Esltroy

Please forgive typos. I wrote this on my phone in the plane and I am medicated.


I had a pretty miserable trip this week in Hawaii. I know that sounds horrible, but even in paradise one can get sick.

After only one day, I had a bit of a medical emergency that landed me in the ER. Nothing life-threatening, but made it impossible for me to stay in the aloha state.

Delta did a great job of getting me out on the red-eye that same evening.


Our flight was scheduled to depart at 10:00. Well, by 2pm it had been pushed back to 11:30pm, then midnight, then finally 1:50am. So, a full flight of passengers was waiting for many hours.

Delta brought out sandwiches; trail mix, coffee, etc.

The mood was mainly that of tired vacationers.

Finally the plane arrived and sleepy people began to gather around the gate area.


As the gate agent began to get all the different people seat assignments (due to the four hour delay and lots of questions from non-regular trackers) a man came up to the gate. From now on I will refer to him as Mr. DYKWIA. Mr. DYKWIA cut to the front of the line to ask if he and his entire family got their upgrade to first class. It looked like three of them had first class tickets and two of them were on the upgrade list.

GA #1 Very politely told him that she was working on it and would let him know when the time came.

Mr. DYKWIA: My name is Mr. DYKWIA. Could you check and see if all of us will get an upgrade?

GA #1: We will begin processing the upgrades later sir. I will announce when the upgrades have cleared.

Mr. DYKWIA: Scowl

Mr. DYKWIA walks away an unhappy camper. He is traveling with two kids-aged 6-10 years old, his wife and mother.

He then loudly (so that everyone can hear) announces to one of his kids...

"if we don't get the upgrades, you will have to sit in coach."

The kid is about 10 years old and starts crying and throwing a full-blown tantrum.

He then yells at the kid, "hey that's the way it is, this isn't the Navy."

Whatever that means..

Now the crying kid has gone into meltdown mode. He is crying and is so upset that he has begun to blow snot bubbles as he whimpers, "I (breath, breath, breath)...hate.. (Breath, breath, breath)..coach."

From now on I'll just refer to him as Bubbles.

So, Mr. DYKWIA is now really upset and drags Bubbles to the gate agent, glares at her, and then points to Bubbles.

(No S{*{t, he brings his entitled Bubbles to the front of the line so the GA could see what she was doing to his family.)

The, oh so nice, gate agent, asked him again: May I help you sir?
Mr. DYKWIA barks: the least you could do is give my son a water.

Let me set the scene, there are maybe 30 people waiting to check bags, 10 trying to change tickets, three families trying to move seats so that they can sit together. We have been sitting in a humid airport for at least four hours. And Bubbles needs a water.


GA #1 is a pro and handed Bubbles a bottle of water.

I was hoping she would also hand him a Kleenex.

No luck.

Mr. DYKWIA still just stands there glaring at The GA while Bubbles was recreating a scene from the Lawrence Welk Show.

Finally the gate agent started to clear the upgrades. Loved it when I heard my name called. This made Mr. DYKWIA very unhappy. I saw a vein in his forehead begin to throb. He looked at me like he wanted to kill me. I just smiled and sat down to see what would happen next… and take notes.

I was tempted to say something under my breath like: "wow an upgrade for a silver medallion-I never get upgraded"

But, I am actually not that mean (to people's faces) and I was worried he would sic Bubbles on me.

As I sat down, he got to his breaking point. He walked over to the second gate agent and asks to see a Red Coat.

Well, I have only been to Hawaii a couple of times, but I have not seen an actual "Red" coat. I am sure there is someone who plays that role, just not sure if they actually wear a red coat. All of the gate agents seem to wear Hawaiian shirts.


GA#2: How may I help you sir?

Mr. DYKWIA : I want to know when my upgrades will clear.

GA#1: (starting to get a little tired of this guy, but still pleasant) I will clear them as soon as possible. Two people have checked in but are not responding to the page.

Mr. DYKWIA: Well I need to know now.

GA#1: Sorry sir, I'll let you know as soon as possible.

We then started boarding first class and I didn't get to see Mr. DYKWIA’s final interactions with the GA.

I don't think it went well.

Mr. DYKWIA's wife, mother and one kid got the upgrade. Mr. DYKWIA and Bubbles were in coach.

That said, they were standing around first class and the flight attendant had to ask them to return to their seats when we began to take off.

Bubbles was not happy.

On a good note, someone had given Bubbles a Kleenex!


They are still flying today. If you see them, send my regards, keep your distance, and take notes.




Sent from my iPhone