QuietLion
Aug 28, 00, 11:22 am
Happy Smiling Pilots
I got a great comp deal in the mail from the MGM Grand so I booked an overnight trip to Vegas to meet Catman and the Arnie the Compmeister. Arnie and his brother Gary had received the same deal. I drove my white Pontiac convertible to the secret parking and took the shuttle to Terminal 7 in plenty of time for the first flight out. The line for United Shuttle checkin was snaking into the next terminal but there was nobody in the First Class/Premier 1K line so I made my way past a bass fiddle and weaved my way through the maze. An unsmiling male agent in a blue vest was typing away at his terminal so I wheeled up to him. “I’m not ready yet,” he said, quoting his Customer-Repellent manual verbatim. “I’ll wave you in when I’m ready.” Oh. OK. I wheeled back six feet and waited till he was ready. After 30 seconds he waved to me, still not smiling. “Hey!” yelled the lady at the front of the plebeian line, “I’m next.” “Ma’am, I’m servicing the First Class/1K line today.” “Does not matter!” She shouted. “Yes,” said the agent. “Yes it does matter.” He looked up at me with the barest hint of a smile. “I’m beating people up for you today.” I thanked him for his support and checked in.
I went through secret security and got beeped no matter how much metal I took out so they had to do me manually. They had security settings on high today. I stopped by the Red Carpet Club to pick up a Styrofoam cup of decaf and a couple of biscotti. They normally don’t like to put out too many biscotti because people just take them. Fortunately I had arrived in time to be the guy who takes them. I headed directly to gate 85. As I did, I saw happy, smiling pilots walking the other way, no doubt delighted they had come to agreement with United on their new contract. I passed a man shaking his head and saying to his wife, “I wouldn’t have picked United.” They’ve got a lot of PR work to do.
I was the first one on board and took seat 1C. The pilot was standing in the galley with a big grin, warmly greeting each passenger coming on board. “A lot of happy pilots today,” I said to him. “Yes,” he said. “I think we got what we wanted.” Good for you. My seat opponent was a beautiful tall woman who designed clothes and was heading to Vegas for a convention. She had been delayed three times yesterday by United. What little service there was on a Shuttle flight was delivered in a friendly and competent manner, which is all, I think, that anyone can really hope for. We arrived 10 minutes early.
Arnie’s flight was due to arrive at 10:05 so I had some time to play Deuces Wild. I hit a pat flush on the first hand and a pat five-of-a-kind on the second! The first session is an omen of the trip so I was happy about that. I kept playing and cashed out exactly even but the machine ran out of dollars. “Yes!” I shouted. “I broke the bank! Muhahahahahaha!” The change girl got on the phone and called for a refill. “What time is your flight?” she asked. “I’m picking someone up.” “About 10 minutes,” she said into the phone. Someone came and refilled the hopper and I was on my way.
I went down to baggage claim to see if the remote checkin for MGM Grand was open. It wasn’t, so I went back up through security to the C gates. The Compmeister was flying in from Phoenix with his brother Gary on Southwest. I had a few minutes so I played a little more Deuces Wild. This time I had a big losing streak but I hit a Wild Royal at the end and recovered all but $60. The old buzzard at the change booth counted out my money and instead of giving me the last $20 started counting ones. “Are you out of twenties?” I asked. “No. You want a twenty?” “Please.” He was obviously hustling tips.
The monitor still said 10:05 but the plane was nowhere in sight so I asked the nice Southwest agent when it was due. “10:17,” she said. “But the monitor still says 10:05.” “Those are the airport monitors. We have no control over those.” Really. Does the airport just tune in the radio to the flight delay channel? Who gives them the information if not Southwest? I didn’t believe it but didn’t make it an issue.
Finally Arnie and Gary arrived. Apparently there had been a medical emergency on the previous leg and the plane had diverted to Oklahoma City. I know that’s where I’d want to go if I had a medical emergency. I hear the hospital food is great there. The Comp brothers went to Dollar to rent a car on an $18.99 deal and I went to meet Catman. His United flight got in early too and we met at the tram stop in the main terminal and headed down to meet the boys. We took the shuttle to Dollar and piled into a tiny car and headed to MGM Grand.
Arnie looked for a front-desk manager that he knew to see about some comp upgrades. He wasn’t there but his boss was. She said the casino doesn’t like them giving comp upgrades on comp rooms but she did it anyway so all three of us got large Spa Suites with whirlpool baths. The Compmeister did it again. We said not a word but went straight down to play. I settled into the Pai Gow Poker pit and found a great game. I immediately lost the $75 in free chips I got as part of the comp package but hit a winning streak and built a nice cushion for the trip.
Our brunch reservations were for 1:20 at the Brown Derby but we showed up at one and munched on lamb chops while we waited. MileCrazy showed up a few minutes later and we got a nice round table near the food. I didn’t realize it was a buffet but it was a great one. Arnie requested some hot king-crab legs and we received a huge platter, steaming, with melted butter. As a rule I don’t eat dessert but come on. This buffet was world class and at $37.50 including Domaine Ste. Michelle was a pretty good deal compared to Bally’s $50 Sterling Brunch. The Compmeister entertained us with stories of past comps while Catman regaled us with plans for next year’s Catman-do-trois in New York.
We made plans to meet up with Catman and MileCrazy later. Gary decided to hit the Spa, which we had free admission to as part of our package, and Arnie and I headed for the pool. The new MGM pool is superb and has the longest Lazy River I’ve seen. We floated around under our own power taking in the sights and then Arnie found two abandoned inner tubes and grabbed them. “See?” he said. “I got those comped too?” “Arnie, that’s not a comp. That’s theft.” “Gray area,” he said. Regardless, we floated around a few more laps and then bestowed the tubes on some kids in case to throw the inner-tube police off our trail.
I changed and played some more Pai Gow Poker before we headed over to the Orleans for our show. We had Smothers Brothers tickets and picked them up at will call. Arnie had arranged comps for himself and Gary but I had to pay. “Tsk tsk,” I said. “Slipping.” But we sat down to play blackjack and the Compmeister went into action. Within 20 minutes we had a comp for dinner in the steakhouse, four rounds of four drinks at the show, and a credit-card refund for my ticket. Oh master, how could I ever have doubted you?
I lost my shirt at blackjack as usual and we headed into the show. As we had heard, the Smothers Brothers, in the 42nd year of their unique comedy-music act, were still great. They put on a first-class show and, when the crowd called for an encore, played “Michael, row the boat ashore” to ensure that nobody would ask for a second one.
We headed into the Canal St. steakhouse and had some excellent food. I tried the bone-in New York, which was quite good. The French onion soup was superb, as were the crab cakes I tasted from Arnie and the escargot Gary ordered. The menu is very reasonably priced even if we weren’t being comped and they had a great selection of inexpensive wines with a modest markup. I selected a bottle of Meridian Pinot Noir listed at $25. As a rule I don’t eat dessert but they had bananas Foster so I just had one. Catman and MileCrazy joined us for a few comp drinks at the end. I continued to be impressed with Coast properties and their great restaurants at modest prices.
We headed to Flamingo to take Catman home. Arnie and Gary played a little blackjack but the Pai Gow action was not great so I watched for a bit. A strung-out hooker sat down next to Arnie and we decided to get the heck out of there. What a dump this place had become.
We made plans to get together the next morning. I played a few more hours of Pai Gow Poker but didn’t get anywhere. I crashed around 2:30.
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I got a great comp deal in the mail from the MGM Grand so I booked an overnight trip to Vegas to meet Catman and the Arnie the Compmeister. Arnie and his brother Gary had received the same deal. I drove my white Pontiac convertible to the secret parking and took the shuttle to Terminal 7 in plenty of time for the first flight out. The line for United Shuttle checkin was snaking into the next terminal but there was nobody in the First Class/Premier 1K line so I made my way past a bass fiddle and weaved my way through the maze. An unsmiling male agent in a blue vest was typing away at his terminal so I wheeled up to him. “I’m not ready yet,” he said, quoting his Customer-Repellent manual verbatim. “I’ll wave you in when I’m ready.” Oh. OK. I wheeled back six feet and waited till he was ready. After 30 seconds he waved to me, still not smiling. “Hey!” yelled the lady at the front of the plebeian line, “I’m next.” “Ma’am, I’m servicing the First Class/1K line today.” “Does not matter!” She shouted. “Yes,” said the agent. “Yes it does matter.” He looked up at me with the barest hint of a smile. “I’m beating people up for you today.” I thanked him for his support and checked in.
I went through secret security and got beeped no matter how much metal I took out so they had to do me manually. They had security settings on high today. I stopped by the Red Carpet Club to pick up a Styrofoam cup of decaf and a couple of biscotti. They normally don’t like to put out too many biscotti because people just take them. Fortunately I had arrived in time to be the guy who takes them. I headed directly to gate 85. As I did, I saw happy, smiling pilots walking the other way, no doubt delighted they had come to agreement with United on their new contract. I passed a man shaking his head and saying to his wife, “I wouldn’t have picked United.” They’ve got a lot of PR work to do.
I was the first one on board and took seat 1C. The pilot was standing in the galley with a big grin, warmly greeting each passenger coming on board. “A lot of happy pilots today,” I said to him. “Yes,” he said. “I think we got what we wanted.” Good for you. My seat opponent was a beautiful tall woman who designed clothes and was heading to Vegas for a convention. She had been delayed three times yesterday by United. What little service there was on a Shuttle flight was delivered in a friendly and competent manner, which is all, I think, that anyone can really hope for. We arrived 10 minutes early.
Arnie’s flight was due to arrive at 10:05 so I had some time to play Deuces Wild. I hit a pat flush on the first hand and a pat five-of-a-kind on the second! The first session is an omen of the trip so I was happy about that. I kept playing and cashed out exactly even but the machine ran out of dollars. “Yes!” I shouted. “I broke the bank! Muhahahahahaha!” The change girl got on the phone and called for a refill. “What time is your flight?” she asked. “I’m picking someone up.” “About 10 minutes,” she said into the phone. Someone came and refilled the hopper and I was on my way.
I went down to baggage claim to see if the remote checkin for MGM Grand was open. It wasn’t, so I went back up through security to the C gates. The Compmeister was flying in from Phoenix with his brother Gary on Southwest. I had a few minutes so I played a little more Deuces Wild. This time I had a big losing streak but I hit a Wild Royal at the end and recovered all but $60. The old buzzard at the change booth counted out my money and instead of giving me the last $20 started counting ones. “Are you out of twenties?” I asked. “No. You want a twenty?” “Please.” He was obviously hustling tips.
The monitor still said 10:05 but the plane was nowhere in sight so I asked the nice Southwest agent when it was due. “10:17,” she said. “But the monitor still says 10:05.” “Those are the airport monitors. We have no control over those.” Really. Does the airport just tune in the radio to the flight delay channel? Who gives them the information if not Southwest? I didn’t believe it but didn’t make it an issue.
Finally Arnie and Gary arrived. Apparently there had been a medical emergency on the previous leg and the plane had diverted to Oklahoma City. I know that’s where I’d want to go if I had a medical emergency. I hear the hospital food is great there. The Comp brothers went to Dollar to rent a car on an $18.99 deal and I went to meet Catman. His United flight got in early too and we met at the tram stop in the main terminal and headed down to meet the boys. We took the shuttle to Dollar and piled into a tiny car and headed to MGM Grand.
Arnie looked for a front-desk manager that he knew to see about some comp upgrades. He wasn’t there but his boss was. She said the casino doesn’t like them giving comp upgrades on comp rooms but she did it anyway so all three of us got large Spa Suites with whirlpool baths. The Compmeister did it again. We said not a word but went straight down to play. I settled into the Pai Gow Poker pit and found a great game. I immediately lost the $75 in free chips I got as part of the comp package but hit a winning streak and built a nice cushion for the trip.
Our brunch reservations were for 1:20 at the Brown Derby but we showed up at one and munched on lamb chops while we waited. MileCrazy showed up a few minutes later and we got a nice round table near the food. I didn’t realize it was a buffet but it was a great one. Arnie requested some hot king-crab legs and we received a huge platter, steaming, with melted butter. As a rule I don’t eat dessert but come on. This buffet was world class and at $37.50 including Domaine Ste. Michelle was a pretty good deal compared to Bally’s $50 Sterling Brunch. The Compmeister entertained us with stories of past comps while Catman regaled us with plans for next year’s Catman-do-trois in New York.
We made plans to meet up with Catman and MileCrazy later. Gary decided to hit the Spa, which we had free admission to as part of our package, and Arnie and I headed for the pool. The new MGM pool is superb and has the longest Lazy River I’ve seen. We floated around under our own power taking in the sights and then Arnie found two abandoned inner tubes and grabbed them. “See?” he said. “I got those comped too?” “Arnie, that’s not a comp. That’s theft.” “Gray area,” he said. Regardless, we floated around a few more laps and then bestowed the tubes on some kids in case to throw the inner-tube police off our trail.
I changed and played some more Pai Gow Poker before we headed over to the Orleans for our show. We had Smothers Brothers tickets and picked them up at will call. Arnie had arranged comps for himself and Gary but I had to pay. “Tsk tsk,” I said. “Slipping.” But we sat down to play blackjack and the Compmeister went into action. Within 20 minutes we had a comp for dinner in the steakhouse, four rounds of four drinks at the show, and a credit-card refund for my ticket. Oh master, how could I ever have doubted you?
I lost my shirt at blackjack as usual and we headed into the show. As we had heard, the Smothers Brothers, in the 42nd year of their unique comedy-music act, were still great. They put on a first-class show and, when the crowd called for an encore, played “Michael, row the boat ashore” to ensure that nobody would ask for a second one.
We headed into the Canal St. steakhouse and had some excellent food. I tried the bone-in New York, which was quite good. The French onion soup was superb, as were the crab cakes I tasted from Arnie and the escargot Gary ordered. The menu is very reasonably priced even if we weren’t being comped and they had a great selection of inexpensive wines with a modest markup. I selected a bottle of Meridian Pinot Noir listed at $25. As a rule I don’t eat dessert but they had bananas Foster so I just had one. Catman and MileCrazy joined us for a few comp drinks at the end. I continued to be impressed with Coast properties and their great restaurants at modest prices.
We headed to Flamingo to take Catman home. Arnie and Gary played a little blackjack but the Pai Gow action was not great so I watched for a bit. A strung-out hooker sat down next to Arnie and we decided to get the heck out of there. What a dump this place had become.
We made plans to get together the next morning. I played a few more hours of Pai Gow Poker but didn’t get anywhere. I crashed around 2:30.
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