Mats
Dec 26, 01, 3:03 pm
21 December Delta 724 Columbus-Cincinnati B757-200 Seat 6C
Check in
I arrived at the airport at about 6:00 am for a 7:00 am departure. There was no line at the First Class/Medallion counter. There were maybe a dozen people in the main line. The agent was friendly and efficient; I received my boarding cards within 60 seconds. Unusual for a domestic flight, I received a SkyTeam priority tag for my checked bag.
Security
There were perhaps two or three people ahead of me in line, so the wait was about five minutes. The wait was strictly due to the fact that the woman overseeing the metal detector was also checking tickets and identification. In other words, the wait was not really due to tighter security. I did not set off the metal detector and my bags (laptop included) were not of interest to the screeners.
As usual for Columbus, the screeners were too busy yelling at the passengers to worry about weapons (“If you got a laptop it betta’ be out’ the bag!” was a constant refrain.) I call it “guilty until proven innocent” security screening.
I was seriously unimpressed with security at the gate. Our flight was delayed because they were busy rifling through the pilot’s briefcase and frisking him. Yes, the pilot. Yes, that was the reason for the delay. I can only hope that this sort of hoo-hah will end once more people take to the skies.
I’m firmly against “random” anything. As an epidemiologist, I’m statistician of sorts; the idea of “randomness” is rather inconsistent with my view of the world. If I were looking for patients with colon cancer, I wouldn’t perform random colonoscopies in the hospital waiting room.
Above all, yesterday’s “Richard Reid” incident from Paris to Miami makes me quite concerned. AA security at Charles-de-Gaulle tends to be very tight, but it didn’t work. This leads me to believe that even the most stringent airport security isn’t the answer. It seems that maybe we should put our efforts into intelligence rather than screening. Unfortunately, the wounds are too fresh and most people seem interested in “faith in government” rather than public dialogue (an understandable reaction.)
On board
I was spared from public frisking and belt-buckle inspection. I settled into 6C in the back of first class, where I was promptly offered a decent cup of coffee. There were perhaps 10 people in F and maybe 30-50% in Y. The flight itself was a mere 24 minutes. I completed the Sky magazine crossword puzzle by about the 19th minute. We cruised at about 5,000 feet for a low, smooth flight.
Arrival
Cincinnati was busy, but not as busy as previous holidays. Above all, it was calm and clean. The line at Starbucks was as enormous as usual. The one woman working at the counter was the incompetent, snarling type that I’ve come to expect from the CVG Starbucks. The whole place seemed like an uptown Methadone clinic (not that I've spent time in Methadone treatment.) A line of weary addicts waiting for surly service.
21 December Delta 123 Cincinnati-Los Angeles MD-11 Seat 10H
Boarding
There seemed to be only one passenger, a weary businessman, who was a “selectee” for belt-buckle inspection and non-erotic frisking. I made my way on to the MD-11 without a fuss. This was my first trip aboard a Delta MD-11 (I had been on a Finnair MD-11). The interior seemed indistinguishable from the 767-300; a bit wider, but not in any drastic way. Unlike Finnair, economy looked like a cramped nightmare. It was full or close to it. I cannot imagine a lengthy transoceanic trip in that cabin.
There were two empty seats in BusinessElite, one of them was next to me (yippee!)
On Board
The cabin crew were outstanding. Unerringly professional but warm and approachable. They are, after all, one of the reasons I’m loyal to Delta. From the minute I stepped on board, they ensured that everyone had plenty to drink, pillows, blankets, etc.
The BusinessElite seat... one of the reasons I chose flight 123... remains a pleasure. Comfortable, easy to maneuver, etc.
Entertainment was excellent. Recent movies with in-seat video. Excellent service for a domestic flight.
Catering
Uh-oh.
This flight used to offer menus, a selection of three entrees for breakfast, and a second service of a cheese plate with dried fruit. Not anymore. The unwritten choices were an omelet or Product 19 cereal. I chose the latter, which came with a banana, uninspiring melon with pineapple, and a lukewarm raisin muffin. It was an economy class meal with slightly nicer crockery. Seriously bad news.
As we all know, catering tends to be cyclical. In a few months, Delta may put money back into it.
Arrival
We took an approach that I don’t think I’ve ever experienced. And I’ve been to LAX far too many times. We taxied past all of the remote stands for the Tom Bradley International Terminal. It was a new (and lengthy) taxi for me.
Terminal 5 was a zoo. It was crammed with people, all of them looking frustrated. Bags took 45 minutes; the priority tag was ineffective.
Then it took another hour to get from the parking lot to the street. This was due to traffic, misguided police, and random vehicle inspections. La Cienega featured the worst traffic in memory. I’ll be leaving Los Angeles in a few hours and I can’t wait!
23 December Delta 341 Los Angeles-Honolulu B767-400 Seat 4E
Before leaving for the airport I checked the Delta web site to see if my flight was on time or if the airport had closed down or anything like that. When I clicked on “My Itineraries,” there was a button marked “Check In.” Since I am without a Medallion this year, I thought that I wouldn’t be eligible for virtual check in. The link asked one moronic security question (“Do you understand the meaning of airport security?”) and printed out a boarding pass that was otherwise indistinguishable from a regular Delta boarding pass.
The airport was fairly tame. I realized that my bag was getting heavy and large, so I decided to check it. There was only one person in the First/Medallion line, so there was no wait. The agent was friendly and was deeply impressed by my boarding pass. He was too skeptical and asked the security questions again (this used to happen when Continental agents didn’t trust the e-ticket machines. They’ve all had the fear of god put into them about not asking the pitiful, useless questions. The FAA slaps a $5,000 fine on the airline if they forget to ask. Gee, thanks to that we haven’t had any problems with airport security. Oh wait a second—wasn’t there something a couple months ago?)
Security
A Delta agent scrutinized my driver’s license to no end and then let me pass to the restricted concourse. Again, the airlines haven’t figured out that our licenses don’t contain secret messages about terrorist intentions. In fact, I could probably wear an “Ask me about my Taliban affiliation!” button without causing alarm.
There was no line for the metal detectors. I went through unscathed. Some guy used the TNA machine to look for C4 in my laptop. It looked like it would be really easy to steal a few computers. But we all now about that.
Boarding
Delta has those really slick flat screen monitors in LAX, which now feature maps of the airport. Boarding began 45 minutes prior to departure and featured the usual crowd of people who seemed to think that the plane would leave without them if they didn’t board immediately. Two Delta agents checked ID’s while another two operated the boarding pass readers. The pass reader agent was impressed with my self-prepared boarding pass.
There was a scary looking agent in gloves rifling through one woman’s belongings. It seems like they only choose one selectee per flight. How do you say “waste of time” in Arabic?
I tried to snag seat 4E, but a drunk woman begged me to take 4D. I detest the center section, but I don’t want to be the snot mouth guy who says no to minor request.
I’d like to imagine that first class to Honolulu is some sort of celebrity playground filled with beautiful people. This cabin seemed to feature the obese and the intoxicated. It was rather like a flying frat party. I’m not a big drinker and the smell of alcohol was nauseating.
We were about 20 minutes late out of the gate for no ostensible reason. They announced that one passenger should come to the front of the aircraft with his belongings. Since his name wasn’t “REID/R MR,” I’m assuming that this was a bump or a NRSA rather than a terrorist.
In Flight
We had an incredibly fast taxi and took off in an instant. It was fantastic!
One of the drunk people behind me went into a full-blown panic attack on the runway. The whole “Oh my god! Oh no! I’m gonna’ die! Oooh Aaahh Oooh Ahh!” routine. Her husband (a man of remarkable largeness) was not helping. I know I should be more sympathetic, but I really wanted to tell her to shut up. She eventually drank herself into some sort of stupor.
The cabin crew on this flight were again excellent. There always seemed to be one of them looking after the FC cabin. They were all smiling, professional, and remarkably normal
Since most of my family lives in Honolulu, I flew to Hawaii many times when I was little. We used to always fly United (back in the days when they wore electric blue muu muus.) I remember those obnoxious “senior mamas” on those flights. It was like a cabin crew of insane first grade teachers. There was one nasty schoolmarm with spooky white hair who is still a legend in my family.
The senior mamas on United also insisted on moronic Hawaiian nonsense. They would always say “Mahalo” and show lousy promotional films about Hawaii while serving pineapple-laced airplane chicken. The scary white hair lady would always say, “Thank you for letting us show you our little corner of the world.” As if she was the only one to ever live in Hawaii.
Delta doesn’t do any of this baloney. No ukeleles, no in-your-face pineapples. It’s just an airplane. And I like it the Delta way.
There was no “senior mama” mentality on this flight. I complimented the purser and she was delighted to hear me say that. She emphasized that Delta’s cabin crews are some of the very best. I agree. She wasn’t overjoyed with the 767-400 because she felt that it was too cramped for passengers. Yeah, it’s not as nice as BizElite, but it’s not bad. Economy looked better than on the MD-11.
Catering
No menus, no warm nuts, no separate salad course, no choice of salad dressing. But I knew that was coming. The choices were chicken fettucine, steak, or crab cakes. I chose the latter. They were typical airplane cuisine… a bit soggy, but not bad. The rice and vegetables had that distinctive airplane food rice taste. I can’t describe it better than “airplane rice.”
The salad wasn’t thrilling but it wasn’t bad either. Mixed greens with hearts of palm, tomato, and Greek dressing.
The crew offered a choice of lukewarm rolls, which were quite good despite their inadequate temperature.
The good news was dessert. Unlike Business Elite sundaes, the domestic sundaes are substantially larger and not rock solid. I inhaled a sundae and loved every second of it.
Entertainment
This flight had two cycles of in-seat video. I was busy with work and then didn’t feel terribly interested in any of the movies. I watched my own DVD of You Can Count On Me. An amazing movie. I know little about acting and drama I knew that this was good stuff.
Arrival
To everyone’s delight, we landed about fifteen minutes early. We had a long taxi for no obvious reason. HNL was not very busy except for three Air Canada jumbos en route to Sydney, Toronto, etc.
“Aloha and welcome to Honolulu” are some of the most beautiful words in the English language. (The others are “Your test results were negative,” and “Sure I’d love to go to dinner or the movies sometime.”)
I waited far too long at the wrong baggage belt, so I can’t tell you if my priority tags meant anything.
Rental Car
I decided to get my own car to make life easier for me and my family. For unclear reasons, Budget was the cheapest and their cheapest rental was a Ford Ranger pickup truck.
The Budget agent was extraordinarily pleasant for midnight and the whole process took less than 20 minutes from terminal to car. It’s hell to park, it guzzles gas, and it drives like an Impala station wagon. I should have put my Jetta in my carry-on.
Updates to follow. -Mats.
Check in
I arrived at the airport at about 6:00 am for a 7:00 am departure. There was no line at the First Class/Medallion counter. There were maybe a dozen people in the main line. The agent was friendly and efficient; I received my boarding cards within 60 seconds. Unusual for a domestic flight, I received a SkyTeam priority tag for my checked bag.
Security
There were perhaps two or three people ahead of me in line, so the wait was about five minutes. The wait was strictly due to the fact that the woman overseeing the metal detector was also checking tickets and identification. In other words, the wait was not really due to tighter security. I did not set off the metal detector and my bags (laptop included) were not of interest to the screeners.
As usual for Columbus, the screeners were too busy yelling at the passengers to worry about weapons (“If you got a laptop it betta’ be out’ the bag!” was a constant refrain.) I call it “guilty until proven innocent” security screening.
I was seriously unimpressed with security at the gate. Our flight was delayed because they were busy rifling through the pilot’s briefcase and frisking him. Yes, the pilot. Yes, that was the reason for the delay. I can only hope that this sort of hoo-hah will end once more people take to the skies.
I’m firmly against “random” anything. As an epidemiologist, I’m statistician of sorts; the idea of “randomness” is rather inconsistent with my view of the world. If I were looking for patients with colon cancer, I wouldn’t perform random colonoscopies in the hospital waiting room.
Above all, yesterday’s “Richard Reid” incident from Paris to Miami makes me quite concerned. AA security at Charles-de-Gaulle tends to be very tight, but it didn’t work. This leads me to believe that even the most stringent airport security isn’t the answer. It seems that maybe we should put our efforts into intelligence rather than screening. Unfortunately, the wounds are too fresh and most people seem interested in “faith in government” rather than public dialogue (an understandable reaction.)
On board
I was spared from public frisking and belt-buckle inspection. I settled into 6C in the back of first class, where I was promptly offered a decent cup of coffee. There were perhaps 10 people in F and maybe 30-50% in Y. The flight itself was a mere 24 minutes. I completed the Sky magazine crossword puzzle by about the 19th minute. We cruised at about 5,000 feet for a low, smooth flight.
Arrival
Cincinnati was busy, but not as busy as previous holidays. Above all, it was calm and clean. The line at Starbucks was as enormous as usual. The one woman working at the counter was the incompetent, snarling type that I’ve come to expect from the CVG Starbucks. The whole place seemed like an uptown Methadone clinic (not that I've spent time in Methadone treatment.) A line of weary addicts waiting for surly service.
21 December Delta 123 Cincinnati-Los Angeles MD-11 Seat 10H
Boarding
There seemed to be only one passenger, a weary businessman, who was a “selectee” for belt-buckle inspection and non-erotic frisking. I made my way on to the MD-11 without a fuss. This was my first trip aboard a Delta MD-11 (I had been on a Finnair MD-11). The interior seemed indistinguishable from the 767-300; a bit wider, but not in any drastic way. Unlike Finnair, economy looked like a cramped nightmare. It was full or close to it. I cannot imagine a lengthy transoceanic trip in that cabin.
There were two empty seats in BusinessElite, one of them was next to me (yippee!)
On Board
The cabin crew were outstanding. Unerringly professional but warm and approachable. They are, after all, one of the reasons I’m loyal to Delta. From the minute I stepped on board, they ensured that everyone had plenty to drink, pillows, blankets, etc.
The BusinessElite seat... one of the reasons I chose flight 123... remains a pleasure. Comfortable, easy to maneuver, etc.
Entertainment was excellent. Recent movies with in-seat video. Excellent service for a domestic flight.
Catering
Uh-oh.
This flight used to offer menus, a selection of three entrees for breakfast, and a second service of a cheese plate with dried fruit. Not anymore. The unwritten choices were an omelet or Product 19 cereal. I chose the latter, which came with a banana, uninspiring melon with pineapple, and a lukewarm raisin muffin. It was an economy class meal with slightly nicer crockery. Seriously bad news.
As we all know, catering tends to be cyclical. In a few months, Delta may put money back into it.
Arrival
We took an approach that I don’t think I’ve ever experienced. And I’ve been to LAX far too many times. We taxied past all of the remote stands for the Tom Bradley International Terminal. It was a new (and lengthy) taxi for me.
Terminal 5 was a zoo. It was crammed with people, all of them looking frustrated. Bags took 45 minutes; the priority tag was ineffective.
Then it took another hour to get from the parking lot to the street. This was due to traffic, misguided police, and random vehicle inspections. La Cienega featured the worst traffic in memory. I’ll be leaving Los Angeles in a few hours and I can’t wait!
23 December Delta 341 Los Angeles-Honolulu B767-400 Seat 4E
Before leaving for the airport I checked the Delta web site to see if my flight was on time or if the airport had closed down or anything like that. When I clicked on “My Itineraries,” there was a button marked “Check In.” Since I am without a Medallion this year, I thought that I wouldn’t be eligible for virtual check in. The link asked one moronic security question (“Do you understand the meaning of airport security?”) and printed out a boarding pass that was otherwise indistinguishable from a regular Delta boarding pass.
The airport was fairly tame. I realized that my bag was getting heavy and large, so I decided to check it. There was only one person in the First/Medallion line, so there was no wait. The agent was friendly and was deeply impressed by my boarding pass. He was too skeptical and asked the security questions again (this used to happen when Continental agents didn’t trust the e-ticket machines. They’ve all had the fear of god put into them about not asking the pitiful, useless questions. The FAA slaps a $5,000 fine on the airline if they forget to ask. Gee, thanks to that we haven’t had any problems with airport security. Oh wait a second—wasn’t there something a couple months ago?)
Security
A Delta agent scrutinized my driver’s license to no end and then let me pass to the restricted concourse. Again, the airlines haven’t figured out that our licenses don’t contain secret messages about terrorist intentions. In fact, I could probably wear an “Ask me about my Taliban affiliation!” button without causing alarm.
There was no line for the metal detectors. I went through unscathed. Some guy used the TNA machine to look for C4 in my laptop. It looked like it would be really easy to steal a few computers. But we all now about that.
Boarding
Delta has those really slick flat screen monitors in LAX, which now feature maps of the airport. Boarding began 45 minutes prior to departure and featured the usual crowd of people who seemed to think that the plane would leave without them if they didn’t board immediately. Two Delta agents checked ID’s while another two operated the boarding pass readers. The pass reader agent was impressed with my self-prepared boarding pass.
There was a scary looking agent in gloves rifling through one woman’s belongings. It seems like they only choose one selectee per flight. How do you say “waste of time” in Arabic?
I tried to snag seat 4E, but a drunk woman begged me to take 4D. I detest the center section, but I don’t want to be the snot mouth guy who says no to minor request.
I’d like to imagine that first class to Honolulu is some sort of celebrity playground filled with beautiful people. This cabin seemed to feature the obese and the intoxicated. It was rather like a flying frat party. I’m not a big drinker and the smell of alcohol was nauseating.
We were about 20 minutes late out of the gate for no ostensible reason. They announced that one passenger should come to the front of the aircraft with his belongings. Since his name wasn’t “REID/R MR,” I’m assuming that this was a bump or a NRSA rather than a terrorist.
In Flight
We had an incredibly fast taxi and took off in an instant. It was fantastic!
One of the drunk people behind me went into a full-blown panic attack on the runway. The whole “Oh my god! Oh no! I’m gonna’ die! Oooh Aaahh Oooh Ahh!” routine. Her husband (a man of remarkable largeness) was not helping. I know I should be more sympathetic, but I really wanted to tell her to shut up. She eventually drank herself into some sort of stupor.
The cabin crew on this flight were again excellent. There always seemed to be one of them looking after the FC cabin. They were all smiling, professional, and remarkably normal
Since most of my family lives in Honolulu, I flew to Hawaii many times when I was little. We used to always fly United (back in the days when they wore electric blue muu muus.) I remember those obnoxious “senior mamas” on those flights. It was like a cabin crew of insane first grade teachers. There was one nasty schoolmarm with spooky white hair who is still a legend in my family.
The senior mamas on United also insisted on moronic Hawaiian nonsense. They would always say “Mahalo” and show lousy promotional films about Hawaii while serving pineapple-laced airplane chicken. The scary white hair lady would always say, “Thank you for letting us show you our little corner of the world.” As if she was the only one to ever live in Hawaii.
Delta doesn’t do any of this baloney. No ukeleles, no in-your-face pineapples. It’s just an airplane. And I like it the Delta way.
There was no “senior mama” mentality on this flight. I complimented the purser and she was delighted to hear me say that. She emphasized that Delta’s cabin crews are some of the very best. I agree. She wasn’t overjoyed with the 767-400 because she felt that it was too cramped for passengers. Yeah, it’s not as nice as BizElite, but it’s not bad. Economy looked better than on the MD-11.
Catering
No menus, no warm nuts, no separate salad course, no choice of salad dressing. But I knew that was coming. The choices were chicken fettucine, steak, or crab cakes. I chose the latter. They were typical airplane cuisine… a bit soggy, but not bad. The rice and vegetables had that distinctive airplane food rice taste. I can’t describe it better than “airplane rice.”
The salad wasn’t thrilling but it wasn’t bad either. Mixed greens with hearts of palm, tomato, and Greek dressing.
The crew offered a choice of lukewarm rolls, which were quite good despite their inadequate temperature.
The good news was dessert. Unlike Business Elite sundaes, the domestic sundaes are substantially larger and not rock solid. I inhaled a sundae and loved every second of it.
Entertainment
This flight had two cycles of in-seat video. I was busy with work and then didn’t feel terribly interested in any of the movies. I watched my own DVD of You Can Count On Me. An amazing movie. I know little about acting and drama I knew that this was good stuff.
Arrival
To everyone’s delight, we landed about fifteen minutes early. We had a long taxi for no obvious reason. HNL was not very busy except for three Air Canada jumbos en route to Sydney, Toronto, etc.
“Aloha and welcome to Honolulu” are some of the most beautiful words in the English language. (The others are “Your test results were negative,” and “Sure I’d love to go to dinner or the movies sometime.”)
I waited far too long at the wrong baggage belt, so I can’t tell you if my priority tags meant anything.
Rental Car
I decided to get my own car to make life easier for me and my family. For unclear reasons, Budget was the cheapest and their cheapest rental was a Ford Ranger pickup truck.
The Budget agent was extraordinarily pleasant for midnight and the whole process took less than 20 minutes from terminal to car. It’s hell to park, it guzzles gas, and it drives like an Impala station wagon. I should have put my Jetta in my carry-on.
Updates to follow. -Mats.