Women Travelers - Traveling with friends with no miles

I have a friend who will be in Cambodia next year for a while and a group of us are planning to head over there and travel around for a couple of weeks. I turn 40 next year and have been thinking about doing a big trip to commemorate and this could be it. But here's my dilemma.

I pretty close to one of the friends, but we've never traveled together. The rest are her friends who I've gotten to know, but not that well. I have more miles and make more money than they each do. And they're all younger than me, closer to 30. I've only been to Asia once before but that was on Singapore (coach, not full flight) and they are thinking of flying Air China - I don't think I'm willing to do that. What I was considering doing is cashing in some miles for a business seat. I've got enough Amex Membership rewards to do it with one of their partners.

How weird would that be? I could try to get us all on the same flight, but if they upgrade from Air China it would probably be to Eva Air. Would it be too odd to fly in business on the same flight when they're in coach? Or I could take a different flight altogether and meet them in Bangkok. Weird too. Not sure how I feel about showing up in Bangkok alone.

Part of me thinks, just suck it up and fly with them. The other, more petulant part, thinks, it's my 40th, it's time to use those miles I've been accumulating for something other than transcon upgrades.

I guess this is a miles/etiquette/relationship question. Is this the kind of query to post in the Women Travelers Forum? ;)

I think it belongs in the Women Travelers forum because we think about these situations different than men.

I'll share my story and maybe that can help some.
I went on a mission trip with 14 other people from my church. We were all ticketed on random PNRs and the PNR I was on had another lady. I have delta gold status and the flight was oversold so they op up'd us to business for Atlanta to Rio. I felt bad about this, but the other lady said "at your age (mid 20s) I used to care about things like that but at my age (mid 30s) I'd just take it and not think twice." We sat in business. The whole week of the trip everyone would make comments about it and I felt awkward. On the return flight we were in coach with everyone else in the group.

In the end though, I don't really talk to them anymore anyway so I don't care. If they let something like that change their opinion of you, then what kind of person are they?

You may not be able to get a seat on the same flight, so I would research to see if seats are available before fretting. BKK is a nice modern airport and I would't worry about traveling alone. If you really want to travel in biz then just make up a little white lie and say that you wanted to use miles and there were only biz awards and not coach awards.

You may not be able to get a seat on the same flight, so I would research to see if seats are available before fretting. BKK is a nice modern airport and I would't worry about traveling alone. If you really want to travel in biz then just make up a little white lie and say that you wanted to use miles and there were only biz awards and not coach awards.

I'm with Rachel on this. Or I'd just say that in honor of your birthday you decided to treat yourself to C, this was the only airline you could get it on, & look forward to seeing them there. I gave my sister a F ticket to Europe when she was going to Italy w/ some gal pals. The other women just said they wished I was their sister. Also, if you're not that close to the other friends I wouldn't fret it too much. Let us know what you end up doing, and enjoy your trip. Cheers.

When you turn 40, you get to travel however you wish! :p

Just enjoy the trip and don't worry about the others.

Thanks for assuaging my guilt! Business it is. The actual trip will probably be on the budget side of things, so I may as well splurge on the flight. We're still working out the details.

Totally agree with the others that you should fly the way you want and you've earned it. Just meet the others when you get to BKK. You will no doubt feel better and probably have less jetlag due to more comfortable seating. Air China, you wouldn't catch me there even on a free ticket.

Now if the friends want to fly in the premium economy class on Eva, that's another topic altogether. That's how I usually fly to Asia and it's a very good product.

I wouldn't have to think twice about this. Definitely fly in the class you prefer since you have the miles. This is all about comfort. Believe me, if they had the miles they would be doing the same as you.

Hope you have a wonderful 40th :-::-::-:.

Bobette

If you've never traveled with someone, it doesn't matter how good a friend you think they are. I wouldn't make my first trip with them a "big" trip to Cambodia. I had an awful experience traveling with "friends" for the first time to, well, I don't want them to ever find this, so I'll just say a well-known foreign country. I had no idea that my friends were such a horrible slobs who couldn't pick up after themselves and thought that I was the maid and that my male friend was the part-time babysitter. They also turned out to be wussies who didn't want to eat anything but MacDonald's and Burger King and take-out from the grocery store. Fortunately, my other friend and I had scheduled some time before/after the trip, where we could travel without the doubtful companionship of the other couple. If this is the first time you're traveling with someone, by all means, schedule your own flights and have some solo time. It is too bad that they aren't as well-to-do as you are but, traveling that distance, I would certainly use my miles to go business/first and meet up with them wherever. Just because you're a few years older, don't be mommy and try to buy them by giving them miles, tickets, etc. Then you'd really feel used if they turned out to be unpleasant travelers. Some people's whole personality changes when they're out of their comfort zone.

Lots of women travel alone for all or part of a big trip. I certainly do. It's just not that big a deal. I'd much rather travel alone in first/business than travel in a group in coach, unless it's a VERY short flight indeed. "Suck it up and fly with them?" I don't see it. How does making yourself miserable help anything?







I have a friend who will be in Cambodia next year for a while and a group of us are planning to head over there and travel around for a couple of weeks. I turn 40 next year and have been thinking about doing a big trip to commemorate and this could be it. But here's my dilemma.

I pretty close to one of the friends, but we've never traveled together. The rest are her friends who I've gotten to know, but not that well. I have more miles and make more money than they each do. And they're all younger than me, closer to 30. I've only been to Asia once before but that was on Singapore (coach, not full flight) and they are thinking of flying Air China - I don't think I'm willing to do that. What I was considering doing is cashing in some miles for a business seat. I've got enough Amex Membership rewards to do it with one of their partners.

How weird would that be? I could try to get us all on the same flight, but if they upgrade from Air China it would probably be to Eva Air. Would it be too odd to fly in business on the same flight when they're in coach? Or I could take a different flight altogether and meet them in Bangkok. Weird too. Not sure how I feel about showing up in Bangkok alone.

Part of me thinks, just suck it up and fly with them. The other, more petulant part, thinks, it's my 40th, it's time to use those miles I've been accumulating for something other than transcon upgrades.

I guess this is a miles/etiquette/relationship question. Is this the kind of query to post in the Women Travelers Forum? ;)

Yeah, what she said :)

Cheers.

I vote for using your miles to get a comfortable seat. Also, the miles don't improve with age...programs change...

I have to agree with Peachfront- if you have not traveled on a big time trip with these friends- I would make some "dry runs" i.e. short week end trips- so see if you want to spend 10 days and thousands of dollars with them- or some of them - or none of them. From expierience- I would choose very carefully who you take a "trip of a lifetime" with. It could be the greatest trip you ever have taken- or worst.- I would be careful.

To the air travel- I travel to conferences and some educational seminars- with one gal- we have traveled twice a year- for over 15 years- she is a "gold"- I am a mvp- so she gets first class upgrades before me- if we are on a long flight- over 3 hours- she will attach my ticket with her- and we both get upgraded- but if I am in coach and she is in first- we get there at the same time. No big deal to either of us. We have always discussed all this fully. rlb

I want to thank everyone for their comments - I'm taking all of your advice and going business, maybe first if I can swing it. As it happens, we may all end up on different flights so it's less of a big deal than I originally thought it might be.

As far as the other issue, that I haven't traveled with his group before, I'm not concerned. It's not the "trip of a lifetime", I've had other, fabulous travel experiences that I don't expect this to surpass. (It may, but I don't have such high expectations.). And, if I find the others annoying me, I can see myself ditching them for some solo travel. I was planning to do a 40th birthday trip on my own, as I find myself single these days, until this opportunity arose. Life is always full of surprises, isn't it?

We sat in business. The whole week of the trip everyone would make comments about it and I felt awkward.

That's just sad, would they rather have you deny the upgrade?

I'm still trying to wrap my head around "friends" and "no miles" being in the same sentence :):D

I want to thank everyone for their comments - I'm taking all of your advice and going business, maybe first if I can swing it. As it happens, we may all end up on different flights so it's less of a big deal than I originally thought it might be.

As far as the other issue, that I haven't traveled with his group before, I'm not concerned. It's not the "trip of a lifetime", I've had other, fabulous travel experiences that I don't expect this to surpass. (It may, but I don't have such high expectations.). And, if I find the others annoying me, I can see myself ditching them for some solo travel. I was planning to do a 40th birthday trip on my own, as I find myself single these days, until this opportunity arose. Life is always full of surprises, isn't it?

I think you have the right attitude. These are not your life long friends, just like people who will be visiting the same places as you. I would do your own research before you go, have your list of what you want to do, so if other people want to go with you great, if not, then off you go by yourself.

I would have plan "b" for just in case. If you really find you are not compatable with the other people, then do your own thing. This is your birthday trip, so make it what you want and just consider the other people a bonus to your solo travels.

Have fun, and sometimes we are very pleasantly surprised by a trip that starts out with little to no expectations.

I am surprised everyone is telling you to upgrade shamelessly. I cannot speak for all men but among me and my male (and female) friends it would be seen as very impolite if one of us traveled in a different class on the same flight, even if that could be explained by age and earnings differences. They would simply not be "part of the group".

If I were in that situation, I wouldn't even consider what you consider and I am one of the more self-centered and comfort loving guys on the block. I would see only two ways to make this work without a clash. Preferably I'd combine both ways.

1. Fly on a different flight. Give whatever reason necessary: scheduling, availability, fear to use Air China, eligibility for mile earning, whatever...

2. Say that you need to use those miles before they expire. If they aren't frequent travelers there is a chance they don't know that most likely your Amex miles won't expire and they will not question this scenario anyway.

In any case, asking for their understanding BEFOREHAND will be necessary. Like: You know, I'd love to be on the same flight with you all and have some fun together but unfortunately it looks like I will have to fly alone on another flight because this one is hard to schedule for me and I need to use my miles before they expire.

Don't even mention the upgrade thing. They'll never know, no harm done.

Flying business or even First on such a long haul while your travel companions slum it out in coach is just not fair. The fact that you don't even need to pay right out for it makes the insult even worse.

Separating from travel companions once you are there because you either have your own agenda or you don't get along is a different story. That will be totally OK if done right. But being on the same aircraft in a different class is a huge faux-pas, IMHO.

Personal anecdote: Age 16 I was once upgraded to business on a Frankfurt-NYC flight due to LH messing up my connection, coming in late, and no other seats being available. Lucky me. My mother was on the same flight and had come in punctually. Coach for her, business for me. I totally loved it but now I have a bad conscience. I would now insist she take my seat.

Till

Personal anecdote: Age 16 I was once upgraded to business on a Frankfurt-NYC flight due to LH messing up my connection, coming in late, and no other seats being available. Lucky me. My mother was on the same flight and had come in punctually. Coach for her, business for me. I totally loved it but now I have a bad conscience. I would now insist she take my seat.Did your mom pay for your ticket? I am assuming at 16 you didn't fund your own transatlantic ticket. If I had been your mom and paid for your ticket I would have marched you back to coach and taken the seat myself.

Also there is a difference between separating on a flight when it is such a great distance involved. I have taken one for the team and sat in coach on short flights with friends, but long haul is complete other story.

Rachel, yes, my mother did pay for the ticket. She is extremely generous. :) I think the reason why she didn't "grab" my seat was not only her generosity but also that she wanted to smoke. That biz seat was non-smoking. Smoking is more important for her than leg room or food. It is one of the reasons why she hardly comes to see me here in the US. The flight over without smoking is hard for her and the anti-smoking attitude here makes her hate America even more. Sad but true.

Taking one for the group and sitting in coach is very honorable. I could understand it if the OP was much older, say 70 as opposed to 30. But a young woman of 40 should still be able to travel alright in coach with her somewhat younger companions.

Till

But they're not close friends - and if it turns out they're not particularly companionable friends, she might do a few things on her own. This isn't a case of her traveling w/ her best mates. But the I have to use up some miles or work a dif flight due to biz blah, blah line is a good idea & can avoid some of any potential grief.

BTW - if the group is all on the same flight but then scattered all over E, how does that make them part of the same 'group', other than they're all uncomfortable? I'm willing to do a lot for my friends, but if I was going all the way to Asia from the US, flying in E when I had a C or F option isn't happening. However, having said that I certainly wouldn't brag or rub it in their faces. I would try to get them into the airline lounge if at all possible, & if they couldn't then I'd sit in the bar on the concourse w/ them rather than stay in the lounge. And if it was a UA flight, I'd give them free drink chits so if they do have to be back there they don't have to pay for their booze.

Cheers.

I used the excuse that I wanted to use miles instead of cash, and no one has had a problem with it. It looks like everyone going to end up on separate flights anyway, for different reasons.

Plus, when I explained that the difference between coach (75K) and first (120K), they realized how smart I am. :D