DiningBuzz! - Can wait staff be too attentive?

My husband and I went to a local restaurant last night for a late dinner. The dining room had maybe 2-3 occupied tables not including ours. The service was overall good, except our server was hovering. Infact, hovering so much that we didn't feel comfortable carrying on a conversation while we were dining. When we ordered dessert, she brought it to the table and before we had a chance to taste it, she was wanting to know how it was. We asked to have the dessert wrapped and paid our bill and left. Yes we tipped, but the more I thought about it, it just didn't sit right. Thought I would bring it here. Can a server turn a dining experience sour by being overly attentive?

I understand that poor service makes us all unhappy, but this just rubbed me the wrong way. It was as if we had invited her to dinner and she didn't eat.

Can a server turn a dining experience sour by being overly attentive?


Definitely.

Several years ago, I was dining with three friends at a now-closed restaurant in Georgetown. It was a fairly small space, and only about half-full. Each time any of us set down our water glass after taking a drink, one of our servers (we had two) immediately refilled it, even if we'd only taken a sip. As was your situation COGal, our servers hovered so close to the table that carrying on a private conversation was impossible, and it made us too uncomfortable to discuss one of the things you'd naturally talk about at dinner -- the food.

The four of us get together for dinner about 6 times each year, ordering all different menu items so we can each have tastes of what everyone else has ordered, but with the servers so omnipresent, we didn't feel comfortable doing that this time, so left with a sour impression of the place. We also ate a lot more quickly than usual - and skipped dessert - just so that we could leave and get some space. Although the quality of the food was high, it has to be one of my most unpleasant dining experiences.

Your description of having invited the servers to dinner but having them not eat is quite apt.

Yes, I hate that when servers are over-solicitous. This happened to me and friend a couple months back. It was almost like she was giving us a performance. I mean, she was nice and everything and brought us our orders promptly, but I didn't appreciate her unnecessary intrusion and her gabbiness.

Amadeus in Stamford was an incredible restaurant (long since gone) with the exeeption of the too attentive staff. Take a sip of your water, somebody was there immediatly to replace it. Take a sip of the wine, somebody else brought the bottle over to top it off.

It was more of a game, start reaching in the middle of the glasses, they would both reach for the water and wine, waiting to see which one you picked.

A good waiter is there when you need him. A great waiter is there when you need her, but times arrivals to never interrupt a story or step on a punch line.

In the DC area I've had great waiters in Rasika, L'Auberge Chez Francois, and of course Inn at Little Washington.

A couple of years ago we had dinner in a middle-of-the-road Seattle-area Chinese restaurant with family. We noticed as soon as we asked for anything that the server immediately took off at a frantic gallop and then came sprinting back (literally on the run) with the tea or the extra napkins or whatever it was.

The poor woman (I suspect a fairly recent immigrant) was trying so very hard to serve us that she made us too uncomfortable to ask for anything else.

A good waiter/waitress anticipates your need. The trouble is that the job is just a job for most people in most restaurants in North America and not a profession as in some other places. I would think the over-attentive service is from good intentions (and over eager motivation to earn a good tip). They just have been trained, or learntm the art of anticipating their patrons' needs.

A few years ago, our Thai hosts took a co-worker and myself out to dinner at a high end Vietnamese restaurant in Bangkok. The entire time we were seated, there was a server standing immediately behind each of us. If anyone started to reach for something on the table, one of them would instantly reach over his shoulder and procure the item. It was maddening, but we couldn't say anything as the Thais seemed to enjoy it. My breaking point was when I started making a lettuce wrap, and my server literally took it out of my hands and finished rolling it up.

A good waiter is there when you need him. A great waiter is there when you need her, but times arrivals to never interrupt a story or step on a punch line.

In the DC area I've had great waiters in Rasika, L'Auberge Chez Francois, and of course Inn at Little Washington.

When I saw this thread pop up this morning, I was wondering exactly what makes a great waiter. To date, I have only ever experienced this kind of service at one place: Del Posto in Manhattan. It was almost psychic how the waiter and bussers would come at exactly the right instant--before I was actually conscious of wanting anything but not during anything that would be considered even the slightest interruption.

I could see from my side of the table (I was facing the center of the section) how the waiters were keeping a watch over our table. Nothing escaped their watchful eyes (and without making me feel uncomfortable in the slightest--they were a good 30-40 feet away and weren't staring at us but just observing our corner of the restaurant). And the timing between all of the courses was perfect--not too fast (they left enough time between courses for each to settle) and not too slow (the "I wonder when the next course is coming" thought never even occurred to me).

Even when dining at 21, where my uncle is an extreme regular and knows all of the staff by name (and they him), and which receives rave reviews for service, I found myself wondering a couple times where the waiter was. It just wasn't the same experience.

Fawning usually happens at lower-middle-class chains, in my experience. I often dine alone, though, and so it rarely actually bothers me, since they're not really interrupting me from doing anything (except a little mindless web surfing on my iPhone).

COGal,

Where were you eating?

We were eating at Donovan's, a new steak house in Salt Lake City. I don't think that its part of a chain.

The new then is part of the problem. Plus, plenty of steakhouses are the walmart equivalent of restaurants. They're easy to run because most things in them is unimaginative.

The woman serving you wasn't trained enough to know the difference. There are easy ways to be attentive and not bother people. She most likely didn't know it was an issue at all.

I cant stand to have a waiter add another 1.0 ml of wine of water or wine to my glass after each sip. I often tell them I will add it from now on and I will motion or call them if needed.

MisterNice

I have it when the server is returning to my table to see how the food is before I have even taken the first bite. I tell them that and about a minute later, they reappear. Just give me the chance to eat. I will politely let you know if there is a problem.