Trip Reports - Roots III: Vikings and Business Elite




opus17
Jul 7, 01, 2:15 pm
The time had come to take our second international trip for the Delta double base miles promotion. Our evil master plan was simple – 2 trips, Gold for next year, no need to see if business travel picked up during the second half of 2001.


Wendolene (a.k.a. “wife”) was open to going anywhere in the world, as long as it was Northern Europe. She doesn’t like hot weather, but does like people genetically identical to herself. Wendolene’s family claims they were descended from the Vikings. In the U.S., I know quite a few people who say they are 1/16 Cherokee -- as if this claim makes them more exotic, interesting or cool. But generally, while Europeans obsess about their past and their genealogy, I find that Americans are more than happy to run away from their past, whether just from forgetfulness, or a sealed indictment, or the Witness Protection program. Even our own alleged president has no history before age 40, as all records have been destroyed and all witnesses paid off with huge grants of Republican soft money. His only link to the past was his father’s name (branding), which made having no history of his own irrelevant. But I digress, there is a trip report lurking somewhere here.

In order for Wendolene to connect with her Viking roots, we decided on Stockholm. It also helped that Delta had upgrade seats on all flights. Departure date was July 4. As I tribute to Independence Day, I will write the rest of this trip report with an arrogant American attitude, foregoing further insults to Our President, who was elected only due to Massive Fraud.

Traffic to the airport was very light, considering it was 6AM of a national holiday (we take nothing for granted in the Bay Area). We parked at an off-airport lot, where I am sure I left my lights on. A shuttle quickly dumped us at the Delta counter, where we were quickly processed in the First Class line, empty as usual.

The Business Elite flight to New York was delayed 30 minutes, because the pilot was late in arriving. B.E. was about 60% full – it never seems to fill up on the SFO-JFK route. We dreaded another awful Delta breakfast (actually 2, since one would be served coming into Europe), but my waffle wasn’t bad. Wendolene’s scrambled eggs met expectations, however.

The lead F.A, who made the announcements, had an outrageous French accent, somewhere in the Inspector Clouseau range. I suspect even on Air France, they would have asked her to tone it down a bit. After she made her announcements, we patiently waited for the English translation. It turns out Delta had about 6 languages represented among the flight crew, including Romanian. I can’t imagine how a Romanian-only speaker would have fared in SFO before boarding the plane to New York, but I am sure they would be glad to have a Romanian speaker onboard.

Despite dire warnings about the weather, the flight was smooth and on time (making up all the time lost from the late pilot). We flew north of the nasty weather.

We went to the smaller BE lounge in JFK. The only Delta computer was occupied by some bozo playing Solitaire. Must not have gotten enough of it during his Windows 3.1 days. I was too lazy to whip out my own computer.

We had the “second” BE bulkhead on the 767 going to Stockholm (row 10) .These are not good seats, as there isn’t much legroom compared to the other business seats. But we were too lazy to ask to change. The lead F.A. had an outrageous Swedish accent. This was kind of amusing, since almost everyone in Sweden speaks like they learned their English from watching McGyver.

The two of us ordered the Halibut dish, which was shockingly good. The appetizer was quasi-edible (this is outstanding for Delta), and the salad was decent – although I still think iceberg lettuce salad is a better choice on an airplane. As usual, I just had water, no wine, coffee, tea, or anything else.

I had the Breyer’s sundae with caramel sauce, which froze immediately upon contact with the rock hard dairy lump.

I tried to sleep, but failed. Maybe I was too entranced by my book, “UML and C++ -- A Practical Guide to Object-Oriented Development”. A brisk tailwind blew us in a half-hour early. I skipped the second breakfast, not wanting to press my luck (on a shorter transatlantic flight like this, the two meals seem almost to overlap). The guy behind us slept through breakfast, but the F.A.’s brought him one during final decent, when he woke up. He wolfed it down and they collected the tray seconds before landing.

Passport control in Sweden took an abnormally long time. My passport was even stamped, a rarity these days in Europe.

We took the Arlanda Express to Stockholm. What we didn’t know was there is a “2 for 1” special during the summer. Didn’t help the train, which was eerily empty.

Last time we were in Stockholm, we stayed in a little hotel in Gamla Stan (old town). But since this trip was about being points whores, we picked the Sheraton (5 days, 2 Free Fridays!). Also, it purported to have air conditioning.

We checked into the Sheraton, and were given a minor upgrade (view of the Old Town vs. view of the courtyard). The room did have an air conditioner, but it wasn’t quite up to American standards (see: meat locker). We collapsed from lack of sleep.

Last time we were in Stockholm, we didn’t eat any Swedish food. I can’t really explain why, but we ate a lot of Italian food. So, the plan this time was to eat some Swedish food.

The first night, we ate at the German restaurant in the hotel.

Next day, we took a cruise to Birka, an old Viking settlement (the first city in Sweden). The weather was quite hot, and my very Nordic wife was miserable. You had a choice of the top of the boat (in the direct sun, no clouds or shade) or downstairs (no airflow).

Back in Stockholm, we finally ate a Swedish meal. My wife had a herring sampler, featuring every know method of herring preparation. For her main course, she had a pizza. (We were told it was a Swedish pizza). My starter was smoked salmon on a Blini. My main course was duck (We were told it was a Swedish duck).

The next day was devoted to shopping and napping, resting from our trip the day before. I guess some people think the Swedes are rude, because every time you walk in a store, they yell “Hey!”.

That night we ate Greek food.


More to come…







[This message has been edited by opus17 (edited 07-07-2001).]


sarecca
Jul 7, 01, 7:00 pm
Great trip report. I will be going to ARN in August and I am really looking forward to it

AAPlatinum
Jul 7, 01, 8:49 pm
Very amusing...looking forward to reading about your return trip.


the scribbler
Jul 8, 01, 2:43 pm
Looking forward to the rest...

airoli
Jul 8, 01, 3:40 pm
I enjoy your report, thanks.

opus17
Jul 8, 01, 3:43 pm
The weather in Stockholm was very hot for this part of the world. I decided I needed to do some shopping.

First of all, I needed a hat. The top of my head is a bit thin these days, and there is nothing worse than a sunburned scalp. (Others might disagree.) It was late, after the shops had closed, and all I could find is a blue and gold hat that said “Sweden” in English (and “Tourist” in Swedish). Maybe I needed to find the same hat that most Swedes, and most Europeans wear: A New York Yankees cap. No way, I’m a Mets fan.

I had only long pants. I generally don’t take shorts overseas, since I think that makes me look a tourist. But it was so hot, all the locals were wearing shorts. Problem is, even though I don’t consider Swedish men to be petite, no store in town seems to carry shorts my size. I’m not Haystack Calhoun, but neither do I wear size 30 anymore.

Everyone in this country is wearing sandals. I’ve never owned a pair in my life. I have a pathological dislike for sandals, that must be rooted in some deep childhood trauma that I have suppressed. I will stick to my Clark’s walking shoes and my Sioux moccasins (both bought last month in Germany) .

Results: Bought one Timberland hat, paid too much. No shorts. Sticking with non-sandals. (My wife is the other person in this country who isn’t wearing sandals.

Flying into Sweden, we passed over Norway and I was pining for a bit of fjord scenery. Deep cloud cover prevented that. So we decided to take an 11-hour tour of the outer archipelago on a cruise ship.

We showed up without a reservation, and were placed on a waitlist. We had to stand in the Area of Shame until all the normal people boarded, and they we were allowed to board, too.

The tour guide was Jenny, a cute blonde with blue eyes and enough of a Swedish accent, coupled with her occasional butchered English words, that she was genetically irresistible to any heterosexual American male. Our first stop was Kymmendoe, which for some strange reason is pronounced “shymendo” (closest approximation without using the Klingon alphabet).

Jenny took the non-Swedish speakers (about 15% of the passengers) down the road and explained that this was the island described by the famous writer August Strindberg. She asked if any of us had ever heard of this writer. No one had. A pained expression crossed Jenny’s face. None of us was worthy. One day, she will marry a Swedish man, and the bloodline will be pure.

We had lunch on the ship. It was pretty good, but this is FlyerTalk, not SailorTalk, so I will skip the details.

Next stop was the island of Bulleroe. This was home to a fascinating nature trail, if you were fascinated by nature, which neither one of us were. Wendolene is fascinated by shopping. I was in search of the secret training ground of the Swedish Bikini Team, and so far, I had been disappointed.

Last stop was Sandhamn. All of these islands were great, but Americans need to have their trips validated by the authentic, local souvenir -- usually a T-Shirt (Hanes, 100% cotton), a snow globe or salt and pepper shakers with the place’s name on them. Otherwise, all you have are memories and photos, and what good is that? The Swedes have something to learn from the Americans, who will put a souvenir shop anywhere.

We had dinner. Great. FlyerTalk, not SailorTalk.

We returned with the sun still blazing at 8:30 PM.

More later….

Jailer
Jul 9, 01, 11:51 am
Great report, as usual. I'm granting you an operational upgrade to "Opus18"

l'etoile
Jul 9, 01, 2:12 pm
Another good one opus17. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/smile.gif

celbrian
Jul 10, 01, 7:49 am
That's it, I'm going to read all your previous trip reports! http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/smile.gif

doc
Jul 10, 01, 10:21 am
"...The tour guide was Jenny, a cute blonde with blue eyes and enough of a Swedish accent, coupled with her occasional butchered English words, that she was genetically irresistible to any heterosexual American male..."

Just the typical Swedish woman it seems! http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif

Upon returning home from my first ever trip there, I once remarked that they must have customs, immigration and also a beauty check upon attempting to enter the country, since every women seemed to be "gorgeous" to me! http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/smile.gif

Naturally this is well before I was married! http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/smile.gif

Remember when NK was the place! http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif

Austman
Jul 10, 01, 10:56 am
<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">Our first stop was Kymmendoe, which for some strange reason is pronounced “shymendo” (closest approximation without using the Klingon alphabet).</font>

Kymmendö. Often leading 'k's have an 's' pronunication in Swedish. The last letter 'ö' means island.

NK is still a place in Stockholm. It is the initials of the department store Nordiska Kompaniet and is pronounced 'en-co' and not 'en-kay'. It's not as exclusive as it once was but it's still well worth a visit.

opus17
Jul 13, 01, 10:55 pm
The tail! You are in cahoots with the tail! I despise you both!

We did stop by NK and went to the Scandinavia shop to buy some gifts with elk pictures (my wife claims they are moose pictures, but they didn’t look like Bullwinkle to me).

Last time we visited Scandinavia, we went from Sweden to Denmark. Wendolene, a native German speaker, can sort of follow Swedish, but gets totally lost with Danish. In fact, she starts laughing whenever she hears Danish. I think the following captures her reasoning:

1. Victor Borge was Danish
2. Victor Borge was funny.
3. ergo, Danish is funny.

As is our custom, we spent the last day in Sweden shopping. (Usually, shopping days are the first day, the last day, and all the days in-between the first and the last). Wendolene found a Swedish Crystal plate the She Was Looking For Her Entire Life and Could Not Live Without, and bought it with no regard to how it was to be safely transported home.

We also bought some Egg Cups.

We Americans are lucky that we can get by with a fork, spoon (maybe 2 spoons), knife, big plate, little plate and bowl. Europeans have a special dish and utensil for every single different type of food that they eat. They put a soft-boiled egg in an egg cup and eat it with an egg spoon. No wonder they couldn’t ever figure out how to get out of a world war without our help. For the record, I open my soft boiled egg with my American knife, scoop out the egg using my American spoon and empty it into my American bowl, and I add my American toast and mush it all up and eat it. The first time I did this in front of my wife, she was convinced that she had married some lower primate. Now she tolerates it, as long as she is allowed to leave the table and visit a neighboring country while I eat.

On our departure day, the weather had finally turned bad (or, as they say in Stockholm, normal). We made it to the train station between showers, and took the Arlanda Express back to the airport, arriving 3 hours before our flight. We got our tax free refunds, they preceded to the business class lounge, a long, long way from the gate. About 90 minutes before the flight, we were chased out to the gate, where we went through a series of holding patterns, outer gate to inner gate, until we were allowed to board. Delta was doing a lot of operational upgrades, due to a full plane. Those awarded opgrades seemed pretty random, mostly Swedes (who are probably not Delta elites, considering that only one Delta plane a day flies to Stockholm).

The flight crew was delightful – funny, chatty, efficient, attentive. They seemed to really enjoy themselves, and they worked together well. The meal choices were beef (South American), chicken, pasta and soup. I got the pasta, which was OK. Wendolene ordered her usual soup, which was very good (she claims it is always the best choice). I even has a glass of wine (Medoc), which is unusual for me. The wine was OK, but it wasn’t the right choice with the pasta.

We took a very northern route to go around some bad weather. We had a spectacular view of Greenland. The captain said “For those of you on the right hand side of the plane, we have an unusually good view of Greenland today. For those of you on the left-hand side of the plane, you can see the back of the heads of the people on the right-hand side of the plane, looking at Greenland”.

The plane landed a bit early. We breezed through the formalities. We claimed $860 on the customs, $60 over the limit, but they didn’t charge us the $6 duty.

The JFK-SFO flight was delayed for about an hour, and it stayed on the runway for another hour due to bad weather in New Jersey. When we took off, we went straight north to avoid the storms. Despite bad weather all around, the flight was pretty smooth.

I had skipped the 2nd meal on the first flight, so I ordered the beef dish, which was OK, but overcooked, as usual. Wendolene ordered “the chicken” (no menus on domestic BE), which came with macaroni and cheese. She said it was the worst meal she ever had, including hospital food, a stint as a hostage in Lebanon, and my zucchini lasagna.

The flight crew seemed distant. Not in attitude. They were just far away. I’m not even sure they stayed on the plane. I think they bailed out over Michigan.

Anyway, the rest of the stuff is boring, and I’m tired of making up the funny stuff. We returned home. I’m not sure if Wendolene feels closer to her Viking ancestors. Next time, I want to return to all the countries my ancestors were kicked out of. We’re going to need more than a week.

djbaruch
Jul 14, 01, 8:58 am
A very fine trip report! It seems you certainly enjoyed yourselves, and we have benefitted from your sharing such fine humour with us. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/smile.gif

airoli
Jul 14, 01, 10:50 am
Very funny and interesting... keep on writing!

jeffreyt
Jul 14, 01, 12:35 pm
Thanks for reading one of our books OPUS17. (UML and C++ -- A Practical Guide to Object-Oriented Development).

I loved your trip report. I went to ARN and CPH last August for vacation. One little gem I found in ARN airport itself was Radisson Hotel. We stayed the last night in ARN there so we wouldn't have to bother worrying about rushing to get to the airport. Upon waking up on the morning of the flight, I opened my window and could see DL 47 back to JFK sitting there waiting for us.

Sorry your stay at the Sheraton sounds like it wasn't as enjoyable as it could have been. I really enjoyed the room I had, but then again I could have been upgraded.

Also, if you go back to Stockholm again, I'd recommend Fem Sma Hus, a restuarant built out of a cellar, in Gamla Stan. A lot of locals hang out there, but the food is excellent.

opus17
Jul 14, 01, 1:09 pm
jefferyt, thanks (and all you others, too). The Sheraton was fine -- the air conditioner was just a tad weak. If we kept the windows open, it was normally OK. The location of the Sheraton is ideal. Last time we were in Stockholm, we stayed at the Victory hotel in Gamla Stan. That was nice, too, but the room was rather small.

wendolene
Jul 14, 01, 4:20 pm
It was too a moose!



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