Trip Reports - Passport to nowhere.

Introduction. (This was hand written on CO 47)

This was supposed to be my ultimate trip in my 2years with FT. I had LH J + F seats on top of the StarMegaDO flights. There was too be great friends, good food, and awesome events. In short straight EPIC. Then Murphy came a long, anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Now, I should have foreseen problems, as I am the predominate bad decision maker. In short I make bad decisions all the damn time and I have discovered that my greatest enemy will forever be myself. I roll with the problems, I own them. This trip would be no exception.

Through travel we discover ourselves. At 35,000ft we flyertalkers find meaning in travel and in life. It shows us who are friends, enemies and ourselves are. We are a community bound by this love of travel. We come from all walks of life and corners of the earth. This week we came. From all around the world, we came to the DO that Tommy, Oliver, and XYZZY built. There was over three hundred people there. We came from everywhere, even Seattle, and San Diego.

My trip was supposed to be a simple one. NW/DL to JFK, LH to FRA, and the charter. However, I had to only live up to my FT moniker to see that this plan would not work. I picked my moniker when I was 14, it is a literary reference that should mean serious fun. There is however, a mischief side that gets me into trouble, and insures that nothing goes as planned.

The megado and this report will be no exception.

What a foreboding start to a trip report... from the thread title I infer you had a "passport malfunction" of sorts? :O Can't wait to see more!

So Monday night I went to my place to pack my crap and get ready for the DO. I got the bag packed and I got myself to the Seattle airport to leave for JFK. Well I parked my car and boarded the bus to the airport. I got the airport and set myself up in the S concourse to wait out the hours to my flight. I took pictures of the model I bought from flight memory. I checked in for LH 405, and then I went to the bar.

At the bar I had an amazing discussion with a lawyer/HS teacher about U.S. immigration reform. I went to my gate to board my NW red-eye to MSP. Ooops no passport. Oh did I say oops I meant panic. For the next hour I tore the terminal apart. I asked everyone, I made calls. I did every thing I could from the airport. I talked to 10+ people and I got no where. When the flight was called for final boarding, I went to the counter and canceled my ticket to JFK, feeling like I had just been run over by a bus.

Despair, I thought I knew the well. When I left the Seattle airport I felt worse then I have ever felt in my life. I grabbed a cab from the cab stand, and I gave the guy directions and he took me home. It was 1 am and when I got home it was almost compulsive, I went through all my stuff for the 30th time. There was no anger, no denial, just despair. I pulled my self together and began to take the necessary steps. Those steps included canceling my reward ticket and informing the organizers that I would not be going to the StarMegaDO.

My soul was crushed and I posted a mea culpa on the CO forum under the title, “I am a effing moron.” Between all the sympathy I got from the members of the CO forum. The greatest thing about that thread was the discussion about the a v an in the thread title. Eventually my phone started to blow up and I started to get e-mails, stating that my passport had been recovered by USCIS at the Seattle airport.

I called USCIS and they said they would hold my passport for a few hours. I really didn’t think I would be able to put something together. However, I went online to Continental.com and surfed reward tickets. Surprise surprise there were saverpass tickets for the same day and returning on Saturday.

Sold.

Hanging on every word ... you've definitely built up the suspense!

Minute by minute break down of the 8:00 am hour.

8:05 discover USCIS has passport.
8:10 speak with SEA USCIS, get them to hold the passport.
8:15 Log on to CO.com search SEA-FRA reward tickets
8:17 Purchase SEA-IAH-FRA-IAH-SEA on CO metal, flight leaves at 11:45am
8:17 start packing
8:18 finish packing Aint it amazing what you can get done in 3 minutes. 330 days, meh try 330 seconds.
8:20 bribe roommate to drive to the SEA airport.
8:35 arrive SEA airport.

For the record the walk-price for the same literary is $2,326 + tax.

I move up to one of the CO ticketing counters. In Seattle there is kind of a mixed bunch, some contract staff and some CO staff was behind the counter. I proceed to one of the CO kiosks and try to check in. I get to the point where it says I have to enter passport information, and that is when I called an agent. I explained to her the situation regarding the lost passport and how it is not in my possession. I hand her my ID and Gold card, and I ask her for a gate pass so I can retrieve my passport and I would complete check in at the PC. She asks to speak with her supervisor.

She comes back out a few seconds later and starts typing on her computer. She then furrows her face and says there is a problem.

Longest two seconds of my life right there. I thought I was about to lose it. I think she saw my face move into abject terror and said "just kidding." and the BP printer spits out a gate pass. After thinking where is the nearest AED, I begin to laugh as my heart restarts. At this point I started smiling and for the record I didn't stop until I got home yesterday.

I make it through security, good thing too, at this point I have no idea what is in my bag. I know I packed clothes, I am just not sure of what type they are. I take the tram to S concourse. Now in SEA people clear customs and they have a choice, go through TSA in S concourse and re-enter airside there or proceed to a secure shuttle that will deposit them landside. I spoke with one of the TSA people, and asked to speak with the customs supervisor on duty. She walked me through the land side portion of S concourse and walked me up to the Customs desk.

Customs handed over my passport with in seconds of my arrival. I have been screwed by US customs more time I care to discuss here. In fact I will not go through USCIS in Canada anymore because of it. That being said the SEA guys are good people.

It was going to be a good day.

The TSA supervisor walked me back to the airside of the terminal without re-screening. I took the tram to the B gates and I walked in to the PC to get the business done.

I was buzzed into the PC and I presented my passport and gold card...(For the record I am normally above the pulling of the status card to try and get better service. But I probably would have pulled out cash and tried to bribe the CO SEA agents to get service that day.) I asked to be checked in for my flights, seats assigned, and to be admitted to the PC. The first two went without a hitch. Getting into the PC proper was a bit more of a challenge. I had to explain the star rules to them. Eventually it got sorted out, I kept the trump card of switching to the bmi card in my back pocket hidden.

I start drinking. I start having fun with the agents. I am the only one in the club so we talk about the change over to star and such. After two drinks the barkeep asks me if I am over 21. I am 27 for the record, though my ex girlfriend calls me a child. I say it is a bit late to be asking and confess my true age. The SEA club has some nice CO models including the CO 747. I wish to pilfer them, but as the were clearly high end models pricing out at over 300 US each (they were on display, not for sale) I decided against it.

I continue to drink, finally I set up my computer and get updates out to FT and the StarDO crew that I am coming. I spoke with Tommy and he said that he had not gotten around to canceling my seat on the charter, so I should be good to go in FRA. He also told me that he had posted my withdrawal on the DO thread that I couldn't make it and that people were upset over it.

My flight is called and for the first time I feel the compulsion to kiss the ground and the carpet of the airplane on my in. I am so distracted by all that has gone on, I sit in the wrong seat. I eventually sit in the correct seat, next to an older woman and her mother on their way to MFE. I am sitting in the window which is not my preferred seat. Though lets be honest here, I would have shipped myself as luggage if that was possible. My seatmates did tell me I could go "tinky winky" anytime I wanted to though. I noticed as the flight was leaving, there was a CO 772 parked at the south concourse. The woman also bought me a drink and her mother gave me her lunch. For lunch there was the paper salad, a turkey BBQ roll, and a mini-twix bar. There was supposed to be LiveTV on the flight, but it was broken. Maybe I can get my miles back for this segment.

Lunch tasted like victory.

I arrived in IAH at North C and my flight to FRA was departing from E6. I booked it over there. I had just enough time to scarf some pasta salad and buy a liter of water for the flight before boarding started. I got my docs checked. (YAY having a passport.) I then proceeded to board my first CO wide body flight (764) since 1993. The seat was fine, and by fine I mean up to CO's normal Y standards.

While boarding I am fielding calls from Renard and MNmag seeing if I am actually on the plane. Eventually the door closes. Across the aisle from me is the cutest little 4year girl and her mom. They were traveling to FRA to visit some relatives. Now I dote on little kids, having worked with abused and neglected kids for awhile back in Atlanta, I have a soft spot for them. She told me she was from Alabama. I asked where in Alabama, I though I miss heard her so I asked again. Nope, heard it right the first time she said "Roll Tide."

Man they get started young. The rest of the family started laughing and the girl explained to me, that Auburn is a dirty word. She wanted to hold hands with me for take off. Seriously, she was very sweet.

The rest of the flight went smoothly. I had the Indian Veg option, which was very good and the paper salad. CO WHEN WILL YOU IMPROVE THE SALADS ON YOUR FLIGHTS??? There was a chocolate square. I bought red wine to go with dinner. I started to watch the non-avod IFE, but I guess to the stress of the day bleeding off I fell asleep before the first movie ended. I woke up about 15 minutes off of the Irish Coast. 6hrs of sleep, I would need it. CO Y breakfast was pathetic. There was a croissant and 4 grape sized pieces of fruit. I ate it all.

Landing was about 20 minutes early. We got a gate in the A finger of Terminal 1. And my time in FRA was about to begin.

If you don't include the priceless bevy of insults, I will.

Great so far. Glad your passport turned up!

Great report so far. Looking forward to the rest of it.

Now that was lucky!

Looking forward to reading the rest of your repport.

Indian Veg option- always the best choice i find. Plus if you're still hungry, they'll often give you a regular meal too. Love it, and love the report so far.

Wow -- am enjoying all the details, so far -- what an adventure!;)^

Who says the easy road of travel is fun?

Excellent adventure so far colpuck

Minute by minute break down of the 8:00 am hour.

8:15 Log on to CO.com search SEA-FRA reward tickets
8:17 Purchase SEA-IAH-FRA-IAH-SEA on CO metal, flight leaves at 11:45am
8:17 start packing
8:18 finish packing Aint it amazing what you can get done in 3 minutes. 330 days, meh try 330 seconds.



Those 3 minutes in your life could explain to anyone the difference between being a savvy, FT-regular pax and... just another pax.

Great report, keep it coming!

After the mediocre breakfast CO 46 served up it was timed to land. Descending though the clouds I thought I might beat LH405 to the gate. Landed on the south runway I felt this elation build inside me. I had arrived.

The problem was 10 minute taxi to the gate. It took forever. Like that forever you have when you are waiting for the bathroom after your third beer. After seeing an impressive A346 take off, we made it to the gate. Moving from the jetway to the terminal was moving in slow motion. It was like I was recovering from a fight with Mike Tyson. The world was slowing speeding up. Blurs became solid lights, sounds became distinct voices. Ever increasing ever speeding up until it all exploded out in an orgasmic wave as I went from jetway to terminal.

Like the failure of Marlboro lights sate the post-coitus need, reality dawned.

There is no signage in the FRA airport.

I was lost.

I stumbled to the main terminal without a clue on how to get to the Sheraton. I found myself lost in the bowels of the FRA parking garage. Then my animal instinct kicked in, and a memory came to mind. I am ColPuck, I am never lost. It may take me longer, but I'll get there. I walked through the car park under the Sheraton and up the far side. Finally I found the entrance to the hotel. I staggered to the front desk having lugged all my crap from the end of the A pier.

I walked towards the counter when I was intercepted by a voice that did what I told people to do all week long. say my name. Rolov, the guy who I was supposed to guest into the FCT on Saturday, called me over. He looked so happy to see me. I have never been happier to see someone I knew. He told me MNMag was on her way from the welcome lounge. I ran into her next. We got the room settled and made out way up to what should have been out base of operations for the trip.

We got to the room, it was nice enough. I opened my luggage to discover that I failed to pack socks. MNMag suggested that I just wash the one pair that I had. I passed back into the bowels of the airport I went on the front desk's advice. I went the shopping mart, 13 Euro for socks. Bleh. Oh well. Sold. I thought about buying Jager. Too early for me. (or to late)

Back to the room, showered and feeling human it was time for the meet up. I would see who from the box manned up and showed up. Turns out all the proper villains save a few were here. Too many names to mention, I saw Renard98, Rolov again, Sbm12. and many more. I almost broke down in tears. I was so damn happy to be there at that moment. Then the biggest, whitest, blondest man I know arrived. The man, the myth, the legend, CMike.

Word was already around that the passport guy was here. Rolov had a sharpie and was writing monikers on our badges. Cmike got the party really started with passport jokes.

Normally, I return fire and drop more bombs the airforce, with the exception that I hit my target. Chinese Embassy. But not this time. It was time to bend over and assume the position. I lost my passport, I was a moron, and I was going take heat for it. Cest La vie.

It was clear to me, that I was going to be a bottom this week. Oh well, I am still the champ.

Next the LH tour.

Interesting trip there colpuck.

Misplacing a passport is something I don't want to experience in my travels.

Looking forward to hearing about the mega do.

Excellent report so far, colpuck!

And you and I have something in common...working with abused and neglected children. :)

Great report so far ^
I was very happy to see you at the Sheraton when you finally arrived in FRA.

Love the trip report so far.... ^^

I am sitting here with a smile on my face! what a relief about the passport!

Another day another entry into this report. It is what I do. I last left my adoring readers at the start of the formal program that first day. Some lufthansa people started to wave us over to start the tours. Cmike said something about being back for dinner. Anyways.

We left the Sheraton and boarded the bus for the short trip to the lufthansa mothership. The mothership looked like -|-|-|-. We were joined by an older man in a tan coat that would be guiding us through the Technik tour. He was pretty cool. He was a retired pilot who claimed to have flown most of the LH fleet.

We walked from the mothership to the technik hangers that house some of the widebody aircraft. The hangers were huge, larger than Delta Techops. The first hanger held some of the narrowbodies as well as two A346s. We were allowed in the aircraft. The AC had come in from CCS that morning, and was being turned over for a night flight to JNB. I could tell it was from CCS as that was what was marked on the catering containers.

We first sat in the first seats, then we got to explore the cabin. Man that plane is long. You don't know how long until you get to the end of it. On LH the main galley, restrooms, and crew rest is under the main cabin in the hold. In fact the LH crew rest is stored in a cargo container. Apparently it can be pulled out and replaced with cargo. The caterers/cleaners had not hit the plane yet and there were still half eaten meals in the galley.

Leaving the plane, we split into two groups. The group I went with headed into the engine shop to look at the engines. This was roughly equivalent to the DL techOPs tour. Before going to the 744, we saw a promotional video about LH. It was neat, but far from memorable. In a rough repeat of the 346 we did the same tour of the 744. One FTer fell out of the crew rest bunks on the floor. Funny, though I am glad she did not injure herself. I got my picture taken in the seat I should have had on the TATL

Finishing the Technik tour we moved to flight training. We saw the in flight simulators for both flight and cabin crew. We also saw the service trainers. One person we saw was preparing a service cart.

After flight training there was dinner back at the mothership. There I ran back into Cmike who proclaiming to all that would listen that he was going after Jan Allbrect the CEO of *A for *A swag. Dinner was a buffet style affair. One of the features was the LH cocktail, sweet drink served like scotch. I got one of the empties, the bottle looked really cool. I spoke with the head of loyalty programs for LH and asked about the BD golden goose...err program. He said there were no immediate plans. I kept trying to CO Insider's other half Shannon to admit that reciprocal upgrades with UA were coming. After that I don't really remember, I got tanked at dinner. I do remember Scott and Cmike as well as everyone else keeping up a series of passport jokes.

The next report will be the charter. This one appeared to be more clinical than the previous.

In a rough repeat of the 346 we did the same tour of the 744. One FTer fell out of the crew rest bunks on the floor. Funny, though I am glad she did not injure herself.


I didn't think it was funny. (I'm glad I wasn't injured.)

After the party broke up at the LH mothership we made our way back to the hotel. I went with the box crew to the Sheraton Lounge. The drinking continued. I am pretty sure some of the beer was alcohol free. I didn't know they made that in Germany. Either way I set a wake up call from the lounge for 4am.

I went back to the room. I am not sure how I made it across the lobby but I did the fact that I had to be up in 4hrs reminded me to keep it together. Got back to the room and passed out. 4am came way too fast and I woke up hungover.

I jumped in the shower and got warmed up for the day. This would have not merited mention except for the fact that door locked behind me. Poor MNmag could not get in. So she did what a good FTer would do. Go to the front desk and demand compensation.

We walked to the B Pier of Terminal 1 to see the Condor flight the first flight of the day. Having collected boarding passes yesterday I learned I was sitting next to the mad New Jerseyian Rolov. We collected in the boarding area. One of the Mods was late and as such the flight was delayed. I shot what will probably be my first and last youtube video in the boarding area.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/colpuck/4093925489/

IF your office disapproves of the word "sex", then it is mildly NSFW. I decree it to be funny as hell.

We finally boarded. I was right behind the exit row where the author of "the middle seat" for the WSJ was sitting. CO Insider's better (working) half was on the other exit row. Rolov was in the middle next to me. Olton Hall's friend was in the window. LHrelate was across the aisle as well as a couple from NZ? (These two deserve mention only as they will be making an appearance in the Seehiem episode) Sbm12 was a couple of rows ahead. Cmike was in row 2 wayyyyyyyyy up there.

Well, take off was a smooth affair. the cabin crew set the tone for the day when they said "you can ring your call buttons all you want, we will not respond." Without surprise the ding of the call button would be the background music for the day.

We are all children.

Including me.

Especially Me. (A NW pilot and father to my first EX said, "Growing old mandatory, up not so much.")

The mods got to do the safety briefing (after seeing the video) in German. Condor had a nose camera that we got watch. The FA said "I was up all night installing it, hope the captain doesn't notice." Captain replies, "I noticed."

FRA-OSL (about the same as IAH-ATL)
Short flight. The theme for this flight was Hawaii. Sbm12 and others mods would be doing service in Hawaiian shirts. It was a cold plate for business and a cheese sandwich for Y. There was Kona Coffee served in business. I got to talk to the guy who brought the coffee in from the islands and he is very cool and very passionate about good coffee.

I don't know what it is, but I always enjoy listening to people speak about their passion, whatever it is.

Well we landed in OSL about 90 min later. The Captain came on and said he requested a flyby, but the pattern was indeed full. We were 12th inline for landing and it went smoothly. It was snowing in OSL and we taxied to a hard stand and from there we were bussed to the SAS hangers.

The SAS people had clearly never been apart of FT and they were happy to be there. There was a Norwegian breakfast (fish) and coffee or water. I brought some of the coffee home to degrease my car. Seriously, I will never understand the European obsession with Nescaffee. Instant coffee is terrible.

One of the SAS FA's walks out of the 737 they have on display and starts singing. I can't do justice to it. She was amazing, like american idol quality. Conversation stopped. Then there was a folk dance group. The SAS leadership made some speeches as well. The 737 was set in a medical airlift configuration and we were allowed to tour it. The SAS technik people were there and talking about their work. One of the highlights was they deployed the rear exitslide and either Tommy or Scott was allowed to go down it.

We were then bussed back to the plane for the trip to TLS.

More to come. I am just done for the moment.

Awesome report so far. ^:D

LHrelate was across the aisle as well as a couple from NZ? (These two deserve mention only as they will be making an appearance in the Seehiem episode)

AKL and SAN, respectively. What kind of "mention," I shall be interested to see :rolleyes::p

Great to meet you colpuck!

The rest of the report is written. However, FT being what it is of late I am going to hold off on posting it for a few days until the rat is fully recovered.

Needless to say one of the episodes reads like a bret easton ellis novel. Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?

I'm enjoying the report. Thanks colpuck ^^^

The party was ready to kick into gear. The "official" purser gets on the mic before leaving OSL and says that is wayyy too much booze on the flight. Excellent.

My hangover was eliminated by the battery acid of coffee served in the hanger, and it is time to party. Scenes from "fear and loathing in Las Vegas" were playing in my mind. The flight got under way, which was good because we were in bat country. As the fight started, the morning coffee was over, and breakfast was a memory. But the scotch and gin was just kicking in. Seth was serving me drinks and IIRC he dropped a bottle of red at my seat. The FAs were now resplendent in nordic sweaters.

Lunch was a chicken affair. vysean dropped some salad on the floor, I have a great picture of it. Lunch was getting to me, it was like I was back in Nam.

I could feel the fear coming on.

Fear or not, XYZZY came by. I though he was going to start handing out heavy ordnance, or at least "if it aint boeing, then I aint going" stickers. No he was selling raffle tickets. I bought 10 Euro worth. It went to a good cause the FT Kiva.org team.

I think the movie was Ice Age II, the screen was moving so I couldn't tell. It may have just been me. The colors were flitting by at the speed of smell. Scott was pulling some sort of stunt, I don't remember what but cockpit visits were on.

Ollton Hall's friend was comfortably passed out in the window seat for most of the flight. Never the less, he was total gamer the whole day, the people's champ.

Two hours later we began the decent into TLS. I tried to get another one for the road, no success. The pilots left the door open for landing. It took a few seconds for me to notice, but we did a flyby over the runway. Calls of "Negative ghostrider the pattern is full," filled the cabin. The cheering was massive, and it was joined by a fresh round of call button madness.

We came around and landed. Then we were bussed to the terminal. There I finally got to do what I always wanted to do. Ride the baggage belt.

Yes I am a child.

Being drunk and semi-disorderly, some guy with Freddie Jr. was pushing people on luggage carts. He almost shoved me into a wall. Thankfully we all made it alive to the buses that would take us to the Airbus plant. Why we could not have parked at the Airbus ramp is beyond me.

After being bussed to the Airbus visitor center, we were ushered into a small reception area. I quickly made for a seat. Having done the Boeing factory tour, I knew a huge amount of walking would await us. The boxers had collected in one corner, with Cmike holding court. He was of course deploying his normal self. There were comments about how it is high and it is far. Apparently the announcer for the NY Yankees (for whom he was discussing) road the short bus to school.

Yankee slamming began. While I am solidly a National League kinda guy, there is one statement that stands above all others in my baseball universe.

Yankee's suck.

Any questions?

Didn't think so.

I started on the assembly tour. Somehow I got separated from the boxers and ended up in LHrelate's group. She is from H-town as well. Go Houston! Nick the Britt was going on about the A380's Welsh wings. This was odd considering he was from Bristol.

Anyways hearing the tour guide was out of the question, so we just started making up our own tour. Once again proving the point about the French, "looks good not so functional." Talk in out group turned to the FMLA, the Family Medical Leave Act, and it effects on hiring. The comparative law class was much more interesting then as unheard tour.

Sorry Airbus, I'm going to let you finish, but Boeing has the best tour ever.

We left and then went through the story. Wayy to expensive for my taste. Though there was a rumor of stolen and or missing models that floated around after the trip.

We got back to TLS and so French like, the airport is very pretty but not so functional.

Now for all you french defenders, don't get me wrong I love France. Don't think I am bitter and hateful. But if you feel the need to dish it back, by all means do so. Be aware though I drop more bombs than the airforce. And for the record I do not believe any my own press.

Anyways enough mocking of the cheese eating surrender monkeys. We got through security and were at the gate. The gate was a small crowded affair. This of course type A and Aspergers in several people who began to flip out. Seriously, it was not like the plane was going to leave without us. It is a charter. Take some Valium and chill.

We boarded the buses back to the plane for the short flight to FRA. There was a new crew since the old one had timed out while we were at Airbus.

From T1 at JFK this is the COL saying, that life is wayy too short to micro-manage life and flip out of things you can't control. Relax and let go and you will find the unexpected pleasure you never knew existed.

Over and out.

Once again proving the point about the French, "looks good not so functional."

So, you have a French passport? :confused:

So, you have a French passport? :confused:

and it's highhhhhhhhh and it's farrrrrrrrrrrr and it's goneeeeeeeeeeeee.

Thanks for sharing!!^:-:

What kind of bonehead loses a pass ... oh wait ... never mind. :D

Thanks for the trip report! Brought back fond memories! :)