Are any of you Tokyoites totally browned off by these companies that get your name off Chamber of Commerce lists and then call trying to flog investments? I get at least 3 calls a week and they all tell my staff such BS...the last one called Sue said she had an appointment with me and kept calling over and over until I returned to the office...wasting everyone's time including mine.

Has anyone got any great one-liners that they use to get rid of these people??
I would be eternally grateful!

Snoopy

Are any of you Tokyoites totally browned off by these companies that get your name off Chamber of Commerce lists and then call trying to flog investments? I get at least 3 calls a week and they all tell my staff such BS...the last one called Sue said she had an appointment with me and kept calling over and over until I returned to the office...wasting everyone's time including mine.

Has anyone got any great one-liners that they use to get rid of these people??
I would be eternally grateful!

Snoopy

Yes, I know the gig. Whenever I get one of those calls, I'll tell them my bank account has 700,000 yen in it (which is true, I get paid out of 3 different locations, and my Japan cash flow is mostly for living expenses outside of rent, my company has the lease on my apartment). I also work in finance a fair bit of my time, so I can run circles around these clowns. My next question is: "do you think it is worth wasting your time with me for 700K yen?". Some of them are honest and realize that I'm not much of a prospect, and go away, others try to engage me in some cock-and-bull story that they want to start on the "ground floor" and such, and I just ream with difficult questions until they either hang up in disgust or disinterest.

I tell 'em I lost it all in EMRON....

"You're wasting your time and mine. I will not buy services from your company and I am not interested in learning about services from your company. Please remove me from your call list and don't call back."

I actually had a guy call me last week - and just as he started his sales pitch he realized that the above comment was already in his database under my name...

Tell them that you are glad that they called because you just found god and you want to talk to everyone about your new best friend (Jesus) ;)

I am told one good approach is to scream in a panicky voice, "Hang on, the baby's on fire!" and then put the phone down and see how long they hold waiting for you to come back.

Are any of you Tokyoites totally browned off by these companies that get your name off Chamber of Commerce lists and then call trying to flog investments? I get at least 3 calls a week and they all tell my staff such BS...the last one called Sue said she had an appointment with me and kept calling over and over until I returned to the office...wasting everyone's time including mine.

Has anyone got any great one-liners that they use to get rid of these people??
I would be eternally grateful!

Snoopy

In the US I say, in a very hushed tearful voice, I'm sorry, but he's passed away.

In the US I say, in a very hushed tearful voice, I'm sorry, but he's passed away.


"Mr. Kurtz.... He dead!"

Works well - unless you just answered your phone with "Kurtz speaking"
(These characters are calling me at work)

(These characters are calling me at work)
Well it's good to know that someone loves you :p ! The last time they phoned me, I offered them my business in trade........made it all the way to supervisor who promised me they would get back to me on my offer.......I'm still waiting :D !

I mostly get call from Orient Boecki trying to sell me gold futures..........I also used to get calls from some pseudo investment offices in Tokyo pitching wrapped portfolio bonds.....luckily they haven't been phoning lately! They somehow found out that I was Canadian and were offering me parcels of land in Alberta near Calgary. Had a lawyer friend check the deal out, and he found it to be highly unlikely to make any money ;) !

Thanks for the feedback and the ideas, some were highly amusing!

I can just imagine telling my assistant: "Tell them I'm dead!" I know my staff already suspect I am mad, this would just confirm it!!


:D

The person I disliked most at college ended up as a telephone nuisance for JP Morgan in Tokyo. Give them hell, guys... :D

In the US I say, in a very hushed tearful voice, I'm sorry, but he's passed away.
That's OK if you're the one answering the phone and can identify who's calling. Otherwise, if someone less knowledgeable answers the phone, this strategy might backfire. This happened to a friend.

One day while on the road, his credit card was refused, and he was instructed to call the CC company. When he called, the CSR's first words were, "But you're dead!" Turns out the CC company had called him to inquire about one of his charges, and upon being told that he was deceased, promptly closed his account.

My “Top Ten”

10. If at home, hand the phone to the youngest member of the house--preferably under five. If no such person is available, give the phone to a pet.

9. If at the office, hand the phone to the employee most hopeless in the language being used by the caller. If no such person is available, ask if they can call you back at home, and give them the number of the last salesperson who called you.

8. Tell them about your intense hatred for salespeople, then ask where they live.

7. Ask them what color underwear they are wearing today.

6. Demand that they refer to you as "Mr. Winky Doo Doo."

5. Recite the opening to your choice of the following: “The Outer Limits,” “Star Trek,” “The Beverly Hillbillies,” or “Gilligan’s Island.” Ask them to recite along with you.

4. Pretend to be an answering machine.

3. Answer every question with the phrase, "I like natto."

2. Ask them what they would do if there was a dead body on their floor.

(Drum roll)
1. Describe your latest Mileage Run to them. Don’t leave out any details.

We get a big load of these at our office, particularly any time there is any press release that gets picked up locally. What is funny is that my biz partner and I share an assistant and she checks both of our emails.

These guys are wiley at getting around gatekeepers ("I'm a personal friend", "Oh, she knows what this is about", "It concerns her personal banking and she wouldn't want me discussing it with you") and we have the appropriate responses scripted for each of these ("If you were a personal friend, you would have her direct line", "She lost her psychic powers recently", and "our personal banker is XX and handles both the business and personal accounts - perhaps you wish to contact him?")

I despise people who call to pitch me at work. Nonetheless, all are invited to "mail us a detailed prospectus" for whatever they are selling. And treating my gatekeeper rudely or in a disrespectful manner is a sure invitation to NEVER get the chance to talk to me.

They don't have to be wiley to get around my gatekeepers. I tell our receptionist that if I am not in a meeting or otherwise occupied, I'll take the call. In years, (a) no call has lasted more than 30 seconds, (b) no one has ever made a sale, and (c) most times -- not all, some of these folks are complete losers -- they give up on calling again.

Like techgirl, I've asked our receptionists to tell me when the caller is rude to them and those callers get very brusque responses.

Unfortunately the federal "do not call" list does not apply to offices.

My favorite one was the female with the breathy voice who exhaled sensuously, "It's something VERY personal," and then when she got me on the line, asked me if I had ever bought wine by mail.

Are any of you Tokyoites totally browned off by these companies that get your name off Chamber of Commerce lists and then call trying to flog investments? I get at least 3 calls a week and they all tell my staff such BS...the last one called Sue said she had an appointment with me and kept calling over and over until I returned to the office...wasting everyone's time including mine.

Has anyone got any great one-liners that they use to get rid of these people??
I would be eternally grateful!

SnoopyI've never dealt with any in Tokyo, but I usually just tell them that I'm a stockbroker (not exactly, but I have played one on TV before) and that I'm not buying anyone else's hocked shlock but my own.