Sickened in F on UA 917: a FRA-IAD cautionary tale
UA’s lack of an IFC lounge at FRA is, as has been commented in numerous FT threads, perhaps the biggest shortcoming of
the UA lounge system, worldwide. I’ll keep this short and sweet: despite FRA’s status as a key UA destination, both F and J
pax on UA flights departing FRA are relegated to LH’s dismal “Business,” “Tower” and “Senator” lounges, since the LH F lounge
can only be used by LH’s own F-pax. I was met at my arrival gate by a very pleasant gentleman from Tunis who was the agent
handling connections of TG F pax. He walked with me by the LH F area first, and although he tried to get me in (“it’s StarAlliance
First Class…”), his request was denied. The LH J-class lounges are so overcrowded that I was eventually directed that gray and
rainy morning to pass EU passport control and use a landside lounge, where I still had to wait 45 minutes for a shower and just
about as long to even find a place to sit down. (If it weren’t for the fairly appealing breakfast spread and drinks, I would have
rather rested in the gate area, and having to go through security, and immigration both ways, just in order to visit the
underwhelming lounge, was quite a hassle.) I understand that the small LH F lounge might be overwhelmed by the sheer
numbers of UA F pax if access were allowed, but if that is the case, then an airline with a “Global First” product should
open its own F-class lounge (as is the case at NRT, HKG etc.) at such a key airport, before any claims of being truly
“Global.” This was a fitting “back to reality” experience after the high points of Myanmar.
The FRA lounge disaster was then eclipsed by a decidedly non-premium boarding experience. The UA 772 to IAD was boarding
at a bus gate (big surprise). So, instead of walking down the jetway and turning left, F-pax took a bus to the a/c, and this is
what boarding UA F in FRA looked like (I would have never expected):
This was an old-config UA 772:
LH uses this area of FRA as a remote parking stand, while UA actually boards pax here. You can see the remaining pax,
boarding out of the bus! Our neighbor was an LH 744:
Channel 9 stayed on from departure all the way until we were past Ireland. I asked an FA who informed me that it would be off
for the remaining duration of the flight – which it was. I had a prosciutto and cheese appetizer followed by baked fish, and one
of these items had somehow managed to bring me into a severe state of stomach upset (nauseated, in pain, and uncomfortable)
that progressively worsened until it was mercifully time to make our approach into IAD. The irony of having survived five days of
eating at a few dodgy places in Myanmar – only to be brought down by UA’s F chow on FRA-IAD – shall not escape the reader!
After a very polite, no-questions-asked IAD immigration and customs experience – not quite what I expected, given that Myanmar
remains the target of a US trade embargo that prohibits tourists from bringing almost anything from Myanmar to the US –
I re-checked my bag and headed straight for something that did not exist in FRA, the UA Int’l F lounge. IAD’s UA IFL is a step down
compared to ORD’s palatial opulence, and one of the differences is that there is no shower at IAD.
Here are the self-service refreshments of the UA IFL at IAD:
A gray and rainy IAD, view from the UA IFL:
The UA IAD F lounge attendant did an outstanding job hearing me out about the food poisoning that I had apparently experienced
on IAD-FRA. She was patient and empathetic – truly a model UA employee – and offered me all kinds of help, from rebooking on a
later flight to ORD just so that I could sit down in the lounge and relax to feel better, to calling for medical assistance. I pondered,
then declined, both offers. She then put through a request (later successfully fulfilled) for 17,500 miles to be credited to my UA MP
account as an apology for the Great F Food Fiasco of FRA-IAD. Her attitude and genuine helpfulness – not the miles – helped to
somewhat reinstate my faith in UA.
I will only briefly describe the rest of the journey. UA 965 IAD-ORD was an uneventful ride on a new-config 764, a slap in the face
after enduring FRA-IAD on a non-reconfigured 772. I overnighted at the Hampton Inn ORD, and took the noon Amtrak from
Chicago’s Union Station to Detroit the next day, business class. My favorite café car attendant Nick was working that afternoon,
and made for an enjoyable train ride. By the next morning, it quickly became apparent to me that – in contrast to my usual two
weeks of jet lag recovery after any transPac travel – I had no jet lag after this whirlwind RTW. None at all. A most refreshing
and energizing surprise. Possible reasons for this will become apparent in Part 2. Continued...