GLBT Travelers - What do you call your other half?

I hate the term "partner". A partner is someone one owns a business with.

I hate the term "lover". I think of a lover as a dowdy French woman pining away for her married beau in a rat-infested apartment.

"Significant other" is too forced and generic.

So I stick with "boyfriend". If/when we get married, I suppose I'd refer to him as my husband...which would feel weird, yes, but I think I'd get over it.

What terms do you use?

I refer to him as "My Buddy" (sometimes butt buddy...haha). The alternatives seem so contrived and phony.

"Not applicable" or "non-existent"

I say whatever you feel comfortable with. I like partner, and spouse. Not that I have either at the moment, mind you.

Brian

We do tend to use "partner", though I agree with the OP's comment -- we have had people make that assumption. Don't use boyfriend b/c after this many years, it sounds too temporary. Though we have a civil union here in IL, that does not really lend itself to a term, either -- "husband" does not feel right when we are not recognized in so many states.

We've been together a while and, in 99% of situations, I still say "boyfriend". If I say "partner" it still sounds weird every time it comes out of my mouth. And I've always been somewhat of an entrepreneur, so people have gotten confused at times, thinking that I'm referring to one of my "business partners".

But once in a while I'll purposely say "partner" - for example, I was speaking to my financial advisor last week and used "partner" multiple times, mainly to give the impression that this is a serious, long-term thing and not just some guy I met at The Cock last Saturday night.

Of course, now that there is marriage in NY state, things get interesting. I've had people ask "is he your partner or your husband?". And then the inevitable, "so when will you be getting *officially* married?". Thankfully, although we spend most of our lives in Manhattan, we are, technically, residents of New Jersey, so it will be a while until I have to address that one :D

fiancé

When talking to other people about him it's now (since September in New York!) "husband." When addressing him directly, it's "Hot Stuff."

I use (and insist others use) "husband". In the UK we have civil partnerships which offer all the same benefits as marriage - and will be converted into marriage in a few years' time - so I think the word helps people get used to the concept.

Add to that, first, it is what we feel about each other. And secondly let's not invent a term when the English language has a perfectly good word for an exclusionary lifelong relationship!

I call him doggie. :)

When referring to him in the third person I call him my partner. We like partner better than husband since we are not married, and we like it better than boyfriend since that seems temporary.

We go with "partner" - I know it sounds too institutional and not very romantic, but "boyfriend" doesn't seem right since we've been together for years and neither of us are in the first flush of youth. After our civil partnership I tried "husband" for a bit but got fed up being asked if that meant I was the wife... Maybe in a few years when more people are used to "husband and husband" but didn't work for us yet.

We go with "partner" - I know it sounds too institutional and not very romantic, but "boyfriend" doesn't seem right since we've been together for years and neither of us are in the first flush of youth. After our civil partnership I tried "husband" for a bit but got fed up being asked if that meant I was the wife... Maybe in a few years when more people are used to "husband and husband" but didn't work for us yet.

That is interesting. I don't think anyone has ever tried that with me. As to work, maybe we're an ultra progressive establishment but I think that if I pushed the point (which I wouldn't normally) HR might have a few "words" with anyone making the wife comment. Progress is not uniform.

Also in a law firm I am "partner" to about 900 people already so the word is sort of taken :)

I use "other half". Suits us both.

After our civil partnership I tried "husband" for a bit but got fed up being asked if that meant I was the wife...
When cheeky humour is right, it's right, but when it's wrong, it's very wrong indeed.

When cheeky humour is right, it's right, but when it's wrong, it's very wrong indeed.

And nine times out of ten it is the latter:)

I use husband as much as I can even though it feels weird some time but it gets the thought about same sex marriage exposed to more people so that when they have to make a choice and vote, they can put a face to the issue. Otherwise when in a business setting I may default to spouse if I know I'm in hostile territory :) and then only correct them if they start using gendered pronouns.

I'm using "husband" more and more. I use "partner" or "lover" at other times.

One day I will get used to husband. It's just that we had been together 17 years before the State of California let us get married. Yet still, the federal government INCLUDING customs agents do NOT recognize our marriage. That's why I'm not totally comfortable using husband.

if I pushed the point (which I wouldn't normally) HR might have a few "words" with anyone making the wife comment. Progress is not uniform.

Also in a law firm I am "partner" to about 900 people already so the word is sort of taken :)

At the time I was working in HR for a large Corporate law firm in London...

At the time I was working in HR for a large Corporate law firm in London...

Gosh. Not mine (in New Bridge Street) by any chance?

We use partner. We're not married, since it wouldn't count in our state anyway, and even if we were, I can't imagine calling her my wife. Probably just bc we've used partner for so long.

Hypothetical :(

I can never imagine "husband"...it seems wayyyy tooooo gay. And as someone else has mentioned, I don't want to be thought of as a "wife".

I can never imagine "husband"...it seems wayyyy tooooo gay. And as someone else has mentioned, I don't want to be thought of as a "wife".

I think the point is that we need to help educate people out of the so 20th century idea that husband implies wife...

My other half is a Jack Russell Terror...oh I mean Terrier!

Seriously, my BF who lives in PIT; I call him sweetie!

We use husband. In 6 years of using that terms, I've never had a bad reaction.

I have had someone refer to my husband as my "friend", so I immediately corrected her.

I just feel that the society has instant recognition for the meaning of "husband" and "marriage." And terms like "civil partnership", "domestic partnership", etc allow people to imagine that same-sex relationships are somehow less committed, less valuable, and may not deserve equal treatment.

We generally use "partner" but often "other half" amongst friends. "lover" sounds to graphic to me and, after 32 years, "boyfriend" doesn't sound serious enough. Seldom have confusion with business partner, but does happen sometimes. Still can't get my mother with the program though, she calls him my "friend". But I guess that's better than my MIL who doesn't use any reference other than my given name.

After almost 19 years we have always used partner but now I am starting to use Husband a bit more.
I prefer Husband as he is......

I hate the term "partner". A partner is someone one owns a business with.

What terms do you use?

Partner is horrible indeed even if now a legal term in many countries.

May I suggest spouse, I think it is romantic as you can say "sposo" in Italian (Manzoni, I promessi sposi) and "époux" In French. Just for my native wonderful mother language I can not find a term.

I hate the term "partner". A partner is someone one owns a business with.

I hate the term "lover". I think of a lover as a dowdy French woman pining away for her married beau in a rat-infested apartment.

"Significant other" is too forced and generic.

So I stick with "boyfriend". If/when we get married, I suppose I'd refer to him as my husband...which would feel weird, yes, but I think I'd get over it.

What terms do you use?

Schmoopie! J/K

I'm not currently in a realtionship, but when I was I too just called him my boyfriend.

Hmmm ... currently single, but in the past I've never felt the need for a title.
I guess we always used names instead of labels.

I call mine "Husband" even though were not married (though been together for 5 years)... waiting for Australia to make it legal.

In work circles etc however, I always refer to my "Partner".

"lover" sounds to graphic to me
To me it sounds graphic, and also very reductionist. It implies that the only thing about your relationship is the sex component. It is also very unequal: would you ever refer to someone's heterosexual other half as a "lover". No. Thankfully that particular term has not caught on in the UK.

To me it sounds graphic, and also very reductionist. It implies that the only thing about your relationship is the sex component. It is also very unequal: would you ever refer to someone's heterosexual other half as a "lover". No. Thankfully that particular term has not caught on in the UK.

Agree 100%. I have only heard straight people use the term lover in a joking manner.

Agree 100%. I have only heard straight people use the term lover in a joking manner.
I haven't heard it in a joking manner, but rather in a manner which suggests the person using it is either uncomfortable with the concept or could use a little bit of education.

I haven't heard it in a joking manner, but rather in a manner which suggests the person using it is either uncomfortable with the concept or could use a little bit of education.

When someone says "This is my llllooooooovvvvvaaaaahhhhh", when referring to their wife or girlfriend. Must be a Chicago thing! ;)

How about "bedmate"?

:D

To me it sounds graphic, and also very reductionist. It implies that the only thing about your relationship is the sex component. It is also very unequal: would you ever refer to someone's heterosexual other half as a "lover". No. Thankfully that particular term has not caught on in the UK.

It doesn't strike me as graphic in the least...just a bit illicit. The only people I know who use the term are either older gay men or middle aged straight people referring to someone involved in an affair.

Gosh. Not mine (in New Bridge Street) by any chance?

The one above Pret? So close - my office was just around the corner!

Boyfriend or roommate, depending on who I'm talking with.

The term "lover" for a gay romantic partner has fallen out of favor, but was once The term. W/E.

When a gay or lesbian talks about their respective husbands or wives, I always immediately click with that, that is so cool, thank you for sharing that with me, it's not something you generally share outside "the family". :)

I was talking about this with my Mom over Christmas because she wasn't quite sure what she should say. As a good Southerner, she was just afraid of offending anyone, so she ended up not really saying anything about his relationship to me when introducing him to some other people. We don't use any specific terms ourselves, so I just told her to call him "StSebastian's other half". While it seemed a little strange at first, after thinking about it I liked that better than the other options, for many of the reasons discussed earlier in the thread.

We don't deal with a lot of new people anyway, and this came up from some very extended family and friends at my brother's wedding. Outside of that, everyone we interact with already knows us so it's not generally a topic of relevance -- we're just "StSebastian and bluesincenew".

If I'm with people I know well, or family, then I say husband. If I'm with someone I don't know well, or someone who isn't close, then I usually say partner.

We've been together for nearly 11 years, so boyfriend really doesn't seem right, a little bit temporary as another poster already mentioned.

I still use boyfriend even after two years, and it sorta makes me uncomfy. It does sound kinda temporary but partner is too antiseptic. After a couple more years, who knows.

I use husband anywhere. We got married and even if a state (WA at least has DP registry) doesn't recognize it, I don't care. Use it anywhere/everywhere and have not had any problems.

"Husband" seems to boggle straight people, who seem to think it implies that there's a wife. I say "spouse" when I'm not in a gay context, "husband" when I am. (We were married in California in 2008.)

I use partner; though I'm not crazy about it, I'm most comfortable with it. We're not legally married yet (nearly 11 years), but when we do, I'm not sure how easily I'll take to "husband." :eek:

There was a musical put on in NYC 10+ years ago called "Bed, Boys & Beyond" about gay life in Manhattan. One of the songs is called "Searchin' For A Euphemism" and is about what to call one's partner. Some rather clever/funny lyrics; couldn't find them online, so I just quickly transcribed them:



So the new CEO asks a bunch of us to lunch
And brings the problem with management up
Well he asks for our thoughts and I offer up a few
And he says my ideas are creative and new

While he’s clearly impressed and the rest are off-guard
I pull out my wallet and offer my card
Then I see his confused blank stare
‘Cause he sees Michael’s picture in there
So I bring this awkward moment to an end
By saying, “oh, that’s Michael – my…friend”

Seems I’m always searchin’ for a euphemism
Looking for a way to say who you are
Is there an expression or word
That I’ve never heard
To explain what you mean to me

My old friend’s getting married and I promise to attend
Where I meet guys I haven’t seen in years
We catch up on their lives and we’re doin’ just fine
Soon they’re through, nothin’ new and they’re asking ‘bout mine

So I brag about my job and my trip to Rome
And how Tim and I refurbished our lovely home
Their expressions turn vague and dim
When they hear me speaking of him
I decide to clear this up and set them straight
By saying “oh, Tim is my…roommate”

Once again I’m searchin’ for a euphemism
A name to designate or state who you are
Where’s the term to define
That you are mine
And all that you mean to me

Hey, I’ve got one for you
How ‘bout “boyfriend”
- That’s really not my style
Why not?
- It sounds so…juvenile
There’s “lover” instead
- Sounds like a relationship is spent in bed
(I thought it was)
Maybe “husband” is the word you need
- Do I look like Donna Reed?
Some like “partner” as a term
- If we’re starting a firm
Try “other half” the next time you slip
- We’re not connected at the hip
Well then call him your “beau”
- Blanche duBois I am not, so I don’t think so
Your “main squeeze”
- Oh please!

Guess I’ll keep searchin’ for a euphemism
Looking for a way to say who you are
Just a word to specify
So I won’t have to lie
About all you mean to me


There are some really cute songs on the album.
Sound clips on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/Bed-Boys-Beyond-Original-Cast/dp/B00004YRAD)
Some more info (http://www.queermusicheritage.us/gm-bedbb.html)

My mom calls him my "special friend." :)

My mom calls him my "special friend." :)

That sounds rather menstrual.

"Not applicable" or "non-existent"

I am in the same boat...

"Just me" tends to fit the situation well... :(

In Swiss German we just say "mein Schatz", meaning *my treasure* :) Yep, and my 'vault', YOU won't get! *LOL*

without any $$$ thoughts... ;)

I call him Brian, and will introduce him as my husband. It's always treated as a non-issue. After 8 years, boyfriend/partner/lover seem odd. Husband feels right.

All of my close friends refer to mine of 17 years as my 'wife.' And he, in no way, is feminine (and hates when people say it, as he is a highly sensitive person).

Faux nephews, for a long time, during ages 2-10, thought of us as 'brothers.'

Others as 'long time roommates.'

I prefer, however, 'best friend.' Because there is no one who is a better one.

My mom calls him my "special friend." :)

My father-in-law once introduced me as my husbands "colleague", when we were invited to sunday-dinner at the in-laws place and they had some other friends there (and we neither work in the same place, nor in the same line of business at all)......many amused (and knowing) looks were exchanged between the other friends and my husband and I, and we all still good-natured rip him for it now several years later...

I refer to my "other half" by name, when I need to. Those who know us, know us - those who don't, don't. Straight couples around us refer to their "other half" by name also, rather than by "role" (husband/wife) - so I gather it's somewhat culturally conventional....

In a work-context, I don't talk about my private life (at all), nor do I want to talk about the private life of my colleagues. Again, this is probably a cultural convention, keeping "work and fun" apart.

Oh, and we're running on 16 years and counting, and are legally "partnered" (which is not called "married" where we live).

The one above Pret? So close - my office was just around the corner!

The very same! (Sorry didn't notice this before the thread reactiviated.)

He's my "better half"

I call him "Zac" (usually leave out the Efron part). ;)

I call him "Zac" (usually leave out the Efron part). ;)

And I thought I was the lucky one! :p

Part er, friend or buddy.

When we visit my family in TX, she is Kim. We don't say other half, partner, wife, significant other.
When we are home in CA, she is my wife. We have been legally married for 4 years.

I am single now but I am thinking of what I used to use in my last long-term relationship.

Most of the times we interacted we people we already know so it was Carlos and JohnDoe. At a bar I would ask "have you seen JohnDoe?" not "have you seen my bf?". When it came to meet new people out and about, I just introduced myself and let him introduce himself. Someone would usually asked "are you...?" and I interrupted "yes we are coupled" or "together".

In any case, in an informal setting, If I had to, I used "boyfriend". When it came to business (dealing with home remodeling contractors, banks, airport immigration, etc) I used "partner".
At work or work related activities, I avoid talking about myself and if someone asked me "how was your weekend? what did you do?" I'd say "I went to do some river fafting". With who? "With friends". Period.

I would also feel weird using "husband", since I'd feel I am saying I am the "wife".

Back when I lived in SouthAmerica and I had a bf down there, I felt more comfortable using "novio" (fiance) than "pareja" (partner).

The very same! (Sorry didn't notice this before the thread reactiviated.)

Hehe - my offices were round the corner in Victoria Embankment. Bit far for a coffee now I'm in HK though!

I use "spouse." We're legally married, and it just seems more egalitarian somehow than "husband". I always thought husband/wife sounded kind of sexist when applied to straight people--I guess it's just my weird lefty bent.

He calls me his husband, though. Which doesn't bother me. So, I don't think it's a big deal for either of us.