China - Addressing a waitress

What's proper.... where?

I was under the impression in mainland China it was correct to address
a waitress as "xiao jie".

Now I understand that is offensive. :confused:

Should refer to them as fu wu yuan (fuyen) or xiao mei.

Taiwan- Xiao Jie is OK
Singapore- Xiao Jie is OK

Obviously you aren't refering to a waitress the same is in a KTV
but what is preferred address by mainland Chinese?

Should refer to them as fu wu yuan (fuyen) or xiao mei.



Yes. (We've been through this before.) Locals can still pull off 小姐 without coming across as offensive, but for people like you and me, it's best to default to terms that can't possibly be misconstrued (even in the south).

I was under the impression in mainland China it was correct to address
a waitress as "xiao jie".

Now I understand that is offensive. :confused:

I learned that one the hard way too... :p

What's proper.... where?

I was under the impression in mainland China it was correct to address
a waitress as "xiao jie".

Now I understand that is offensive. :confused:

Should refer to them as fu wu yuan (fuyen) or xiao mei.

Taiwan- Xiao Jie is OK
Singapore- Xiao Jie is OK

Obviously you aren't refering to a waitress the same is in a KTV
but what is preferred address by mainland Chinese?

I've never heard xiao mei being used. Is that common?

In any case, I do not recommend use of it in nicer restaurants especially. Doesn't it mean little sister literally?

Yes. (We've been through this before.) Locals can still pull off 小姐 without coming across as offensive, but for people like you and me, it's best to default to terms that can't possibly be misconstrued (even in the south).

So its Ok if you are mainlander but not ok even for Taiwanese, Honkongese, or Singaporeans. Kinda like slang version of n word.

So its Ok if you are mainlander but not ok even for Taiwanese, Honkongese, or Singaporeans. Kinda like slang version of n word.

No, a Taiwanese friend of mine demonstrated to me that he could deliver the message with grace. By copying his style, I can do the same, but it's a really fine line. It's a shame because 服务员（儿） can be quite a tongue twister.

I've never heard xiao mei being used. Is that common?

In any case, I do not recommend use of it in nicer restaurants especially. Doesn't it mean little sister literally?

I guess its common for outsiders. There aren't so many so not as common as little big sister.

Yes. (We've been through this before.) Locals can still pull off 小姐 without coming across as offensive, but for people like you and me, it's best to default to terms that can't possibly be misconstrued (even in the south).

I actually disagree. I think for foreigners you can get away with it, locals just don't use it.

For those who aren't so familiar:
1. All Chinese text books tell you to call waitresses xiaojie (小姐), technically means "miss". This includes guidebooks and translation texts like Rosetta Stone - so makes it more confusing.

2. Chinese don't use this to waitresses, since it is slang for "prostitute" (in mainland, in Taiwan this is used). However, as everything in Chinese it's context. I still think you can use it. Keep in mind if you want to call someone Miss Lastname, you still use xiaojie. For instance, if someone has the surname Zhang you call her 张小姐 (zhang xiaojie).

3. In China, older folks can call younger folks by terms of endearment, hence many times you find older folks calling younger waiters/waitresses by shuaige (帅哥) or meinv (美女) - literally meaning handsome guy or pretty girl. Sometimes females call waiters 小伙子 meaning "fellow" or "lad".

What's proper.... where?

I was under the impression in mainland China it was correct to address
a waitress as "xiao jie".

Now I understand that is offensive. :confused:

Should refer to them as fu wu yuan (fuyen) or xiao mei.

Taiwan- Xiao Jie is OK
Singapore- Xiao Jie is OK

Obviously you aren't refering to a waitress the same is in a KTV
but what is preferred address by mainland Chinese?

I was going to say, fuyen just sounds like that, in reality Chinese actually say fuwuyuan - to the foreign ear it sounds muffled and shortened. Another example is huanying guanglin (欢迎光临) - said fast in local tongue sounds like (hai-wawning).

I've never heard xiao mei being used. Is that common?

In any case, I do not recommend use of it in nicer restaurants especially. Doesn't it mean little sister literally?

小妹 (xiaomei) is used as terms of endearment between close friends, not to be used in restaurants.

I was going to say, fuyen just sounds like that, in reality Chinese actually say fuwuyuan -

For flight attendants , the fuyen word is poor form, My favorite is ' hey slim ' !

As a woman, I can get away with calling the waitress in a restaurant context "xiaojie" instead of "fuwuyuan" without causing offense. But I can see where for a man to do it, especially a foreign man, could be taken the wrong way. "Xiaomei" by anybody in a restaurant context is just wrong.

Yes, it's considered rude, but no reasonable Chinese will consider a laowai to be offensive if they are just saying what they learned from a textbook....remember, that in formal business meetings we call every single girl xiaojie every single time. Now, there's a difference if you get approached outside your hotel and asked if you want a xiaojie - that's the difference. Chinese are often very offended by this for some odd reason, even though traditionally it's the 'honorable' way to call a woman....that's why people use 小妹 instead sometimes, which is ridiculous. Outside of China, especially BJ area, no one is offended by xiaojie - hear it all the time in SH.

If you're confused just wave your hand wildly and that will hopefully catch the waitresses attention.

In Cantonese, 小姐 is essentially what people call a club girl or hostess and 囡囡 is a prostitute. In GZ a waitress is usually called 服務員 or 靚女.

Yes, it's considered rude, but no reasonable Chinese will consider a laowai to be offensive if they are just saying what they learned from a textbook....remember, that in formal business meetings we call every single girl xiaojie every single time. Now, there's a difference if you get approached outside your hotel and asked if you want a xiaojie - that's the difference. Chinese are often very offended by this for some odd reason, even though traditionally it's the 'honorable' way to call a woman....that's why people use 小妹 instead sometimes, which is ridiculous. Outside of China, especially BJ area, no one is offended by xiaojie - hear it all the time in SH.

If you're confused just wave your hand wildly and that will hopefully catch the waitresses attention.

In Cantonese, 小姐 is essentially what people call a club girl or hostess and 囡囡 is a prostitute. In GZ a waitress is usually called 服務員 or 靚女.

+1, dark street with Chinese girl wearing seductive clothes is NOT a good time to use 小姐.

Fuwuyuan (服务员）and you will never go wrong in mainland.

3. In China, older folks can call younger folks by terms of endearment, ".

a big exception " little younger brother" :D

a big exception " little younger brother" :D

I don't understand... does "小弟" have some prurient connotation?

I'm really asking, not making a joke. This is the kind of stuff you don't learn in grad school 中文 classes.

Saw a waiter attack a Chinese patron in a bar in the Yangtze Delta about a month ago. Obviously he felt to have been spoken to in a derogative way.

They got into a fistfight and knocked over a few tables, then calmed down and the gentleman and his guest actually stayed in the establishment for the evening...Probably helped by the manager offering them drinks and food for free. ;)

this is the term

小弟弟

Lot's of fun ways to put 小姐 and 小弟弟 into the same sentence, but I would not recommend trying to do so at a restaurant on the Mainland.

this is the term

小弟弟

Lot's of fun ways to put 小姐 and 小弟弟 into the same sentence, but I would not recommend trying to do so at a restaurant on the Mainland.

Very true. In fact, don't use them in public....