QuietLion

Dessert storm

MileCrazy and the Compmeister had a bet on the outcome of the election so Hunnybear and I booked flights to Phoenix on the way to Vegas and Comdex to sit in on the payoff dinner at Mastro’s steakhouse in Scottsdale. The taxi came 10 minutes early but parked in front of the wrong building so we went and found it. It turned out to be the same cab driver we had on the last trip, driving a van with a wheelchair ramp in back. He was apologetic for the mistake and as repeat customers we got great service even without a gold card. He went and bought me a newspaper and wouldn’t take any money for it despite repeated attempts.

We pulled up to Terminal 1 and went to the First Class/Elite checkin at America West because there was only one person ahead of us. Unfortunately that person still hadn’t completed checking in after 15 minutes so finally one of the swing agents waited on us. I asked for us to be upgraded because Continental Gold and she asked to see the card. I explained the card had not yet arrived because it had been sent to the wrong address but this had happened several times before and there was a way to verify my status. She called FlightFund and verified my goldenhood and gave me the one remaining seat in First, moving Hunnybear up to the bulkhead and waitlisting her. There was a short line at security but no decent coffee in Terminal 1 so I got Hunnybear some bad bar coffee from the sports bar while we waited.

We were flying the oldest 737 I had ever seen to Phoenix. The overhead bins were do small that a single 21-inch Briggs & Riley took up an entire bin. Fortunately our flight had a light load and when two seats in First Class remained open as they were about to close the door I asked if Hunnybear could move up and they said no problem. Once again everyone was very nice on America West and it was a pleasant flight though nothing to compare with First Class on National. The snack was a tasty bar mix including nuts. Although an hour was allotted for the flight we landed 35 minutes after takeoff due to favorable winds. Arnie was supposed to pick us up but we were so early that he hadn’t left yet so we waited at the north curb and his green Buick pulled up in 15 minutes.

Arnie swung us by his brother Gary’s house so we could say hi and drool over his car collection including an old yellow Rolls Royce convertible and a classic red Biarritz with license plate Gary. You have to be first in line they day they start issuing personalized plates to get that and he was. We made plans to meet later and Arnie took us to the hotel.

The Phoenician was fully booked so we had my Centurion concierge get us the $99 rate at the Doubletree Paradise Valley Resort, five minutes from Gary’s house. I showed my Hilton gold card and asked for an upgrade. She said all the rooms were the same but she gave us one close to the pool and a bag of chocolate-chip cookies. Arnie immediately begged for another bag and got one once the supervisor checked to make sure he had enough. The clerk reminded me that I could double-dip so I threw a mental dart and put the miles on my American account, shooting for lifetime elite before they changed the rules.

The room was a very standard low-end resort room, bungalow style, with the door opening onto the bathroom and sliding glass doors at the rear opening onto a patio overlooking the pool. A sign proclaimed local calls were 95¢ a day for all you can eat. We dropped off the luggage and headed back to Gary’s where we piled into the yellow Rolls convertible and got the good tour of Paradise Valley and Scottsdale. Gary said one of the good things about driving the Rolls Royce was that you could get in anywhere. Want to drive through a gated community? No problem, sir. We checked out Arizona Biltmore Estates and saw some amazing houses, including Paul Harvey’s pink-trimmed white mansion. It was all on one level and I wondered where were the rest of the stories?

I had had enough sightseeing and begged to see the new casino that had opened up nearby. Actually I would have preferred to see Harrah’s Ak-Chin, which had some playable video poker, but it was a 45-minute drive each way, so we went to the new Casino Arizona Salt River. The place was jam-packed full of slots and video poker with the lowest pay tables I had ever seen. The Jacks or Better paid six coins for a Full House and five for a Flush instead of the 9/6 version I played in Vegas. That raised the house advantage with optimal play from a modest 0.46% to a staggering 5%—over 10 times the house rake! And people weren’t playing optimal strategy either from my observations. But there was not an empty machine in the place. Arnie and I decided we ought to go into the casino business.

The interesting new game was Arizona 21. Players each bet $5, from which the dealer raked $3 for the house and $1 for a jackpot. The house did not play. If you busted you were out of the hand, otherwise the player with the highest total 21 or less won the pot. Blackjack was an automatic winner. I thought this game was possibly beatable, especially because people were not guarding their hand and probably had no clue what the optimal strategy was. I also had no clue but I thought a smart player could probably do well, though perhaps not well enough to beat the house rake.

After a while we went back to the hotel to relax. The housekeeper came by asking if we wanted turndown service but we only wanted the bottled water and chocolates so it all worked out well. The television premiere of American Pie was on but before Thora Birch could remove her shirt Arnie showed up in the green Buick to take us to dinner. I was disappointed because the scene would have new meaning for me now that I had met her. Fortunately Hunnybear reminded me that she was very unattractive and uninteresting in real life.

Mastro’s was a new trendy steakhouse in North Scottsdale very near to where Steve and Barb had a house. We entered and the place was jam-packed. Fortunately everybody knew Arnie and they were setting up the best table in the house for us. MileCrazy and his ex-girlfriend’s mother-in-law Betty were waiting for us so we ordered drinks and were seated shortly after the appointed time of eight. Martinis and Manhattans came in huge shakers, a nice touch aesthetically but it meant that the refill came out very watery. Service was spotty tonight. We waited 40 minutes and then the appetizers and salads came out at the same time. I had sautéed shrimp in a delicious dipping sauce and an unremarkable Caesar salad. The complimentary pretzel rolls were superb, as were the huge onion rings we ordered as a side. I didn’t care for the shoestring sweet-potato fries.

The bone-in filet mignon was an excellent cut but came out with a cool center rather than warm as I had ordered so I had them heat it up a bit. Hunnybear’s steak came out missing peppercorns so they had to redo it. When the manager found out we were having service problems everyone in the entire restaurant, including the chef, came by to apologize and he comped the two steaks and dessert. As a rule I don’t eat dessert but Arnie told them it was my birthday in hopes of a comp. The manager brought out one of everything, including a checkerboard cake with a candle for me to blow out, so I had half of it with just one scoop of ice cream and a few tastes of everything else. With all the comps dinner came to $300 for the six of us. Since the election went into extra innings MileCrazy paid for Arnie based on Hillary winning in New York and we deferred payoff on the Bush-Gore result until it the judges had declared it official. Everybody seemed to be paying cash so I whipped out my Centurion card, got the desired effect as everyone’s eyes widened, and then took it back and paid with my Starwood Optima while nobody was looking because it had better miles.

Arnie brought us back to the hotel to crash in preparation for a couple big days at Comdex.