished champagne, I personally prefer a well chilled bottle of Cold Duck, which is well stocked in my own personal wine cellar, however, I digress.
My Happy Meal was adequate, although nowhere near as good as the Happy Meals on CX, SQ and QF. While I found the fries to be somewhat past their prime, the burger itself was relatively well done, served on a soft and fairly warm bun. The gift was a character from the movie "Shrek", which I played with agreeably until it fell apart. This would never happen with the Happy Meal gifts on CX, SQ and QF, which are of superior quality.
I had an interesting chat with the purser about milkshakes. I expressed surprise that my milkshake was served at room temperature, when everyone knows that milkshakes should be served cold, especially to a passenger traveling in Intl. F. She confided in me that whenever a Intl. F. passenger asked for a warm milkshake, which two other people traveling in Intl. F apparently did, she served them inferior milkshakes from the business class cabin.
Afterwards, I connected my laptap and did several hours of unbearably important work befitting a master of the universe, until I realized I was a bit "peekish". I decided to have the PB&J on white bread, as this is what I have become accustomed to in the Intl. F lounge as a full fare Intl. F passenger. While the sandwich itself was acceptable, although nowhere near the quality of the PB&Jīs on CX, SQ, etc., I was truly appalled at the presentation. The FA had simply put the sandwich on a plate and brought it to me. This represents a serious breach of Intl. F etiquette and highly offends full fare Intl. F passengers like me. The problem is twofold: The FA had clearly not received adequate training in the proper preparation, presentation and serving of a PB&J sandwich, and lacked a sufficient personal frame of reference to recognize that this was an inappropriate way to serve a PB&J to a full fare Intl. F passenger. I find this whole issue illustrative as it must be hard to train people to provide proper PB&J service if in their own upbringing they have not learned even the most fundamental PB&J service concepts that full fare Intl. F passengers expect. To avoid this, I would recommend to UA that they begin recruiting and training FA's who have graduated from Miss Porter's, Garrison Forest, St. Paulīs, Choate, Exeter, and for Intl. FA's, Le Rosey, since they will have had proper service techniques engrained since childhood.
I skipped the pre-arrival snack because I couldnīt bear the thought of being served inappropriately again, and much preferred to starve rather than have something else mis-plated. Upon landing, we were met by a concierge, who soon disappeared and I was left to find my way to the Intl. F. lounge on my own. Naturally, I found it appalling, considering I was a full fare Intl. F passenger.
(NEXT: ftlampooner pays rack rate at the Kowloon Howard Johnsonīs)
Some Day Last Week, I canīt be bothered with dates
ORD-NRT
UA 8something, numbers are a bore
747
Check in was adequately handled by one of the unwashed lower classes, but I took no offense, other than to note that her carnation was somewhat wilted, which certainly meant that my full fare F ticket revenue wasnīt going to buy fresh flowers. No wonder UA is in such trouble. I went to the F lounge, only to find that there was no sushi, and I always enjoy a bite of something raw before commencing a RTW journey in F. Lazy employees stood around talking instead of working and bringing me my sushi. Why is it that Americans have this sense of entitlement to what they call a "break" ?
Boarding was announced and I suddenly became aware that I would have to actually walk to the plane on my own. Being able to count, I divined that Gate 37 was between Gate 36 and 38, however, if UAīs new policy is to let F class passengers find their way to the gate on their own, they should have let me know beforehand. I enjoy mixing with the proletariat from time to time and a walk to the gate with one of them certainly gives me the opportunity to do this and reflect on my own place in the world.
Once aboard, as I had been unable to reserve a Happy Meal in advance, I asked the flight attendant to reserve one for me, which she did. I learned that only five Happy Mealīs were generally boarded, and remarked that it seemed, given their popularity, more should be catered. She agreed with me and said that she would speak to Ronald about it. I assumed she meant McDonald and not Dutta, who is too busy with things like his severance package, but I feel she should have made the extra effort to clarify which Ronald she was referring to, as I was a full fare F passenger.
Already peeved at my assistant for being unable to pre-order my Happy Meal, I decided to fire her the minute I realized I was in seat 5A, from where not only are you subjected to the most offensive smells from the galley, but the incessant chatter of the flight attendants, which I have never understood. If I had this job, I would be reading something that was way over the head of the New Yorker critic who clearly didnīt understand the writerīs motivation or refined sense of irony, when I wasnīt passing through the cabin, providing all F class passengers with the service and level of social and intellectual skills they so deserve because they are F class passengers. Why must UA FA's continue to think it is their God-given right to speak with their friends in the workplace, especially when their company is failing so miserably? In my business, we all realize we are there to make a profit, and that is why I fly in F and UA employees donīt oh, wait a minute, they usually do. Excuse me. As you know, I am rarely wrong.
Being seated in 5A not only means you are seated in the last row, you are also the last one served, which is totally and completely unacceptable. Since I was paying full F fare, I felt that I should have been served first, and clearly UA does not understand where almost all of their revenue is coming from (me!). I received the last appetizer selection, which was a slice of Kraft Single on a Ritz cracker, and I deemed it adequate, but certainly not in the same league at the pasteurized processed cheese spread served on CX, SQ and the likes.
For those of you who have read my previous posts regarding UA's wine selection, you know that I find them inadequate and woefully beneath me, since I am a full fare F passenger. In fact, on one recent flight, I was served a horrendously underaged and falsely over-oaked Boone's Farm Chardonnay, and was forced to remark to the FA, once she finished chatting with her friends, "the last time I saw a specimen like that, they had to shoot the horse." One exception to this is UA's champagne selection in Intl. F. As you know, champagne is one of the many things I am a foremost expert on, and the Andre Non-Vintage being served on this flight was superb, with just the right hint of sulfur from the soil surrounding Lake Onondaga in the Syracuse region, where the grapes for this refined demi-brut are grown. That said, while I do appreciate their attempt at serving a truly distinguished champagne, I personally prefer a well chilled bottle of Cold Duck, which is well stocked in my own personal wine cellar, however, I digress.
My Happy Meal was adequate, although nowhere near as good as the Happy Meals on CX, SQ and QF. While I found the fries to be somewhat past their prime, the burger itself was relatively well done, served on a soft and fairly warm bun. The gift was a character from the movie "Shrek", which I played with agreeably until it fell apart. This would never happen with the Happy Meal gifts on CX, SQ and QF, which are of superior quality.
I had an interesting chat with the purser about milkshakes. I expressed surprise that my milkshake was served at room temperature, when everyone knows that milkshakes should be served cold, especially to a passenger traveling in Intl. F. She confided in me that whenever a Intl. F. passenger asked for a warm milkshake, which two other people traveling in Intl. F apparently did, she served them inferior milkshakes from the business class cabin.
Afterwards, I connected my laptap and did several hours of unbearably important work befitting a master of the universe, until I realized I was a bit "peekish". I decided to have the PB&J on white bread, as this is what I have become accustomed to in the Intl. F lounge as a full fare Intl. F passenger. While the sandwich itself was acceptable, although nowhere near the quality of the PB&Jīs on CX, SQ, etc., I was truly appalled at the presentation. The FA had simply put the sandwich on a plate and brought it to me. This represents a serious breach of Intl. F etiquette and highly offends full fare Intl. F passengers like me. The problem is twofold: The FA had clearly not received adequate training in the proper preparation, presentation and serving of a PB&J sandwich, and lacked a sufficient personal frame of reference to recognize that this was an inappropriate way to serve a PB&J to a full fare Intl. F passenger. I find this whole issue illustrative as it must be hard to train people to provide proper PB&J service if in their own upbringing they have not learned even the most fundamental PB&J service concepts that full fare Intl. F passengers expect. To avoid this, I would recommend to UA that they begin recruiting and training FA's who have graduated from Miss Porter's, Garrison Forest, St. Paulīs, Choate, Exeter, and for Intl. FA's, Le Rosey, since they will have had proper service techniques engrained since childhood.
I skipped the pre-arrival snack because I couldnīt bear the thought of being served inappropriately again, and much preferred to starve rather than have something else mis-plated. Upon landing, we were met by a concierge, who soon disappeared and I was left to find my way to the Intl. F. lounge on my own. Naturally, I found it appalling, considering I was a full fare Intl. F passenger.
(NEXT: ftlampooner pays rack rate at the Kowloon Howard Johnsonīs)